Saturday Sketch 3.3

Killer sketch, as promised. I spent a good four hours on this one, and I'd say it was worth it, no? This is Stacia Starfall (Coral's younger sister) from Void. She's a little fireball, not to mention the most powerful Mentalist in three generations. She's not the MC, but she fully believes she should be. She likes being in charge, learning "strange" Void customs, and checking out boys.

In other news, I learned something about myself this week. I don't expect people to like me, and it always surprises the heck out of me when they do. Maybe this comes from years of being teased as a kid, from years of friends disappearing for the "cool" kids. I don't know. I thought I was over it.

But I learned I wasn't. And what do I do when I think people won't like me? I don't give my best work. My best smile. My best self. Because then if they don't like it, I can tell myself that "it wasn't my best." Then it doesn't hurt as much.

NOTE TO SELF: This is NOT a good mindset to be in while querying. You have to give it your best—even if that means your best is going to get rejected. I try to act all strong and positive, but the truth is I am fragile inside. In a lot of ways, I'm still that girl in 7th grade who ate lunch alone. Thank goodness other people have an incredible amount of faith in me (some really cool people too), because that tells me I need to snap out of it and show people what I can really do.

I am so grateful for second chances. And this time I'm going to give everything I can possibly give, just like I gave everything I had for this "sketch." It's time I stop volunteering to take the short end of the stick.

C'mon, I Know You Feel The Pressure Too

I stare at my empty Blogger box, panic welling up as I wrack my brain for a post. And not just any post (because who wants to read about my current obsession with chocolate chips and cherry frosting?), we're talking a funny post. The pressure is suffocating. Must. Be. HILARIOUS.

Because blog posts are supposed to be funny right? If you can manage to make people LOL or ROFL or (the much coveted) ROFTLMAO, then you've hit blog nirvana. People show up for funny. Heck, they might even STALK you if you're funny.

Problem? I'm not so funny, and I wish I was. Now, now—don't comment a thousand times to tell me I'm really funny. I'm just kinda funny and I know it. I'm no Kiersten...and I in no way reach the hilarity level of Stephanie. Just kinda.

So what's a girl to blog about when she's only kinda funny? Well, there's the whole inspirational/advice route, but the problem is I'm only kinda inspirational and my advice is only kinda useful. I'm no Michelle with her brilliant introspective posts that inspire her readers to post similarly. And I don't read enough books to write fun reviews like Lois.

Now I'm staring at my Blogger box full of, well, crap post once again, wondering if I've failed to be funny, inspirational, advisorial, or even coherent. Okay, not wondering. Knowing. And yet it's Friday, so I have little energy to be "awesome." Promise I'll make up for it with a killer sketch tomorrow.

You Know You've Been Querying Too Long...

• When you get a rejection and instead of feeling sad about it, you're just annoyed you have to send yet another query.

• When you don't have to "research" anymore because you know more than 50 agents by name (and have 50 more on your list).

• When you think you've found an agent you've never queried before, but as you type in their email it suggests that agent's address.

• When you pick agents that actually say they "don't reply unless interested" because you're tired of the monotonous form reject.

• When a partial is just a nice perk, but you know it can just as easily be rejected as a query.

• When a full is barely more exciting than a partial (but seriously, fulls always give you warm fuzzies).

• When having sent 25 queries on one project doesn't seem like very many at all.

• When you can joke about querying and sincerely laugh at the impossibility of the process.

• When waiting 3 months stops sounding like FOREVER.

• When you can write a blog post about querying and not even care if people think you're complaining. Because it's not complaining—it's just pointing out the obvious fact that the process makes you certifiably insane.

Writing What You Write

My friend Michelle brought up an interesting topic on her blog that's got me thinking. Basically, she talks about how she might be a literary writer attempting to be something else because literary "doesn't sell." This got me thinking about my own genre choice—why I made it, what that means for me, and if I'm happy with it.

For me, picking YA (or teen fic) was a no brainer. Every story I come up with has a strong teen voice and world. I figured if all my ideas were coming out like that, then that's what I must be. I write Young Adult. The end...or not.

While the choice was easy for me, it doesn't mean I don't sometimes wish I was a different kind of writer. For a long time I wanted to write/illustrate children's books, but I can't for the life of me come up with a solid idea. And sometimes I wish I had the "pretty prose" of those literary peeps, but I don't. And that's okay.

