Tabby and I are getting along very well. I'm still kind of messing around, but the results aren't too bad, right? I started this piece with a 5 pixel brush, but quickly learned that was still too fat. I'm really liking 3 pixels for sketching. I think I'll stick there for a while. And layers? Yeah, extremely helpful. Glad it only took me a few tries to figure that out.
This is Charlotte, from a WIP I started and then abandoned for the time being. It's not that I didn't like it, I just decided to finish Spork instead. I hope to get back to it after my experiment with contemporary. We'll see.
Have a lovely weekend, all! I am off to do my usual Saturday errand blitz. Rawr.
It's no secret that I'm one of those writers who could be called "fast." (Not to be confused with "loose" or "easy," etc. Puh-lease. Not that kind of girl.) Okay, so maybe I wrote a book in 15 days—but that was a one time thing.
Sometimes it seems like people assume that I can repeat this feat anytime I want. As if this is normal for me. As if I'm proud of the fact that I ignored everything else in my life for two weeks. I'm not. Basically, I used every hour of the day to write. I barely stopped to eat, pee, and take care of basic needs for my kids (who napped for large, glorious chunks of time I don't have now). My fingertips were literally bruised. I stuffed months of work into that period by sacrificing things that shouldn't have been sacrificed.
Maybe I could do it again, but I'd rather not. I wouldn't recommend writing like that to any one. (Seriously, it's not like you get a good book in 15 days. You spend the time you "saved" editing more.) I hope people don't think I do this on a regular basis.
Still, my average time is about 6-12 weeks, which isn't exactly slow. There are a lot of writers who wish they could finish books that fast. And I wish I could be all deep and turn out cleaner first drafts by outlining and taking my time. I seriously wish that worked for me, but it doesn't.
There are some hard things about being a "fast" writer. No, really. First, there's the expectation that you can turn out something quick. It can be a lot of pressure, and sometimes people don't realize that you actually need time to write. Like a book should just magically appear every other month, and they're shocked if it doesn't. Or even if it takes you longer they assume it didn't.
Which brings me to point two: I still need TIME. If I get an afternoon without kids, yeah, I can pump out a good 2-4k words. But time can be a rare commodity these days. And unlike before, I'm not willing to ignore everything, nor can I. (Oh, naptime, how I miss you.)
And then there's the whole editing thing. Dude, my first drafts are a mess. They've gotten better with practice, but they always need serious edits. The hack-to-bits-and-rewrite kind of edits. And those edits, regrettably, also take time. More time than the actual writing. I've found I spend about 6-9 months—or more, even—editing a project after that first draft.
What's more is I have about a dozen projects, all of TWO that I feel are pretty clean. My fast writing has basically garnered me a decade of editing...that's not overwhelming at all.
Now, I'm not trying to complain. I'm just trying to explain that the grass isn't necessarily greener on this side. Writing is HARD—no matter how you personally accomplish it.
I got a new toy yesterday! That giant thing in front of my laptop? Yeah, that's my new drawing tablet, Tabby.
Isn't she gorgeous?
I'm so in love, guys. IN LOVE. How did I ever suffer using a mouse? Tabby is amazing! I'm still getting used to her, but I can already draw okay. I just need to learn all the tricks. Talk about an excellent distraction. I spent all afternoon messing around.
First I drew something for Kiersten: Then I tried to get a feel for sketching: Then I tried to figure out how to ink over a light sketch, and realized I need to be using the layer function to erase the sketch easier. I'll probably practice that later today: Wee! It's been way too fun. Saturday Sketch will probably be "sketches" for a while as I'm learning. I already know I'm gonna get all obsessed—that's just how I work.
There were a few good questions asked about voice on Monday's post, but my answers were too long to make in comments, so I thought I'd give them the proper attention today.
Kelly Bryson asked: Sooo, what's the difference between the writer's voice and the character's voice? To me, writer's voice is the overall feel of the narrative, while the character's voice is, well, the character's personality, etc.
This is much easier to see in a book written in third person. Take The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman or Lips Touch by Laini Taylor (one of my favorites last year). Both these books have a strong narrating voice that isn't necessarily the character's voice. I call both these writers Master Storytellers, because it's their voice that draws me in.
It's harder to pinpoint the differences in first person books, since the main character is the one who's essentially telling the story. But the writer's voice it's still there, and if you read several different books by one author you'll see it. Take Sarah Dessen, for example. She writes first person but doesn't write series—all her books have a "feel" to them that comes from her voice. I've written, um, like 7-8 projects in first person, and in every one my voice/style is still there.
No matter if in third or first person, our characters will still be translated through our unique lens. Our voice. I've read a lot of my friends' works, of course, and I know what to expect from each of them. And what's cool? They most always deliver (I smack them if they don't). Kiersten is always witty and fast-paced. Carrie is consistently ridiculous in the best way possible. Steph is a pro at simultaneously making my heart ache and flutter. Kasie never fails to make me smile the whole way through. In "darker" work or tense situations, in a myriad of character voices, whatever—their voices shine through.
Is it possible to know an author's voice in just one book? I can recognize Kate Dicamillo. Is voice just the things that make you go 'this sounds just like...'? I think it's possible to know an author's voice on the first page, even. And it should be there from line one until the end. Voice is kind of like your brand. Sure, not everyone will like it, but those who LOVE it will expect it and crave it and be angry when they don't get it.
L.T. Elliot asked: Do you feel like you can have a different "voice" for different projects, though? I have two VERY different stories (okay, a lot more than two) and the voices are way different. Is that bad? You might be thinking of character voices, which can be vastly different from book to book. If so—not bad at all! You'd be surprised how much you can stretch your voice and still keep it in tact. My "darkest" book is still soaked with my dry wit and sarcasm. It's like I can't help myself or something.
If you mean that you honestly think that your voice has changed with each project, then I'd say maybe you aren't quite sure of what your voice is yet. And that's okay, too! I wasn't sure of my voice for a long time. Like, years. It wasn't until I began writing a lot that I started to pick it up, which is why I'm a big proponent of free writing.
After having written about five books, I went back one month and read them all back to back. This was one of my biggest lessons in voice. Seeing so much of my writing in one dose, I noticed my tendency to "subtle humor," sparse yet punchy description, plucky characters, etc. I also noticed I struggled with repetition, melodrama, over-tagging, etc.
I would say look at your "very different" works, search for the similarities, and you might be able to nail down some aspects of your voice.
I have like five chapters of line edits staring me in the face, but luckily I have a freebie post today! Yay!
The lovely SM Blooding asked me to participate in a roundtable email/discussion with three other actual authors. You know—published or soon-to-be published ones. It was a blast, and I think the answers are pretty helpful, too, despite my rampant typos. (Seriously, my typing skills? Not good.)
