Dear Teen Boy,
I'm going to say this as nicely as possible—you look UGLY in skinny jeans. No, really, that's as politely as I can say it. Someone had to be honest with you, because it's just gotten out of hand lately. I love you too much to let you do this to yourself. It's so bad I almost miss the super baggy jeans of the 90s, but two dresses on your legs was just not cool either.
Hey, dude, I can, like, fit 2 liters in my back pockets. It's hecca tight. (Yes, a boy actually said this to me in eighth grade.)At least back then I didn't have to constantly see way, way more stick guy leg and, uh...other stuff. Sure, I got gratuitous boxer flashes, but I still get that. And it's far more traumatizing when you wear your pants below your butt and your boxers are baggier than your pants. How you walk like that is a mystery to me. How you could even be comfortable looking like this I will never understand.
Is it just me, or does this poor boy kinda look like a capital L? He so would if we had a profile shot. Attractive? Hrm. I'm gonna say no.I mean, really? Really? You think you look cool? Oh, dear Teen Boy. You don't. You look androgynous at best, boarding on Teen Girl when you grow your hair out in that Foppy doo thingamajob. But maybe it's your goal to look like a girl. If that's the case, you are definitely accomplishing that.
What is wrong with a normal pair of jeans? I know they may not be flashy. They might not help you express your rabid need to be different. But they are surely more comfortable AND less mortifying in the long run (because seriously, we're all laughing at you inside). Just imagine how bad your kids will laugh when they see your teen pictures. Or maybe your future girlfriends. Or any other person on the planet. You will never live those skinny jeans down.
What is wrong with these jeans? Nothing, I tell you. Normal jeans are HAWT! I might be overgeneralizing, but I'm pretty sure all girls think normal jeans are HAWT.
I just threw up a little in my mouth. So...tight. So...*shivers*So I beg of you, Teen Boy, take a stand against peer pressure. Don't do this to yourself just because other people say it's cool. You're better than this. You are cute and funny and awesome squared the way you are. You don't have to show off the...uh...goods. Just say no to skinny jeans.
xoxo,
Natalie
59 comments:
I am still giggling over the capital L comment.
And it's 20 times worse if said jeans are TUCKED IN to cowboy boots.
OUCH! THE PAIN! MAKE IT STOP!!
I am so with you on this!! Really, why skinny jeans?? They look horrible! It makes me feel... weird inside when I see them on men. Confused... lol
I knew A LOT of guys in high school who actually bought and wore girls jeans (or borrowed their mom's or sister's). Sometimes we had THE SAME jeans. That just isn't right.
HOW DO THEY BEND THEIR KNEES????
Curious phenomenon going on here and I have to say it makes me feel sooo bad when I encounter young guys at the mall wearing jeans that NO WAY could I have fit into even as a 96 lb. high school senior. why why why???
And I secretly fear that they are wearing Victoria's Secret No-Show thongs under those jeans :P speaking of throwing up a little.
Hey now, nothing wrong with androgyny if it's done the right way ;)
Sadly, skinny jeans are not the "right way." They don't look right on anybody, male or female. Might as well go back to 80's leggings. Which some people do, come to think of it.
Dang, I need to get out more. When did teen boys start wearing denim leggins? Cause that's exactly what those jeans look like.
*crawls back under her rock*
Thank you for this much needed public service announcement!!!!!! I agree 100%!!!!!!!! Hubbya dn I laugh when we see some of the kids...especially the boys wearing skinny jeans that sag them....so not only are the wearing tight ass jeans but half their butt is hanging out and there is a weird droopy thing going too....so not attractive. I'm not real convinced they look good on girls either...only if the girl is super thin and wears them with either a pair of cute knee high boots or ballet flats...but that's about it.
Sing it, sista!
Oh and also...we saw one teen boy...his legs were seriously as skinny as my 6 year old daughter's....why would you not wear normal jeans???
Is it just me or is the Jonans Bro's t shirt baggier than the t-shirt? Be smart teen boys...tight t-shirts...not pants!!!
This should be in a pamphlet handed out on the first day of high school :)
Oh man, thank you. I couldn't agree more.
Tight jeans on guys always makes me shudder. I remember this guy in college I worked with. He hit on me once while wearing super tight, white jeans. My roomies called him tighty whitey evermore after that. Anyway, I just don't get this awful fashion trend. It's so unflattering!
Speaking as someone who knows guys who wear tight jeans, I can tell you that some of them actually are wearing girl's jeans. I'm not sure why they like tight jeans, but they seem to.
YES.