I know my strengths—story and character. My writing is clean (well, after a lot of revision), a vehicle to push the story forward. I like my style, as simple as it is, and I think it's a style that would fit well in the YA world.

But writing YA kind of poses the opposite problem Michelle talked about: a TON of people are writing for teens right now. As someone trying to break into the genre, I often get discouraged by the "competition." There are so many great YA writers already published or about to get published. How the heck am I supposed to make a splash in all that? Sometimes I want to jump ship, but then I realize every genre poses its own unique issues. Writing romance or fantasy isn't going to get me published faster—writing what I write well is really the only way to go.

And guess what? I LOVE writing YA. I love, love, love it. I'd totally marry it and never get divorced. It might be hard to think about the "competition" or the fact that some people see writing for "kids" as "easier," but the positives far outweigh the negatives to me. I love "speaking" to teens, addressing the issues of adolescence, and having a blast with characters I would have hung out with back in my high school days (well, most of them).

So write what you write. Own it. And have fun.

Internal Crisis

It's no secret I treat the voices in my head like real people (at least it shouldn't be). Perhaps it's my overactive imagination, perhaps it's my way of handling the stress of writing. Who knows? But it works for me.

Well, I've been arguing with my MC in Hammered for the past couple days. I'm not very happy with her. It's not that I don't love her, it's just that she's stubborn and yet indecisive at the same time. It goes kind of like this:

Natalie: Can you please just make up your mind? First you think you can do it, then you freak out and think you can't.

Danie: It's NOT my fault and you know it! You wrote me like this.

Natalie: *sighs* True. But you at least have to stop changing your mind, because this crap is going to happen whether you try to avoid it or not.

Danie: Why do you have to put me through this anyway? Haven't I been through enough? Can't you just leave me and Troy how we are? It's nice right now; we have just enough conflict. I can't cope with more. *icy glare*

Natalie: I don't WANT to put you through this—that's just how your story goes! The circumstances in your world, combined with your unique nature, make this the most logical and powerful path!

Danie: It's not fair! *stomps foot like a five-year-old* I'm not cut out for this.

Natalie: You're a lot stronger than you think; you can do this and do it well. You have to trust me.

Danie: Well, I don't.

Natalie: *rubs temples* I'm going to write this no matter what; we could get through it faster if you cooperated.

Danie: Sorry, well, not really. I'm going to torture you right back. This is going to be just as painful for you as it is for me.

Natalie: Bring it on. I'll just save your kiss with Troy to the very last page.

Danie: *gasps* You wouldn't!

Natalie: We'll see.

It seems we are at an impasse. I always bicker with my characters, but Danie Dashwood has definitely given me the most problems so far. It seems that Hammered is going to take me much longer to finish than my other stuff. Man, I miss Tosh...we got along so well.

My "Future" Isn't That Far Fetched

Wow, so my husband just sent me this video. For those of you who don't want to watch it, it's Dean Kamen (American inventor [Segway, baby!]) talking about the work he is doing on a serious improvement to prosthetic arms for the Department of Defense. (Don't bother with the last 2 mins, it's an ad.)

Incredible. This is literally the early version for what I envisioned in HAMMERED with my cyborgs. Troy has a metal arm covered in tissue, as do a lot of the military. It looks and works exactly like a human arm...with a few enhancements, hehe. I love discovering that what I'm coming up with in my book isn't as "out there" as it sometimes seems.

Soulmate

Love Natasha Bedingfield—and everyone should. This song reminds me of my ninja cheerleader Courtney Petersen. So misunderstood, that one. I miss my ninjas—I'm dying to write a sequel, a spin off, whatever. That world is just awesome, so much to explore.

Saturday Sketch 3.2

My little cyborgs are doing well. I'm 20,000 in, and it's been quite the adventure so far. This is Danie(lle) Dashwood and Troy Sullivan, who are hilarious together. They drive each other insane, and yet somehow it works. They're good for each other.

I also have a working title to introduce: HAMMERED. Danie surfs, and in surf lingo "hammered" is when a big wave breaks right on top of you. Not fun. Poor Danie.