Anyway, hop on over there and check it out. Or don't. Whatever. I won't cry if you don't, mostly because I don't have time.
(Also, I promise to act closer to normal once these edits are done. Closer.)
Voice—the "it" factor. That thing you have to have but no one can really tell you how to get. Sometimes writers talk about it as if it's the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow—always just out of reach. Or there's the epic writing quest, in which you'll find Voice at the end, who will bestow you with great writerly power.
But grasping your voice is more like being Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz. Your voice isn't out there somewhere waiting to be found—you already have it inside.
*cue sappy music*
No, seriously. You already have it! You may not be using it properly. You may not completely understand it yet. But it's still there, no epic quests needed.
What you really need is training. Jedi training. (Wow, can you tell I'm a little loopy? I blame editing.) Okay, maybe not Jedi training. I wish. Here's what I do when I feel like I'm losing my voice:
1. Drink honey lemon tea...oh wait, wrong voice.
1. Free Write. A lot. You have to just let yourself write sometimes. Let the perfectionist go and see what comes out. You have to learn the natural cadence of your writing. Sure, there will be junk, but there will also be gems. That's how voice is. What? Did you think voice was perfect?
It's not. Your voice has flaws and strengths—the only way to figure those out is to write. And then write some more. Oh, and then let yourself write even more "crap."
As I experiment with my writing, I'm reminded of my strengths and make note to use them to my advantage. I also see my flaws and can more quickly stifle them in revisions.
2. Look Back Sometimes I go back and read my old work. I know some writers refuse to look at their greener attempts, but I find it incredibly helpful. Looking back helps me see my improvement. It gives me confidence that I've grown as a writer, and yet stayed true to my voice.
Yes, a lot of it is cringe-worthy, but it's amazing how my voice is still there, just in a rawer form. I can see it in between the clunky sentences and gaping plot holes. It shows me that I've learned how to showcase my voice better.
3. Read When I take in other voices, it helps me see how mine is different or the same. Note I didn't say "better or worse." Voice is the most subjective aspect of writing. Reading different voices helps me learn what other writers did to make their voice work. Some are strong and distinct, and they adapt a style that mimics that. Others are gentle and alluring, and use their words to highlight that. I learn from every book I read.
Sometimes we wish we had a different voice, when we really should be embracing our own. That quest to change our voice, I think, is the fastest way to lose it. In the end, I think the best thing you can do for your voice is to be honest about it. Your voice is your voice. Love it. Know it. Take care of it.
This is Reggie Barnes from my current WIP (the theater book). She's an over-achiever in the worst way, and has an intense love of Power Point. But I still love her. This book has been a blast to write so far, and I hope it stays that way. It's a nice break from edits when I need it.
Speaking of edits, I get to start another round this week! Yay? No, I'm excited. Transparent is starting to look like something I can be proud of, and that's a nice feeling. Not that it's close to done, just closer.
I've said before that the real purpose of critique is to get a writer to look at their manuscript differently. You don't have to take every piece of advice your betas give you—in fact, you don't have to take any of it if you don't want. But that begs the question: Then what do you take?
For me, I go by my reaction to the suggestion. You know your story, and critiques that improve it will resonate with you. Those that don't, I tend to ignore. I'll give you a run down of some of my reactions to critique:
1. What the CRAP? Sometimes I'll read a suggestion that feels completely out there, one that makes me think, "Did they read the book?" These are the ones I usually throw out, because they'd make my book something it isn't and there's nothing I can do about that.
2. Um, that's not what I meant. When a beta mentions something I didn't intend or something they didn't understand, then it's an indicator to me that I need to make my writing clearer. For example, one of my betas thought my MC was naked at one point when she'd only taken her over-shirt off. Yeah—CLARIFY.
3. Dangit, I hoped I could get away with that. These are the crits I knew might come back, but I was lazy and didn't want to do the work unless someone called me on it.
4. NOOOooooooo! When I don't expect a huge suggestion—one that would take massive rewriting—but it makes sense, that's my first reaction. I try to wiggle my way out of it, but in my gut I know I'm going to have to dig in and rewrite.
5. Wow! I never noticed that! Sometimes my betas point out themes or issues I hadn't intended, but are freaking awesome. Often I go back and try to bring those out if they strengthen the plot/characters.
6. Doh. Then there are the times when betas point out really obvious things that make me feel blind. Or they point out my excessive semi-colons or glaring typos or copious amounts of "just" and "even." These are usually easy fixes that I should have caught.
7. That's PERFECT. Usually I know the trouble spots in my book, but I'm at a loss for how to fix them. My betas are amazing at helping me fill in those holes. Sometimes they'll say one little thing that opens up the story and makes it just right. These edits make me excited to get back to work.
As you can see, there's only one reaction that makes me throw out advice. I think that's how it should be. I seriously consider most of what my betas say, and I make changes accordingly. I may not do exactly what they prescribe, but I fix it in my own way. Sometimes it's hard to listen and decode, but my manuscript has always been better for it.
I haven't really talked about it, but I had the opportunity to go to one day of a conference last weekend. I really enjoyed hanging out with friends and meeting new people. The classes were pretty interesting, too.
But I had some beef with one—the culture building class. Not all of it, just one part. The moderator asked the panel, "What details do you choose to include in your book?"
The answers were so...weird to me. One guy said he used to be an economist, so his worlds' economic structures are always very detailed. (Um, snore?) Another said he makes statements about technology, and so those are the details he always includes. One said he liked to include random ones that "had no point."
What I got from it was, "I include the details I want to include."
Really? That's how it works? I kind of wanted to stand up and shout, "You're doing it WRONG!" But I didn't because that would have been really rude.
Me, pretending to be on the panel (cuz I'm vain like that): You include the details that are important to the plot and your characters—not just "whatever you like."
When I build a world, those are the most important aspects to me. What do my characters care about? What does the reader have to know about the world to understand my plot? If it's the economics, okay, I'll grit my teeth and do the research. But if it's not, then why write it in?
I'm not saying your detail should be sparse, just that it should have purpose. Everything in your book should have a point, whether it's to establish setting, reinforce class structure, or reveal character traits. And no, "I think this is cool" is not a purpose. Nor is "I spent hours researching this and don't want to 'waste' that work."
While world building is a vital element in all fiction (yes, I would even argue contemporary fiction), you have to be careful not to interrupt the actual story. You are less likely to do that when you include detail that contributes.
On Sunday I rummaged through my parents' storage area and found some very interesting old things of mine. One—tons of my old art, which has taught me that I was pretty awesome at the figure drawing I thought I sucked at and horrible at the painting thing. Save for water color, which I also thought I was bad at but they look pretty good! Funny how that works.