Reminds me of an episode of Friends when Ross bought women's jeans and was in total denial for like 95% of the episode that they were, in fact, women's jeans. Except he did the smart thing and GAVE THEM UP.
Ahem.
This post is genius. I hope it spreads across the internet like wildfire and burns up all those skinny jeans.
Ah, the styles that come and go. *GROANS*
Could you do something about the leg warmers and the spandex?
Oy! *Hangs head for the tight-jeaned boys of the world*
Count me in - no skinny jeans...and no showing of the underwear butt please!
The US government obviously found a time capsule containing 15 years worth of of slip-on shoes, high-tops, ugly boots, tight pants, and ugly shades of too much gray, and they hired the Jonas brothers to help them offload the whole stock. I think makeup and razor companies are in on it too. It's a shame the eyebrow-tweezer companies aren't getting in on the latest push.
Once saw a boy with his jeans so low that his belt was right above his knees. I kid you not. I stared and stared because one, I wondered how he could walk, and two, I had no idea how they were staying up. But, yes, on to skinny jeans, my nephew wears them. They are, in fact, girls jeans. It is really odd and VERY unflattering. I have no idea what genius kid thought this fashion trend up. Was he out of clean jeans for the day and had to raid his sister's closet? Did his friends say, those are the coolest jeans ever, where can I get a pair? Ew.
Hilarious! Couldn't agree more.
Skinny jeans are a curse to women as well. They should be banned.
hhs
Only thing worse is 3/4 length/rolled-up skinny jeans. They take wrong to a new level.
Unfortunately, this means we are all officially Old Farts™.
That said, I agree. Damned kids, get off our lawn with your ugly skinny-leg jeans. *brandishes cane threateningly*
Yes, JJ, I'm an Old Fart at 25. And I'm totally cool with that. Even though half the people I see my age are wearing skinny jeans, I'm smart enough to know my curves would be abused in them.
I don't so much mind the right girl in them...but the guys...whimper. So many cute boys are just...not in these jeans. I hope this trend dies a swift death.
And this is why we have a fertility problem. ;)
Laugh at loud funny post. I so agree with you. Sometimes I want to shout out to them when I pass them in my car, "Hey you, in those skinny jeans -- man up and dress like a guy."
At least you can't hide a gun (double entendre intended ;) in skinny jeans.
ew ew ew ew ew ew.
Skinny...boy...no...ew.
Normal Jeans are the HAWTEST of the HAWT. Especially if the guy has a butt. (Guys suffering from nobuttitis will just have to deal. sorry.)
Skinny Jeans = For Skinny Girls.
Baggy Jeans = Ugly, should be burned.
Normal Jeans = Hawtness, come here. =D
Bane, you totally made me laugh out loud for reals.
Mireyah, fully agree.
I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that I think skinny jeans can work for some people, even some teenage boys. I think the world is so full of weird fashion choices and (sadly) reasons why people get picked on, that I don't feel right judging those boys who choose to wear skinny jeans. All I wish for them (and any teenager) is that they wear whatever they feel comfortable in. Because let's face it: don't we ALL have pictures of ourselves as teenagers where we made some odd fashion choices?
Ina, you're right that a small, small percentage of people can pull off the look. And kids should wear what makes them feel comfortable (though I have a hard time believing skinny jeans are comfortable).
And I would never actually go up to a boy and tell him he looks silly—I know they're trying to fit in and find themselves. I did the same thing.
But I still don't have to like those dang jeans. (And it may or may not have to do with the fact that I would look AWFUL in them.)
Does anyone think maybe were starting to sound like our parents?
What's with all that tie dye? You look like a hippie! Cut your hair! It's just kids finding their own way. We all did it in one way or another. So save the pictures for them and in ten years they'll be asking, "What was I thinking?"
I promise this was all in fun. Play on the whole intervention thing? I guess I missed the mark a little. I know all about self-expression—I was the girl who wore a Chinese pointed hat to school just for the reaction.
I'm also fairly confident my speaking out against skinny jeans will not stop the movement...I don't have that kind of power (sadly).
Yes, they are ugly, and possibly causing damage medically. But at least they are not wearing parachute pants.
This is just a Bon Jovi backlash started by new rock stars. I actually listen to pop-punk and all the music that ushered back in this awful trend and I'm almost ashamed to say so.
These boys just need to drink a few more beers so they can't FIT into these jeans even if they wanted to. That was how I spent my early 20s...
Anna, the parachute pants! How did I forget those? teehee. Good times.
So many styles of pants to make fun of...so little time.
How can any boy/man feel like a man while shopping for jeans in the girls department?
I would love to give the Jo Bro with the boots a pair of Wranglers. Now those are man jeans.