Hybernation Frustration

I live in an area with pretty extreme changes in temperature over the year. In the summer, it's often over 100 degrees Fahrenheit. And then in the winter it's usually below freezing. It's a desert, so it's most always so dry your skin will immediately go scaly if you forget to lotion up. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the seasons, but I've noticed I hit this point every year where I don't think I can stand another day of the same weather.

In August, I was begging for the cold, claiming that I hated summer. I was sick of not being able to sleep with blankets, of being sweaty and hot, of burning my hands on the steering wheel. Whine whine whine. I just wanted it to be cold. I wanted to wear a jacket to hide my squishy post pregnancy belly. Was that too much to ask?

I always eat my words in February. See, now it's cold. Freezing, in fact. Oh, the sun is shining outside—trying to trick me into thinking it's warm enough to come out of my cave. But I know better. I've been cold for FOUR months. It's not even worth it to get dressed because I have to wear a robe all day to stay warm. I just want to take my kids outside without them freezing solid. I'm tired of wearing layers. I want it to be warm. I hate winter!

But then I know by the time summer is in full force, I'll have changed my tune. Again. Fickle, aren't I? I've decided I just like change. I like changing my routine (which make this whole child rearing very hard on me). I like changing my style. My like trying different food. Trying new things.

Variety—I'm a fan of it. Big, big fan. Hopefully I can get some soon. I'm kinda losing it.

Cyborgs Are Go

So, I'm writing again. I started cyborgs last Friday. It's been a party so far. As expected, nothing is going as I planned, my characters are surprising me left and right, and I am completely in love. Funny how that works, huh.

This book has been a fun new balancing act for me. Since I'm dealing with a futuristic world, I have a lot of "fake history" to fill in. Finding that balance between informing the reader and avoiding the dreaded infodump is a good challenge for me. And it's really exciting to be engrossed in a place that doesn't exist at all! Usually I'm using contemporary settings and throwing in a touch of crazy.

Mini excerpt time!

From Chapter 2:

College Lit

I've decided we need a new genre—College Lit. I don't know if you experienced this, but when I finished high school, my reading dropped off. One of the reasons? I didn't know what to read!

I wasn't finding much I liked in the "adult" genres, and there was so much I felt overwhelmed about where to start. So what did I do? I kinda stuck to YA, wishing there was something like YA out there with characters my age (as in 18-25). I still read YA (and write it). I love the style and there are so many different kinds of books all in one place.

Couldn't we just convert the awesomeness of YA to college stories? Or am I just missing the "College Lit" in the adult sections? Or maybe I'm missing it in the YA section? That would be shameful.

Hack Job

When it comes to cutting stuff in your MS, it's hard. I think we've all been there. There are a few scenes you love, but you know in your gut that they aren't exactly necessary. They're fun, cute. They show character. The excuses go on and on. I had a few of these in Void that I chopped, but there was still one that I hung on to.

"If my new beta notices, then I'll cut it," I told myself. Well dang it—she noticed. Now I had to chop it. I should have known. Actually, I did know. I just didn't want to! I love that part! Oh well. Sometimes things just have to go because they aren't necessary. They get in the way of seeing those beautiful blue eyes...uh, I mean get in the way of moving the story forward.

So I chopped it. And look how HAPPY my kid is now! (See? Told you Mom, he still looks adorable.) Wait, I mean, uh, look how nice my MS reads now! There are still a few places to smooth out, and A LOT of first/third person remnants left over. But it's looks GREAT.

Sunday Magic Song

Keeping with the "love" theme this weekend, I'm posting Magic by Colbie Caillat. If Coral and Luke (from Void) were really people, this would totally be their song. Like, they'd dance to this at their wedding probably. And it would make Coral cry, because she's pretty weepy and sentimental even if she refuses to admit it out loud.

Cheesy, no? Does anyone else pick songs for their characters like this? I know a few do. Is it a girl thing? Hey, for the two guys who read my blog, do you pick music for your books?

Saturday Sketch 3.1

Happy Valentine's Day all. I've been going all day, but I was SO good and finished my sketch WHILE I was getting my hair done! I know; I'm that awesome.

So in honor of love everywhere, I drew Adrie and Ren from Sealed together. Aw, I love them. Squee.

Random Awesomeness

Dude, things in my life are good. I'm trying to soak it in as much as possible, because you never know when the polarity might shift. I thought I'd just make a list.