Two—I found my old journal. I wasn't a very good journal keeper (this thing isn't even half full and covers about 3 years), but it was pretty hilarious to read. I thought I'd share a few excerpts, because they crack me up.
December 21, 1998 (I was 15) "If you knew me then and knew me now you wouldn't even recognize me. I'm taller, less ugly, and much more open minded. I'm really starting to have true confidence in myself and I, to tell the truth, love not being obsessed with a guy. I have finally learned that I can do fine by myself. It's great, sure, there are those moments of doubt, where some fine guy crosses my path, but I've learned through my mistakes in the past that I need to talk to them before I can like them. And you know how shy I am, so. I'm not looking at a boyfriend anywhere in the even remote future."
(Note: Talk about a breakthrough! And we YA writers complain about how girls just like guys they never talk to...apparently it took me to 15 to figure out I was even doing that.)
January 4, 1999 "Have I expressed to you how deeply I detest homework? Man! I can't stand it! It drives me crazy. The worst thing is that you have to do it to get good grades. (Urgh!) Oh well. I'm done with my pity party."
(Note: Never did it cross my mind that I could, like, NOT get good grades. Ha.)
January 6, 1999 "TODAY SUCKED! And that's about it. Too much homework and too many mean people. Why do people have to be soooo MEAN! OK! I'm done! Maybe tomorrow will be Better!"
(Note: I really wish I would have written about what sucked, because I can't remember for the life of me. Obviously, it was really bad though.)
March 3, 1999 "Yesterday was hilarious though! I already told you I skinned my knee [playing indoor PE hockey]. Well, my pants were rubbing up against it so I rolled my pant leg up so it wouldn't. I walked around school the entire day with one pant leg rolled up! It was so funny! I got all of these silly stares and was asked a million times what I was doing.
To tell the truth, I was kinda making my own statement. I guess I wanted to prove to people that I really don't care what i look like. Now, I really don't. I'm gonna be this way forever so why try to change myself? It's all how ya look at it. Real confidence isn't how many friends you have or how pretty you are. It's all up there in your mind. If you think that you look fine, you will. Besides, most people are too busy worrying how they look that they don't have the time to pick out all your imperfections. That makes me feel a lot better."
(Note: Talk about a rebel. Wow, did I know how to make a statement!)
Okay, I think I'll stop there. I might do a few more, because I'm narcissistic like that and this is my blog. Also, I get a kick out of how I thought back then.
Is it a writer's idea or their skill that gets them through the door?
I've had many a debate over that question, and yesterday something happened that got me thinking about it again. Kiersten pointed me to a Publisher's Weekly article about Sneak Previews for Fall 2010, in which she and Stephanie Perkins and a lot of other great authors are featured. And one book that sounded a little familiar: "Firelight by Sophie Jordan, a YA debut about a high school girl who can shape shift into a dragon."
For those of you who don't know, I wrote a book about, well, about a girl who can shape shift into a dragon. I have no idea what route Sophie has taken with her book, but I find it so interesting that "my idea" is coming out Fall 2010.
But see, it's not really my idea—that's the thing about ideas. Lots of people get the same ideas, as original as we want to think we are. And ideas are free game. You can't copyright an idea, only the physical manifestation of it.
So relying on your idea to get you published is kind of a risky business. Yes, you need a catchy one, but that's not all you need. Ideas are really only half the equation (or a third, as I see it).
You also need skill to execute your idea. My dragon story didn't happen because I didn't have the necessary writing skill yet. No, I know this for sure. I had lots of interest, but partial requests mean nothing if you can't deliver a good manuscript. And I couldn't, which kind of sucks to think about, but it's okay. I've grown a lot since then.
But at the same time, skill without a good idea might not get you very far either. The idea is the life of your work, and if it's not there sometimes there's a disconnect. Again, skill is only part of the equation.
In my opinion, you have to have both the idea and the skill to execute it. It makes sense, and I think most people agree with that in the end. But even then it's no guarantee, because you have to dabble in dark magic to get Lady Luck on your side.
I don't think she likes me very much.
Kidding, kinda. We constantly debate between idea and skill because Luck is the variable that screws it all up. If it were just Idea + Skill = Publication, then there'd be a lot more published authors out there. But no, there's Luck.
A good book can get passed on for all sorts of reasons. The market is over-saturated, or even under-staturated. Your book could be "too different" or "not different enough." A book "just like yours" could have just been bought, or perhaps is coming out this year. Or there could be no real reason at all, save a lack of connection.
Basically, all the stars have to align. The problem is you can only control some of those stars, and the others keep moving around just when you think you almost have it. And Luck's up there laughing her head off (which is probably why my ears ring so much).
So it's really Idea + Skill + Luck = Publication. If any of you have any tips on wrangling Luck, I will gladly take them.
Whew, I made it! All questions answered! Thanks again for taking the time to ask. Hope at least some of you are off work today and enjoying it.
Tiana Lei asked: I'm so glad I sat next to someone so nice last night! It was great to meet you, and hopefully I'll run into you at the conference today, I'll be there in the afternoon. :) Here's my question for you: What TV show do you especially like to mock? I don’t watch a lot of TV, but I remember being at my parents’ house and walking by one while my sister was watching. There was some whiny teen girl crying about how her party wasn’t going to be perfect and blah blah blah.
I raised an eyebrow. “What the heck is this?”
“My Super Sweet 16,” my sister replied.
I got sucked into that episode, much to my dismay. It was by far the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen in my life. I mean, really? These kids aren’t spoiled enough—now we’re putting them on TV?
Insert epic eye roll.
Kate asked: How about discussing the choice of publishing with a) your real name b) a combination of your name and some other comfortable name or c) a name totally remote from your name and that of your children and hubby. In this internet age, I think it’s more difficult to go the pen name route. You have to market your book, and it seems there’s an expectation for new authors to be “out there.” I don’t have a problem with that; I’d feel silly not being myself. That’s all I’m really good at being.
That said, I wouldn’t be opposed to a pen name if a publisher desired one. I understand that there are circumstances where one would be needed. For example, I did write a book about a boy, and I could possibly get “JK Rowling”ed for that. Who knows? It would irk me a little, but I get why they do it.
How about discussing how you 'pitch' a new idea to NB. Is he always enthusiastic or sometimes cautiously unsure of encouraging you in that direction? DO you pitch an idea or just write the next story and send it along later? What's this part of the agent-author relationship like?
I ask because I have friends whose agents have passed on the next work and their reasons were vague. What's your take on this interaction with NB? Honestly, we’re still so early on in the process that I haven’t had much experience there. That, and I have a lot of existing projects to pick from. I love them all, and it’s more about trying to figure out which of those I should focus on. We have settled on another project that I’m currently refining, but that’s about as far as I’ve gotten in that kind of experience. I think I’m in a more unique position in that respect.