Ah...skinny jeans, made popular with the British Invasion in the 60's-70's. I can't believe they made it back outa mothballs. Alas, the Fashion Industry is infamous for bringing back all sorts of horrific trends.
Give me a man in Wrangler's or Levi 501's or 550's. Slurp.
*nods head so hard it might fall off*
I'm surprised you didn't talk about the COLORFUL skinny jeans. There's a guy at my school that wears bright purple skinny jeans with the "Foppy doo thingamajob".
I'm with you all the way.
Shoot teen boys now.
I crave not the sight of their underwear.
I wonder what sad creatures they imagine they "turn on".
On one hand: Thank God I live in a country that is 15 years behind the US in terms of fashion.
On the other hand, Thailand has its own issues...
Yea, well I'm apparently out of the loop because I didn't know boys were wearing skinny jeans. I guess when I go out, which is rarely, I don't notice, and the teenage boys I interact with are at church on Sundays in loose khakis, although maybe I don't want to know what they wear on the weekdays. I still think the Jonas brothers are adorable, though, even in ugly pants.
How do teen girls find this attractive in any way??? I would be seeking out the guys who haven't caught up to the fashion trends yet.
Excellent post! I have heated discussions with a male coworker about boys in skinny jeans. He would totally back this post.
A fashion faux-pas for sure :)
Scarred. For. LIFE.
*shudder*
It makes me very happy that this post has gotten such a huge reaction. Get the word out. MAKE THE MADNESS STOP!
Ouch...mega ouch.
Not really, I buy mine skinny, but I make sure it's the style that's baggy at the knee and near the bottom. The Super Skinny kind are freaky looking. Guy knees are not pretty, they're knobby and oddly shaped. It's even worse when the whole panty-line factor comes into play.
Plus the decrease in sperm count could devistate the human population for generations to come.
P.S. I the reason I started wearing skinny jeans is because...*blush* I have size 13 1/2 feet, and they tend to get caught in normal jeans. I fell down the stairs once. Big feet + loose jeans = broken nose.
You can all giggle now.
Aw, JT! See, I don't mind if they're a little tight. I can roll with that. It's the spandex thing that's scary. Those big loose jeans can be dangerous—I used to trip over my "flares" all the time.
I agree! I have been horrified and genuinely, bamboozled that they can wear pants that tight without causing themselves pain? I mean seriously, how do they sit down?
Ahhhhh, parachute pants. I begged and begged for a pair when I was in 6th grade, and for christmas that year my mother (who never bought anything trendy or expensive, and made a lot of our clothes) broke down and bought me a pair of teal (yes, teal) parachute pants.
And when I got back from xmas break, parachute pants weren't cool anymore.
Mom was not amused, and when I begged for a Michael Jackson 'Thriller' jacket, it was a firm no.
And that was the last time I tried to be cool.
Oh crap. Thanks for setting me straight Natalie. I don't know what I was thinking. Maybe I was trying to relive the tapered pants phase from the 80's. LOL
I think I may have come across harsher than I meant to. I was just making an observation, like you were.
Sorry.That wasn't my intention. I have to admit that I kind of like this style, because some of the guys jeans fit better than the girls.(I've been shopping in their section lately.)
VOMIT.
I never get it...I mean...wouldn't that, you know, make things a little uncomfortable for them? :P
I'll never forget when I was in college a few years ago and I seriously saw THE EXACT SAME PAIR OF JEANS that I owned--and was wearing that day, no less--on a BOY.
I about died. And so did my then-boyfriend-now-husband. :P
Then again, they weren't as tight as the jeans are now...but it was still bad. I don't even like this style for myself; probably why I haven't bought jeans in a few years and I'm hanging onto my old school boot-cut jeans.
And I suppose if you're old at 25 Natalie, then so am I. :P
I found your blog through Nathan's and a few others'. Great entries. :) And I especially love the sound of your ninja novel--yum!
I found your blog through Nathan's and a few others'. Great entries. :) And I especially love the sound of your ninja novel--yum!
Okay, I'm really going to date myself here. Back when I was in high school, skin tight jeans were all the rage for both guys and girls. But our skin tight jeans didn't look like these "skinny" jeans. Generally, our jeans were just really tight through the rear end. We also had this stupid fad of wearing two polo shirts together - collar up of course. What did they call it .... prepie, I think. There were preps, jocks, jellies/burnouts and the rest of us were just something in between. Oh, you've got to love the early 80s.
Aw, I don't think they're so bad-- it's just that skinny jeans make the shoes essential, which is the part that I don't think teenage boys understand.
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