1. I finished my Void revision last night! I'm really happy with it. Changing it to first person was a mind numbing process, but it taught me a lot about first and third person and their strength/weaknesses. I also got to chop an old chapter and replace it with a new one. I'm SO excited about it. It's adorable. And then reading the end, there was a sequence of description that was incredible—genius. I love finding those gems in my own stuff.

2. My babies are having birthdays soon. They have grown up so much this year, and I love watching them learn new things. Absolutely everything is exciting—even frosting cupcakes.

3. Querying. I know, WHAT? Am I crazy? Let's just say having multiple fulls out puts a whole new spin on the Query War. Victory has never been so close (and yet not cuz it could all go to pot, heh). Charge!

4. Tax return. Nothing like a little cushion to help me feel more at ease in these crazy times.

5. Cyborgs, Inc. I have a working plot, and it's crazier than I ever thought it'd be. Poor Danie Dashwood is in for one wild, scary ride. I'm so excited for this book (new territory for me with a sci-fi subject), I really hope I can pull it off.

6. Blog Makeover! Yes, I'm planning some big changes in the near future. My own art, a quirky/sketchy style, and hopefully it'll stick for a while. I like changing too much, so who knows.

Numbers Aren't My Strong Suit

I have a problem. It's a really, really stupid problem. (Fine, I have A LOT of really stupid problems.) See, I can't number chapters.

You'd think it would be SIMPLE, right? You'd think I could count from 1-36 with no issues. Well, I can't. I inevitably screw up the chapter numbers in every manuscript—even when I'm responsible and use /find to make sure after the fact. I don't know what it is. I mean, okay, in some of my manuscripts I've added a couple chapters after the first draft, so I have to fiddle around with them.

But I didn't add a single chapter to ninjas and guess what? YEAH, I still had problems. I was TWO CHAPTERS OFF! TWO! First I skipped Chapter 15 and went right to 16...and then I somehow did that again. And if that wasn't enough, I couldn't even renumber them right and managed to have chapters 34, 35, and 34 at the end of the MS when I checked this morning. Awesome. *palm to forehead*

And poor Void. Not only have I skipped chapter numbers, I've added chapters that have no numbers AT ALL. When I'm done, I'm going to have to /find like ten times. And then, just to be sure, I should probably have my three-year-old count for me. I'm pretty sure he'll get it right before me.

Next book, I think I'll just forgo numbers until the end. I obviously can't count and write at the same time.

Into The Vault

Since I'm a bit of a hippie when it comes to this whole writing/publishing thing, I truly believe you just know when it's time to move on. And I've officially hit that place with Allure. It's time to give it a big hug and put it in the vault for another day.

Don't worry, though. I'm not sad. I'm not giving up. And I'm certainly not done with the Query War. Oh, I've just begun. Heaven knows I have a full arsenal of books (awesome books, by the way). I've only queried three of seven stories.

I officially pulled out my bo staff about two weeks ago. Relax, I'm a Ninja is officially out there, and it's going pretty well so far. It's been great to focus on a new project. And I've been researching agents so long that it's more like review at this point.

Quit Hedging

When first drafting, I tend to "soften" my characters' actions by using quantifiers. I don't do it as often as I used to, but it's still something I have to watch. I always have plenty to edit out in revisions.

If you have no clue what I'm talking about, let me give you a few examples:

• "Don't touch that!" he almost yelled. (ALMOST? You either yell or you don't, right?)

• She bounced a little. She scowled a little. She smiled a little. (Has she done anything A LOT? Do I really need to point out the amount? She smiled—the end.)

• He nearly ran to the door. (Could he just run? Or jog maybe? Ooo, sprint? What the heck is a "near run"?)

It's a disease, I tell you. It's like I don't want to force my characters to commit to their actions. Every time I take one of these babies out, the prose is instantly stronger and it reads less wishy-washy. Who wants to read a book where characters almost save the day, kiss a little, and nearly live happily ever after? That sounds like a serious downer.

I Love Writing

It's true. I love to write (okay, okay DUH), I always have. There is just something about putting words on paper (or screen) that gets my heart all a flutter. I am positive that I literally get high off writing.