In general, I’ll say what I always say—every agent is different. That aspect of agent/client relations varies based on project, agent, market, etc. And your agent saying they aren’t enthusiastic about one of your projects isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Ally Carter had that happen, and what came next was her best-selling Gallagher Girls series. I sure wouldn’t complain about that.
Jack asked: Why does everyone think Nathan Bransford is such a big agent just because he has a blog? He's not on ANY of Publisher's Marketplace Top 100 Dealmakers lists. I considered not answering this question, because it’s rather snarky, but I did promise to answer all non-invasive questions.
I don’t think “everyone” sees Nathan as a “big” agent—they see him as a helpful, kind agent. Let’s face it, people don’t read blogs to laud on random strangers. They read blogs mostly to benefit themselves, whether that’s through entertainment, advice, networking, etc.
Nathan has provided an incredible resource on his blog. There are accessible, often entertaining, posts for new writers seeking information about publishing. He is honest about the business, while also providing hope. This is exactly the kind of thing many writers are looking for! People didn’t come to his blog because he was a huge agent—they came looking for information, found it, and stayed.
He fulfilled a need very well. Thus, successful blog. Thus, fan base.
And as for this snark over the “Top 100 Dealmakers,” money is not the only reason to choose an agent. Maybe that’s what some writers are looking for, but I personally looked for an agent who was passionate about my writing, who would treat me like a person, who would be involved in my writing process and help me improve. Choosing your agent is about a personal connection, not necessarily how famous/successful they are.
Myrna Foster asked: Dear Abby—I mean—Natalie,
How do you show italics in a manuscript? I know you're supposed to underline them. Is that what you do? I've been toying with underlining and italicizing at the same time, but I'm not sure if I should.
Sincerely, Technically Troubled in Nevada
No underlining! Just italicize what is supposed to be italicized.
Enter Typographer Natalie: Historically, underline was used to denote italics because there was no way to do italics on a typewriter. So when a typographer received a manuscript to typeset, they would know to use the italicized font for those portions of text.
Since computers can perfectly render italics, there is no need to use underline. It’s just as archaic as the double space. YES—I said it. Double spacers, stone me all you want. You are WRONG.
J.T. Wilbanks asked: Do you ever bring old characters/idea/plotlines back from the dead. Say you reread the first or second book you ever wrote, hated most of if, but then there was that page where your main character really showed some promise, would you ever consider working that character into a new novel? I'm asking because I do this with my projects quite often. Actually, I just recently recycled some characters/names for the first time. It was very…heartbreaking, in a way. Putting them in a new story basically says that the old story is dead, that I’ve officially moved on. It’s strange to think I’m really never going back to those pieces, but I’m okay with it for now.
Ciara Blount asked: If someone approached you to write a spin-off of a story, what would you want that story to be? (Could be a book, TV show, or movie.) Which character(s) would the spin-off follow? Wow, this is a surprisingly hard question for me. I’ve always had so many stories of my own that I’ve never thought much about “spinning off” someone else’s. I’m drawing such a blank!
Okay, I think I have one. Though I could never write it well enough, I still want to see it. I’d want a spin-off of Kiersten’s SIGHT series, with James Keane as the main character. Yeah, I know he’s trouble, but I love him and he’s hot. He’s the only “bad boy” I’ve ever had a thing for. Mmm, James.
Patti asked: Every time you got a rejection did you feel like you needed to go back and do another edit before sending it out again? I didn’t. I viewed querying as very subjective, which it is. One agent not liking it doesn’t mean the next will feel the same. That said, I did consider revisions (and did many), when I got personalized feedback. If something an agent said resonated with me, then I would get excited about revising. That’s how I knew the advice worked for me.
Krista V. (the former Krista G.) asked: How do you plan to celebrate your first book deal ('cause I know we've all fantasized about it :) )?
(Me, I plan to take my husband to a really nice restaurant - and I mean REALLY nice - and blow a couple hundred dollars on one REALLY nice meal. Unless Tom Colicchio would like to donate my Craftsteak meal for free :) ) I imagine dinner would be in there somewhere. A nice plate of nigiri, some gyoza, and maybe a splurge on kobe beef. I told myself I could finally buy an orange purse when I got an agent, which I did. I suppose I’ll buy myself something nice like that. Maybe a pair of shoes, or a new jacket. Something, but nothing huge.
I don’t know, I try not to think about it too much at this point. It makes my heart get all fluttery and achy at the same time.
Linguista asked: What's your favourite communal writing activity? Classes, conferences, critique workshops??? and why? Hmm, I only took the general ed writing classes in college, and I didn’t really love those. I’ve been to one day of one conference, which was fun. I’ve never been in a workshop, either. You see, I get incredibly nervous in person…
Which is why I hang out online and why I write. I can think before I say things, make sure they’re exactly what I want to say. So I guess my favorite communal writing activity would be blogging! Which is why I post so often. I honestly like to blog. It’s cathartic for me.
What's your favourite anime series? Or top 5? and top 5 characters. This is so hard! I mean, if we’re talking “old school” (as in what I watched in junior high and high school), I was a huge fan of Sailor Moon, Escaflowne, Dragonball, Evangaleon, and Fushigi Yuugi.
But since my high school days, I’m in awe of how accessible anime has become! I used to get teased hardcore for loving anime, and now it seems at least a little more mainstream. I feel so behind, because I just couldn’t get it in the quantities I wanted. There was one video store that carried it—one. (And yes, I said video store, not DVD store. Isn’t that weird? I feel old.) They had about 10 series, maybe 15 if you want to count the hentai (the dirty stuff). The VHS tapes cost $25 and you’d get like 3 episodes, four if you were lucky. That is an expensive obsession when you’re 14, unfortunately.
Since I can access a lot more online now, I am slowly catching up with newer series and ones I missed. I’ve enjoyed Ouran High School Host Club, Naruto, Bleach, Full Metal Alchemist, and I have a huge list to pick away at.
As for top five characters…Van from Escaflowne was the first to come to mind. Love love love him. Like, LOVE. I adored Haruhi in Ouran—she was just so unique and interesting. Edward Elric from Full Metal is hot, and I laugh every time he gets mad about a height joke. Miaka in Fushigi Yuugi was spacey, but I love how she eats and eats. And how can you not love Goku? (You know except when they make him a lame white guy, grrrr.)
Sorry for the lack of drawing this weekend, but I was at a conference all day yesterday. It was a blast, though I'm pretty exhausted today. I'm taking a nap after I post. Hopefully. I'll have to ask my kids' permission.
I'm answering half the questions today, and will answer the other half tomorrow. Thanks for all the questions! I definitely got some interesting ones this round. You guys are trying to keep me on my toes.
Alison Eckel asked: I'm a new follower so you may have already talked about this in a previous post, but hopefully not. When do you write? Do you have a set time everyday? Do you get up early? Stay up late? I know you're a mom, and I am too, so I know it's tough to always find the time. You know, it changes constantly. It used to be during the time when BOTH my kids napped, and I’d get lots done and it was awesome. Then one stopped napping…and now I kind of attempt to write when baby is still down. Unfortunately, she is sleeping less and less. The day will soon come that I have no nap! Whimper.
I also write at night after the babes are in bed, which will be my only time until The Boy is in preschool (FALL! Squee!). And sometimes I write in the morning before baby gets up, while The Boy is eating breakfast.
As you can see, I get it in when I can. I hope someday to have some kind of schedule, but with two little ones it’s just not an option. I have to make time wherever I can find it.
One more question: Are you an outliner or a write as you go type of girl? Mostly a seat-of-the-pants kind of writer. If I get stuck, I sometimes write notes about what I think will happen next or what I’m working towards for the climax, but it’s very vague. My first draft is really my outline, I think.
I am definitely not anti-outline, though. And if I can’t get to a project immediately I often jot down notes kind of like an outline. I think it’s important to find what works best for you and to try a lot of different things.
Grimmster24 asked: Kinda wondering, Natalie, I've now come to my first period of time having two projects going at the same time, pretty much completely different genres. Are you often working on different projects at the same time? If so, does that process work as well as you'd like? I don’t often work on two projects at once. And if I try, usually one starts to take over the other. Right now I am both editing and writing, but my editing takes precedence, and some days the writing doesn’t happen. You know, minus that 3-day writing frenzy thing… Mostly, I go by this rule: I must edit everything I’ve scheduled to edit, and if I have time/energy left, then I can write.
I have never written more than one project at a time, though I’ve edited and written separate projects. Editing and writing use different parts of my brain, so I find that more doable. I usually write in first person, so writing two WIPs at once often messes up my voice. And if they’re in different tenses or genders, etc? Yeah, I’m crazy enough. Can’t listen to all the voices at once!
I tend to write down pretty much anything that comes into my head for a particular project, and keep it in its own notebook. How do you organize your different projects? Are you a notebook-writer first, or do you go straight for the computer? I write in notebooks. I carry a small one in my purse, so I always have something to jot ideas on if I want. I also write all my revision notes by hand in my revision notebook. There’s something about working it out like that that helps my brain take it all in.
I love the feel of paper, which is probably the artist in me. Good paper always made me want to draw my best because I didn’t want to “waste” the paper on a crappy picture. It kind of works the same way with my writing. I get fancy, pretty notebooks, too, not just cheap ones. See exhibit A:
Nicole asked: Have you ever been to a Trekkie Convention? If so, did you dress up? If not, would you go? And would you dress up? I have not. Now, this may be blasphemy to some, but I kind of hated Star Trek as a kid. It was literally one of two shows my dad would watch on TV (the other being MASH), and it always seemed to be on when I wanted to watch something else!
Me, groaning: Daaad! Do we HAVE to watch this AGAIN?
Dad: Yes, you get the TV all the time. It’s only an hour.
Me: This is the boringest hour of my LIFE! (Insert much whining and gnashing of teeth.)
So I didn’t really appreciate it until I saw the most recent movie, which I LOVED. I watch it regularly, and I wish they’d make another one right now. Still, I don’t see myself going to a Star Trek convention, since I’m not a true fan. Maybe if Nick wanted to go I’d tag along, though.
Dominique asked: If the world were about to be destroyed, and you and your friend had to beam into outer space to save your lives, and you could only take one object with you, what would it be? I would take something to breathe with, since I hear outer space doesn’t have air. But if I could breathe in outer space somehow, I suppose I’d bring water, since I can’t really live without that either. Okay, basically, I’d probably go down with the planet, since outer space death doesn’t sound fun to me.
Kayeleen asked: What is your favorite book? (You can't say scriptures, one of your books, or one of Kiersten's books.) Like music, my favorite book is constantly changing based on what I’ve recently read! It’s impossible to pick, but recently I’ve enjoyed:
The Secret Year by Jennifer Hubbard The Total Tragedy of a Girl Named Hamlet by Erin Dionne and I’m currently gobbling up Fade by Lisa McMann
How many hours should be in the perfect day? Hmm, I don’t really know. I never thought making days longer was a good idea, since then I'd just be more tired than I am now. And shorter would only make me get less done. I guess I like days just the way they are. Except, can we get rid of Monday? I think they’re out to get me.
Who is your favorite Ninja? (Not one of your characters.) Oh, Kayleen, that’s like asking “Who is your favorite spy?” You don’t reveal that and live! Also, it’s not like there’s an extensive record of ninjas out there—there’s not even a lot of specific information about their ancient practices, though there are types of martial arts said to have come from them. I’m sure you can imagine why things are vague.
Ninja are related to the samurai in some ways, and I would say my favorite samurai is Minamoto Yoshiie. He was an archer so amazing they named him "the samurai of the greatest bravery under heaven." Many picture samurai as swordsmen, which they were, but archery was actually an extremely prized skill and features prominently in earlier samurai accounts. That, and he is known for a legendary renga (poetry) exchange during battle. A fighting poet? Yeah, hot.
Andrew Xia Fukuda asked: What are some of the challenges in writing a novel featuring a protagonist whose ethnicity is different from the author? with a cultural setting foreign to the author's? What do you do to avoid ethnic caricatures/stereotypes? Whew, BIG questions, Andrew! Ones I’ve thought about and feared for a very long time, in fact. These are questions that almost stopped me from writing the book, because I knew people would ask them and at first I wasn’t sure I could articulate my position.
I would say the biggest challenge for me in writing outside my ethnicity was the fear of what other people would think. “Who does this white girl think she is, writing a male Japanese-American? How can she possibly know what they think or feel?” I really, really didn’t want to offend people, and I didn’t want to make my book about race. It’s not—Tosh is “incidentally ethnic,” as some people term it. I would say more like “intentional, but not the central conflict.” The story isn’t about his struggle as an Asian-American, it’s about him finding who (or rather what) almost killed his friend and stopping it.
I got over that fear by remembering one thing—publishing needs multicultural stories. People constantly complain about the lack of diversity, and I personally believe there should be more. A lot more. If the majority of writers are white, then we should step outside ourselves despite criticism and take a stand. We should research, learn, and ask questions. I’d rather take the heat than cop out and only write white, faux-red-headed girls who act exactly like me.
As for the foreign setting, Tosh’s story actually takes place in San Francisco, which I not only researched a lot, but grew up next to. My closest childhood friends were children of Vietnamese immigrants, and I practically lived at their house when I wasn’t at school. And though it may not look like it, my grandmother was a Maori immigrant from New Zealand (I’m actually the whitest of my siblings and the only one born blonde [not that I have a complex, heh]), and I spent my college years working at my university’s multicultural office. Not to say that makes me an expert, it certainly doesn’t, but it was an atmosphere I was comfortable with. And anime geek that I am, I also have a slightly unhealthy obsession with all things Japanese. So a lot of research and experience went into my choices.
About avoiding stereotypes, I think that is the scariest part of all. Because you can’t avoid them all and make a true character—people of all races, classes, beliefs, etc., come with stereotypes. As a Mormon, I can’t tell you how many people assume I’m Republican, when I certainly am not (some also assume I have horns and have searched my scalp for the nubs [no joke]). But for heaven’s sake, I am a pro at “squeaky clean swearing,” you bet yer patootie I am. Also, my casseroles ROCK.
The important thing is going past that. I am more than the Mormon stereotype, even though I embody aspects of it—as is anyone who happens to fit a stereotype. Every person on the planet isn’t exactly what they seem on the surface, which is actually a huge theme in all my writing, especially in Tosh’s story.
Most of all, I remind myself that Tosh is a person. Imaginary, sure, but a person nonetheless. His views and habits and personality are his alone, and not representative of every Asian-American male out there. I hope, if/when I find a publisher, that people will resonate with Tosh as a person, an individual. That was my goal in writing him. In my mind, Tosh is Tosh, and I adore him.
Along the same lines: would you ever spend time and money on a YA novel about the travails of a white teenage girl authored by an Asian American male? I hope it’s obvious that I would gladly read a character from any author, regardless of race, gender, religion, etc. I didn’t find Harry Potter disingenuous because a woman wrote him. All writers, in effect, write outside themselves, unless we’re writing memoir, of course. Some just do it in bigger ways than others, I suppose.
Now, please write that white teenage girl, Andrew. Looking at your website, I have a feeling you’d do a great job!
Ryan asked: How far do you think you could twist your agent’s arm to get him to pick up another wonderful happy super client? Lol. I can assure you I have no twisting power whatsoever. Nathan is the professional in choosing the work he wants to represent—it’s his taste, not mine. I can tell you it is so much about personal taste for every agent. No, really. I wish there was some magic formula, but no one is lying when they say the business is subjective.
But, anyway, what are your interests in mythology, if any, and would you be interested in reading a book set in a mythical fantasy world that takes myths out of our world and reworks them? I enjoy mythology! And mythology from many different cultures, in fact. I think Greek/Roman mythology is about to get pretty hot, since The Lightning Thief is coming out (or is out?). As for reading, it depends on my mood. I’ve been leaning more contemporary lately, but once I get tired of that I’ll probably go back to fantasy. I like and read all kinds of stories.
Liam asked: How do coconuts land in The Middle of Nowhere, Spamelot? Huh? Obviously, I haven’t seen Spamelot…Someday I will catch up on all the things I’m missing out on. You know, like after my kids are in school or something.
What is your favorite day of the week, not counting Sunday-Saturday? Tuesday. Like I said in another answer, Mondays have it out for me lately. Tuesdays are as far away from Monday as you can get, so I rather enjoy them.
Why did I turn on my cell phone to have it tell me that today is 1/7/07? Because you accidentally walked through a worm hole, and now you get a chance to redo the last three years of your life! Lucky!
And finally, a serious question, Mac or PC? And why? Mac. I use my computer for a lot of media-related things, and the Mac programs are just so easy and accessible. There’s also that whole not getting viruses thing, and don’t get me started on the joke that is Vista.
Also, I’m vain, and Macs are PRETTY. There, I said it. I like pretty things, so sue me. The only thing that could make Macs prettier is sparkles. Glitter keyboard!
CKHB asked: Where are my socks? The Sock Exchange. Did you ever see that episode on Arthur? It was hilarious. Yes, I watch A LOT of kid shows. It comes with the territory.
Do you have a favorite nail polish color? Is it a different favorite for fingers and toes? Just not pink, heh. I’m digging the black, but I often paint my nails purple and my toenails orange, actually. I also like blue.
Should I start a second blog devoted to flash fiction, like a webzine? If I asked for submissions, would you send me one? If you want. It depends on how much work you want to put into something like that. There are so many things I want to do, but I don’t want to do them half-way and don’t have time to make it rock. So, I just don’t do them.
I may send you something, though I rarely write short fiction. The only short fiction I’ve ever written has been posted on my blog, actually, and is usually about my own life.
Elizabeth Poole asked: Are you Wonderwoman? I will assume your denial means "yes" but you need to protect your superhero persona. I’m not Wonderwoman. I’m Works-Very-Hard-To-Make-Up-For-Her-Lack-Of-Natural-Skill Woman. It’s not as fun—and my costume is rather embarrassing—but all the other cool surper heroes were taken.
When you have several ideas to work on (and from your list of books on the side, it's obvious you do) how do you chose which one to work on? What if you are equally interested in them all? Ha, well, before I had an agent, I would work on what I felt like working on. This led to lots of project hopping and not any squeaky-clean manuscripts. Now, I ask for input and have help choosing one to focus on. I must admit that's very handy.
Last, could you tell us a little more about your current WIPs? I’m sorry, I can’t. I used to talk much more about my projects, but have since grown increasingly uncomfortable sharing for many reasons, and probably not the ones you think. I’m not so much worried about stealing as I am about people seeing my “rough” work.
It’s strange, really, but I’m more self-conscious about my writing now than I’ve ever been. I more often think I’m an awful writer than I used to, though I know my skills have improved. I’m less comfortable with the whole world seeing my early mistakes.
Whirlochre asked: Now you have black fingernails, are you planning on doing anything fiendish? Aren’t I always doing fiendish things? *slinks into shadows*
Update: Closing Q&A. I will be answering half the questions later today.
It's about that time again, when I shamelessly ask my fabulous readers to give me blog material: Question & Answer Time!
So please, get my brain working again. You can ask me anything you'd like, you know, as long as it's PG-13 and not horribly invasive. Well, I guess you could still ask me, but I may choose to mock the question and not give a straight answer. But rest assured, all questions will be answered starting on Monday.
1. You remember that contest I held at the beginning of the year? Well, one of the contestants, a C. Michael Fontes, is having his entry published in an online magazine! Woot! How cool is that? Further proof that all of the entries were fabulous—I had such a hard time picking winners!
2. On that note, I am planning to hold another contest at the beginning of March. Not sure what it'll be yet, but get ready. Obviously entering my contests are a Good Thing, even if you don't win!