I caught the bug early—wrote and illustrated my first book in Kindergarten. It was adorable. I really need to track it down and post it sometime. It's called Oh, Brother! And it's about a girl with a mean brother who put sneezing powder in her bed. Said girl then proceeds to sneeze her covers off, sneeze her door open, and sneeze her dad to the ground. I won a Young Author's award for it, and it got put in the Alameda County Library. Even then I was shocked that anyone liked it, but happy of course!

I never stopped dreaming up stories or writing. Sometimes I got discouraged or took long breaks, but I always secretly wanted to pursue writing as a career. I'd been told by several people that it was hard, nay, almost impossible. And yet still I can't seem to tear myself away from the idea of publishing. Even though querying is getting so old it needs a cane, and I can't stand the incessant waiting that embodies my every waking hour, I just can't help myself. I LOVE to write! And I'm just chilling with my kids, so I may as well.

At least I can take comfort in knowing that I'll always have fun. Because I really am having fun, even through the hard parts.

Sunday Cyborg Song

I've had Cyborgs on the mind, of course, but I'm trying to let it "simmer." There's a lot to create in this world. And while I have an excellent skeleton of the place, time, mood, and plot, I'm not quite ready to jump all the way in.

So anyway, when I think about the relationship in this book, I think of this song. Ha, those dang emo chips. Hot 'n' Cold by Katy Perry. I've wanted to post it forever, but couldn't because I could find the clean radio version. Well, finally found it. Yay.

Saturday Sketch 3.0

This is for you, Dread Pirate Sara! I couldn't help myself—the temptation to draw a pirate was too great. So why not draw your pirate? I recently played beta for Sara's novel Stream Pirate, and it was such a fun read I've been in the mood to bring Alluvial Fan, the main character, visually "to life." I enjoyed her so much in words. This is how I pictured Lu; hope it's somewhere close:)

The Rejection Translator

I've seen a lot of rejections. Honestly, after a while they start to get a little funny. I mean, they all are saying the same thing, no matter how long or short. If you are new to the Query War, or if you are still stressing over rejection wording, let me play translator for a second.

"This isn't right for my list."
Translation: No.

"Your work had an interesting premise, but I'm afraid I'm not interested enough to pursue the project."
Translation: No.

"I regret to inform you that I will not be pursuing your project. I have many constraints on my time and must be extremely selective."
Translation: No.

Note: Any variation of the three above examples should also be translated as "NO."

"Rest assured, we read every query carefully before deciding."
Translation: Don't query again or reply to this with a complaint.

"We are aware of the work it takes to write a book, and this rejection doesn't reflect on the value of your manuscript."
Translation: Please don't flame me for saying no, I'm not trying to hurt your feelings.

"Opinions vary widely in this business, I encourage you to keep trying."
Translation: Don't put all your hopes on me. I may be an awesome agent, but there are many others out there.

"The business is very subjective."
Translation: The business IS VERY SUBJECTIVE.

"Don't get discouraged." (And all variants.)
Translation: I know it's a hard business, but the only way to find success is to keep trying.

Okay, so when you're reading your rejections, now you know what they say. You don't have to pour over them for any hidden gems of advice. Unless you get a personalized rejection, this is pretty much what every form is telling you—no matter the length.

It's not so bad, is it?

Full Translation: No. Don't get mad at us. It's not you, it's me. Keep trying! Best regards, Every Agent

If you have any other phrases you'd like translated, I'll be here all weekend.

When Is "Slow" Too Slow?

Not every part of a novel can be fast-paced. There are quiet moments, times that build to that "big" scene. But when is "slow" too slow? I've been getting paranoid over this concept lately with my Void revisions. With the first beta round some of my readers said there was a little lull right before it got crazy. Is having a lull bad? Or is it breathing room?

See, I'm fully aware that the front third of the book is "quieter" than the rest. I've pruned this thing to death. Taken out the "boring" parts and pushed the mystery/tension as best I can. But it's still about 100 pages. I've looked at every chapter; I know each one is needed for the rest of the book to make sense. Something important happens, the story moves forward to the first "OMG" moment.

So, is it enough? I have no clue. I guess that is what readers are for, huh.

If You Were Wondering

Yes, switching a whole manuscript to first person (while also streamlining the prose) IS one of the most difficult things I've ever done. I've always suspected my insanity, but I've officially confirmed it to myself now.