3. New Favorite Song of the Moment: Hey, Soul Sister by Train
4. I'm still editing and writing at the same time, thus I will be epically dull online. I apologize for actually working. What am I thinking? No, things are going well. I love to write, and I adore both the project I'm editing and the one I'm working on. I feel very blessed to be in this good a mood.
5. KIERSTEN IS ON AMAZON!!! Dude, pre-order Paranormalcy. Either that or risk a ninja invasion. Your choice. But I will warn you that blow fish poison is one of the fastest killing poisons ever. Still—your choice.
6. If you missed it on Twitter, I painted my nails black. AND my baby's nails black. How mother-daughter bonding is that? 7. Can somebody PLEASE FOLLOW ME? 440 followers is far too even a number. I hate even numbers. Or, you know, someone could UNfollow me and put be back at 439. That would be fabulous, too. (Why, yes, I am insane. Don't worry, I totally know that already.)
When I was in high school, I loved English (of course), except for one question: What do you think the author meant by this?
*Annoyed teenage eye roll.*
I hated trying to interpret what an author was trying to say. I'd always want to slam my fists on the desk and scream, "What does it matter what they were trying to say?" How was I supposed to know an author intended insert-random-thing-here as a symbol? Unless, of course, you're reading Hawthorne, who pretty much beats it into your head.
I thought it was much more important to focus on what the writing meant to me, which, looking back, is probably what my teachers intended to say. I hope. But at the time I found it frustrating that I was supposed to be some Dead Writer Mind Reader.
(And I wanted to be an English teacher—HA. I quickly realized how much I'd suck at that.)
This mentality, naturally, carries over to my writing. I'm out to tell stories—not to tell people what to think or feel or believe. When I write a first draft, I honestly think very little about themes or messages or whatever. I think about the characters and the story, and that is enough to keep me busy without worrying about what it all means.
Then this cool thing happens. After I finish a first draft, I do discover themes in my own book! They are completely unintentional, but they're there and I'm happy for them. I learn things about myself from my own characters. In editing, I do try to bring those themes out without turning preachy, but I'm very careful about it. Because to this day, there's nothing that can turn me off faster than a blaring theme. (Don't tell me what to think, gosh!)
But I'm also aware that the themes I see may not be what others see. No matter how much I intend one meaning, my readers could gather something entirely different. I LOVE that idea, that my writing can become something more, be something different depending on each reader. I love hearing my crit partners' takes on my characters and their stories, and I can't wait for the day when I get to hear what total strangers take away from my words.
My responsibility is to create a story—the reader's responsibility is to garner their own meaning from it.
I'm always on the lookout for fresh ways to look at my writing. Let's face it, editing can get monotonous. When you've read the same thing so many times, you just stop seeing the words. But you can't let yourself do that—you have to see the words or things won't change like they should.
Here's a handy dandy list of editing tactics to try:
1. The Quick Read I've found this extremely helpful when searching for continuity errors, repetitiveness, and overall flow of my writing. When you read your own book in a day or two, the "big" problems will jump out. For example, I'll realize I'm glazing over one chapter—maybe it's not compelling enough...what is it missing? Later on, I'll be read an action scene and think, "Hmm, the pacing here is too quick. I need to draw out that tension."
The Quick Read is the closest you can get to a "reader experience," though you'll need to be the most critical reader out there. I make notes to myself as I read and use those on the next editing round.
2. Chapter By Chapter Or scene by scene, or act by act, whatever. Sometimes I like to tackle my book one section at a time so I can focus on something smaller and make it complete. Chapter by chapter is my usual tactic, since I sometimes have issues keeping my chapters on course. I often have to move info around or separate into new chapters.
3. Themed Edits I often have a specific goal with each of my edits. I mentioned my usual approach of Plot, Character, and Prose edits in a very lengthy post, so I won't go into that here. The basic idea is to take it in small bites.
4. Reading Aloud I've read several of my books out loud, since it forces me to look at the words on the screen. That, and bad wording or clunky dialogue jump right out when you hear it. If you hesitate or feel a little stupid saying it, then maybe there's a better way to write it.
5. Paper Edits I personally edit much better on paper. I glaze over looking at the screen too long, but give me a fatty stack of paper and all of the sudden every awkward line and description pops out. And entering those edits into the computer is effectively another edit, because I often see more or tweak as I enter.
6. Find/Replace I haven't done this one—yet. I plan to do it because it sounds so smart and effective. Basically, you compile of list of your personal ticks and search for them. You look at each one and then decide to remove it or not. I assume I'll be removing most of mine. These can be words, phrases, and punctuation marks. Like in my current editing project, I went crazy with the semicolon. Seriously, there are several on every page. It's hilarious (and a little embarrassing).
There are plenty of ways to edit, and I think using a variety of methods is, um, the best method. These are just a few approaches, but please feel free to add more in the comments. Yes, I want to steal—I mean borrow—your ideas for myself.
My weekend was kind of insane. Seriously, I think I fell into some kind of worm hole that sped up time. (Universe, I fully expect you to reimburse me.) I had so much to do and I think I got half of it done. Maybe less.
I didn't get to write, so my little frenzy fizzled out against my will. But it's not so bad because I got to think about writing. Like during my power nap between turning in taxes and deep cleaning the kitchen, I discovered a plot point I hadn't planned on. It's so much better than what I was going to do. I'm pumped.
These little epiphanies are gold, and they never happen when I'm actually writing. This is why letting your work stew is important. My brain works things out somehow while I'm "not working." I think it might be magic. Or ninjas. Yes, maybe I wrote 50 pages in three days, but this "new" idea is actually a few months old. I've been, gasp, taking notes and waiting for it to tackle me. Man, did it tackle me.
I'm sure you've heard the whole "let it stew" thing before, so I won't go off or anything. I'm just so glad that I let this book stew because, in a strange way, I feel like I need it right now. I need this character in my life to teach me and keep me in a positive mindset. I adored my other WIP, and fully plan on coming back to it, but the MC put me in a place I can't be at this moment.
Oh and if you're wondering what this book is about, I'm afraid I'm at the point where I have to keep more to myself. But here are a few words—techies, Phantom, label maker, Tic-Tac, kissing, and letting go.
UPDATE:This is for Myrna Foster, who won 2nd place in my last contest. If she wants, I'm sure she can tell you more about Lani and the Star Swan in the comments. This request sure gave me a run for my money, so much so that I finally got Photoshop Elements just so I could make that pretty bird sparkle properly (or at least as best I could).
Next goal: Drawing Tablet. And with any luck, this might actually happen. *fingers crossed*
PLEASE STAND BY
My weekends keep getting crazier and crazier, guys. So I'm officially dubbing "Saturday Sketch" as "Weekend Sketch," just so I don't feel copious amounts of guilt if I don't get it done on Saturday. Rest assured, I am working on it RIGHT NOW. (Myrna, boy did you give me a challenge. Hope it turns out to your liking.)
Hey, guys! I'm still firmly in my little obsessive writing haze. Hello, 10k! Shall we make it 15k today? I'm thinking yes.
But don't judge me—I've still been doing my "job" too. I'm editing, I swear. Maybe not fast, but I am. And people are always telling me that I should take my time on edits, so I'm just being smart about it, right? RIGHT?
I'm doing a cop out post here by putting up a video—but it's an AWESOME video. Maureen Johnson is a YA writer, and the more I read her and watch her videos, the more I adore her. Listen. She's smart.
Hey guys, just popping in to say "I'm still alive." It's been one of those days. Yes. Those.
The words are flowing, people. FLOWING. Sweet baby kittens, I feel like a good writer for once!
It's been a while, honestly, since I've written something that's just falling together so well. I've been writing, mind you, but it's been more the omg-I-think-this-sucks-and-that-means-I-suck-and-why-am-I-doing-this-zomg kind of writing experience.
I was sure I'd never see the giddy, infallible, naive first-drafting me again! (Shh, don't scare her away with tales of editing and rejection.) I was positive writing would be kind of awful for the rest of my life. I was okay with that; it wasn't going to stop me.
But today is a reminder of why I love to write, and I'm going to savor every second before it wears off.
Don't worry, I doubt it'll last long. When it's over I'm sure I'll have helpful posts again. In the mean time—NINJA PARADE! (Thanks to K.M. Criddle for this. If you haven't checked out her blog, you should. It's adorable and fun and illustrated!)
I've been thinking a lot about the nature of rejection lately, but I figured I'd spare you such a downer post. It's Groundhog's Day, for the love of bacon. You don't need that on such an important holiday!
So I'm gonna do a meme thingy. Larissa and Dominque both awarded me the "Over the Top" award. Thank you, ladies. I can be quite over the top sometimes. And Larissa practically dared me to do the meme! I don't back down from dares...mostly. I have standards.
For the record, I am not against awards or memes, I just don't pass them on. That's all. I'm a rule bender. It comes with the ninja territory.
My one-word answers (there may be rule bending):
Your Cell Phone? Neglected Your Hair? Wildish Your Mother? Charitable Your Father? Planner Your Favorite Food? Cheese Your Dream Last Night? Snot-related Your Favorite Drink? CodeRed! Your Dream/Goal? Mattering What Room Are You In? Familyroom Your Hobby? Drawing Your Fear? Crowds Where Do You See Yourself In Six Years? Older Where Were You Last Night? Transparent Something That You Aren't? Out-going Muffins? Eh Wish List Item? DrawingTablet Where Did You Grow Up? BayArea Last Thing You Did? Feed What Are You Wearing? Orange! Your TV? Cable-less Your Pets? Imaginary Friends? Irreplaceable Your Life? Monotonous Your Mood? Contemplative Missing Someone? Friends Vehicle? RedVelvet Something You Aren't Wearing? Cravat Your Favorite Store? B&N Your Favorite Color? Orange! When Was The Last Time You Laughed? AxeCop! Last Time You Cried? LastNight Your Best Friend? Nick One Place You Go To Over And Over Again? Church Facebook? Barely Favorite Place To Eat? Yapona
When I finished high school, the thought of getting a real job terrified me. Besides the occasional catering job from my aunt, I'd never had a job before. I spent all my time being academic and extracurricular so I could get in to college.
I didn't get a scholarship to the school I ultimately chose, and my parents said they'd only help me out with tuition for a year. I had to get a job to save up—except I had no clue how to get a job.
Then this amazing opportunity came my way: an opening for a writer at my university's multicultural magazine, Eagle's Eye. They wanted someone to write features on multicultural topics, cover the office's multicultural events, interview students and alumni for spotlights.
It was pretty much my dream job coming out of high school.
Yeah, I'm that kind of person. My first instinct is to give up, run, instead of getting hurt. As a child, I got burned when I put myself out there. So I quickly—and falsely—learned to keep myself in a little box so no one could hurt me. If you act like you don't care, don't try, settle for less, then you are safe.
After I'd let a few weeks go by without applying for the position, my dad called me into his office. He had that look on his face, the I'm-trying-to-look-casual-but-we-need-to-talk look. I sat in the spare chair, already knowing what was coming.
"Why haven't you applied to Eagle's Eye yet?" he asked after a kind explanation of all my talents. Of course he thought I was talented and qualified—I was his daughter.
I folded my arms, the knot in my stomach tightening. "I don't think I'll get the job."
"How do you know? You can do everything they ask for."
"I can do it, yeah, but not well enough. She'd probably read my high school essays and laugh."
"You don't know that."
I sighed. "That's the problem! I don't know! Yeah, it's an awesome job, but I don't know if I can get it."
My dad, bless his heart, smiled. "Well, you definitely won't get it if you don't try. And you obviously think you won't, so what will it hurt to send in your application, just to see?"
I gave him a flat stare. "I'll think about it."
Then I went down to my room and thought. He had a point. I was essentially taking myself out of the running by not applying for the job. I was putting myself in the worst-case scenario because I believed it would turn out that way, though I didn't actually know if it would. I wasn't allowing myself to hope for the positive outcome, because it would hurt too much when it didn't happen. I was living in a world of hypotheticals, deciding my future based on stuff that hadn't actually happened.
I realized I needed to at least try. Don't you hate when parents are right?
If I'm being honest, I'd never been much for effort. In high school, I did things that came easy to me. Sure, I was smart, but I didn't study. I was one of those annoying kids who could ace a test with minimum effort, if any. I had procrastinating down to a science. I was good enough at most everything—so I coasted, never putting my heart and soul into anything.
Then I waited. This application was my first true taste in the evils waiting. Now that I'd worked so hard, I wanted this. I wanted this job so bad it hurt to think about. Knowing that my best effort could be rejected...yeah, I'm sure many of you get what I'm talking about.
But I got The Call! Lynette, who would be my boss for the next four years, hired me as a writer. I put everything into that job, and I loved every minute of it. I would not be where I am or who I am without Eagle's Eye. It was the first time I took a huge leap, and it was worth it.
It's sad to think I almost kept myself from that opportunity, to think about how different my life would have been if I'd given up before I even tried. Too often we sell ourselves short. I look back on this turning point in my life when the journey feels too long. I tried, and it turned out great. I will keep trying—I've gained so much just from learning to take a few leaps.
Tabby and I are getting along very well. I'm still kind of messing around, but the results aren't too bad, right? I started this piece with a 5 pixel brush, but quickly learned that was still too fat. I'm really liking 3 pixels for sketching. I think I'll stick there for a while. And layers? Yeah, extremely helpful. Glad it only took me a few tries to figure that out.