On the bright side, Void is looking great. At least I think it is. I think the first person is working much better. I sure do love Coral, she's a cutie.

Run Down For The "New Comers"

Some of you are still pretty new to my blog, so you don't really know about all my projects like some of the poor souls who've been here longer. I thought I'd give you a little run down, just in case I don't make sense when I refer to them.

Sevene:
My first finished novel. It's about a girl who wakes up with blue hair one day and goes on to discover she's essentially an alien. And now these other alien dudes are attacking earth to try and kill her and some other people. Essentially, it's like Sailor Moon, but not. I wrote it based off of my writing in junior and high school. I lovingly refer to it as my "practice novel" now.

Static (originally named Zombie Girl):
Second novel, about a zombie girl who falls in love with a quicken (living human) and discovers the Underworld's big fat "skeleton in the closet" as a result. Botched the first half of this novel big time. Plan to someday come back to it and rewrite it completely, since I love the lore I made that much.

Allure (aka Blood Dragon):
Book three (and four, since I wrote its sequel). About a dragon girl about transform into the most powerful dragon of her time, all while trying to get the man she wants. This is the book I fought to the death for in Query Wars, and I'm afraid is coming to a close on prospects. Not because I want to give up or think it's bad, but because I might have better chances with some of my other work.

Void:
Book five, about the beautiful Coral Starfall born to wizards but Void (without magic). Sick of the pity, she forges out on her own, moving to the Void world so she can be herself. She can't seem to escape the magic folk, though. I love this book so much. It will always be one of my favorites. That's why I'm working so hard on revisions for it.

Evergreen:
Book six, and the only one that isn't finished! Poor Lily and Tuck, they are awesome. Lily hears voices, and people think she's crazy. Heck, she thinks she's crazy until she hears a boy like her talking back to them. It's a weird book, but I really hope I get back to it soon because it needs some love.

Sealed:
Book seven—my most dark and I think beautiful piece so far. Adrienne is broken. Years of neglect, abuse, and stupid boys do that. And then she falls in love with an elf. The problem? By giving Ren her love, she takes his immortality. She can't bear to be responsible for his eventual death. Throw in a Dark Elf waiting in the wings to kill Ren and it gets even uglier. It's intense, seriously. Love. This. Book.

Relax, I'm a Ninja:
Book eight. Oh, Tosh. Oh, Amy. You guys know about this book. Heck, it's all I talk about these days. Basically, Tosh finds himself at the center of an ancient ninja war. He and Amy the only ones with a chance at ending it. AWESOMENESS times ten.

Just Leabe It!

My almost-three-year-old has picked this lovely little phrase: "Just leabe it!" Seems harmless on the surface, no? How could us inadvertently passing little phrase on to him hurt us?

It all happened when Ben started having freak outs. See, he's a bit of a nervous/OCD kid. Like if there's something on his plate he doesn't want, he'll toss it off or start panting when we don't let him. We say, "It's okay, Ben, just leave it." Seems to make it better.

But now he's turning the tables—all the time.

Me: Time for a diaper change!
Ben: No, just leabe it.

Me: Pick up your clothes.
Ben: No, just leabe it.

Me: Bring me that battery.
Ben: No, just leabe it.

So. Funny. And you know what? Sometimes I do need that reminder. I tend to obsess over things, if you didn't know. (Yeah, he got it from me, go figure.) I've been pretty stressed lately. Maybe I should be asking Ben for advice.

Me: Should I rewrite ALL my old projects?
Ben: No, just leabe it.

Me: Should I badger that agent for an update?
Ben: No, just leabe it.

Me: Should I do the laundry?
Ben: No, just leabe it.

Me: Should I keep freaking out over submissions?
Ben: No, just leabe it.

Man, my son is a GENIUS. I need to take a serious chill pill and just let things be.

Sunday Chillin' Song

I'm kind of in this weird place for me right now—I'm just chillin'! Finished Relax, I'm a Ninja, and for once I'm not ready to jump right in to my next project. It will require a lot of research and preparation, so I need to do that first. And I want to take my Void revision slow. Well, slow-ish...like two chapters a day.

So I'm sittin' back, deciding what book to read from my stack, hanging out with my kids, and contemplating hot chocolate for breakfast.

Here's Put Your Records On by Corinne Bailey Rae, a lovely song that fits my mood perfectly today: