Between Fact and Fiction

Thai Red Curry

2012-01-29T13:34:00.000-08:00

In yet another attempt to get the food I want without having to pay restaurant prices, I went on a quest to figure out how to make Thai Red Curry. Yes, a quest. I love curry—Indian, Japanese, Thai, everything—and so does my husband. It's kind of our comfort food, especially in the winter. Recently my husband has fallen in love with Thai curries (his first love was Japanese, as he spent time living there), so it made sense that I add this to my ever-growing repertoire of Asian-origin dishes instead of dropping 20 bucks on dinner out.

Well it turned out great! And it wasn't too hard to make as far as curries go.

Thai Red Curry

(Note: This recipe is spicy. I like heat, and this is about "medium hot" to "hot" for me. Heat depends a lot on the paste you get or the peppers you use to make your own, so it's hard to gauge just how much curry paste will make your curry too hot. If you're worried about heat, start with less paste and work up by adding more until it's right for you)

Ingredients:

• 2 tbs. red curry paste (I got mine at the Asian store, which is where I have to get most anything "exotic" in Utah.)

• 2 cans coconut milk

• 2 tbs sesame oil (or any oil on hand, though peanut or sesame will create a deeper flavor)

• 1-2 tsp salt

• 1-2 tbs fish sauce (you can sub soy sauce if you don't like fish sauce)

• 3 tbs brown sugar

• 1 tsp paprika (optional: for color)

• 1 large chicken breast, cubed (other meat options: beef, pork, shrimp)

• 1 green pepper, sliced

• 1 red pepper, sliced

• 1 sm. zucchini, halved long-wise and sliced

• 1 onion, halved and sliced

• 2-3 cups bean sprouts

• 1/2 cup fresh basil, chopped

(Other veggie options: carrot, potato, bamboo shoots, peas, basically what you enjoy)

Directions:

1. In a deep, large skillet, pour sesame oil and heat. Add red curry paste and warm, then add the coconut milk and stir until smooth.

2. As mixture heats, add fish sauce, brown sugar, salt, and paprika. Taste to adjust the flavor to your personal preference. Add more curry paste if not spicy enough.

3. Cut chicken breast into small pieces and add to curry, cook until chicken is mostly done. About 5 mins or so.

4. Add longest cooking vegetables first and fastest cooking last. In this recipe, that order is green and red pepper, onion (wait a few minutes for these to cook some), then zucchini, bean sprouts, and basil. Simmer curry until the vegetable are tender, but not too soft or mushy. Should have a fresh taste.

5. Serve curry in a bowl (preferably a large one, according to me) with a side of rice. Enjoy!

Happy Writers: Having Fun

2012-01-27T10:32:00.001-08:00

My new favorite title in all existence. (via @sarahlapolla) Makes me SO HAPPY.

So it's been awhile since I've done a Happy Writers Society post. It wasn't that I was UNhappy, but I guess lately I've felt like I've covered many topics and I was having trouble coming up with new ones.

Actually, I've been a really happy writer lately! I almost feel guilty about how much I've been enjoying my work. Sometimes it feels like maybe I'm doing it wrong if I'm having fun. Of course that's not true, but you get that sense at times. We should be suffering for our art. It should be hard always.

I don't think so, honestly. I think we slog through the rough parts because we know how great the good times are. When we're having a good time? Dude, I say ENJOY it to its fullest. And, yeah, maybe other people will be offended by your happiness, but that really says more about them than you. I've had to learn about that lately, the whole not letting other people stop me from being happy with what I have.

So I'll admit it—I'm having FUN right now! I've been through a lot of hard stuff, and it makes this part all the sweeter. I've turned in revisions. I have another project I love to clean up. AND I have a new story I've just started writing. Things are flowing. I'm feeling really good about my work for the first time in...oh...two years? I want to hold on to this feeling as long as I can, because I know the darker ones are always lurking.

Have fun with your writing. I know it can be hard when writing becomes tangled up in the pursuit of publishing, but try not to let go of writing and what it gives you. Treasure the good moments. Don't waste them in worrying about what might come next.

So Predictable

2012-01-25T16:11:00.000-08:00

While every novel has its own challenges, it's quite scary how I find myself repeating the same phases. (My friends, too. It's adorable, and I love reminding them that they freaked out about the same exact thing LAST time, ha.)

My phases go kinda like this:

1. Falling Fast and Hard

When the idea hits, I'm so a love-at-first-sight writer. I grab on and dive in with nary a thought to anything else. I just want to BE with my idea. We're in love. It's perfect.

2. What have I DONE?

And then Act I ends, and I'm fifty pages in, and I go straight into a panic. Seriously, every single time. I stare at my story, wondering if I was too rash, if it's really worth going further. There's a lot of whining to my friends at this point, and they are sweet enough to push me along and tell me to shut up and keep going.

3. Middles Suck

Even if I have a clear idea of how I want the story to evolve, the middle drives me nuts. I'm too far from the end to have faith that it'll come together, and I freak about going in circles.

4. Seeing The Light

Around 50k, I start to feel like I have an actual BOOK on my hands—a book that has an ending and everything! I really pick up speed around this point, and that first love comes rushing back full force.

5. First Draft High

There's a reason I have 13 finished drafts—I LOVE finishing a first draft! It's such a high. Every time. I float around giddily, mooning over my new baby book and how sweet it is, so full of potential.

6. Pre-Revision Melt Down

This quickly follows #5, with all its crushing reality. The book is far from perfect. There's still so much to do. Should I even BOTHER? Will this thing sell? Did I waste my time? Will anyone even like it? I can't possibly make this book what it deserves to be. Woe. Misery. Trepidation.

7. The Revision Cycle

• First 100 pages: THIS WILL TAKE FOREVER

• Next 100-150: This isn't so bad...

• Last 50 or so: Almost done just GET DONE BEFORE I LOSE IT

8. Post-Revision Daze

Symptoms include extreme exhaustion (probably due to brain over-exertion), a disastrous house, a realization of all the things you DIDN'T do while editing, no desire to do said things, and an extreme craving for bad food and TV binges.

9. Hey, That Might Be A Good Idea For A Book...

Then, as the haze lifts, something catches in your mind. A snippet of conversation. An image. A song. A news clip. A voice. You think, "I need to write that." And you start, having forgotten completely how hard it was to do the last time.

Not Going There

2012-01-23T13:02:00.001-08:00

It's really easy to go there as a writer. And by "there" I mean that icky place where you feel miserable about your writing and career, and you look at what others have and wonder if it's better than what you have (or worse, truly believe it is better). It's easy, at any phase, to feel sorry for yourself, to wish for more, to be jealous.

Over the past five years I've let myself go there a lot. Once, I even wrote a book because I read one and thought, "Wow, I can do way better than that just you watch." (It wasn't better, by the way.) I have read book deals for friends and felt that twinge of jealousy. Heck, I've read book deals for total strangers and gone into jealous rages/massive pity parties. I've compared everything possible to compare—followers, comments, tweets, books, agents, editors, pub dates, covers, advances, conference attendance, book signing attendance, tours, swag, and on and on.

Frankly, I'm tired of going there.

It's taken me far too long to figure out that going to that place makes my life more complicated than it needs to be. It makes me unhappy with who I am, which results in a lot of nasty things like depression, anxiety, jealousy, overworking, pandering, ingratitude, insecurity, and eventually a severe lack of productivity. All of these things get in the way of my life, my work, everything. And I've finally figured out that I've basically been making it harder on myself.

I've been reading the Turning Points on Nova Ren Suma's blog, and I think I'm personally going through one of my own right now.

I've finally realized I don't have to go there.

I don't have to be jealous of the seven-figure deals. I don't have to wish my book was published two years ago. I don't have to try to be this author or that one. I don't have to worry about being mid-list or paperback. I don't have to stress over reviews. Or mourn the fact that I'll never get an award (yes, I panic over things not even on my publishing radar).

I can be happy with what I have. I AM happy with what I have.

The more I get to know writers from all publishing circumstances, the more I've learned that not a single one of those paths is easy. Not a single one will automatically make you happy. Trust me, there's always something wrong if you feel like looking for it. Which means the flip side is true, too—there's always something wonderful if you feel like looking for it.

For a long time I preached this attitude because I knew that was how I should feel, but deep down I was still struggling with it. I'd hoped that by writing it out maybe I could convince myself to snap out of it or something. It didn't really work.

But lately I've been able to stop myself from going there, and it's been so liberating. I never want to go to that place again. Life is so much easier when I let myself embrace what I have, enjoy what I do, and celebrate the victories of others.

I Really Was That Bad

2012-01-20T08:48:00.000-08:00

If you want a sneak peak into just how bad my early writing was, head on over to Friday The Thirteeners, where I have posted a video of me reading said bad writing.

While it was humiliating, it was also a bit of a confidence booster to see how much I have grown over the years. Sometimes it doesn't feel like the work is helping you improve, but it is. I may not be some amazing author people will laud when I'm dead, but I am a better author than I ever have been. I can live with that.

January Is A Beast

2012-01-16T08:53:00.000-08:00

Writing is a funny profession. You can go months with nary a whisper of anything happening, and then all of the sudden about 10 things are dumped in your lap at once. I'm not complaining about this, it just seems to be the nature of the job.

January has been one of those months for me. On the writing front alone, I've had two books to edit, two proposals for my option to prepare, a new blog to launch, and that whole crazy reading challenge I got myself into. Throw in school troubles for Dino Boy, a particularly naughty Ninja Girl streak, and typical pregnancy fatigue, and wow, I'm still trying to figure out how I made it through the last two weeks.

But at least I've been making progress! I finished edits on SIDEKICK last week, so now I only face the behemoth that is TRANSPARENT. It's weird, how small edits can take so long to enter. I mean, we are to the point that it's a cut there, a word change there, but you have to consider each one and it takes up a lot of time. Other Life Things have to be shifted around for a little bit while this work stares me in the face (Like giving up Korean Dramas. *sniff*).

I think that's why it gets harder and harder for me to answer the question, "How do you find balance?" Honestly? I don't. The best I can do is prioritize what needs to get done and do it in a timely fashion. I'm not sure writing has ever been much about "balance." It's more like triage—you do what's most pressing first and work down the line, hoping you didn't miss something vital along the way.

The one thing that has changed for me throughout the years, though: I no longer see writing tasks as The Most Important Thing Always. It used to come first over all aspects of my life, and that really messed me up. I still get my work done, but now I have the right perspective. I can see that sometimes it's more important to get my kids out of the house. Or it's more important to make a nice meal for my husband to take to work. Or it's more important to be there for a friend.

So while January has been a crazy whirlwind this far, I'm managing just fine. I'm happy I can say this, because I think a month like this would have ripped me to shreds a couple years back.

Friday The Thirteeners!

2012-01-13T08:03:00.000-08:00

I'm participating in a group blog! It's called Friday The Thirteeners, and it's a small group of authors debuting in 2013, ready to take your Truth Or Dares.

This marks kind of a new phase in blogging for me, which is strange to say after four years in the game. But. I have never joined a group blog! And it's been really fun to plan with these ladies for the past several month, to get to know them, and to meet more writers who are going through the same debut nerves as I am.

Please check out the blog! There are fabulous prizes (13 of them!), and you have a chance to challenge me to a Truth Or Dare. And don't worry, I'm not one to wuss out. Whatever I end up with should be utterly humiliating, and available for viewing next week:)

All Day Q&A

2012-01-11T07:34:00.001-08:00

Doing this a few days early because something BIG is coming on Friday. Get excited.

So ask away! I will sit here patiently. Or not patiently. When have I ever done something patiently?

Pros and Cons of The Option Book

2012-01-07T17:08:00.000-08:00

I've mentioned it before, but the second book in my two-book deal with HarperTeen is what they call an "option book." Basically, this means that Harper wants another book from me—except they haven't decided what, exactly, that book will be.

It's an interesting middle ground to stand on, honestly. It's not quite like having a series, where you know the next book you'll be writing is a sequel. And it's not like having just one book with your editor and pitching new ones in hopes that they'll buy. Instead, it's, "Yes, you have another book under contract, but we'll figure it out later."

So far, having an option book has been...weirdly cool. Most of the time I think of it as a good thing. I like that HarperTeen had enough faith in me to want another book, even if they didn't know for sure what kind of book. To me, it says they see something in me as a writer. That feels awesome. Seriously awesome. With awesome sprinkles.

I also really like not being tied down to a sequel for the time being. I've seen, through many friends, how hard a sequel can be. It's kinda cool that I don't necessarily have to worry about "topping" book one or falling into the "sequel curse." And I still have a little liberty to write what I'd like to, instead of being obligated to work on the same story whether I want to or not. I like that freedom—I feel like I do my best work under those circumstances.

But there are some things that are pretty scary about an option book, too. I mean, Harper doesn't HAVE TO take any book I write, you know? If you aren't familiar with options, it's still a little like being on sub, but with one editor/house as your audience. I give them a book as a possible option, and it's completely within their right to say, "No, this isn't quite what we're looking for from you."

Yup, my book can still be rejected.

Granted, I get to submit over and over to my heart's content (or until they like what I offer), but that whole possibility of rejection is still there. I'm starting to realize that it'll never go away. Putting your work out there never stops being scary, even when you have an agent and an editor and a book deal.

In the end, I'm totally happy to have an option book, especially because I love my editor and am excited to keep working with her. But like most things in publishing, it's not a perfect scenario. It comes with its own personalized bits of stress, different from other scenarios, but still valid. The more I get used to being "Future Published Author" me, the more I realize that no scenario is ideal. They all come with different pros and cons, and you deal with them as best you can. It's always better to focus on the good things about your personal path, instead of looking at what others got.

So yay option book! Even if you scare me sometimes.

Roller Coaster Day

2012-01-05T17:12:00.000-08:00

It was one of those days that started and never let up. I woke up to a crazy WTF email, and it went from there, alternating between bad and good every hour, it seemed like.

Bad thing!

Really good thing!

SUPER bad thing!

Good thing!

Bad!

Good!

These days always remind me how much I LIKE taking it slow. Slow is good. I want to marry slow and spend my life with it. I want to go to bed, but I still have so much to do.

Why I'm Proud That YA Is A Girl-Centric Genre

2012-01-03T10:13:00.000-08:00

This post will probably get me flamed, but I've been thinking a lot about this and I want to share. So here it goes:

I am so freaking proud that YA is girl-centric.

Are there "boy books" in YA? Of course. Do I think there's room for more diversity in YA? Always! But that doesn't remove the fact that I'm very, very happy to see all these books about girls written FOR girls. Why? Because girls need these books—I needed these books, and I didn't have them when I was younger.

I vividly remember my personal frustrations with books when I was a kid. I know a lot of writers read voraciously as kids, but I was a picky reader. I had a hard time finding books that I could relate with. Wading through the old time MG waters was hard (Harry Potter came out when I was in high school, so it was very different back then [gosh I am old]). As it is now, MG is still largely targeted to boys (there's a lot more "girl books" these days, but you can still say the MG market is boy-centric).

I noticed. I wanted to read about girls like me, and it was hard to find a girl protagonist. The ones I did find often didn't strike my interest, either (i.e. Nancy Drew, Babysitter's Club, and Sweet Valley High, which were shoved in my face from about 8-14 yrs. old).

Sadly, the problem didn't improve as I got older—it got worse. When I got too old for "kids books," there was this wall. A wall I wasn't sure I wanted to climb. On the other side of the wall was Grown Up Books.

I still liked fantasy and fun stories, but Adult Fantasy felt daunting to me when I was 13. I tried out a few, only to find more boys saving girls...plus some other stuff I wasn't quite ready to handle personally. I still wanted to read about girls, but there weren't girls in adult genre—there were women. The romance and historical novels scared the crap out of me based on covers alone (I was a timid child, not saying they were bad, just I was SO not ready). Adult thrillers/suspense were way out of my interests (I scare easily). And fantasy/sci-fi were dominated by the same things I'd seen in MG, just with older characters.

The truth? I stopped reading for fun after, like, ninth grade. After I read DUNE. I still remember enjoying most of that book, right up until the end when the main character decides to keep his "true love" as a concubine (the woman who supported him and had faith in him—heck, made him who he was and saved his life) and marries the empress as a power play. I felt betrayed, honestly. I really looked up to this guy, bought him as a hero, until that moment. It was the final straw for the "Girls play on the sidelines in books" crap. I was done. I read for school and that was about it (And most of that literary stuff was all guy, too).

My first experience with "new YA" was, of course, Twilight. Say what you will about that series, it blew my mind the first time I read it. But not for the reason you'd think—because it answered all my reading frustrations as a teen. This was a book for girls, with girl feelings and girl problems and girl fantasies. I started reading more YA, and each one made me not only happy, but jealous of the girls who now had so many choices in reading. I didn't have those choices. I couldn't find characters like me. Now? It feels like there's a book for every kind of girl. And we've seen both girls and women like me respond with the explosion of YA.

Finally, books for me. It makes me want to cry with joy sometimes.

I know we worry about the lack of boys in YA at times, but the truth is that the old system was always set up for boys. MG to adult genre fiction is what many boys still follow—well, that transition was always catered to them. Male-centered fiction has always been the standard. There has always been a place for them. Is it any wonder many guys skip YA?

Girls finally have a wide world of a genre to go. YA provides girls with the stories they've always been looking for—stories about them, stories for them. Girls don't have to be on the sidelines in YA. They are heroines. They shape the story with their choices, be they good or bad ones. YA reflects how different girls are, what they love and how they live and what they hope to be.

So while I will always welcome guys to read YA, and of course welcome more "boy centered" books, I will never apologize for the amount of girl-centric fiction in the genre. I would have killed for even half the selection girls have now. It's about time.

My One Ridiculous Goal

2012-01-01T12:34:00.000-08:00

I don't set a lot of goals, mostly because I know I'll eventually crumble under the pressure of too many. But I did want to make one this year:

I want to read a book a week.

To some people, that's nothing. They can read a book a day. Maybe even two. But I've said before that I'm a slow reader, and I certainly don't read as much as I'd like to. I don't think I'll ever be a fast reader, so I want to focus more on the consistency aspect.

If I can make reading part of my routine, if I can make it a habit, if I can add just a little to every day, then I'll at least read more, even if I still read slowly. I mean, that'll be 52 books in a year, and I've never read that many. Just thinking of that number feels overwhelming, but I think it's a doable goal. I've seen over and over through writing 1k a day that things add up even in little steps. It has to be the same for this.

I'm so much better at little steps than giant leaps.

So that's my one ridiculous goal. Wish me luck:)

New Year, New Phase

2011-12-31T19:17:00.000-08:00

So 2011 was pretty good to me. After five years of flopping around in the publishing waters, I finally sold a novel. There were other lovely things, but I'll always remember this year for that one event.

2011. The year I sold my first book.

The year I reached a lifelong goal.

The year that one phase ended, and another began.

Funnily enough, 2012 is probably going to be my quietest year in the publishing business in a long time. It's so weird, to think I really have no major goals for myself on the writing front this year. Mostly, I get to chill out as all these amazing people at HarperTeen put my book together. I can't wait to see how it all turns out!

So what will I be doing in 2012? My biggest goal is to make a point to be happy every day. I spent most of 2010 miserable, and even a fair part of 2011 has been coming to terms with all the emotions left over from 2010. This year—this year is a year for good things.

I get to be a mom again. I'm pretty excited about that. Nervous, of course, since it's been four years since we've had a baby in the house, but very excited.

I really hope at least one story will sweep me away, cart me off into its world and chain me there until the book is done. But if it doesn't happen, I have plenty of editing and work to keep me busy. I'm okay with that.

With how extremely ill I've been with this baby, I'm really, really looking forward to getting healthy again. I never thought I'd say that, but I miss the strength and stamina my body used to have. I miss the energy it gave me. I miss feeling like I could totally out run the zombies in the apocalypse.

2012. It's gonna be a quiet year. A wonderful year. I just know it. I'm saving all the debut freak out for 2013;)

When You're Bad At Something

2011-12-26T12:46:00.000-08:00

I am genuinely bad at things. And don't give me that, "Oh, come now, you're really good at _____," stuff. I'm not looking for compliments here. I just feel like it's important for people (especially kids and teens) to know that most things don't come naturally, and just because you're bad at something doesn't mean you always will be.

I still remember my first endeavor to cook solo—I was around eleven, and I was going to make myself a grilled cheese sandwich. Well, it was the saddest sandwich ever. I put the butter on the inside. I cut the cheese too thick. I had the stove on too high, so it burnt before the cheese even got warm.

I wasn't a great writer growing up. I enjoyed writing, for sure, but my writing was hit and miss. I was a terrible speller (I even wrote "I'm a good speler" in a list of attributes about myself in 2nd grade, ha.) (I'm still a really shaky speller, even after my minor in editing). I never got my paper read in front of the class by the teacher, etc. and so forth.

Art was the same way. I was never the best in my class. I never got first place in a show. To this day I am not strong with any kind of paint. Me and paint don't get along at all. And even when I try realism it still looks like a cartoon.

I could go on, but I think that's enough. The truth is that I don't really have any natural talent. I've tried a lot of things, and it's never been one of those moments where I just magically had skill. Not with the flute. Not on the swim team. Not singing. Not running. Not acting. Not gymnastics. Not playing Go. Not blogging. Nothing. And yet I've always had this dream or hope or whatever that there's something out there I'm "meant to do." You know what I mean—that thing that is so entwined with my destiny I know immediately that this is my future and I will be amazing at it.

This probably sounds totally ridiculous, but I remember very vividly how it seemed like that growing up. I'd see my peers doing amazing things, and it seemed that talent sprouted out of their very being with no effort whatsoever. I thought maybe if I found my own talent I'd be amazing like that, too.

But everything was hard. I have a suspicion it was hard for most of the people I admired as well, though it didn't seem like it back then. It felt like all I did was fall on my face a lot. Some things I stuck with because I just loved them so much, like art. Drawing was, oftentimes, my refuge. I got better only because I drew literally every single day. I have the 13+ notebooks to prove it, not to mention all the portfolios from classes still taking up space in my parents' storage.

Shockingly enough, I didn't make leaping improvements in my writing until I started working on it everyday either. Take a guess on what made me a better cook—I'm sure it's obvious.

The things that I am good at now are a result of loving that thing and then working really hard to do it well. Actually, not entirely true. I didn't like to cook, but had to because there's no way we could afford to eat out often. If I wanted good food, I had to learn to make it myself. It was a skill that came out of necessity and then turned into something I really love. But anyway, the common denominator here is work.

Work sucks sometimes. I can't tell you that if you work harder than anyone else you'll be on top. If that were true, I would be way further ahead than I am. But alas, I'm still up against some people who have honest-to-goodness talent. It's hard to deal with sometimes. I won't lie and say I'm totally fine when someone who has put in half the work and time I have gets twice the reward I do. It's hard to accept—important to accept—but hard. It's hard to have to start so far behind the pack at times. It's hard to face so much failure, to not be able to learn and improve as quickly as others. And it's especially frustrating when a Natural Talent doesn't even TRY and still does better than you, and worse, doesn't even care or appreciate the thing they're so good at.

When I think about how hard it can be sometimes, it isn't any wonder I keep looking for that Magical Thing I'm Good At.

But on the flip side, there are some comforts in all this sucking at stuff. For one, I do believe with all my heart that anyone can improve in something if they want to. It doesn't matter what it is—you can go after it and do it well. It might take twice as long. You may never be as good as a prodigy. But you as a human being have the potential to succeed. It is part of all of us.

Work, practice, determination—these things put us on an even playing field. Of course, the field might not look even (it often doesn't to me), but it is, because those who have to work harder often gain secondary skills the naturals don't. I mean, I don't love that I know how to work out of pure necessity, but it comes in handy. When the going gets tough, I don't stop. Sometimes those who've had it easier do. When you are naturally bad at stuff, you are also more likely to continue pushing yourself, never quite trusting that's you've "made it." Whereas someone with natural talent runs the risk of resting on their laurels and not going outside their comfort zone.

Basically, I'm saying my extra experience in the Field of Sucking helps me come out on top at times. Who knew?

Eventually, all the work you do starts to look a lot like talent to people on the outside. Lots of people tell me I'm talented at certain things now, but I know the truth and am mostly proud of that truth. There was very little talent involved, and nor is there likely to be a random sprouting of it in the future. If I want to be good at something, the only way for me to get it is through hard work and endurance.

At this point you might want to say work is my true talent, but even working hard took me a long time to learn. I used to give up rather quickly, until I realized that the things I did often were the things I was best at. The "doing often" brought on the "best at," not the other way around.

So if you're bad at stuff, take heart and realize you're actually in the majority. The older I've gotten, the more I've realized that "natural talent" is kind of a myth. And even if it isn't, talent is nothing without the work part. Better to put in the effort at something than spend your life waiting for that one magical talent.

Edits! More Edits!

2011-12-21T12:35:00.000-08:00

There's nothing quite like your book showing up on the doorstep, all marked up with edits. Like most things in publishing it is a strange cocktail of feelings.

At this point it kinda feels like a countdown—one more task closer to that publication date. Right now my book being "out there" still feels pretty far away, but I hear stuff speeds up the closer you get.

It's weird, this post-book-deal thing. I don't think I was really prepared for the...waiting. Ironic, I know. I've done a lot of waiting! But I guess I just pictured all that "fun publishing stuff" happening fairly soon—you know, the new stuff like a cover or blurbs or selling foreign and what not—when really there's this whole editing pipeline you have to go through first. And frankly, that editing pipeline is a lot like what I've been doing for my crit partners and my agents for the last few years, except with even higher stakes.

Maybe that's why it still doesn't quite feel real yet. I don't know. It's kind of like watching a picture develop. The image of me as Author Person is slowly showing up on the paper, and I'm squinting to try and make out what I (and my work) looks like. Except I still can't quite see it. The darkest spots are coming in. There's certainly something there, but I still have to wait to see the whole picture.

I really should be better at waiting by now!

Anyway, I am excited for these edits! Excited to be making some kind of progress. I am hoping it'll help me see yet another facet of this developing picture.

Look What I Got For My Birthday!

2011-12-20T20:10:00.001-08:00

Best. Present. Ever.

What's For Dinner: Bleu Cheese Salad

2011-12-19T17:29:00.000-08:00

It's time for another recipe! As you may have seen on Twitter, I officially have gestational diabetes again. Third time. I'm a veteran here. What that means is that I basically have diabetes until the baby is born, and I manage my glucose levels through my diet (The goal is not to have insulin if you can, and so far I've been able to do that). Managing through diet simply means that I eat a measured amount of carbs in each meal, so my levels stay even. I can still eat whatever I want, just so long as I stay within my limits.

So for instance, tonight I really wanted to eat some clementines. Because that's how I wanted to get my carbs, I needed a low carb dinner. Salad is great for that! And there are so many ways to make a salad filling. This is definitely NOT the healthiest salad calorie-wise, but it's packed with protein and veggies which equal nutrients. That's how I think of healthy. Here's the simple recipe, which you can adjust to the amount of people you're making it for:

Bleu Cheese Salad

Ingredients:

• Romaine Lettuce, chopped

• Red cabbage, chopped

• Carrot, shredded

• Cucumber, sliced

• Tomato, sliced

• Red onion, sliced

• Black olives, sliced

• Almond slices

• Cubed grilled chicken or chopped bacon (or both!)

• Bleu cheese crumbles

• Balsamic vinegar reduction

• Your choice Bleu cheese dressing

Directions:

• Clean, cut, chop, and slice all vegetables and place in a large bowl and toss.

• Cook bacon/chicken as desired. For the chicken, I do a simple grill with olive oil. I season the chicken with garlic salt, pepper, and italian seasoning.

• In a small pot, pour balsamic vinegar and set on medium heat. Bring to a boil and let it reduce until the liquid is syrup-like (a good indicator is if it nicely coats a spoon). Let reduction cool while assembling the rest of the salad.

• Divide salad into desired portions, add almonds, chicken/bacon, bleu cheese crumbles as you'd like. (You can also add croutons, but I don't because of the diabetes thing, obviously.)

• Lightly drizzle dressing and a couple spoons of the balsamic reduction over the salad. Serve and enjoy.

Simple, right? I'm all for simple. Cooking doesn't have to be complex to be good.

Think, Think, Think

2011-12-15T10:29:00.000-08:00

I wrote a novel earlier this year called House of Ivy and Sorrow. I'm quite fond of it, as are my crit partners who've read it, but there has always been an...issue.

That's the thing with first drafts, of course. They can't be perfect. I'm well aware. But the thing about this issue was that it was pretty important to the book, and I knew I hadn't hit the notes I wanted to. I knew there was something missing. I knew that the biggest revisions would be surrounding this one thing.

Problem was, I didn't actually know how to FIX it.

I could have gone in there and tinkered around, edited it a few times to see if I got closer. This time I didn't do that. House of Ivy, seven months later, is still essentially a first draft. I've cleaned up about 50 pages of it, but that's all before the Big Stuff that needs to change more drastically. For the first time in like...okay, ever...I just let the project sit, having faith that it would reveal itself eventually.

And it did! This month I've been thinking a lot about the book. Not making notes. Not rereading. Just thinking about it, about the issue, about all the different ways to fix it. Time is an amazing thing, because the perfect solution has presented itself, one I'm sure I wouldn't have thought of seven months ago.

I used to be afraid of time. If I let a project sit, the opportunities would pass me by. Or I wouldn't like it much when I came back. Or my voice would have changed too much to keep working on it. Well, I was wrong. My voice and writing always improves, but that's a good thing, and bringing that extra skill to a manuscript never hurts. When I take the time a book needs, I've never been disappointed by the results. Only when I've rushed have I found myself cursing hindsight.

I am SO excited about House of Ivy and Sorrow, especially now that I have those puzzle pieces I felt were missing before. I feel like I won't be going into the revision blind. I feel like I finally know how to make this book what I wanted it to be. And I'm so very glad I waited for that spark of inspiration, even if it took longer than usual to find.

All Day Q&A

2011-12-13T09:22:00.000-08:00

It's that time again! Ask me anything you'd like. It can be about writing or my books, but it definitely doesn't have to be. I know you are all dying to know which Korean dramas I'm watching and what I'm doing for my upcoming birthday, too. Or not. Whatevs. I'll be here all day. All questions asked before I wake up tomorrow (usually like 10 Mountain Time) will be answered.

Writing Beginnings Part 3: World Building

2011-12-12T12:58:00.000-08:00

Okay! Sorry for the little time gap in posting the rest of the series, but here we are! I think this might be the last one, unless I decide I have more to say. Who knows?

I think one of the hardest things to do in the beginning is get a reader settled in a world. Even writing contemporary, you still have to lay down a setting and world that makes sense and feels real, not like we're watching people on stage. The faster you can make a reader feel comfortable with your world, the easier it will be for them to get sucked into a story.

Setting

No matter what type of book you are writing, there's probably a setting. Maybe it doesn't play a huge role, or maybe the setting is almost a character itself. Either way, you need to make sure the setting is understood. Readers don't like to float in the nether too long—grounding a reader in your novel is essential.

So how do you do that? Well, there are lots of ways. There are also lots of way to confuse a reader, too. As with most things in writing, there needs to be a balance (which is why we spend so much time editing).

Focus on setting details that are "important." As a writer, we tend to know most everything about our novels, right down to what things look like. But that can also mean we might go over board in description. Now, don't get me wrong, having a lot of description isn't necessarily bad, but you have to think about what matters most. When you choose to describe something, you're saying that it has significance in some way. Be mindful of that. Describe what matters most to your characters, what stands out in the scene, what might foreshadow future events in the book.

Let's try a random example. Say you're describing a street lamp. This description can be either important or superfluous depending on your story. If it's just your ordinary street lamp, maybe it doesn't merit extra description, but what if it's your character's first time in a new city? What if she notices how bright the lights are in comparison to the country? Or how strange the craftsmanship is compared to where she is from? Then it might be something to signify to the reader that this place is foreign, a setting detail worth talking about.

Another major thing to always consider is what I call "immediate relevancy." (I will likely be repeating this in the other sections because it is that important.) When building a world, the information you give must always be needed at that moment, otherwise it has great potential to confuse or bore a reader. Like say you're talking about these weird street lamps when the MC has not seen one yet—instead of being interesting, it'll be, "Uh, what's with the street lamp conversation? Weird." You don't need to "prep" your reader for these uber weird street lamps, just mention them when they get there. In fact, you'd be surprised how littler prep a reader needs—trust that they will follow you just fine.

World Rules

Writers of fantasy/sci-fi/paranormal, etc. have a special task in building a world that is different from our own, and that world comes with rules the reader must understand, and hopefully understand quickly. If there is magic, the guidelines must be explained. If there are flying ships, there must be a feasible reason. If there's time travel, it has to be believable in that world. It can be a challenge to have a reader buy your world, to believe in it.

Again, here it's important to give information as it becomes immediately relevant. Listing off all the rules to the magic system in the first chapter just isn't going to cut it. First, it'll be boring, and second those rules will be forgotten because they'll have no significance to the reader yet. Not to say you can't have rules in the first chapter, but just like introducing characters, it should be a gradual thing.

If possible, showing the rules and world should be the go to. Don't just say "These are the penalties for using this type of magic." Show your MC losing her eyesight for a day because she cast a certain curse. That makes the world memorable and the rules clear.

But in this showing, you have to be careful to avoid the "As you know, Bob" pitfall. This is when characters explain things they should already know, and it's pretty obvious that it's being explained for the reader's sake only. It can be tricky to avoid these moments (and you'll notice a lot of characters are novices at something because it makes things easier to explain since you learn along with them), but doing so makes for a stronger beginning and a more authentic world/character set.

Backstory

Lots of people are afraid of backstory (Thanks to the criticism of the flashback, I think.), but no story is complete without at least a little. Stories don't happen in a vacuum, and no matter what your world is like, something happened before your story and something will happen after. Sometimes the things that happened before are a surprisingly vital part of the characters' current struggles, and you need back story to get across the full impact of your novel.

Again, I will repeat the importance of immediate relevancy. With backstory it is most important, otherwise readers will ask, "Why are you telling me this?" It has to be clear why, and usually then the reader won't even notice that you've stopped the forward motion to tell them about the past. I've seen very long passages of backstory that work just fine in novels because that information was essential to understanding either the plot or the characters' motivations.

But like most anything in a story, backstory can go awry as well. It's one of those things that we as writers can get carried away with if we're not careful. I personally try to use it sparingly; usually if you only use it when absolutely necessary, you won't go overboard. It shouldn't be an excuse to add extra detail—it should be used as a tool to move the story forward.

Ultimately, world building in the beginning should make a reader "comfortable" with your world. That's not to say that the story has to start off calm, only that world details should always be clear and concise and helpful to a reader. Confusion can be not only frustrating, but it can cause distrust in you as an author. If something doesn't make sense, or if an obvious question isn't answered, a reader loses faith. I wish it weren't true, but it is. Having a solid world, whether it's on a magical plane or in Clovis, CA, is an essential part to a solid beginning.

Now, that ends the series, but if you have any questions feel free to ask in comments. I'll be checking often.

Writing Beginnings Part 2: Introducing Characters

2011-12-08T08:33:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I talked about the bare bones plot every beginning has, and today I thought I'd go on to characters because I like them the best. For me, characters are what make a book unique, and they are a big factor in hooking your reader from the gate. As you saw, beginning plot is basically variations on a theme (event/choice that changes character's life), but that plot may not strike the right chord if the reader lacks sympathy for your main character (MC).

Tips & Pitfalls:

• TIP: When helping the reader get to know your MC, focus on what I like to call "universal human characteristics." This might sound boring up front, but what I mean is—focus on helping the reader understand your MC's fears, hopes, desires, etc. Desires can be especially endearing/sympathetic. If we know your character has always wanted to be a pilot, and that something is keeping them from that goal—bam—we're instantly rooting for them (and notice that will make for good future plot elements). These characters traits are what suck readers in because they can relate.

• PITFALL: Be careful not to give unnecessary information about your characters. If the MC has always wanted to be a pilot, but it has NO bearing on your story whatsoever, it will misguide the reader to care about something that doesn't get answered. Frustration will ensue.

• TIP: Save some information for later. Sometimes we feel like readers need to know everything about our characters the first time we meet them (Because how could a reader understand our story otherwise?). But really readers just need to know enough not to get lost. Trust them—readers are smart. Personally, when introducing new characters, I try to pick a few memorable things and leave the rest to the character's actions. Much more is said through how your characters interact than what you can say about them in an intro. Plus, saving info makes for great future plot twists. The beginning is for laying a foundation, not giving a full picture.

• PITFALL: The dreaded character soup. I tend to have large casts in my novels, and it can be tricky when introducing all the characters. The key is to do it gradually. Of course there isn't a right or wrong number, but personally I feel it gets confusing if you have more than three intros in one scene. Even then, they have to be very distinct characters so people don't lose track.

• TIP: Make characters stand out with specific, yet succinct, details. And not only in appearance, but in motives, beliefs, and attitudes. If your MC has three best friends and they all like cheerleading and watching the CW, I can guarantee you no one will really remember them. If you make one of them a raging environmentalist who constantly complains that they should have "green" pompoms and 100% cotton uniforms, I bet you every reader will remember her over the others.

• PITFALL: Don't get carried away in character building. This can be an issue for me, at least. While it's fun to have characters bantering back and forth and being funny, it's important that they are also always moving the plot forward. Characters shouldn't just be "hanging out." They need to be doing. Acting and reacting. Their conversations, interactions, and choices should contribute to a general forward motion and purpose.

Now, those are character specific tips/pitfalls, now I'll try to relate this to the plot information of last post. Every character has an arc just like the plot, and ideally the plot arc and MC arc are really quite intertwined. That's why your hero/heroine is the MC, after all. When talking about that "changing moment" and resulting choice all beginnings have, I'm talking about the MC.

But don't forget the other characters! If you want to breathe real life into your novel, take a look at those other characters. Do they exist for the sake of the MC alone? Are they plot devices? Or do they have their own lives? Of course their arcs aren't as large as the MC, but every character in a novel should be growing and making their own choices—not just choices that are convenient for the story, but real, logical choices. The events of your novel should have just as much impact on those characters (and their relationships with each other), and that impact should vary as much as people do.

Let's take a quick look at Harry Potter again. How does the beginning change the characters? Of course Harry is empowered—he's a wizard and feels important, though probably apprehensive and curious, etc. The Dursleys? Well, they change, too. They continue their cruelty and hatred of him, but they are more frightened of Harry and that alters things—he eventually gets a real room and everything. That event not only changed Harry, but them as well.

The web of characters and their reactions, motives, and relationships can get pretty overwhelming to keep track of, especially as you go along in a story, but that's part of what makes a novel sing. Real live characters—not just a vibrant main character—bring a story to life. Establishing those characters throughout the beginning is essential to building a story that readers can get behind.

Writing Beginnings: Part 1

2011-12-07T11:49:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since I've given out some writing advice, but recently I've been thinking a lot about beginnings. If there was one part of writing I would say I'm okay at, I would say it was beginnings. Not that I write a perfect beginning every time, it's just that "setting up a story" seems to be something my brain understands. Everything after that? Well, it gets a little shaky from there.

But I figured maybe I could share some of the ways I approach the beginning of a novel, some of the common threads in all beginnings, and also some of the pitfalls. Today I'll cover the plot aspect.

Part 1: Getting The Plot Moving

I've been told some writers get ideas for super awesome endings, and they have to write the rest of the book to get there, not really knowing what the rest might be. Well, I'm the opposite. I rarely know the climax of my books when I start. What I get is, essentially, a beginning. Something happens to my character that is like that first domino—it sets off a chain reaction.

This is a common denominator in every beginning ever written. Something changes for the main character. Some call it the Inciting Incident, but I'm not going to get too technical here. Look at any book and you will be able to find this change somewhere in the first, oh, 100 pages (though I personally think it should be WAY sooner than that, but I'm gonna be generous and consider genres with much bigger word counts).

I'll name a few that might ring a bell:

• A boy gets a curious letter from a giant.

• A boy gets a curious ring from an uncle.

• A girl falls down a rabbit hole.

• A group of siblings walk through a wardrobe into a strange world.

• A girl sees a beautiful, mysterious hot guy across the cafeteria.

• A girl watches her sister be picked for a horrible game.

Of course, the thing about that life-changing event is that a lot can be debated. I've seen actual fights over what the true Inciting Incident of Harry Potter is. Not even kidding. So maybe you don't agree with the changes I chose, but that's not really the point. The point is that there IS a change in your character's life—a significant one that puts them outside their comfort zone. Maybe an old lover shows up in town after ten years. Maybe an army burns down their home and kills their parents. Or maybe it's as simple as moving to a new place.

Stories are inherently a string of conflicts and choices, so when you're thinking of how or where to start a story, think of that moment where the dominos start toppling. That moment that takes your character from stasis to action.

Now, the changing moment is only half of the basic beginning plot equation. The other half is your character's choice. No beginning is complete until your character not just blindly reacts to the moment of change, but decides to DO something about it.

• Harry Potter decides to go to Hogwarts.

• Alice decides to eat/drink and goes through the door.

• Katniss decides to take Prim's place.

That decision, in my opinion, is the marker for the end of the beginning. It can happen a chapter in. It can happen 50 pages in. This is when you enter the middle territory, where your character goes through a series of try/fail as they live with their decision and try to accomplish their new goals. (This is usually where I stop writing and go, "Well crap, what now?" It never fails.)

Pitfalls in the plotting category are pretty straightforward—either you start too soon or too late. While it is important to establish the character's normal life pre-change, there is such a thing as too much. Of course, that depends on the story, and there isn't really a formula. But in TRANSPARENT, for example, I wrote a new first chapter because I started a little too late and had a bunch of backstory that could have been better explained in a scene than the way I did it. I've also started too early and had to cut first chapters.

You also have to be mindful of the gap between that changing moment and when your character makes their decision. Again, every story is different, but you can only drag out that choice so long. There's a point where it runs the risk of stagnating or frustrating the reader. On the other hand, a decision can be too hasty as well. Basically, it has to fit your story just right, and that can take some tweaking for maximum impact.

It sounds simple enough, right? Something big happens to your main character, and they make a choice about what to do. Well, let's not forget you have to do that while establishing setting, character, and backstory, not to mention laying the foundation for future conflict. SO EASY. Ha. I'll be talking about these issues throughout the rest of the week, so be sure to stay tuned!

I Have A Raging Inferiority Complex. Not Surprising, Right?

2011-12-06T10:37:00.000-08:00

I'm thinking it's about time for me to go on what my friend Renee calls a "Philosophical Journey." Like most people, I have some issues to resolve, and they need to be resolved before my book debuts.

Because if I'm being honest, I have a lot of very mixed feelings about TRANSPARENT.

But let's start way back in my life. Put simply, I was bullied. The reasons weren't always clear to me as a child. Sometimes it seemed to do with my being Mormon. Sometimes it was that I was smart. Sometimes it was that I wore my aunt's hand-me-downs and looked poor and scraggly. At one point it was because I liked a certain guy. Whatever the reasons, the message I got very early on from people was that I wasn't good enough. I was lesser. And because of that I didn't deserve friendship or kindness.

It hurt. I couldn't show that it hurt, of course, so I had to over compensate. I worked harder in school and became smarter. I poured myself into the few things I did feel like I was good at. I held on to my few friends with a death grip (though they always eventually left or I moved or whatnot). I acted like the toughest, strongest person I could in hopes that no one else would hurt me.

But I was already damaged. Nothing I did was ever good enough. If I didn't get the top score, I was humiliated. If I didn't get the award, it was proof that I still wasn't enough. I was second best. Below. Lesser.

This feeling was so intense that I couldn't even participate in sports. Losing made me feel more horrible than you can imagine—out of control, irrationally horrible. I had nothing resembling sportsmanship, and I was incapable of having fun doing something that could result in my losing. Thus, even though I was a pretty active child, I ended up gravitating to the arts. No clear cut winners or losers, for the most part. It was easier on my damaged mind to remind myself that the art show or essay contest was subjective.

All this to say I had a pretty healthy, if not thriving, inferiority complex growing up.

And every time I wasn't the best—which was often because of course you're not always the best—I fed that complex. "See? Second again. Never first. You will always be below. Why even bother trying?"

I stopped really trying. Not that I was failing classes, but by high school I never put my all into anything anymore. It was easier that way. Then I could say I didn't do my best, so of course I didn't win. I still did well. I even enjoyed with great humor that I was #29 in the top 30 of my class. That was me—the bottom of the overachievers. Good, but not good enough.

I'm not sure I ever really got over my inferiority complex, but it did lessen in college when I was on a bigger campus and it felt like everyone had their own thing. And it lessened again when I met my husband, who loved me so completely and unconditionally that I'd never felt like a more worthy human being. And once again when I had my first baby, and I marveled at what my body, which I had always taken for subpar, was capable of. I felt powerful after that. I really did.

I'm guessing that's why I started writing in earnest again after that. I'd stopped writing stories when I was 15, after a friend of mine read my stuff and gave me a look I knew said, "How do I put it nicely that I didn't like it?" Yes, it hurt so much I didn't try to write creatively until I was 22.

But I did start again, determined this time to keep going because it had always been a dream of mine since I was a little girl. I thought it was only fair to give that dream a try.

It all started out okay. I was stuck in my habits of not really trying, but I was learning and improving every day. And what was even cooler? The MORE I tried, the MORE success I saw. I think it was one of the first experiences in a long time where I saw marked improvement when I put in effort. Each book I wrote got better, and in turn got me more requests, which eventually led to an agent and being on sub.

Everything up to that point was kind of like healing for me. If I put in the work, I saw that I would get results. Maybe I wasn't the best, but I was getting better and maybe I could get there eventually.

Then 2010 happened. TRANSPARENT happened. I started writing the book in 2009, and I was determined to make this thing super, SUPER clean so my poor agent didn't have to go through so many revisions like he had to for my book on sub. Honestly, I probably fell into my over compensating ways again (aka: perfect way to set yourself up for failure). I went through at least four rounds of beta readers. I even asked a writer whom I greatly admired to read my work for the first time, and she agreed. I printed it out, went line by line. I read it out loud. I did absolutely everything in my power to make this book "perfect." I tried. Really, truly tried.

And my agent told me it should be completely rewritten.

I was devastated. Shocked. You mean all that work I did? It was that bad? My full effort still led to a complete failure?

Not to mention this all happened while my other book was failing on sub. TRANSPARENT was supposed to be my back up book, the one I could switch to quickly if my other book died. Now it was the book that was so bad I didn't even have a safety net. And worse, if it was that flawed, then surely all my other books were even WORSE. I felt like I had nothing. Was nothing. And back came the inferiority complex with a vengeance.

For reasons I still can't quite pin down, I did decide to rewrite TRANSPARENT completely, to the extent that at least 95% of the book was new words. I think maybe I felt like I couldn't write something new, because I'd probably just screw that up. I was obviously incapable of writing anything decent on my own (this is what my complex told me, at least).

Well, every page was...kind of torture. Each moment of rewriting that book was a reminder of my failure, of my inferiority. That year I watched friends debut while my book on sub finally bit the dust, thus cementing my failure more. I watched writers get agents, sell their books, AND come out in the time I was on sub. I had to say goodbye to my agent, who surely had to leave the business because he didn't sell my book and it was ALL MY FAULT FOR SUCKING SO MUCH. Literally the only thing that kept me going were my friends Kiersten White and Kasie West, who read each chapter as I wrote it and professed that it was really good, better than before.

I didn't believe them, but I knew I was messed up enough that I had absolutely no gauge of my own ability. All I could see was how horrible I was. How inferior. But I had to finish the "stupid book" because I had absolutely nothing to sub and a new agent waiting on me.

Well, this is epically long, so I'll cut the part where I had to go on medication for anxiety and depression. But it did get that bad. My inferiority complex almost consumed me whole, and I'm still healing from it.

So, truth be told, every time I get a crit for TRANSPARENT I have a panic attack. I have to fight these overwhelming feelings of pain and loss and inferiority. And yet at the same time, somewhere in all this I do know the book is good. I mean, it did sell, for goodness gracious! The work I did, like all the work I did before, ultimately paid off.

But it's still so very muddled. Even though I've had very positive feedback from my editor and from new readers, I still struggle seeing the book or myself as a writer as having merit. Heck, I can't even call myself an author and I don't know if I'll ever be able to. I find myself reading into things to MAKE them sound like others think the book is inferior, too. Sometimes, I'm so scared for this book to come out that I wish I never did this. Or I decide not to have a launch party. I just want to hide, hide, hide and not give anyone else the chance to decide I'm a loser and a horrible writer. I'm pretty good at doing that to myself.

I've been fighting back, baby step by tiny baby step. I know I can find the strength I once had again, hence the need for a Philosophical Journey. Writing hasn't been very easy since all this went down, but I have been writing. And you know what? Writing has been healing. Writing SIDEKICK in particular was my first step on the path back out of this.

I still have a lot of steps to go, but my goal is to be able to stand up at my launch and honestly say that I'm proud of TRANSPARENT, that it's a good book I love. I have like a year and a half to do that, and I think it can be done.

I guess today I wanted to tell you this because people often say bullying isn't that big of an issue. Well, I'm not proud of it, but I've dealt with the repercussions of others' cruel words my whole life. It did shape part of the way I see myself, and I have to fight to change that perception constantly.

Also, people always say you have to be a tough person to be a writer. Clearly, I'm not so tough. I cry a lot. You don't have to be tough to be a writer or any kind of successful person—you have to have endurance. In Japanese they say "Seven times down, eight times up," meaning you always get back up no matter how many times you get knocked down. You can't be so tough you won't get knocked down sometimes. Getting back up is what matters.

What You'll Really Get Out Of Blogging

2011-12-05T10:47:00.000-08:00

Lately I've seen several veteran bloggers come out of the woodworks with honest posts about how they're feeling these days. To sum up: A little fatigued, a little lost, and perhaps a bit disenchanted.

I so get this.

I have been at this blogging/online networking thing for over four years now (which is longer than Ninja Girl has even been alive), and I can certainly say that things have changed a lot in those years. Not necessarily in bad ways, just...it's different and change takes adjusting to. Let me try and give a little picture to what blogging was like back then (I say this as if it were eons ago, but hey, four years is a while in technology time):

• There was no followers icon.

• Google Reader and the like were fairly new and under used.

• The only way you could really tell that someone read your post was if they commented.

• You could guess your readership by one, slightly inaccurate method—Sitemeter (or similar services). (Now even Blogger gives you detailed stats of most-visited posts and keyword searches by week, day, month, and all time.)

• Twitter was practically brand new, and not very popular yet. Tumblr? Yeah, not around really.

• The easiest way to see if your favorite bloggers had updated was to have a link list on your site and click them obsessively all day in hopes of new content.

• The writers' corner of Blogland was much, much smaller, and most everyone was fairly new to it all.

• No one really knew what blogging would do for us or for our careers (Okay, hopeful future careers).

• But we all had very high hopes anyway.

I honestly get a little nostalgic for the "old days" of blogging. And I have high hopes that new bloggers out there are experiencing that high I did in meeting new people and learning new things. I know that they say blogging has taken a hit, since Twitter and other, shorter media outlets make it seem old and long-winded, but I still think there is a place for blogging. And I think it can be a huge help to writers.

But. There's always a "but," isn't there? For me, I think some of my blogging fatigue has come from facing the reality of what blogging can really do for you. Because while blogging has given me so much, it's not some magic wand that can give you all the things you want out of publishing. It can't give you the control over your career that we all so desperately crave. And now I think it's really important to be realistic about what a blog will do for you.

First of all, blogging can't make you a bestseller. It can't. Yes, there are popular bloggers that have become bestsellers, but it's not all or even much related to the fact that they have a blog. I know, I can't know this for sure, but as I've learned more about this business I've found that there's a lot that is completely out of an author's hand.

In reality, becoming a bestseller is a crazy lucky mash of things, especially for a debut. First it requires at minimum that your publisher labels you a lead title—which means they will print enough of your book to even get close to bestsellerdom. Throw in a perfect cover, good sales to chains and independents, not to mention big backing from their sales force, marketing on a national scale and probably tours, good reviews in visible outlets, high Amazon presales, Rick Riordan/another mega-bestseller not taking up 5 spots on the list, and on and on. Even then? Not often is it guaranteed.

Blogging and online presence is a drop in that bucket, but if you don't have the "big things" you can't magically make it happen (Of course there is still the luck factor, but it's rare as most luck is). There is, truthfully, a lot that is out of your control. And that goes for any writer, no matter what publishing path they take.

You may not be able to turn yourself into a huge seller, even if you are a fairly popular blogger, but that doesn't mean you have no impact. It's important to be realistic about this impact, though, so as not to be disappointed. Meeting people, putting yourself out there even if it is just online, surely will grab you at least a few more readers. That number is hard to nail down, but it will be MORE, and more is always good, right?

I honestly assume that less than half my blog readers will buy my book. Not because I think you are disloyal people who secretly hate me or anything, but come on—there are a lot of books out there! And mine is not for everyone. And money is tight these days. And and and. I will never be offended by someone not buying my book, because I also have to make that choice when purchasing and I can't buy or read all the ones I'd like to. That's just how it goes.

Visibility, not sales, is what we need to remember when we approach online activities, I think. We need to be aware that not every reader will buy our book, but maybe at some point they will. Or maybe someone that person knows will be looking for a book like ours, and they'll be able to recommend it because they KNOW about it.

If someone wants to know about me or my book, I'm here, you know? Just a Google search away. If not? Okay, that's fine. I feel like I'm doing my part at least, but I also know (now) that it's not necessarily integral to my overall success as a writer. (Which is why it's a myth that you HAVE TO blog to be a successful writer, and why I think you should do what's best for you and always make sure your writing comes first.)

So if you're here for sales, I'm afraid you might find blogging a little frustrating, as it is hard to gauge its impact. And honestly, I guess I can't say just how much my blog will impact mine, since my book is still a year and half or so from debuting.

But there are better treasures in this online community, I think, and going after those is what has made all this worth it to me.

Blogging didn't make me friends with John Green or Cassandra Clare or Sarah Dessen, alas. And the truth is, they'd probably still find me a little creepy if I sent them emails about how we should be best friends (No one likes to be told they should be friends with someone, it turns out.). But I have made a lot of friends over the past four years, and watching those friends find success has been one of the most rewarding parts of this process. I mean, if I can't have good news (and I did have a 2-year Good News dry spell), it's fabulous to be able to celebrate the triumphs of your friends. Friends that started out just as green as you. Friends that you've grown with as a writer. Their success is as sweet as my own, if not more (because I didn't have to go through their hard parts).

And the wealth of knowledge online! Man, it's insane what you can learn about writing and this business with just a few clicks. I can tell you that the majority of my writing "education" happened right here, through this blog and the blogs of others smarter than me. People frequently ask me if they should invest in writing classes, and I usually say no because there is SO MUCH right at your finger tips for free. Not that writing classes are bad, but if you're strapped for cash (as I am and might always be), this community is so helpful. The resources are everywhere. Crits are available at so many venues.

To me, this community has always been a place of learning, and I hope it continues to be so because that has been one of the most valuable things I've taken away from this experience. It's why I've tried to give back and hope to continue giving back, because I am grateful to all of you who taught me. I've put those lessons into my writing, and I can safely say that I found success through learning to be a better writer, and I couldn't have done that without you.

That's the true value of blogging right there. It's not the sales or the possible blurb connections or whatever—being online, participating in this community, finding crit partners, can make you a better writer. And that is the best and most lasting kind of success. What comes after that is all gravy.

Out Of Habit

2011-12-01T09:02:00.000-08:00

I'm extremely rusty on this whole working thing. After about 6 weeks of intense morning sickness, it's like I've completely forgotten how to be a productive human being. But I was feeling better earlier this week, so I started the edits I need to finish for my agent.

And then Ninja Girl and I got food poisoning. That was fun.

I don't know, I have a feeling it was like some kind of subliminal message my body was trying to send. "Don't work. Working sucks. Just keep being lazy and take many more naps. Forget the writing and housework and cooking. Sleeeeeeep."

It's so easy to continue being lazy. At least for me. This is why I try to continue working on something at all times. Sometimes people call me crazy or too driven or, heaven forbid, dedicated. But the truth is that I know the second I stop it's all downhill. Three months will go by and I'll have nothing to show for it.

I'm really not dedicated at all—quite the opposite. Now that I've taken such a long break, I guarantee you it'll take me a good 3-6 months to get back some momentum in the work department. If not more. Because I'm going to have to battle against the full force of my extreme laziness. I'll have to start with baby step goals, slowly building up my tolerance for lots of work. I feel like I'm back at the beginning of...something.

So I guess what I'm saying is that good habits are priceless, they don't take long to lose, and I hate that I lost mine. They sure take a long time to redevelop, that's for sure. It's the same with writing and cleaning and exercising and eating well, etc.

At least I know from past experience that it's worth it to get back in the habit. I always feel better when I have accomplished things, when I'm full of energy and life. Sadly, I've been weakened in just about every way in the last six weeks, but I'm looking forward to reclaiming some amount of strength and productivity. Heck, maybe I'll even find more things to blog about, now that I'm starting to be more coherent and stuff. Just what you hoped for, right?

Links That Made Me Think

2011-11-29T10:50:00.000-08:00

One thing I've always loved about the online writing community is that you guys make me think. I've learned so much from hanging out here for 4+ years. And since this morning turned out far more pukey than planned, I thought I'd share a few links I enjoyed while tucked in bed with my iPod.

First off, Kristan Hoffman has a lovely post about books meeting one of two goals: a book you want to read or a book people need.

I totally agree, and I think there's a particular sweet spot where you can meet BOTH. I think that might be why I'm so attached to SIDEKICK, which I just started editing yet again. It's a book I wanted to read AND thought might be useful for teens. No wonder I'm so passionate about it! I wish I could always meet those two in one book, but I think that's hard to do all the time. Both ends have great rewards, though, at least from what I've seen.

Second, Kirsten Hubbard posted a great article at YA Highway about Why Authors Disappear after that book deal comes.

Let's just say it totally resonated with me, since I am right there, flailing about in new waters and trying to figure out how to swim again. I worry constantly that people will be upset with me, when all my "issues" really have nothing to do with anyone but myself. I like to compare it to going to college—it's not that selling a book is a bad thing (Obviously it's good!), but it comes with a lot of new adjustments. I'm a freshman again. There's a learning curve, and I'm not exactly performing at the top of my class when it comes to figuring it all out. I really hope I find my comfort zone sooner rather than later.

And finally, Lisa Schroeder posted a really interesting article on her experience with Goodreads ads.

I must admit that Goodreads kind of freaks me out, and I have yet to join because I hear a lot of stuff about the mean reviews and such. But I really appreciate Lisa's positive outlook on the site, and her explanation that it really is one of the few bigger places for readers to gather. Why not take advantage of that? Maybe the pros do outweigh the cons. It was so cool to see that her one ad seemed to have some impact on her newest novel's visibility, and for the affordable price it really felt worth it to me. I might have to toss my fears aside and take the plunge into Goodreads sometime.

So there you have it. Thanks for making me think today, guys!

Storymakers! (And The Importance Of Asking)

2011-11-28T07:56:00.000-08:00

LDStorymakers is one of the biggest writing conferences in Utah. I have never been, but I have heard nothing but good things about it. They have fabulous guests, master classes, and an all around solid schedule of helpful courses. I can't tell you how excited I am to be team teaching two classes at the 2012 conference!

The line up this year is pretty amazing, with bestselling author Kevin J. Anderson being there, along with editor Molly O'neill, as well as agents Weronika Janczuk, Holly Root, Michelle Wolfson, and Kathleen Ortiz. And that's not all—Kiersten White, Jannette Rallison, Elana Johnson, and many other amazing authors will be teaching classes. It's like an awesome overload, and I'm still kind of floored that I'm even part of it.

The conference isn't until May, but I wanted to let you all know now because registration starts beginning of December and there is a cap on attendees (of 450). So please see the website for more information on classes and dates, and I hope to see you there!

***

Now, I wanted to talk briefly about the fact that I am actually teaching at this conference (with my dear friends Jenn Johansson and Kasie West) because it taught me an important lesson about how these opportunities really come about. I previously assumed that conference officials just extended invitations to those who they wanted to teach, but that's not entirely the case.

You CAN ask. And we so asked if it might be possible to present classes. We knew it was probably a long shot, since Storymakers is pretty significant around here and the three of us are 2013 debuts (thus we won't even have novels out), but we decided to give it a shot anyway. We contacted conference officials, they told us to write up a proposal for the classes we'd teach, and they'd let us know what they decided. So we did, and I figured, hey, at least we tried and it's okay if they don't take us. But they did! And it was exciting and awesome and all that stuff.

This was yet another reminder to me that this business is a lot about asking nicely and being okay if people say no. That aspect really never ends. Once you make it past the queries, you do that with editors. Once you make it past editors and get a book deal, you're asking for conference opportunities or bookstore signings or reviews or blurbs or, in reality, readers. And people still say no. Rather frequently, from what I've seen. And that's okay, because sometimes you get a yes, and you make the best of that yes and get excited about that yes and it always opens up more opportunities.

So don't be afraid to ask. In all honesty, you usually hear no a lot more than yes, but that's how it is for most everyone. Even most every published author that is not Neil Gaiman. You can't let the rejections stop you from asking, because you never know when someone will say yes and what that yes will do for you.

Japanese Ramen Escapades

2011-11-21T07:50:00.000-08:00

I've decided, as part of my "What new paths will my blog be taking?" meditations, that I want to share recipes and food on my blog. Now, I'm no gourmet chef or anything, but I love to cook and eat and try new things in the kitchen. But the thing is, I usually create recipes and then never write them down because I know how I made it. Then people ask me for a recipe, and I end up sounding snooty or recipe-hoggy when it's really that I eyeball amounts and do things to my taste.

So, all that to say I think writing down recipes for the blog could be a good way to keep track of my kitchen adventures, and maybe a few of you might enjoy trying them out. I know this has nothing to do with writing, but if you search this blog you'll find I've talked myself into a corner on that subject and it's time to throw a few other things into the mix.

Okay, on to the Ramen. I should have probably gotten more pictures of the process, but I wasn't planning to do this when I made it. Next time! I will get fancy like that.

To many Americans, ramen is looked at as this cheap food only fit for desperate times or college students. When we think ramen, we think blue package with dried noodles and powdered sauce thing. Poor ramen. In its native land this dish is a beautiful bowl of noodles served in all sorts of broths and topped with a variety of ingredients.

Mmm. Ramen. It's served spicy, mild, with pork or egg or both. It can come with onions or bamboo shoots or daikon or bean sprouts. It even comes cold in the hot summer months.

Alas, it's not easy finding Ramen like this where I live in Utah. I can't speak for the rest of America, but I'm willing to bet there are very few ramen houses here in general. And if your local Japanese place does serve ramen, it only comes one way.

So what do you do if you want some real ramen on a cold winter day? Well, in Utah you search out the one decent Asian market in the county, buy the ingredients you need, and make it yourself.

On to the recipe! (And disclaimer: This isn't like the be-all-end-all of how to make ramen. This is just how I made it, and I probably did stuff wrong and I know there are even better ways to make it if you have time to make the stock from scratch. But I liked how this turned out, and it was pretty easy.)

Ingredients (For the ramen at the top of post):

Broth:

• 3 cups water mixed with 1 1/2 tsp Hondashi (This is a Japanese fish broth stock, basically, and is the key to that distinct flavor you find in Japanese soups like miso, udon, and ramen).

• 3 cups vegetable broth (or chicken or pork, if you like)

• 2-3 tsp minced ginger

• 1-2 cloves minced garlic

• 1/3 cup soy sauce

• 1/3 mirin (or apple juice if you don't do alcohol [mirin is a Japanese cooking liquor])

• 1 tsp chili oil

• 1 tsp sesame seed oil

• Add all ingredients to a fairly large pot and bring to a boil.

Noodles:

• 3 Packs fresh "yakisoba" noodles. (These are about the same as ramen. I couldn't find fresh noodles labeled as ramen around here, but it may be different where you're at.) Wash these noodles under warm water until they are loosened, keep moist until ready to assemble.

• Dried, actual ramen noodles. (Not from a cheap pack at the store, though I suppose you could go that route if you wanted, but dry ramen you'd find at the Asian market. They are straight, not all crinkled.) Cook these noodles for 4-5 minutes in a separate pot of water, drain, keep in cool water until ready to assemble.

Toppings:

• 3-4 green onions, sliced

• 1 cup bean sprouts, rinsed

• 1 cup spinach, rinsed and chopped

• 2 shitake mushrooms, sliced

Assembly:

1. Get a large bowl, put desired amount of noodles in.

2. Ladle broth over noodles until they're covered.

3. Add desired toppings, submerging in broth so they cook.

4. Let rest a few minutes while vegetables get tender.

5. Devour.

Note: If you like more heat, I add a little sriracha to my bowl, but I make it fairly mild so my kids can eat it. You can also add any type of meat you like, but I make it vegetarian because my husband is.

Hope you enjoy it if you try it!

Happy Writers: Using What You Love

2011-11-18T09:59:00.000-08:00

My books are riddled with stuff I love. TRANSPARENT, for example, sprang from my love of "superpowers" and a childhood adoration of X-men. I always wondered what it might be like if the majority of people had genetic mutations, how that would change our world, if it would normalize them to some extent or create chaos.

That's not the only thing in that book that has my little Natalie Stamp on it, of course. Fiona has an intense love of freckles, which I've always adored. She loves Pop Tarts, and I might have been the President of the Pop Tart Club my sophomore year of high school (But she likes blueberry ones, which I've never cared for.).

And then there's the Taco Bell scene, which is based off my brother's amazing ability to consume food. And the community pool is taken straight from the one I went to as a child. There's even one character I named because I love that name and my husband hates it, so I knew I'd never get to have a child named that.

To get a little deeper, I've always felt invisible, and on more than one occasion I've wanted to really be invisible. So writing a character that was literally invisible was a kind of nod to that part of me that always felt unseen, unwanted, and lost.

I think sometimes as authors we are afraid to admit how much of ourselves goes into a novel because then we'd get accused of the dreaded Mary Sue Syndrome (If you don't know what that is, it's when someone claims an author has inserted themselves into the novel and the story is basically wish fulfillment). Well, today I'm here to say, so what? Yes, there are many pieces of me in my books—how could it be any other way? How could I make my work stand out without using my unique voice and interests? If I didn't write about what I liked, what I wanted to explore, what I wondered about, what I was most scared of, how could I find passion in my work?

No, my characters are not me, per se, but they are certainly created out of the things I find interesting. They inherit problems I have always wished I could answer. They sometimes have my passions, and sometimes they have passions I wish I had. And, yes, sometimes they like things I don't know anything about. Those characters are punks, making me research like that.

I write about worlds and topics that suck me in—whether that be ninjas, mutated crime bosses, witches out for vengeance, or just a boy who is tired of being second best to his best friend. I focus on the aspects of those worlds that I would care about. I develop worlds based on my own experiences.

I'm not sure how else to do this writing thing. To me, it wouldn't be fun if I took myself completely out of the book, and I have a feeling the book would be flat as a result. When I'm writing about things I like—whether it's an anime club or magic or linguistics—I am happy. More than anything, I've learned that enjoying writing is one of the most rewarding things a writer can experience. Everything else is tainted if you're not having fun.

Time Distortion

2011-11-16T12:17:00.000-08:00

How the heck is it already Wednesday?

No seriously.

Thanks to publishing, my concept of time has completely gone out the window. This is both a good and bad thing. On the one hand, I have trouble gauging when I need to get up and how much time it'll take to get my kids ready for school. It's usually a hectic whirlwind in the morning. And then there's the fact that I promised to beta a book in a week, and it's Wednesday and I have read all of two pages. I generally forget events that aren't immediately important, like church activities or book signings or really anything that requires me getting dressed. Then people are like, "Where were you?" And I stare at them blankly, desperately trying to remember where I was supposed to be.

Things just come up too fast! They're over before I can remember to make a big deal out of them.

Maybe it's the sleeping. I swear I sleep like 16 hours a day. I'm like a cat. Sleep, eat, whine. Sleep, eat, whine.

But there are good things, too. Like the fact that the six months until my due date sounds SUPER short now. I remember when six months sounded like an eternity. When I first started writing, heck, I thought you could get published in that amount of time! Now I'm like, "Six months? Oh, that's right around the corner. A year? That's SOON."

I used to wonder if that restlessness would ever go away, if I'd ever find a measure of patience. I wouldn't say I'm totally zen, but I have come to accept publishing time. That's a miracle, considering I spent many years determined to hurry the process along—essentially trying to rush a glacier down the mountain. Or something. That's a horrible comparison.

I'm such a good writer.

Anyway, I don't know what I'm trying to say here. Maybe that for the first time in...okay for the first time EVER, I'm not in any rush. And it's nice. And I'm wondering why I spent so much time running around frantically and trying to force things to go faster. And why did I sink all that time into querying instead of honing my craft? And why did it take me so long to realize making my writing better was the only way?

Oh, so much hindsight up in here lately. Funny how that works.

Happy Writers: Getting Lost

2011-11-11T17:14:00.000-08:00

Obviously I love stories. I'm sure we all do. There is nothing like being completely swept away in a story. Whether it's in a book, comic, video game, TV, or movie—whatever it may be—that feeling is one of my most favorite parts of being a human being and a writer.

Getting lost in them has been a past time of mine since I was a child. I would absorb stories and take them outside to play with. I remember reading about Narnia and searching for portals everywhere I could think. After hunting down Carmen San Diego on my computer, I'd play that with my friends, make clues, red herrings, villains and everything. I'd act out The Oregon Trail. Heck, I even convinced my friends to summon Captain Planet. And there was that one time, after seeing Fern Gully, that I convinced my brother the tree out back was bleeding and we had to save it.

It's hard to put into words what I've gotten out of stories all these years, but I know they are good things. Stories have given me courage, understanding, hope, sympathy, knowledge, respite, joy, peace, and something more to reach for.

I try to absorb as many stories as I can from as many different places as I can, and when I get lost? It's all the better.

Right now I'm drowning in a Korean drama called Boys Over Flowers, which is classic teen drama in every way possible, but somehow the most engrossing thing ever. Seriously, thing series could be on the CW and feel right at home (except it's MUCH cleaner, and yet manages to maintain a level of intense drama).

Boys Over Flowers was an extremely popular show, I've come to learn. In the height of its production, the show garnered 30% of TV viewers in Korea, which is HUGE. And it's not just Korea. The story is originally from a Japanese manga, which then was adapted for anime, and THEN a live-action in Japan. Then Korea snagged it. And Taiwan. That's some serious success.

What this show has taught me is that the "cliches" can work. We tend to criticize certain tropes in novels, but now I wonder why when they can be so effective. Is there an average girl from average circumstances? Yes. Is there a love triangle? Oh yes. A bad boy and a sensitive, good one? Yup. A sweet best friend? Mean Girls? Fighting turned affection? Yes, yes, and yes. And I am totally eating it up.

I love how engrossed I am, too. So there.

As storytellers, I think sometimes we can get a little story-fatigued. They all start to look the same or something. So when it truly hits us, it's even more of a treasure, and I've learned to appreciate those moments wherever they come from. And trust me, they often come from the unlikeliest of places.

Of course, the best thing of all is getting lost in my own stories. I gotta admit it doesn't happen as often as it once did, but the moments when I'm living and breathing my stories are intoxicating. They keep me going when times get hard. Right now, though I can't really work as I'd like, I'm craving that feeling. I want to dig into one of my stories and write and explore and make something that, I hope, other people can get lost in, too.

The Truth Is...

2011-11-07T09:53:00.000-08:00

Usually in November I do a NaNoReaMo (Natalie Novel Reading Month) thing to catch up on my massive TBR pile, but if you've noticed so far I've written all of one post in November. It wasn't about reading.

You see, I'm being honest with myself—the chances of me reading anything this month are extremely low. Heck, the chances of me writing anything this month are extremely low. Or editing. Okay, I probably will be doing very little to make myself a useful human being.

Because I'm sick. All day long. But don't worry! I want to be sick, and I hope I remain sick for a few more weeks. Yes, yes, if you haven't figured it out by now, I'm going to have a baby.

I don't usually talk about my family on this blog, but I'm very excited. I love, love, love my family. My kids are beautiful and the most important of everything, even when they render me useless on the work front. Or maybe especially when they do.

So if you will excuse my sparse posting and correspondence, I would very much appreciate. Horrifyingly enough, I can honestly say words make me nauseous right now!

The Price Of Putting Monetary Value On Your Creative Work

2011-11-02T10:10:00.000-07:00

This is one of those things I probably shouldn't talk about, which means OF COURSE I can't stay away from the topic. This is kind of how I write, too. Is it unmarketable? Weird? Genre-bending? Sure! That's what I'll write!

Since having sold TRANSPARENT, there have been a few things about being a future published writer that have thrown me for a loop. One of those things was the mental/emotional impact of having a price tag put on my creative work.

Now, I know that every writer dreams of being paid for their words. I certainly dreamed of it! To have someone care enough about your work to publish and pay you for it? Very cool. Surreal. All that stuff. I'm not saying it's this awful thing, just that it has had more of an impact on me than I ever thought it would.

I'm going to get a little honest here, only because I feel like it would help people understand more how it feels. I really don't like talking about this because it probably comes off ungrateful, but I do want to give you the reality of things.

So, the truth: I have a lot of friends who have sold novels or who are published. And of those I know well enough to know numbers, I got one of the smallest advances. BUT, on the other hand, I got an advance. I'm very well aware that most small publishers or those who are self-published don't get such a luxury, even when that luxury is on the modest side. I also have friends who put money into their work and are still waiting to break even. In the end, I feel like I'm kind of in the middle of the spectrum, and right now I am happy with it all.

Except I wasn't always happy, if I'm being honest.

Because something weird happens when you first get your deal—all of the sudden you are hyper-aware of everyone else's deals. And you know what? In my case a lot of those deals where more "noteworthy" than mine. In some other cases, I imagine writers notice that their deal is getting more attention than they ever imagined. Sometimes, I bet a deal is just glanced over as another on the list.

The comparing begins in a new and horrible way.

You start to read into everything. This writer got three books, that one only one, that one sold in a significant deal, that one sold world rights, that one retained rights, that one got their deal announced in the bigger outlets, etc. and so forth.

The money makes things...weird. In our culture, we're so used to seeing price as equivalent to value. An expensive car costs more because it is nicer—it has more features and luxury than a less expensive car. A nicer piece of clothing costs more because the fabric is finer, the stitching is better, it is more tailored, etc. A more expensive restaurant has better food, rarer ingredients, more seasoned chefs, better service, and on and on. So logic would follow that a novel bought for a million-dollar advance is better than a novel bought for a fifteen thousand-dollar advance, right?

Okay, so we know that's not necessarily true (because art is art and value is not often equivalent to price), but this can be what it feels like at first. You can't help but ask:

Why?

Why is my book only worth this much, when that one is worth ten times more?

Why is that author getting so much marketing, when I'm getting half that?

Why does that book get co-op, and not this one?

Why why why? (Hint: There aren't any real answers. At least not satisfying ones.)

All those whys can lead to some pretty disconcerting realities AND illusions. It's easy to feel like maybe your work isn't as good as someone else's, or maybe that your publisher doesn't value you as much as they do another person. It can start to feel like the work you care so much about and put so much time into has been predetermined to fail before you even get started. And you start to associate that number with the value of your book, with its projected success, and maybe even your worth as a person.

Then there's the flip side, which can be equally as scary, though I think people tend to down play it. Say you DO get a big advance—that means you have an incredible amount of pressure on you. And in some cases a huge amount of what I will call "survivor's guilt." I have seen this pressure on friends. They ask themselves why they got so lucky when another's work they adore isn't seeing success. They worry people will say, "They paid HOW MUCH for this?" Because seriously, how can you live up to such high expectations at times? Add to that the pressure of wondering if they will ever earn out their advance. Yeah, those advances might look pretty, but the truth is some authors don't earn out, and that will be viewed as a bad investment. And those who do earn out? It takes years. Years of hoping and worrying and pressure that affects the way they write and live. Not to mention not seeing a single bit of royalty in all that time.

And to the small or self-publishers, there is still this pressure and worry about value. More than that, I've seen my self-published friends stress over how much to sell for, if they could be making more money if they only tried harder. It's all in their control—why can't they make it happen? What are they doing wrong? Nothing, of course. But the doubts are there. Doubts seems to follow every writer I know.

But the truth is, if you got an advance, your publisher took a risk on you. Heck, even if you didn't get an advance. And that intrinsically implies that they believe in your book and are realistically invested. They want to make a profit—no matter the book. And publishers don't buy books they don't believe in. Trust me. They go through so many steps to acquire a novel, it's crazy to think they don't care about it just because of the monetary aspect.

The money? Let's be real about it. It reflects a lot of things, but artistic value is not one of them. You can't really put a monetary value on a piece of art. Yes, if you get an advance, it does represent a publisher's estimation of how much they hope your book will sell. It can be a measure of how marketable your book may be. But it's all guess work. And on top of that, in most cases it's a very modest number because they WANT to make back their money and then some. Unless they have to pull out the big numbers to get a book (as in a pre-empt or auction), the offers will be average and safe and sure bets. There is nothing wrong with that. It's a good thing for you to be able to make back your advance.

So I will fully admit to getting a little caught up in the comparison battle earlier this year, and it was just awful. I felt like a horrible human being for being so petty, and I felt like a horrible writer for no reason. For awhile, I did let the money get to me, and I'm glad that I've pulled out of that because it's not a fun place to be. Because you want to be grateful and you know you're lucky and yet there's this ugly place deep inside that doesn't feel that way at all.

Well, what got me out of that was finding the value in my own work again—regardless of the money. When I was a noob, I used to say all the time that I wouldn't care about the money. That I'd be happy with anything as long as I got to share my work. It was...humbling to find myself a liar when things came down to it. I've had to do a lot of soul searching to understand my reactions and to discover how to change them.

The more I search, the more I learn that getting back to the basics always helps me. Writing what I love, regardless of market or money or genre. Improving what I write the best I can. Loving what I write and where I'm at. Treating it all like a journey with friends instead of a competition. Writing for the sake of writing. Sharing with joy instead of dread. All that good, pure stuff.

The money doesn't have to mess with you. It might be hard to get past at first, but it's possible and so much better when you do. Your work is valuable and worthwhile, no matter what the price tag ends up being.

Halloween Treat. Or Trick.

2011-10-31T08:28:00.000-07:00

I figured since it's Halloween I'd share a little treat. Or maybe you'll think it's a trick. Whatever. Sometimes I get ideas that I lose interest in fast. I don't know why, but I'll pound out a few hundred words, and then my excitement fizzles in the realization that if I were to keep going I'd have to, like, WORK. This is one of those ideas. But who knows? Maybe it'll go somewhere eventually:

If I weren’t already dead, I’d be dying of boredom right now. The old woman “sleeps” in the hospital bed, her face pinched in discomfort. This has been her expression for the last four days. Her family members think she’s exhausted from the disease, but the truth is she just doesn’t want to look at me, her angel of death.

Reaper, technically. Death gets so worked up when his minions are confused for him. I figure it’s his own fault for not doing the dirty work, not that I’d say that to his face.

“Erline…” I say softly, trying not the rock the chair I’ve inhabited for too long. Don’t want a passing nurse to notice. “It’s not so bad. I promise.”

Her lips scrunch together.

“I’m telling you, you’ll like the Underworld. Once you get past the three-headed dog, it’s quite pretty.”

She raises an eyebrow.

I prop my feet up on the bed. “Okay, there’s not really a dog, but I wasn’t lying about the pretty. My favorite are the lavender fields, always in bloom and the most intense purple.”

Still no answer. I hate when they’re stubborn like this—it only makes it worse. “Look, do you want me to level with you? You have two choices in this: take my help or not. If you do, passing is a breeze, like walking from one room to another. If you don’t, it hurts, a kind of agony I cannot describe but promise I know all too well. And if you decide to haunt relatives, I’ll be forced to drag you there the hard way. You really won’t like the hard way. It involves chains and tiny, uncomfortable urns and…punishment.”

Like being stuck as a hospital Reaper.

Q&A Day!

2011-10-27T11:26:00.000-07:00

Hey guys! It's about that time again. Feel free to ask whatever you'd like—I will answer as soon as I can, which is usually within 15-30 mins if not sooner. And since I'm starting so late in the day, I'll answer questions asked tomorrow as well. Lucky you! Or something.

Step It Up

2011-10-21T13:52:00.000-07:00

Today is supposed to be a Happy Writer day, and while I think this topic is integral to ultimate happiness as a writer it's not a fun or very...inspiring topic. It's the hard truth, and it's this:

It is extremely hard to break into publishing, no matter the route you take.

And worse, it's getting even harder.

And chances are, you are...not good enough yet.

Ouch, ouch, ouchity, ouch. But there it is, I said it. I said it because this is a realization that, as hard as it is to face, every writer must face it at some point.

My "Come To Jesus" moment was around March 2009. I'd sent my partial to Nathan Bransford and he totally asked for the full. I thought I was Big Stuff. I thought I must be freaking brilliant. I thought I'd have a deal by the end of the year for sure (Note: Actual deal happened April of 2011, so...majorly delusional).

What I got was a very long email. An email that was actually 9 or 10 pages long, not double-spaced, when I printed it out. It started something like, "This story is great! But..." And then for pages Nathan proceeded to tell me every single possible issue with my novel, from character development to plotting to prose to theme to world building. EVERYTHING.

I'd never had a crit like that before. I had faithful crit partners, who kindly pointed out issues with my books, but nothing like that. I mean, he layed it all out, and clearly, too. There was really only one conclusion to be drawn—I was not a good enough writer.

That is the simple truth. I was not good enough! I had NO IDEA that I was missing so much, that I was so far from the mark.

It was like getting dumped in a tank of cold water, this realization. How had I dared query when I was still so lacking? How had I dared to think I was ready to be published at all? All of the sudden I could see clearly just how much further I had to go, and that maybe I wasn't taking this whole writing thing as seriously as I should have.

That was the first time I really looked at my work critically. Sure, I pretended to be all serious about editing before that, but honestly I had no clue what I was doing. And my story was awesome! It unfolded organically, and surely that is how it should be so nothing could be wrong with it unless it was a difference of opinion (*hangs head*).

As cheesy as it sounds, my eyes were opened. There was a big gaping hole in my novel, and I could either try to fix it or give up. Obviously, I kept working. But I wanted to point out this moment because it was a major turning point in my journey towards becoming a better writer (note I said better writer, regardless of the publishing outcome). I improved greatly when I found a crit group, and then again when I worked with Nathan, who had more skill than I did and could push me that much further.

And, boy, did I get pushed. Do you know what I got after I finished all the revisions in that 10 page email? ANOTHER 10 page email. And another. Okay, and one more before I got signed...and another after. All on one book. I don't call it Writer's Bootcamp for nothing. I think Nathan was smart, to give it to me in pieces, so he didn't completely overwhelm me and my newbiness.

Ever so slowly, over the process of about nine months, he turned me into a good writer, not just one with a lot of good story ideas and potential. And I will be forever grateful for this investment in me, because he didn't have to do it and he did anyway.

I think every writer needs to have this kind of moment—this "Oh crap, so I'm really not good enough what do I do NOW?" realization. It sucks, but it's the beginning of the next leg in the journey, the leg that is SO MUCH BETTER because you start to see the results you've been wanting for so long. Sure, it may take a couple more years (it did for me), but the improvement is measurable and continued. Stuff clicks. It's at once trying and triumphant, as you see just how much further you can push yourself as a writer.

In the end, I guess what I'm saying is to keep pushing yourself and seeking out ways to improve. Never assume just because you got to a certain point that you have it made—there is always, always room for improvement. And right now, when things are so tough in the business all around, you can't afford to stop pushing for better. The competition is stiff. If you're on sub right now, you know that better than anyone. Gone are the days when you could get away with a good idea and decent writing. Everyone has a killer idea. Everyone's writing is getting better and better quality by the second. If you don't meet the mark, the stark truth is that there are thousands of others who do, and their books will be bought instead.

So step it up. Never stop pushing for that next level. Take writing and revision seriously, and be honest about the state of your work. If it's not where it needs to be, take it there.

Caught Red-Handed

2011-10-19T09:25:00.000-07:00

After years of strange happenings on our computer, I finally caught proof if the culprit. I knew our house was infested with mini-ninjas, but the exterminators refused to believe me.

My guess is they were just scared.

Getting rid of computer ninjas is nigh to impossible, especially the mini version. I suppose all we can really do is leave out cookies and hope he doesn't wipe the hard drive.

Smelling The Roses. Or Whatever.

2011-10-17T09:38:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking a lot. About myself, about how I've handled things over the last five years I've been pursuing writing. And lately, publishing hasn't felt as important as it used to. Lest ye get all up in arms (Like I've said I hate arms!), let me explain.

I was WAY obsessed.

Driven is not a strong enough word. Maybe more like desperate. My desire to be published trumped everything in my life, and thus everything got out of whack. I didn't really know it at the time, but I put all my feelings of self-worth into publishing. I put all my energy into it, at the detriment of other things. Sure, I would say that I was fine if I never got published, and sometimes I even convinced myself to believe it. I wanted to believe it, because I knew that's how sane people should feel and I wanted to be sane very much.

Can we say denial? Inside, it felt like I would never, ever be happy if I didn't sell a book. If I couldn't succeed at this, then I would be settling. If I wasn't a writer, any other path would be meaningless.

Talk about dramatic.

Honestly? Selling a book didn't make me happy. Oh, it did for a second, but then I was right back to my destructive, self-loathing ways. Except this time it was obvious that it was MY problem, because I'd gotten what I wanted and I still wasn't happy. In fact, I was kind of miserable, and I felt horrible for being miserable, and I wanted to know WHY I was so miserable.

I wish I could tell you I had all the answers, but I'm still figuring it out. A big part, I think, was the hope I'd lost. I'd become a pretty negative person, and I'm still working on grasping that hope again.

I think another big part of the misery came in Watching The Clock. I wanted things to happen NOW, or at least fast. I had no concept of just how slow publishing is—and that it's actually a good thing. More and more I'm learning that time improves a story. You see things. You grow. The story grows. But I wanted my books out NOW. I didn't understand that Too Early can cause far more regrets than waiting.

I now shudder at the thought of TRANSPARENT's earliest drafts, before the rewrite. At the time, I honestly thought that was how the story should go. I believed it should be published the way it was. It wasn't until maybe the 8th draft that I realized a thread I was missing—a thread that ultimately made the book what it is today. If I hadn't had that time to think and reflect on what I really wanted my novel to be, I know it wouldn't have been as strong as it is now.

But at the time I didn't have that perspective. I just wanted to get there. It wasn't so much about making the book amazing—it was about making it good enough as fast as I could so someone would just BUY IT already. That, I think, ultimately had the opposite effect: it slowed me down.

I...was putting publishing before the book.

That sounds kind of weird, but I hope it makes sense. In a lot of ways, I stopped caring about writing. You could even say I hated it, because it was this thing I couldn't seem to master, and my apparent incompetence was in the way of getting The Deal. Ha, that sounds so stupid, but it feels true. I was so turned around that writing became the enemy.

Oh, 2010, I'm so glad you are behind me.

Things started to turn around for me when I put stuff back in the right priority boxes, and when I began to focus again on The Writing and not so much on The Publishing. When it wasn't so much about how fast I could write but instead about how well. When I told the stories I wanted to tell, regardless of how marketable they'd be. Basically, I started acting like an unagented, unpublished writer again.

And that's really the secret to this whole game. It always comes back to the writing. Yeah, I have an agent. Yeah, I have a book deal. But that doesn't mean my next novel will sell. It doesn't really guarantee anything. When I write, I have to write like I always have—as if I've got nothing to lose, as if no one's looking over my shoulder, as if it's all just for fun and yeah it'd be cool if something came of it but that's not really why I write.

If you can, try not to lose sight of that. It's not fun. Enjoy telling your story, exploring it, making it better. Take your time. Create, don't manufacture. Forget about the race and do what you do. Everything else has a way of working out whether you stress about it or not.

(And having written this on and off over the course of three hours, I really hope it's coherent. If not, oh well.)

Monkeys & iPads

2011-10-13T09:20:00.000-07:00

So today I asked twitter for a blog topic. This can be a dangerous thing, guys, but my brain is mush and I figured it could be an interesting, interactive experience. Maybe I'll keep it on as a new feature (aka: a new way to be lazy).

Matt Delman was the first to reply, and he requested monkeys.

The first thing I thought of was this news piece on orangutans using iPads. I know, right? It's kind of cool to think this technology could help animals have a better quality of life. Oh, Steve Jobs, did you know you'd be helping monkeys?

But then I can't help thinking, dude, a monkey can use an iPad. That's one seriously user friendly interface. Like, what if there's someone out there who can't figure out an iPad? Hmm. Except I doubt that, because my toddler could use it just fine as well. It's basically the most accessible computer EVER.

Even a monkey could use it! Haha.

But accessibility is an interesting thing, because it gives the illusion of expertise. Just because a monkey can use an iPad doesn't mean that monkey knows much about computers, networks, and technology in general. My husband is in tech support, and I can't tell you how many times he comes home frustrated about people claiming they KNOW HOW TO USE COMPUTERS (I use caps because I imagine them saying this in a very loud voice.). And yet here they are calling tech support, because their website isn't working like they want it to. Hmm.

See, the thing is, computers have become kind of like the English language to people. You hear it all the time—I KNOW how to speak English, so of course I know how to write. People think just because they can use Word, email, and Facebook that they know how to work a computer, when really it's those clever programmers who've made computer technology accessible enough that the average person CAN use a computer without having to deal with code and databases and networks and whatever else (I don't actually know—but at least I KNOW that I don't know.).

So I don't know what I'm really saying here. Don't be the monkey with the iPad? Don't confuse accessibility for real understanding? Hey, it was a random topic, we're lucky I got this far sounding moderately intelligent.

I guess if we're going for the writing bent I could say that knowing how to speak English is like being a monkey with an iPad (oh dear, that sounds both hilarious AND insulting). I mean, just because you can talk doesn't mean you have a complete mastery of writing and storytelling. There is much, much more to it, as I'm sure most of you clearly understand. And yet the irony there is that we as writers must make our novels accessible to even the monkeys among us, especially in genre fiction.

I suppose that's why people are always saying, "I could write that better. Writing isn't that hard. Even a monkey could do it!" They've made the same mistake some make with computers—they've confused accessibility with true knowledge.

Or something.

That was fun. We'll have to do this again sometime.

Happy Writers: On Hope

2011-10-11T08:21:00.000-07:00

From the dictionary:

Hope:

1. n. The feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best.

6. v. To look forward with desire and reasonable confidence.

I've wanted to write a post about hope for a long time, but every time I attempted it didn't come out right. Probably because I didn't fully understand how I felt about hope at the time, and I think now I'm starting to.

I had a lot of hope when I first started writing. You might even say more hope than a newbie writer ever should have. I will fully admit to daydreaming about being on the Today Show for my awesome future books, being a bestseller, winning awards, everything. At that point, it felt like everything was in my grasp if I just kept reaching.

And, well, it was true. I didn't know what my publishing road would hold, and who was to say I was aiming too high?

So I started with an extra full tank of hope, a lot of misconceptions about publishing, and an old school edition of Writer's Marketplace. I quickly learned that an agent might be a good idea, and a Google search or two taught me about them and query letters. I wrote one, had a friend who had never tried to publish (but he was a writer!) read it, and sent it to five poor agents.

All rejections.

That hope tank dropped a little. Not much, mind you, it was just five rejections, and I had no I idea then just how low I could get. But it was my first moment of doubt—the opposite of hope. Could I really do this? Was I kidding myself?

I bounced back pretty quickly, though. I wrote a new book. I found crit partners. I did more research and made a longer list of agents. I started blogging in sincerity. I turned my remaining abundance of hope into action, lots and lots of action.

But I kept failing.

I'm not proud of it, but those failures *did* chip away at my hope. As the years passed, as the books in my vault piled up (to TEN before I signed with an agent), as I watched friends find success, I slowly stopped believing in myself and my dreams. And then I did get an agent, but my novel sat on submission for fifteen months going nowhere. I am not kidding when I say I was one step away from walking away last year. I had so little hope in myself and my work that it didn't seem worth it anymore.

Trying to publish over the space of three years got me a heavy helping of depression and anxiety and pressure. The waiting chipped away at my lofty dreams day by day. I hated my hope. I attempted to blot out any shred left in me. It was hope's fault—if I hadn't had such high hopes to begin with, I wouldn't be in so much pain. I felt like such an idiot, chasing dreams I couldn't make come true. I'd fallen for the lie of hope, fallen for believing I could be more, fallen for reaching something I could never attain.

Then I was given the perfect out—my agent was leaving the business! If there was any time to leave, it was then. My sub project was basically dead in the water. I despised my WIP. And I didn't have to take Agent Anna's offer. I was off the hook, basically handed a Get Out Of Jail Free card on a golden platter.

But even then, a little niggling hope remained.

The hope I thought I despised was still there, despite my best efforts to murder it, and it said, "One more time. One more book. Keep trying. You can do this." I tried to ignore it, but it worked inside me. "Stop ignoring me. Stop putting yourself through unnecessary pain. I am not your enemy."

I didn't quite believe its claims, but one more try sounded reasonable. I was almost done with revisions on TRANSPARENT. I could stick it out another six months, and then if it didn't work out I could definitely say I gave it my all.

Well, it sold. It wasn't the Big Lofty Dream Deal. I know I won't be on the Today Show or the NYT Bestseller list. But the dang book sold! Hope was right, dangit, even if it took longer than I thought and didn't happen how I fantasized. I kept reaching, and eventually I grasped what I'd always wanted.

Strangely enough, though, my hope was still low. Heck, I'm still working on fighting the constant doubt and fear.

But I've learned something lately—hope was never the problem. All these years I've been blaming hope for all my pains, when really it was the loss of hope that caused my pain. When I faced rejection or setbacks, I hate to admit it, but I let them get to me. I set aside my hope for success and let doubt creep in, with its bosom friends frustration, bitterness, and impatience. The more time that passed, the more I allowed myself to hang out with doubt and feel sorry for myself.

I handled waiting in every possible wrong way. And the truth is, it's those times, when nothing is happening and you are just living normal, boring life, that you become the person you are. The Big Moments are just moments, and depending on how you handled the rest of the time either sweetens or embitters them.

Some people might say hope is foolish—I certainly would have said that last year—but it's a necessary part of the human spirit. Hope, reaching for more than now, more than we are, is what makes us grow and flourish and find happiness in an otherwise painful existence. I don't think I ever reached true hopelessness, but I did get close enough to put the fear in me. It was prison, pain, and a kind of despair I wouldn't wish on anyone.

And I was the one who put myself there.

Never let go of hope, no matter how foolish it may seem. It is hope that will get you through the worst of times. When you're one step from falling into an endless pit of darkness, it will whisper, "Keep trying. It'll work out. I believe in you." Don't listen to doubt, frustration, bitterness, or impatience. Listen to hope. It might feel like it will hurt you, but really it's the other things that are killing you.

My newest goal is to be hopeful, in everything I do. After a couple years of doubting myself at every turn, this isn't easy, but I can feel the weight lifting already. I hope it continues.

Happy Writers: Finding What Works For You

2011-10-07T13:14:00.001-07:00

NOW I'm officially done with edits! I sent them off to my editor and everything! Eep. I am mostly excited and mildly sick at the thought.

BUT, I wanted to point you guys to a wonderful series on non-traditional publishing avenues on Sarah Lapolla's blog. My friend Michelle was featured today, talking about her experiences in both self-publishing and small press.

I truly believe there is a publishing path out there for everyone, and that all of them hold success and happiness if they're the right fit. I really hope in these changing waters that we can make room for everyone and enjoy the many ways we can get our stories out there, and that we can respect each person's personal choice in how they do that.

The Casual Vegetarian

2011-10-06T08:24:00.000-07:00

I don't think I've ever talked about this before, mostly because it's one of those things people tend to get all up in arms about. I don't like dealing with arms. It stresses me out. But I do want to talk about this, since it's become something I feel is pretty important.

It all started when I was pregnant with Dino Boy. For the most part, I had an easy pregnancy, which I was grateful for since I still had a semester of college to finish. At around 28 weeks I went in for the glucose test everyone has to take. I'd read about gestational diabetes, but I never thought I'd end up having it. I didn't have any of the risk factors—I was young, I wasn't overweight, I didn't have a family history.

Well, my glucose levels were so high that they didn't even bother with the three-hour test. Something like 194, when you're not supposed to be higher than 130 after a meal.

It was...a shock.

I was upset. I felt like I'd done something wrong, and I was scared as all get out, thinking I had diabetes, even if it was only temporary. They make a point of telling you that GD increases your risk of developing type 2 diabetes by up to 50%. That is not a fun thing to think about, especially when you're 22 and figure the big bad diseases are far away in the future when you're old and gray.

The first thing they try when you have GD is to control your glucose through diet (if that doesn't work, they whip out the insulin shots), so they sent me to a nutritionist. Let's just say I was NOT excited to have someone tell me that I was eating the wrong things and too much of them. It's kind of a humiliating experience, to be honest, especially when you're pregnant. Because of course there's this idea that you can "eat for two."

I learned that my morning breakfast of raisin bran and orange juice was basically a triple shot of sugar. So many people think diabetics have to avoid "sweets," but it's not like that at all. For one, it's ALL carbs that have to be counted (Including lactose-based carbs like milk. Did you know milk was a carb? I sure didn't.). And it's not about eliminating carbs, but about balancing them so you get an even amount all day.

I also learned about portion size. I learned that one serving of carbs is a measly 15 grams, and that I should only be having 2-3 servings a meal. You start looking on packages, and you see that most processed foods have closer to 2-3 servings of carbs. I learned that a serving of protein is only 5 grams, and that I only needed 15 grams a day. I learned the importance of having both protein and carbs in every meal, and how it kept blood sugar levels even.

In the end, I was eating more than double the carbs I needed, and more than double the protein I needed. And I had no idea. I thought I was eating healthy. I wasn't eating donuts all day or anything. But it was the portion size. I followed my diet, tested my sugar, and I was NEVER hungry like I thought I'd be.

Honestly, gestational diabetes saved my life. Nutritional education saved my life. Learning what my body needs and how much opened my eyes to how distorted food has become in America.

Because I will always have a higher risk at developing diabetes, I have continued to learn about nutrition. Having diabetes for even a short period sucked, and I'm determined to take care of my body. It's so much easier than having to deal with blood testing and medications and disease.

So I've turned into what I like to call "The Casual Vegetarian." I think a lot of people are intimidated by vegetarianism, and it can almost sound like a religion when you talk to some of the more zealous. If you eat meat, it can feel like a vegetarian or vegan is looking down on you for your horrible choice to destroy the planet.

This, well, creates some friction, though I think we could all agree that Americans could stand to see a little more green on the dinner plate and a little less meat/starch.

I probably eat a fourth of the meat I used to, and my reasons aren't the stereotypical "Don't kill animals!" kind. As I've explained, I think it's better for my health. Also, it turns out Dino Boy has never liked, and will not eat, meat. My family has sensitive digestive tracts, and meat often doesn't go over well. Sometimes we go several days without eating meat, sometimes a couple weeks. While at first it was hard to envision a meal without that piece of meat, I've gotten to the point that I don't really notice one way or the other.

And you don't have to start eating quinoa and wheatgrass, either. There are so many meals we make that don't actually need the meat. I grew up putting meat in pasta sauce—I don't anymore. Lasagna is fabulous with spinach ricotta instead of meat sauce, and there is plenty of protein in the cheese. Loaded nachos taste just as good with black beans instead of meat, as do burritos, etc. Stir-frys and curries don't need chicken to fill you up—the rice does that (Did you know rice and wheat both have protein? [I'm sure I'll get people saying they aren't complete proteins. I know, which is why I'm not anti-meat entirely]).

This is longer than I planned it to be, so I better finish up. I guess all I'm saying is that we have so much more control over our health than we think, as long as we're willing to go out there and get the knowledge. Eating better, no matter how you decide to do that, always improves quality of life. You have more energy, your brain works better, you feel better.

What It's Like To Tackle Your First Editorial Letter

2011-10-04T08:15:00.000-07:00

Reading the letter: Whoa, so that's a lot of stuff to fix. Don't freak out. Don't freak out. Crap, I'm freaking out.

After a day or two: It's not so bad, and at least my editor pointed out every section that needs work! That's cool. Really takes out the guess work.

Starting edits: WHY did I write such a freaking long book? Seriously, 70k is a lot of words. What was I thinking? This is going to take forever.

While editing: This is hard, with all the cutting and changing and tweaking and expanding and fleshing out and whatnot.

Well, it's not SO bad...I forgot how funny that one scene was.

Hey! A page with no comments! Sweet. Oh wait, I still need to fix something on it because that sentence sounds stupid.

Aw, my editor liked that scene. I LOVE THAT SCENE NOW. I did something right!

Errr, except this next 50 pages needs major alterations. *dies*

Almost done! I haven't showered for three days and every room in my house is a disaster! But SO CLOSE.

When finished: YAY! *happy dance* *nap* *awaken* What the heck happened to my house? Oh yeah...but I'm DONE!

*pause*

Wait. If I'm done, that means I have to send it back to my editor. And if she deems it good enough, that's it. No more big edits. This is basically what people will read...

O_O

What if I didn't do enough? It will be MY FAULT if people hate it! They will point out that flaw and the one over there. And there will be nothing I can do to fix it because it will be done and PERMANENT and how can I be done when I've been working on this novel for over TWO YEARS!?!?!

*frantically reads it again*

Happy Writers: Brain Fried Edition

2011-09-30T11:26:00.000-07:00

ALL OF THE EDITS. THEY ARE DONE. (Except not really because I still need to reread and make sure I didn't royally screw it all up. BUT STILL.)

I am happy feeling and semi-delirious. Or all delirious.

That was hard. Yeah.

Celebrating is needed. AKA: A Nap.

Right Now

2011-09-27T12:41:00.000-07:00

Right now, I'm staring at my computer screen and trying to ignore the papers on my left. AKA: My edits.

Right now, I'm in a sticky spot, where lots of little changes add up to big ones.

Right now, I'd rather nap, blog, or cook than rework this chapter. But I still would rather edit than clean, so I'm not completely hopeless.

Right now, I'm wondering why editing had to be so hard, and why there has to be so much of it, and why I can't enjoy it like some of my other writing friends do. Also, why I complain so much when I ultimately like writing stories. BUT. The editing. It will never be my favorite.

Right now, I know that's okay, and that I'll keep going anyway.

Right now, I want to say that I'm grateful for all of you, and for everything you've said about my recent blog slump. I want to say that I'm not going anywhere, but that things will be changing. I don't know what all those changes will be, but there's likely to be a makeover at the very least. Because a fresh look always helps.

Right now, despite struggles, I'm so happy.

Right now, I'm listening to "Joy To World" by Three Dog Night.

Right now, I'm going to rework this chapter, because it's my actual job. And that is a wonderful miracle.

Budding Artist

2011-09-25T18:56:00.000-07:00

This is a drawing I did of Ninja Girl. She critiqued me the whole time. "I'm not doing that with my arms!" "My hair doesn't do that!" "My dress isn't that color!" She is hilarious. So now you know, it doesn't matter if you can draw or not, your kids will still complain about your attempts. I think because they have this image in their heads, and you just don't interpret it the way they want.

Anyway, I try not to get too frustrated with her, because I know she's learning from me. She watches me draw with utter fascination, and she is already picking stuff up. It's amazing to watch her learn! The girl just loves to color and draw. I remember the first time I put a crayon in her hand at maybe 18 months or so—she held it the right way and she just COLORED. When I did the same with my older son, he ate the crayon.

Actually he ate/destroyed all drawing utensils until he was like 3 or so.

Ninja Girl is three, and the girl will color and draw for solid chunks of time. An hour or more. And it's amazing what she comes up with. Today I thought I'd share:

The two green figures are mermaids, and the others are butterflies. The thing above the squiggly water line is a boat. I just think it's the most adorable mommy baby pair of mermaid in the world. I know, I'm totally bragging, but it's just so amazing to watch a child learn a skill (like watching Dino Boy learn to read—SO rewarding).

I can only hope both my kids will keep at their individual talents. Because seeing them right at the very beginning, it has reminded me just how much work and time goes into all we do.

I Am Tired Of Blogging

2011-09-22T08:49:00.000-07:00

The title of my post makes me sad, yet it's the truth. I don't know if there's something about the 4 year mark or what, but as I approach that date (October 10th) I can't help thinking that I've said practically all I can say. That I'm a bit fatigued of hearing myself "talk" and wonder if others are, too. What once was an enjoyable activity has become sort of an obligation, a source of anxiety.

I probably shouldn't be telling you these things, but here I am doing it anyway.

Let's get one thing clear—I'm not saying I'm shutting down the blog. Oh, I've thought about it often, especially since I sold my book, which is rather ironic since maybe now is the best time to have a blog and network. But there's been...a shift. People treat me differently now, and not always in a good way. It's strange how once you "get there," people tend to think you go deaf/blind and they can say whatever they want about you, true or untrue, sometimes cruel.

I never really saw it coming. I mean, I saw it happen to people who got Major Book Deals, but I didn't think it would happen to me. My deal was average. My book is debuting in paperback even. Maybe I never mentioned that, but it is. Don't get me wrong—I am VERY happy with my circumstances. I just never expected that they would have such an effect on people's perspective of me.

Because I'm still the same person. I say what I've always said, and yet now people view it differently. It's so weird, and some days it's no big deal, while other days I feel like everything I thought I knew about people and the internet and publishing has been erased.

I feel very...exposed, though at the same time I have closed off more of myself than ever. And I have this compulsion to continue that, to protect myself from the impending onslaught of judgment. Frankly, it scares the crap out of me.

And so the thought of blogging for 2 more years before my book even gets out there has become this overwhelming monster. What will I talk about? I've seen people lash out at my friends for the smallest things, and that's what I have coming. People will roll their eyes at my pathetic attempts to promote. They will read ARCs and say mean things and I will be a baby unable to handle it—and of COURSE they will @ me on Twitter with their 1 star reviews just to make sure I see what a horrible job I've done.

The internet used to be fun. Right now? It kinda hurts, and I've barely begun.

I honestly don't know what to do. I wish I did. Writing stuff like this helps me feels better, though now if I do I get viewed as ungrateful and whiny. As much as I want to shut down the blog and go all J.D. Salinger, a part of me still wants to participate in this community as well. I'm trying to figure out if there's a way to have my cake and eat it, too. Maybe there isn't. Maybe I just have to deal with the bad stuff and try to focus on the good. Maybe I'll have to go a little AWOL and only show up at random. Maybe I'll have to do something really crazy, like sign up for Tumblr.

There's one thing I've been wanting to do for a long time, and that's take down my follower count. I've always disliked that button, because it seriously changed the world of blogging when they added it. What used to be more of a community turned into kind of a popularity contest, and I dragged my feet even putting it up to begin with. But I wanted people to be able to follow if they wanted, so I relented. Now I'm thinking it's time to get rid of the number. Maybe it will help me remember the earlier blog days, and that I'm supposed to be doing this for fun.

*destroys button*

Ahhh, I feel better already.

Agents Are Not Your Employees. You Are Not Their Customers.

2011-09-21T08:16:00.000-07:00

About a week and a half ago, Nathan Bransford asked an interesting question: Should Agents Respond To All Queries? Since I am a former client of his, I tend to watch these topics fairly closely, even though I don't often weigh in. I've read the responses, both from writers and agents, and I find the whole thing rather interesting. It seems it's not so much about the "no response mean no" policy anymore, and more about what agents "owe" writers.

It seems the vast majority of querying writers are of the opinion that the "no response" policy is rude. There have been comparisons to agents being employees, and that writers have the power even if it may not look like it at times. There have also been comparisons to "customer service," and the fact that it's just bad business not to respond to a customer.

I think writers are kind of missing the point.

Because the agent/writer relationship is NOT an employer/employee relationship. The agent/writer relationship is a partnership.

It has really bugged me that some people are claiming that agents are writers' employees. Anna, my agent, is NOT my employee. She is employed by Curtis Brown. If I viewed her as my employee, that would mean that I am completely in charge of not only the relationship, but my own career.

This is not the case.

I know that might sound terrifying to some writers, but it is the truth. If you are seeking an agent, you are seeking a business partner. That business partner has certain assets that would be beneficial to you, such as connections at publishers and experience with the market. But to get those benefits, you have to give up some freedom, so to speak. You are no longer the sole person invested in your career—you have a partner.

If Anna were my employee, that implies that I have the freedom to boss her around and tell her how to do her job. I can't even imagine! It implies that I could tell her how I want her to submit my work to editors and who I want it subbed to. I could tell her to sign my friends because I like their work even if she might not. If I were truly her employer, I suppose I could decide to pay her less commission, too.

Obviously this is not the case. Nor would I want it to be! I am with an agent because I believed it would benefit my career. I wanted help and direction in my writing. I wanted a partner who could help me get my work out there in a bigger way than I could on my own.

I am lucky to have Anna as my partner in this writing adventure. It is a symbiotic relationship. I provide her with good material, and she finds an editor to buy it. She gets to enjoy my success as well as hers. We discuss things—I don't tell her what to do. I use her wisdom, while she listens to and embraces my ideas. This is what it is to be in partnership with an agent.

Which brings me to the "customer service" comments. While I can see why writers are saying that they are agents' customers, it's simply not the truth. You can say that you will be paying for a service, thus you are always right, as the "good service" canon says. But it's slightly different. You are NOT a customer—readers are customers. You are a potential business partner.

Agents do not take any money upfront, though their upfront work load can be quite heavy. There is usually much editing to be done. They have to prepare a sub list, make calls, use their connections, all while balancing other clients AND potential clients. So you can't really be called a customer because you have paid nothing for their work—and there is no guarantee that you will pay for their work.

So what is the agent really looking for when open to queries? An agent is looking for a good investment.

That's right. Because it's a partnership. Agents want to invest in your work, give you a leg up in hopes of propelling your career forward faster than you can. And if they are able to accomplish that, they take a small commission—their return on the investment.

In your query, you are not saying "Look at me! I will pay you and give you business!" No, you should be showing an agent how you'd be a good investment. You are saying, "These are my assets. This is what makes me a good investment." It's a subtle difference, but one that changes everything.

The truth of the matter? Nathan Bransford made no money on me. For over a year, he put in hours and hours of work. He did everything he possibly could for my book because he believed I was a good investment, that I could be published writer. And honestly, it killed me sometimes that I couldn't pay him, that I couldn't pay Anna until I finally sold. Because these two agents have been the best partners a writer could ask for, and I wanted to hold up my side of the deal and write a book worthy of selling.

I know querying is hard. Heck, it took me two years and almost 200 queries to land an agent. But let's at least be clear on what the agent/writer relationship is, because I think when we understand that we are neither employer or customer we get to the heart of the matter. And that's this—we are in this together.

All Day Q&A

2011-09-20T08:25:00.000-07:00

It's about that time again! Leave your questions in comments, and I will answer as fast as I am able. Yes, you may ask as many as you'd like about whatever you want. I will be around all day, and all questions asked before I wake up tomorrow will be answered.

*opens edits to work while I wait*

Happy Writers: YOU

2011-09-16T09:34:00.000-07:00

Yesterday a package came from Japan. It was full of AWESOMENESS, with a simple letter of congratulations from the lovely Claire Dawn. Claire has followed my blog for a long time, and her excitement about TRANSPARENT selling has meant so much.

Claire is just one of many bloggers who've brightened my day. I know sometimes it doesn't seem like a comment or tweet can do much, but I can't tell you how many much-needed smiles you've given me these last three years.

A lovely reader named Bethany sent me an article on Yumiko Oshima the other day, and I was so excited to learn that her art is the origin of the kitty ears anime trope. Now I'm determined to hunt down The Star of Cottonland.

You have recommended anime to me. I found Fruits Basket, Ouran High School Host Club, Hikaru No Go, Avatar: The Last Airbender, Bleach, Moribito: Guardian of the Spirit, and so many more from YOU.

You send me links that made you think of me, and I'm always very pleased when they are about ninjas or cartoons or cupcakes, and everything else, too.

You have sent me thoughtful emails of encouragement and thanks and just plain kindness. These have helped me get through the hardest of times.

You have taken time to read this blog, which is sometimes silly, cheesy, and even melodramatic.

You have spread the word about my contests, ENTERED my contests, and been so gracious whatever the outcome. And to the winners, you have shared your words with me, and I do a little dance every time I hear of your successes.

You guys, out there in blog land, constantly make me happy to be a writer, to be part of this community. That any of you would take the time out to be kind to a stranger (because, really, I am one to so many of you) says volumes. You are wonderful, and you have been a big part of my journey thus far. I hope it never changes.

Buffy, Butterflies, and New Book Ideas (Not Necessarily In That Order)

2011-09-15T09:26:00.000-07:00

Okay, I've been staring at the Blogger box for like 15 minutes, which means post of randomness is the only way to go:

• My friend Michelle's MONARCH is out today! It's been available for little bit, but today is the OFFICIAL day. So I had to remind you to check it out. Michelle is awesome, and she is a writer after my own heart in that she's a genrebuster. Woot!

• I've finally discovered the key to getting people to talk to you on Twitter—WATCH TV. Who knew? I'm watching Buffy The Vampire Slayer for the first time and tweeting about it each night (at #firsttimebuffyviewer), and my goodness the Buffy fans have come out of the woodworks! It's been fabulous fun, to interact with people on Twitter. Believe it or not, I don't really get that many replies on Twitter. I was starting to think I was boring!

Well, now I know—I just need to watch more TV. When I'm done with Buffy, I'll have to hold a vote for the next popular-show-I-never-watched. Star Trek: Next Generation? Battlestar Galactica? LOST? Dr. Who? Oh, the possibilities.

• And, of course, since I'm chin-deep in edits, I have a new book idea! I am in love, guys. Rapturous, crazy love. The kicker? It's a HISTORICAL (with a touch of the paranormal [as in actual ghostly things, not creatures]). Which means RESEARCH. Because I don't have enough work. Oh, brain, you hate me, don't you?

But I LOVE this idea. It's fun and offbeat and new and as out-of-genre as usual. There is a plucky band of scamming orphans, ghostly apparitions, grizzly deaths, and a creepy girl who knows things, all set against Gold Rush Era San Francisco.

Basically, I want to make out with this book.

*end random*

THE Manuscript

2011-09-13T08:47:00.000-07:00

First, if you'd like to hop on over, the lovely Chantele Sedgwick interviewed me. And don't forget that the auction is still on!

So, this came in the mail yesterday. When I pulled it out, I thought something like, "I don't remember it being this...huge." I mean, look at all those pages! And all the purple comments! TRANSPARENT isn't even that long—about 72k. I can't imagine how massive it would have been if I wrote, like, 100k or something. I have A LOT of work ahead of me. Good work—possibly even fun work—just a whole lot of it. (Note to self: Write shorter books.)

But that's not all that came...

Books! Pretty books! I've been wanting to read Ten Things We Did, and the second I pulled out Wildwood I drooled. SUCH a pretty looking book. It looks like a classic already.

Both of these things were so surreal. I mean, I'd heard of people getting books from their editors, but for some reason it didn't process that I would get books from my editor! It was totally unexpected and fun. When I got the package I was so confused as to why it was much bigger than a manuscript, and then I opened it and was all, "Sweeeeet."

Then there's all that writing on my manuscript—and it's not MY writing. I've printed out my books before. I've written all over them. I know what a marked up manuscript looks like. But I can't tell you how weird and cool it is to see my editor's comments on there. My. Editor. It really didn't hit until now that I HAVE ONE OF THOSE. And she read my book and thought a lot about it and has all these amazing ideas on how to make it better. Not only does she have ideas, but she can TELL me her ideas. In querying, I remember how badly I wanted an agent to just TELL ME what the problem was. Well, I got what I asked for, and it's amazing, plus a little bit scary. But mostly amazing.

So I bet you're wondering what you do with a 10-page editorial letter and 274 pages of in-maniscript comments. You aren't? Well, I'll tell you anyway.

First, I freak out a little bit. Or a lot. Have you ever seen the movie Matilda (or read the book, of course)? If you have, you'll remember that scene where a boy is accused of eating the evil principal's chocolate cake. For his punishment, he's forced to eat a gigantic cake and no one can leave the school until he does. It's a little bit like that. I've just had this amazing, rich cake set in front of me, and as yummy as it looks it's hard to see any possible way to eat it all.

I am easily overwhelmed like that. So I have to stop and strategize. The first order of business is to boil down the editorial letter:

It's much easier for me to look at a page and a half of bullet points than the entire letter at once. It's the same amount of work, and yet it doesn't feel like it. I can see that I have 31 points to address, and I can check them off, which helps me see that I am making progress. I like progress.

After that comes breaking down the book into manageable chunks:

Looking at the whole thing at once puts me on edge, so I buy pretty folders and divide the manuscript into sections of about 3 chapters. When I begin edits, I will take out one folder and that's all I will see. It makes it much easier for me to work without getting overwhelmed by the sheer amount of things to do. I will go through each chapter and outline the changes that need to be made, then I'll make them. Then I get to check off more stuff! It's a party.

Okay, there's my "process" post for you. Better get to, like, actually working now.

Read For Relief Auction!

2011-09-12T07:39:00.000-07:00

Quick post to say there's a great auction going on for Hurricane Irene—Read For Relief.

Here is my offering: A query crit and 10-page MS crit (Possibly to increase in pages if the bidding gets higher).

And there are a lot of other sweet things up for bid. I mean, Erica Sussman (my editor) is offering a 10-page crit! You want that. Then there's Jim McCarthy's query crit. Like I said—GOOD STUFF. Check it out.

Happy Writers: Your Only Competition

2011-09-09T10:05:00.000-07:00

It's you. It probably sounds cheesy—and heaven knows it doesn't always feel like that—but the only person you're competing against in writing is yourself.

This is a creative venture, after all. It's subjective. Yes, there are accepted standards, but at the same time those standards are often broken. Maddening, right? I both love and hate the idea of subjectivity. Sometimes I just want there to be a formula that says my book is GOOD. Of course then it could also say my book is BAD.

A lot of the times, I want to make this more complex than it is. But there's a simplicity to the writing/publishing gig that we will never escape:

1. It's subjective.

2. Therefore, stuff happens that may not make sense.

3. We can't control anything but our own work.

That's...pretty much it. It's kind of like running a marathon. Yeah, you could focus on those guys who run at Olympic speed. You could get bitter and think, "I will never run a marathon that fast, so I'll give up." But that fact is, if you CAN run a marathon you are pretty dang awesome. And if you can beat your own time, that makes you even MORE awesome. Independent of anyone else.

Writing a book is like that. Yeah, maybe you aren't the Olympic Book Writer, but if you've finished a novel, you are AWESOME and I raise my glass of Sprite to you. And if you've improved since then, you are MORE awesome. It keeps going—independent of anyone else.

I could spend a lot of time wallowing in the fact that I didn't sell as fast as I wanted. Or that I'm still so far from publication. Or that I won't be a bestseller. Or that I'm not this or that and the other. But that's just silly—I'm further along than I've ever been! I've written a better book than I ever have! And it's going to be published!

Comparing me to me, I've improved a lot, and I've come a long way. When I remove everyone and everything else from view, I can sit here and be proud of myself.

Because the most important thing is besting myself, and as long as I do that everything else will work out.

A Letter Has Arrived

2011-09-08T09:02:00.000-07:00

No, not my acceptance to Hogwarts. Not even Pottermore. My first official EDITORIAL LETTER came yesterday! (If you don't know what that is, an editorial letter is when your wonderful editor sends you everything they would like to see improved in your novel.) I might have freaked out a little. Or a lot. But you guys know that about me already, so I'm assuming that's not really a surprise.

Well, The Letter is long, and smart and kind and involved and full of things that have me going "Well, duh, why didn't I see that?" Editor Erica has certainly lived up to all the rumored brilliance and kindness. She is just wonderful, and I am SO LUCKY. I am also a little scared, but mostly LUCKY and EXCITED.

So. This means a few things:

1. I have actual WORK to do. Like, official I-am-being-paid-to-write work. Which is cool—and a little intimidating—but again mostly cool. Also surreal.

2. And not only do I have work, but I have a DEADLINE. A real live deadline! I can't tell you how ecstatic that makes me. I've been setting my own for forever, but this one was given to me! I feel all legit and stuff.

3. Since I have work and a deadline, that means my writing (okay, editing) actually has to come first now. Before blogging, networking, etc. I only have so many hours to work sans kids, and those will be spent on TRANSPARENT.

4. Which means that, until I have my edits done, I won't be blogging as much. Right now I've decided to go down to 3 days a week, but it might be less if I need the time. You can expect a post Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday for Happy Writers.

Hope you'll stick around! I promise to be extra interesting. Okay, I can't promise that, but I will do my utmost. And if I fail I will make it up to you in baked goods.

Pretty Pretty Princess

2011-09-06T09:23:00.000-07:00

Oh, Pretty Pretty Princess. Do you remember that game? There are some toys and games that define your life, and Pretty Pretty Princess was one of them. Along with the Skip It and roller skates and the original Pet Shop animals and American Girl dolls.

I didn't actually own Pretty Pretty Princess, and I'm not sure my parents even knew how much I wanted that game because part of me, even at age eight or so, thought princesses were stupid. The other part, of course, wanted to be a pretty freaking princess, dang it. So I would watch the commercial—with its promise of bracelets and earrings and crowns—longingly. What a genius concept! First to get dressed up as a princess WINS.

Then my friend got Pretty Pretty Princess for her birthday, and I kind of made it a goal everyday to get her to hang out with me so I could subtly suggest we play "that one princess game."

It was awesome! There were different colored jewelry sets, and I would always fight for blue, because, well, I couldn't go ALL girly. I remember a black ring that was, like, the KISS OF DEATH. You could not be the Pretty Pretty Princess if you had the black ring (Which, thinking about that now, sounds terrible!).

One day, we were playing this game, and I was close to winning. I had my ring and bracelet and necklace. The crown was in sight. I was almost to Pretty Pretty when my friend's father came in.

He scared me, always had. He wasn't around much, but when he was he always had a beer in hand. And he swore a lot in addition to being loud. For a little Mormon girl, it was an experience. Not that I was completely sheltered. I grew up in the Bay Area, for Pete's sake. My mom taught me to be prepared and aware. I'd been teased in school for my religion. I knew there were people who didn't like us, but I never saw this one coming.

"Hey!" he said. I may have been Mormon, but even then I knew what drunk sounded like. "You're that little Mormon girl, aren't you?"

"Yes." I fidgeted with my bracelet, the jewelry seeming far more stupid than pretty all of the sudden.

"How many wives does your dad have?"

I stared at him, completely confused. "What?"

"How many wives! Polygamy. You Mormons can marry more than one woman." He leaned on the doorjamb, smiling. "Man, that'd be great to have a few. One for cleaning, one for cooking, one for...you know."

I had no idea what he was talking about. The tears were right there, begging to pour out, but I sucked them in. "That's not true. My dad is married to my mom and that's it."

He laughed. "Well, you better watch out, because that could change."

He disappeared, but his words stayed. I had never heard about this. I didn't know a single Mormon person with more than one wife. He had to be wrong, but a little part of me wondered. Doubted. Because he was an adult, and I was a kid.

"I don't want to play anymore." I pulled the bracelet off, the necklace, the silly snap on earrings. I didn't feel pretty at all. I felt ugly and strange and possibly wrong about something I believed implicitly. I ran home, hot, angry tears streaming down my face. Someone would have told me about this if it were true, wouldn't they? I would have noticed at church. I wasn't a stupid child. I was observant, sometimes too observant for my own good.

I asked my mom, and because she's an amazing mother she told me the truth. She told me it wasn't true. She told me my dad wouldn't marry another woman. But she also told me that our church used to practice polygamy, like they did in the Bible's Old Testament. I didn't like the idea, honestly. It was the first of many trials of faith and quests for understanding.

But one thing I did know—I was never playing Pretty Pretty Princess again.

Interviews!

2011-09-05T09:41:00.000-07:00

Along with Labor Day, today is Interview Natalie day! Fun stuff. Two lovely writers interviewed me:

Check out E.R. Kings for my take on blogging.

And Cristina for more about TRANSPARENT and writing in general.

Happy Writers: Deciding To Be Positive

2011-09-02T09:15:00.000-07:00

When I was younger, I had a bad attitude. Okay, sometimes I still have a bad attitude. But as a teen I was particularly cynical and sarcastic. It was my comfy shell, a way of protecting my seriously fragile feelings from the bullies who so enjoyed messing with me. Because if I pretended it didn't hurt, pretended it didn't matter, maybe it wouldn't. And after awhile it worked. I totally faked myself out. I became as hard on the outside as I needed to be. As the Simon & Garfunkel song said—I was a rock. An island. People only brought pain, so I never let them get close enough to do their damage.

As you can probably imagine, the advice I most hated at the time was, "You can choose to be happy. Attitude is a choice."

I wanted to punch every adult that told me that. I wanted to scream in their faces, "YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I HURT." I mean, c'mon, do you really think telling me that will help? Thank you for pointing out that I'm not pleasant to be around—it makes me feel much better! Because I didn't know that. Hell, I don't even like to be around myself! Not surprised others can't stand me, since that's kind of my goal. Can we be more obvious?

Well, truth be told, I still hate when people tell me that. Not because I don't believe it, but because I KNOW it's true. I really do. I know a person can change their attitude if they want.

But...it's not so easy for some people. I have anxiety—social anxiety in spades, mixed with a fear of failure, some OCD (heavier on the Obsession side, leading to catastrophizing and then panic attacks), and a lifetime of low self-esteem tied to a lot of bullying. I don't say this to make excuses, but because I don't think a lot of people understand how HARD it can be to change your attitude when that is the exact kind of mental disorder you face.

So I want people with anxiety or depression or other mental hurdles to know that I get this—I get how much it can hurt when someone says, "Well, just STOP BEING SAD. Duh." And then you want to burst into tears because you would LOVE to not be like this, and you are trying so hard not to be but obviously it's not working and people just don't understand.

It sucks, it really, really sucks. But the thing is, even though I have received that advice at the worst possible moments, it doesn't negate its verity. We CAN change our attitudes. I know this to my core, because I have done it, both for better and for worse.

Is it hard to change my attitude? YES. Very hard, in fact. It can be a full-time, weeks-and-weeks-long battle to beat back my negative, anxious tendencies. For me, it is so much easier to let those dark thoughts take hold, to play with them and let them hurt me. Sometimes, it takes every ounce of willpower I have to decide that I will smile instead of cry, that I will see the good and not the bad.

But you know what? It's worth it. Being happy—even when it feels like the hardest thing in the world—is always better than giving into the anxiety. I wish I had the strength to do it all the time, but I haven't given up yet and nor do I intend to, though sometimes I don't even realize when I've fallen back into it again.

Just this week I was emailing a friend who has also been struggling with her writing, and I told her she needed to DECIDE to have fun. The second I wrote that, I was like, "Dude, tell that to yourself, Miss Whiner." I have been telling that to myself since then. And guess what? I'm feeling better. Not perfect, but better. Because I am stronger than I think, and I've had years of practice in the willpower department.

So as much as I hate hearing it, being positive, happy, optimistic is a choice. The choice is harder for some than it is for others—and, boy, do I know that—but in the end being a happy writer is entirely up to you. I wish you luck in getting there.

Drawings & Droolings

2011-09-01T10:01:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile since I got a drawing up here. Again, the scanner. We're on speaking terms, but we have our troubles. The truth is, I still love traditional media. My tablet is great, but for some reason it's not as cathartic as pencil on paper. And since I do draw as a hobby and intend to keep it that way, enjoyment is the main factor here.

This girl isn't anyone in particular, though I think Izzy from SIDEKICK wouldn't have a problem stealing this outfit. I get in these moods where I just want to draw frilly stuff. Bows and poofs and lace. Okay, and corsets. So I sketched this during church, and I thought she turned out cute.

Speaking of cute...well, not really. *I* think it's cute, but it's also brilliant and something I want really, really bad—the Wacom Inkling:

Isn't that the Coolest Thing EVER? I'm drooling over it. That cute little thing would make my drawing life so much more convenient. No more scanner! My sketches transferred right to my computer all pretty and ready to go! Of course, I'm still slightly skeptical about just how well it'd work, but I'm DYING to try it out. Dying.

Big Fat Smiley Face

2011-08-31T12:08:00.000-07:00

My friends are usually nice about my books, but today one told me that she was still thinking about SIDEKICK. She finished it over a week ago, and she's still thinking about it.

*insert big goofy smile*

It's one thing to write a book people like, and it's another to feel like you made an impression on someone. Even if it is just her forever, I will take it. That is exactly what I hoped for SIDEKICK, and here I've already hit that goal, published or not.

Today is a good day.

Have You Seen My Confidence Lately? It Ran Off. Didn't Even Leave A Note.

2011-08-30T08:57:00.000-07:00

I feel like the suckiest writer ever born.

Notice I said "feel" and not "am." I don't want this post to turn into a complain-fest, but I've been thinking a lot about this disconnect between where our writing actually is and how we feel about it. Because, for the most part, it seems like it doesn't matter how great a writer is—they go through these phases where their self-esteem is in the gutter, and it feels like every word is rubbish.

I mean, I remember once reading about Sarah Dessen's struggles to write a book, and it was both mind-blowing and comforting that she at times felt like she sucked, too. SARAH DESSEN. She's freaking amazing. She has ten novels out. She is a bestseller. She is smart and beautiful, and when I met her earlier this year she was the most gracious and graceful person. (If it's not clear yet, I kind of idolize her.) How could she think her writing was anything but incredible?

I'm not sure I have the answer to that question. Personally, I have less confidence in my writing now than I did when I first started. Shouldn't it be the opposite? Why does it work that way? When I truly did suck, I thought I was awesome. But even though I know I've improved over the years, I feel like my words are...stupid. My ideas are stupid. Everything is stupid. It's completely and utterly frustrating, because I know I shouldn't feel like that but I often do.

Maybe it's all the rejections? After almost 200 query rejections and a couple dozen editor rejections, I have garnered a certain brand of humility. You figure out that how you feel about your writing doesn't necessarily reflect its merit, and that is a tough lesson. It leaves you floating, relying on others to tell you if your work is good enough. I mean, I thought every novel I wrote was good enough—and I was wrong...11 times. How can I trust my own judgment after all that?

But, well, relying on others' judgments isn't the funnest thing either. It feels GREAT when someone tells you your book is good...for about five minutes. And then the doubts creep in again, and you have to search out a new reader, a new hit. Praise becomes nothing but a shallow, counterfeit form of self-esteem. Which, of course, means that criticism becomes something far worse than it is. Instead of being helpful to improvement, it's this monster of darkness that confirms every terrible thing you think about yourself. Not. Good.

Or maybe it's my own improvement that's to blame. It's kind of a double-edged sword—becoming skilled in something—because the more you learn, the more you see how far you have to go. It's like in Hikaru no Go (Freaking AWESOME show). Hikaru has no idea just how good his friend Sai is at Go (a Japanese strategy game) because he's a complete novice, and as Hikaru grows in skill he realizes just how unskilled he is in comparison to master Sai.

I feel like that all the time these days. I have so far to go. While I must admit that I have improved a ton since I first started writing, it sometimes feels like I'm still that noob because I am only just seeing how much more road lies ahead, how much learning and growing and...failing I will be facing. Stupid failing, why does it have to be so integral to the learning process?

This insecurity rut has to be broken. I have yet to find a fool proof way of breaking it (If you have one, please let me know.), but I will take it as a good thing that now I can at least recognize it when I'm in it. I am aware that the way I'm feeling doesn't necessarily mean I'm a sucky writer. This awareness does help me press on, even if I'm not having the most fun ever.

It goes in waves. I do know that, having been through it practically every year for the last five. At least I know it will end. I just wish it would hurry up.

Happy Writers: Lime Cupcakes For Everyone!

2011-08-26T09:09:00.001-07:00

This is my new favorite cupcake: The Lime Cupcake. A little slice of heaven, I'm telling you.

So I'm often passing out virtual cupcakes at our Happy Writers meetings, but today I thought I'd actually pass out a recipe for this lovely, perfect, and surprisingly simple cupcake. And with it I want to give some good writing advice: Have other hobbies.

Seriously. There's a lot of waiting to be had in the publishing world, and you have to fill it with something. You could fill it with angst and staring at your email inbox (guilty). Or you could spend it making cupcakes and watching Downton Abbey (also guilty). Which one is more fun? Well, I'm gonna have to go with the cupcakes. Cupcakes make EVERYTHING better.

Doing life. Just as important as writing life. If not more.

On to the recipe!

Natalie's Lime Cupcakes:

Ingredients:

For Cupcakes:

2 cups all purpose flour

1 1/2 cups sugar

3 teaspoons baking powder

1/2 teaspoon salt

1/2 cup shortening

1 cup 2% milk (I've used 1%, too, and it's come out fine. Not sure about fat free.)

1 1/2 teaspoon vanilla

4 egg whites (large eggs)

1-2 limes (or 4-8 key limes [those babies are small])

2 drops yellow food coloring

4 drops green food coloring

For Topping:

3 ounces Cream Cheese

2 ounces soft butter

2 cups powdered (confectioner's) sugar

1 lime

Crushed graham cracker OR toasted coconut (depending on your preferences)

Directions:

For Cupcakes:

• Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line cupcake pans with paper liners (supposed to make 24, but I usually get like 21).

• In a medium bowl, combine flour, sugar, baking powder, and salt with a whisk. In a large bowl, put in shortening, then pour in the milk and vanilla. Do NOT mix, as the milk will go everywhere.

• Add half the dry flour mixture to the wet mixture and mix, add the rest until well blended.

• Zest one whole lime into the mixture (Or two, if you want it really limey, but I like mine more subtle...so I can eat more. [Plus the frosting has lime, too.]), and then cut lime and squeeze the juice into the mixture. Add the food coloring. Blend.

• Add four egg whites, beat mixture until it's fluffy with slight peaks (makes for an equally fluffy cupcake).

• Fill cupcakes 2/3 full with batter. Bake 20-25 minutes, or until a toothpick comes out clean (always 20 minutes for me, but I'm at high altitude so it could be different). Cool 10 minutes in pan, then take out to cool completely.

For Topping:

• Beat cream cheese and butter together until blended.

• Zest lime and squeeze in juice. Blend.

• One cup at a time, add the powdered sugar and blend. If it seems too runny, add more sugar until firm. Put in fridge to cook while cupcakes do.

• Crush graham crackers or toast coconut, depending on your preference.

• When cupcakes have cooled, frost them generously, then dab the cupcake in graham cracker or coconut. (If I had extra limes, I would also cut slices to put on top as decoration, if I were getting super fancy.)

And there you have it! I hope you like them if you try them, and if you don't...don't tell me! Ha. I think I'm just as nervous about sharing a recipe as I am about sharing a book! What if you don't like it? What if it's just me? IT COULD BE THE WORST CUPCAKE EVER.

But it's not. It's amazing.

I hope. *deep breath*

Monarch & Michelle

2011-08-25T11:58:00.000-07:00

At the end of 2008, I won a contest over at the great Nathan Bransford's blog. While I am totally aware that it was just a fun, online contest, it changed my life in so many ways. It opened up the pathway that led to where I'm at now, because getting that crit from Nathan made my writing better. So much better—I knew I needed help, and NB Bootcamp (as I refer to it, which he probably doesn't know [sorry, Nathan!]) was long and hard and yet perpetually rewarding. I am so grateful for that, but I'm getting off track.

I also met a lot of people through this contest. I met Sara Raasch, one of my CPs and dearest friends, who I dragged out to Utah from Ohio I liked her so much. I met Adam Heine, whose love of airships might actually best my own (And let's not forget the ninjas! Ninjas forever.).

And I met Michelle (aka: Lady Glamis). Michelle was a finalist in the contest, and as we closely watched the voting we got to know each other and just how much we had in common. Heck, we lived TEN MINUTES away from each other! What were the chances?

It's funny how I've found more friends through the internet than I have in my entire life. Michelle and I hang out. Our kids play together. We cook together and moon over cheese and dark chocolate. She is a kindred spirit, an incredible photographer (She took my picture there on the left. She always makes me look so pretty!), and an amazing writer.

And her novel, MONARCH, is officially out this week!

Don't you love the cover? I think it's brilliant, perfect for the book.

This novel has a special place in my heart, because it was the first paragraph that brought me and Michelle together. It is SO exciting to know that paragraph is now in print for anyone to read! So if you are looking for a different kind of thriller, check it out.

giggles

2011-08-24T09:15:00.000-07:00

At a family/church function:

Family Member (FM): I heard about your book deal! Congratulations!

Me: Thank you. I'm excited.

FM: You're the next Harry Potter lady.

Me: You mean J.K. Rowling? (I say this while thinking, "If you can't remember her name how in the world do you think I will be THAT famous?)

FM: Yeah! Or that one Mormon mom who wrote Twilight.

Me: Stephenie Meyer.

FM: That's the one. So when is the movie coming out?

Me: *blank stare* *bursts out laughing*

I seriously thought the ridiculous comparisons to famous writers was just a joke, but apparently not. It's strange, these moments, to remember how the average person views what I have spent so much time immersed in. Most non-publishing people think I am now rich and poised to be some international success, and when I ask them to name ten YA authors they draw a blank after two or three. I guess I could get offended, but it's just so dang funny to me. It reminds me not to take stuff too seriously.

Writing When You're NOT A Reader

2011-08-23T09:10:00.000-07:00

When it comes to writing advice, you will most always hear that writers are readers, lifelong readers, even. They are the kids who spent their hours in libraries and staying up in bed with a flashlight and a book. They are people who read the classics for fun and always have a book in their bag just in case. Writers are readers—it is a relationship everyone believes in.

I am not a reader.

This is a hard thing for me to admit, honestly. As a writer who is surrounded by so many who DO read ravenously, I feel like this aspect of myself hampers my ability. I feel like maybe I will never be a good writer because I'm not that person who grew up on a mountain of books, and I still don't read as often as I think writers are expected to.

That's not to say I didn't read as a child. I enjoyed most of the assigned reading I got in school. I had a few favorites of my own—The Chronicles Of Narnia, If You Give A Mouse A Cookie, The Babysitter's Club, Dune, Kon Tiki (yes, for reals I was obsessed with that book in 9th grade). But I didn't read very much, honestly. I was a picky reader. I tried many novels and gave up on them because they didn't catch my interest. I remember specifically how people kept telling me to read The Hobbit, so I picked it up and started. I didn't get past the first chapter because I was all, "I don't care about this round door with the round knob in the exact center of the door!" (Interesting, though, that I still remember that description!)

So yes, there were years where the only reading I did was for school, which seems SHAMEFUL as a writer. But it's true. I was into a lot of different things growing up—language (Japanese and French), drama (Techies rule!), music (the flute), swimming, art and more art, video games, daydreaming, and hanging out with friends—books often fell to the bottom of the list.

And yet I always loved to write. The second I learned to make words I was writing stories. I wrote a story in Kindergarten that won a county award. When I learned the 5-paragraph essay in third grade, I was so in love with the idea that I would practice writing them just for fun. I would pick a topic, write my intro, my thesis, my three paragraphs, and my conclusion. It was AWESOME. Yes, I loved writing essays! That was even my job in college. I spent junior high writing books about the characters I drew. As a child, I played outside for hours making up wild stories, scripting plays and adventures for my friends. And let's not forget the angsty teen poetry. Good. Times.

My lessons in story came from different things. It came from Anime. It came from RPGs (Final Fantasy forever!). It came from movies and TV and comics. It came from reading scripture. It came from journaling my own life, from listening to my father tell me his life stories. Because storytelling is everywhere; there is something to learn from at every turn. You have to take advantage of all sources, especially if you aren't a natural reader.

But here's where I confess that reading IS important. As much as I wish I could say you don't have to read to be a writer, I can't. When I first started seriously writing (As in with the goal to be published and not just as a hobby), I started reading more than I had in a while. It helped my writing, plain and simple. It helped me learn about my genre and its expectations. It improved my prose and taught me what my voice was because I'd heard other voices. It taught me about building strong characters and solid plots in writing as opposed to screen or drawings. So if you don't read at all, don't take this post as an excuse to continue ignoring that TBR stack. While I don't read as much as other writers, I try. I always try. Try, try, try.

I guess this post is mostly for myself, because I feel better getting this out there. It's always something I feel like I've had to hide, not being a fanatic reader. But I'm starting to think it's okay, and that I can still be a writer even if I only read like one book a month...or sometimes less. And you can still be a writer, too. You just have to take story lessons from wherever you can get them.

Happy Writers: The Power of Words

2011-08-19T11:15:00.000-07:00

Claire Dawn blogs at Points of Claire-ification. She's a YA writer who's easily distracted by—oh, pretty butterfly!—um, where were we again? Oh yeah, Claire is currently busy compiling a list of 100 Books Every Writer Should Read. Stop by and find out how to submit your lists. (Also, I feel compelled to add that Claire lives in Japan, which makes her infinitely cooler.)

The Power of Words.

Once in Bible Study, my friends and I wondered why it is that we pray out loud. I mean, if God knows all the desires of your heart, he doesn't need for you to say them, does he?

The conclusion I reached? Humans need words!

When we are born, we have only thoughts.

"I'm hungry."
"If I bite this, it's hard."
"If I bite this, it's soft."

And then we learn to speak and our thoughts become more complex. It's a bit of a chicken and egg argument for me.

Would our thoughts be this complex if we didn't have words to express them?
Would we need words if we didn't have complex thoughts?

Whatever the arrangement, at the end of it all, we depend on words. Even when there's noone around, we solidify our thoughts with words, maybe out loud, maybe in our head. We often think in words. Only when a thought is completely sensory (the beauty of a painting, the nostalgia of the smell of homecooked tomato sauce) that we seem able to avoid words.

Isn't that ridiculous? We take the pure ideas of our thoughts and confine them into restrictive words within our own minds! And somehow this restriction makes us MORE expressive.

Words bring order to our thoughts.

And words can do other things for us.

They can help us reason. When we're trying to make important decisions, we make lists in our heads or on paper of pros and cons. The situation hasn't changed at the end of our list, but we can understand the best path more clearly.

They can comfort us. When something's wrong, it often helps to talk it out. At the end of the conversation, the sky is still falling, but we feel like we've got an umbrella now.

They can change us. When I started my blog, I started it to encompass everything I do and everything I'm interested in: Japan, music, fitness, foreign languages, travel, and writing. When I started out I was a girl who wrote. Thanks to the blog and the people I've met as a result, I am now a writer! (Thanks Marsha, Jon Paul, Natalie, Jen, Julia, Erin for inspiring me in so many ways!)

Words can give us an immense amount of power.

"Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me!"

Really? What delusional soul told you that? Of course words can hurt!

But they can also heal. And they can convince people of an opinion, or make them doubt the ones they were raised with. They can create beautiful new worlds or expose the flaws in the current one. They can exalt or they can devastate.

Isn't cool that the tools of our trade are so amazing?

You are the wordsmith. You have the power. Word?

Setting Goals and Making Schedules

2011-08-18T10:06:00.000-07:00

Yesterday Jessica asked if I would talk more about how I go about goals and schedules in my writing, and I thought it was a question definitely worth a whole post.

Knowing Your Personality

Before you set goals or schedules, you have to be honest with yourself about how you work. You are not going to change your skill set overnight. Your personality and strengths are likely to remain the same throughout your life, actually. So it's important to work WITH yourself, not against yourself.

Are you daunted by daily tasks or do they spur you on? Do you like BIG end goals or focusing on the little steps? Do you push yourself or are you more laid back?

Whatever way you work—it's not wrong. Just takes some figuring out.

Making Goals

I'm the type of person who can be easily overwhelmed by a BIG project. Some people can say "I will write a book in a year" and just set about doing it without much more. For me, that doesn't work. I'm a small bites kind of person, a day by day worker. If the goal is too big and too far out, I end up procrastinating and not finishing, maybe even giving up.

Especially when I'm working to get out of a slump, I set very small, accomplishable goals. They're always something I know I can meet even in the busiest of times. Right now that goal is one page each workday. I like small goals like these because when I meet them—and often surpass them—it builds my confidence. It's much better to meet a small goal than to keep missing a big one and feeling guilty about it.

When I'm in a more serious writing mood, my goal can be something like write a chapter each workday (I always take weekends off to regroup). When I'm editing, my goal is often three chapters a day. If have deadlines, I do the math and divide the work evenly for each day. I'm easily burned out if I work too much, so even if I feel like I can do more work I try to stick with my goals and not go over.

Making A Schedule

The hardest thing for me, I think, is finding time to write. But no matter the amount of time I have, I've learned that the only way to get it done is to make it a priority. Sometimes you have to save that TV show for later, or stay up an extra hour, or get up early, or whatever. There is time. There is always time if you make it.

My schedule has been crazy this summer, but for the first half when I was writing I would squeeze in time during the afternoons. Yes, I would turn on the TV for my kids, plug in my headphones, and try to get in an hour. It wasn't the most productive, but I managed...until I got all summer lazy at least.

For me, finding time to write revolves a lot around my kids. When they're in school, I try to make that my writing time. Before that, it was during nap time. When I was in school and working, it was in the evenings.

Most of the time when I sit down for writing time, I don't want to write. I want to check out blogs or WoW or whatnot. But I try to tell myself after—after I finish my goal. I always have some kind of small reward, be it watching some Hulu or having a scoop of ice cream. It's silly, but true. It gives me something to look forward to when I finish my work for the day, and it helps me keep my schedule because good things happen when I do. Positive reinforcement, I respond to it.

***

That's my basic method of keeping goals and schedules. I know it probably doesn't seem very complex or really all that organized, but it's simple and that's what I like. It's served me well over the years. One day at a time, I've written over a dozen books. It's crazy to think that each day, while small, has already amounted to so much.

Slumps

2011-08-17T09:34:00.000-07:00

First, I'm not even sure why I'm blogging during WriteOnCon, since it's basically the most awesome, online, FREE writers' conference out there. If you are looking for a great place to learn more about publishing and writing, I highly recommend it. And the writers who work tirelessly to put it on are amazing, amazing, AMAZING people. So go spend your time there. I promise I won't be offended if you don't visit this week. (Okay, I'm honestly NEVER offended if you don't read. But still. WriteOnCon is awesome.)

I have to talk about slumps today.

I am in a serious writing slump. Yes, I get into slumps. I think my reputation is that of the fast writer who can whip out a book in a couple weeks and never struggles with getting words on paper. But while I certainly can write quickly at times, there are other times that I stare at the screen wondering how I'll ever finish the book.

Right now I consider myself lucky if I can manage a 5-page chapter in a week. That's...not even a page a day. This is very far off my usual pace. It's frustrating, especially because it's not really the book's fault. I know what is supposed to happen in the next chapter. The block has nothing to do with the plot or characters, etc. I have things planned. I even know the book has merit and that I'm not "ruining it." I know it's not gone terribly off track and that the conflict is solid.

So what is it?

Honestly, it's a lot of lame excuses. It's feelings of doubt in myself as a writer. Not the book, but myself—like, even if it's good why would anyone read my stuff anyway? Yes, I still feel like that fairly often. Like I'm not special and there's not a place for me out there in Published Author Land. As I've said before, it's funny how some things don't change even after that book deal, and your opinion of yourself is one of those things.

And then there's the "My schedule is all messed up!" excuse that I've been milking all summer. My kids being home all day. My husband working evenings now. Summer movies. Sickness. Vacations. Have there been times I could fit in writing? Certainly. Have I used them? No. I've parked myself in front of the TV or computer games instead, and I know I have no one to blame but myself.

To add to this, I'm letting myself off the hook in general. I haven't set goals for this book. I haven't seen the need, since it's basically #4 in my queue, behind TRANSPARENT, SIDEKICK, and HOUSE OF IVY AND SORROW. Not like I have to get it done anytime soon, but it's funny how I actually become a very cranky writer when I don't have deadlines and goals to hit (I'm currently waiting at various stages with the other three). Here I should just be enjoying it and taking my time, and instead I am losing passion and doubting myself because it feels pointless, even when it isn't.

There's only one way to get out of a slump—you have to pick your lazy butt up and get to freaking work. Oh, how I wish there was an easier solution, one that involved more sitting on the couch eating dark chocolate raisins and watching anime. But there isn't.

Because a slump isn't like being stuck when writing. When you get stuck with a story it's often good to step back and think for a second. A slump is not that. A slump is of your own making, and the way back is self-discipline.

So I guess I'd better make myself a schedule, write out a love list, look over my notes, and get back into good habits.

...yay.

Counting Down

2011-08-16T10:34:00.000-07:00

My sister just returned home from New Zealand. She also went to Japan while she was over there, and she brought me back cute things and candy and pretty chopsticks and funny stationery. One set has a cute bear on it and says, "This is a story about bears." It also comes with stickers that say "The bear is under the tree" and "It is so peaceful in the forest."

♥♥♥Japan♥♥♥

Anyway, right now is kind of the calm before the storm at my house. Not that this summer has been quiet, because it's seriously been one of the busiest times of my life, but so many things are about to happen. I can feel it, that shift in the air as a new phase begins and another ends.

Dino Boy is starting kindergarten next week. I'm so excited! I'm really interested to see if I cry or not. I didn't cry for preschool, and I keep hearing about moms crying and feel like maybe I'm doing this mothering thing wrong. But either way, he's excited and I'm excited.

Ninja Girl is starting preschool, too. She is beyond ready—she trucks her new backpack everywhere and keeps saying, "I want to go to school NOW!" Me, too, Ninja Girl. She is my social butterfly that I don't quite know how to handle, and she will be so much happier to have an outlet other than her anti-social mom.

And to add to this, I'm awaiting the fabled editorial letter! It's getting close, and I'm not quite sure if I'm nervous or excited or what. I mean, it's kind of scary because I haven't looked at the book since like February, but at the same time I'm so ready to get back into it and do that whole official "Edits for my EDITOR" thing. I still forget sometimes that I HAVE AN EDITOR. Weird. You'd think it would all be real by now, but nope.

So the counting down is basically all I can think about right now. A week until kindergarten. Two and a half until preschool. My editorial letter somewhere in the mix of that.

Fall, here we come. Hurry on up, will you? I want to wear these awesome gray boots I just bought, and edit my book while my kids are at school. *squee*

Happy Writers: Walking Through Ghost Walls

2011-08-12T09:57:00.000-07:00

It's easy to view publishing like a caste system. You have the best sellers, the published, the soon-to-be, the agented, and the unagented. You have the rock star agents, the solid agents, the newbie agents. The Big Six, the small publishers, the self-publishers. If you wanted, you could view this all as rank. You could decide to put someone on the bottom and someone on the top. You could decide to treat them that way, too.

Sometimes it feels like there are insurmountable walls, made of thick brick and covered in "No Trespassing" signs, built around these groups. It can feel like you're not allowed to talk to the other groups until you, in fact, are permitted to enter the next wall.

But here's the thing—those walls aren't really there. They might look real, but if you tilt your head a little to the left you'll see that they're holograms made from assumptions. Assumptions that you don't belong, that you aren't good enough, and that the people on the "other side" think that, too. Those walls are nothing but the ghosts of insecurity, and the only thing they're really doing is holding you back.

Published authors? They are busy folk, but they were once unpublished, too. They are the people they've always been. As I've gone through this journey, I'm always surprised by how...the same I am. Unfortunately, I have not morphed into a more exalted creature every time I've made it past another milestone. I still handle things the way I've always handled them—with a lot of hard work, thought, and panic. And the other writers I've seen "ahead" and "behind" me stay themselves as well.

I know it might sound crazy, but there is no real difference between you and a best-selling author, save the fact that they happened to write a book that reached a large audience. We are all writers. We're at different stages, sure, but that doesn't mean we can't reach out to each other, in both directions. I absolutely LOVE hearing from writers, and this year alone I've made several writer friends from all stages in the process.

Now, I want to make this clear, I'm not giving you a pass to send John Green or Maureen Johnson or Sarah Dessen emails of family pictures and proclamations that you should be their best friend. I'm just saying that they, and every other writer, are people (generally extremely nice people, too, despite how busy they are). Yes, writers have "established" friends, but that doesn't mean you are unwelcome. Yes, they tend to hole up around deadline, but that doesn't mean they are shutting you out (It means they are shutting EVERYONE out, maybe even their spouse.). Yes, it can be intimidating to put yourself out there, but the only wall between the published and unpublished is the one you make. So why not make it a pretty white picket fence with a gate that swings both ways?

Confessions Of A Writer With A Book Deal

2011-08-11T07:20:00.000-07:00

Before I get into the post, I want to point you to a new website that I'm pretty excited about. It's called Ladies Who Critique. It's a site dedicated to finding crit partners! And you all know how I feel about crit partners. I'm so glad to see something like this on the web, and I wish the creators the best of luck. Go check it out. Also, I did an interview for them on crit partners, if you're interested.

Okay, onto this slightly nerve-wracking, but necessary post...

(Warning, it will be LONG.)

It's probably no surprise that stuff changes after you finally get that book deal. No matter how big or small, no matter what form of publishing, having sold a book changes your life. There are a lot of good things, of course. But there are a lot of weird things, too. It's a very strange dichotomy, and today I am going to attempt to give you a taste of what it's like.

Now, I am extremely aware that there are tons of writers out there who want to sell very badly, and that maybe my saying anything "negative" about selling a book will make me sound like a stuck up brat. So I want to make it clear that my intention is not to say "selling a book sucks," because it's definitely still awesome, but like with any Big Event in life it comes with...adjustments. I hope this post can prepare people for the experience when it comes (May it be sooner rather than later!).

Confession #1: The Freak Out

Some people scream for joy. Others sob in relief. There are the dancers. My "OMG I JUST SOLD A BOOK" freak out turned out to be kind of this dazed, awed, shock. Now, granted, I was literally driving to the dentist when I learned, so dancing was out of the question, but picture me in my car, wide-eyed, giggling every few minutes because I ACTUALLY GOT AN OFFER. It was unbelievable, amazing, surreal.

On the way home from the dentist I still was pretty dazed, and as I was stopped at a light this one little thought came to me, "Holy crap, I will actually get to write an acknowledgements page."

Which is when I burst into tears. The gratitude and joy was overwhelming, because books don't get written and published without those people who helped and pushed and taught and loved you along the way. I felt so lucky and blessed and undeserving.

...And then things took a weird turn. The pendulum swung, you could say. As utterly joyful as I was, part of me started to panic. What if the deal fell through? What if Harper changed their minds? What if I can't make back the advance? What if they get to publication in two years and decide, eh, it's not that great after all? What if people read it and go, "This is IT? Well that was a waste of time"? What if? What if? What if?

The catastrophizing got crazy out of control. It was like being in a death spiral, my joy being sucked out with each ridiculous thing my brain chose to panic about. It was almost like I'd been so used to bad news—rejections and revisions and near misses and setbacks—that I literally could not process the reality of good news! There had to be a catch. There had to be something bad in there because good things just don't happen in my publishing life.

This all sounds so pathetic when I read it typed out like this, but it's the truth. As high as my joy was, there was also pain. A dichotomy. Luckily, the pain part passes. The freak out ends, and I'm feeling pretty dang good now.

Confession #2: The Announcement Conundrum

Of course you want to tell people you sold. Of course. After so long, I was excited to let the world know that my years of hard work did mean something, and hoped that maybe it would help others believe that their long journey could end well, too.

But then there's the other side—the very real understanding of how devastating reading about a book deal can be. I know all too well how painful seeing someone sell is, and the thought of doing that to someone else terrified me. The last thing I ever want to do is make another writer suffer. While I was on sub, there would be days that reading a book deal or seeing a beautiful cover announcement or someone's pub date moved up sent me into a pit of bawling, pity party despair.

I knew people would be happy for me, too, but I was honestly concerned about those writers who were struggling and would stumble on my announcement and have their day ruined. But in the end, you have to share. Because, yes, talking about the hard times is honest, but only when it's balanced out with the good times. Life is always both.

Confession #3: The Terrifying Reality of People's Opinions

There's a moment when you realize in a way you never have before that, for better or worse, people are going to read your book now. Which is, of course, what you always wanted, right? The whole reason we are trying to get published is to share our stories with a bigger audience. We want people to love them as much as we do. I personally dream of that fist honest to goodness fan letter from a complete stranger, saying they loved my book more than anything they've ever read.

Lofty, I know, but true. And it is EXCITING to think that in two years my book will be out there for anyone to read. I was starting to think it'd never happen, and I'm so grateful it is.

But...oh, the but. I'm sure you can guess where this is going. What if people don't like it? More than ever, reviews are real now. Like, pre-book deal, they were this hypothetical thing that seemed pretty cool. Like, dang, won't it be awesome someday if I actually have reviews like a real live writer? Now? A wee bit terrifying.

I mean, TRANSPARENT is two years out (maybe a little less than that now, depending on what month I release in Summer 2013), and I already have a four-star rating on Goodreads from someone I don't know at all. I find that...so interesting. I never expected my work to be judged so soon, but it's already started and of course it'll continue. That's the thing about putting your work out there—people will say stuff about it. Go figure.

I really thought I was prepared for that, but I guess it's like going off to college. Never quite what you imagined. Not horrible. Just not what you expected.

Confession #4: Shifting Relationships

Way back in 2004, I announced to my friends that I was engaged! There was some squealing and celebrating, but something...weird happened, too. One of my friends became distant, even a little snippy, with me. She rolled her eyes every time I mentioned my fiancé. She complained about him being around so much. And if I ever expressed frustration with anything? Her reply would be along the lines of, "Well, you're getting married, so stop being such a whiner."

That sort of thing happens sometimes when you announce a book deal, too. And it's heartbreaking on so many levels. First, because you know how much it hurts when you're not selling and it seems like everyone else is, so you get it. Secondly, because there's really nothing you can do to stop other peoples' feelings of jealousy or sadness or whatever it is that causes this phenomena. And finally, because in the long run, you are still the same person, but suddenly people view you differently and it's an adjustment trying to figure out how to deal with it.

And it's not just the people who seem slightly unhappy about your success (or maybe it's more that they want it, too, and it's hard to watch others get there first, which I totally get). There are the...I'm not sure how to say it, so maybe I'll use another example:

In school I was never popular or even close. I was bullied a lot. I was kind of a lone wolf, but I tried to be friendly when others talked to me. Well, in 10th grade I was paired with a popular girl for a class project, and she was really nice to me. Genuinely nice, and I could tell. We became friends, to the point that she'd wave to me in the hall and stuff like that. And because she waved to me, some of her friends waved to me, too.

That's when it started to feel weird, you know? Like, I hadn't changed at all, but one popular person's approval had all those other girls thinking I wasn't so bad. Sometimes that happens when you get a book deal, too. And I'm not even talking within in the writing community—I mean friends and family and stuff. People view you differently, for better or worse. They sometimes put up these walls to separate you into a new category different from them (or equal to them, depending on the situation), even if to you there isn't a wall at all.

***

Well, I think that's about all on the confession front today. I hope that this comes off right, and if not I swear I didn't mean to offend. I just always find it so interesting to compare "The Dream" I have of publishing to the reality, because coming to terms with those truths has always helped me be happier and more grateful for my own journey, as rocky as it has been. But right now, the path is pretty smooth, honestly, and I plan to enjoy it for as along as it lasts.

All Day Q&A

2011-08-10T10:21:00.001-07:00

The floor is yours today, guys. If you have a question—about pretty much anything—I will answer it for you asap. Also, if Blogger isn't working for you, I will take questions on Twitter as well. Answers will appear on the blog:)

Note: I do not guarantee quality of answers, just that there will be one. You've been warned.

To Sequel? Or Not To Sequel?

2011-08-09T09:05:00.000-07:00

Oh, the sequel. Everything seems to have a sequel these days. And, trust me, I enjoy a good sequel, but I have a clarification to make:

My book, TRANSPARENT, doesn't have a sequel currently.

I have noticed a few instances where my book has been referred to as a series because I happened to sell two books. But that's not the case. The second book HarperTeen bought from me is an "option." It could be a sequel to TRANSPARENT, but it might not be one, too. It might be something totally different. And guess what?

I'm okay with that.

I wrote the book to be a complete story. Of course there could be more story after, just as there could be more story before. That's the thing about stories—they never really end. You pick a good starting spot and a good ending spot, but if your characters are solid there will always be more to tell.

So where do you stop on the sequel train? Or do you even get on in the first place? I don't really know. You see, I'm not completely against writing a sequel either. It could go either way in my mind. It's not as if this is my only idea for a novel. I, uh, tend to have a wealth of ideas, so maybe I am the ideal writer to go the "Killer Standalone" route. But at the same time, there is definitely more to explore in TRANSPARENT's world, more for Fiona to learn and discover. I guess I'm lucky my publisher will just tell me if I'm writing one or not, heh.

But overall, I think sometimes we get attached to the idea of writing a series (At least I know I was violently attached to it at one point). We want to stay with the characters we love and know just as much as we hope readers will. Though sometimes it's better to leave a reader wanting just a little more than you gave, instead of giving more than they ever wanted.

I don't know, I'm kind of digging the standalones these days. I think YA could use a few more. I wouldn't mind being in that category.

Weekend Sketchy Sketch

2011-08-06T14:44:00.001-07:00

I whipped out the colored pencils today, since it had been awhile. Boy, were my kids entranced! It was so cute see them watching so intently, especially my daughter. I'm not gonna lie, I hope a little bit that she'll be an artist (Though totally fine if she isn't!). She likes to color so much already, and she thinks my drawing tablet is about the coolest thing ever.

Anyway, this is Daphne from SIDEKICK. I've drawn her before, but this picture is a different side of her. She's one of my favorite imaginary people, the kind of girl anyone would be lucky to have as a friend. Also, black belt in Judo.

Happy Writers: 5 Things Writer's Edition

2011-08-05T13:23:00.000-07:00

You've played 5 Things I'm Loving, right? No? Okay, it's something I totally lifted from Stephanie Perkins. But it's fun and easy and holy crap it's already past two and I'm just barely sitting down to blog. Get it together, Nat.

1. People Who Get It

I sent SIDEKICK off to a friend for a read I like to call the "Tell Me I Am Not Crazy For Thinking This Is Good" Read. You would be surprised how many of these reads I need. Actually, maybe you wouldn't. I'm pretty insecure about my writing, but my contemporary stuff specifically sends me into fits of "I will NEVER be good enough."

So she read it. And she SO got it. I love her and the gushing email she sent. Also, I love this feeling of relief that has set in. I finally have this book to the point where it's doing what it's supposed to do, and that is AMAZING. A miracle.

2. Writing Contemporary

I decided to try my hand at one of my contemporary ideas about two years ago (This became SIDEKICK). It was terrifying, and yet exhilarating. The truth? I'm kind of a closet contemporary writer. Okay, see how I'm hedging that? It's so hard for me to admit that I LOVE to write contemporary YA. Most of my favorite books are contemporary, and I've always regarded that genre with the deepest respect. I don't see myself as deep enough or talented enough to write it, which probably sounds crazy stupid, but it's true.

But, well, I love it. I really do. I love digging into characters and exploring every aspect of what makes them tick. Don't get me wrong, I adore writing paranormal and all those others, too (heck, I wrote a witch book earlier this year), but right now I'm in contemporary mode. Very happy to be here.

3. Spotify

Guys...seriously, you need Spotify. It's basically like Pandora and iTunes got together and had a baby—a baby full of free music and customizable playlists. It's my writing's new best friend. I have always wanted specific playlists for my books, but been too poor to buy each and every song. If you like to listen to music while you work, you will LOVE this. Love. (FYI: There are ads like on free Pandora, but if you pay up you can get rid of them.)

4. My Desk

Who knew having an actual desk was so cool? If I'd known how much I'd use it—rarely used my card table because it was confining—I might have gotten it sooner. And bonus, it doesn't wobble every time I touch it!

5. My dear MC, Trent Parker

I am so crushing on my main character. Yes, instead of writing a boy secondary character for a girl MC to fall in love with, I go straight to the boy at times. I mean, he's the one I want to hang out with all the time anyway! I'm selfish like that.

Trent is funny and thoughtful, with a heavy helping of bitter and maybe an itty bitty taste for revenge. Or justice, depending how you look at it. He's constantly surprising me, and even if I stress over writing I'm also happy I decided to explore his story. Still not sure exactly where it'll end up, but at least Trent and I will have fun on the way.

Alrighty, those are my 5 Things. Feel free to share yours in comments!

That Green-Eyed Thing

2011-08-04T07:37:00.000-07:00

Today I'm going into the Personal Zone. I've been getting a certain question as of late that has really bothered me, and I want to put it to rest now (and have a blog post to refer people to so I don't have to repeat myself). The question is along the lines of this:

Aren't you jealous of her?

The "her" in this case is usually one of my best friends, Kiersten White, who many know as the amazing, witty, talented NYT bestseller. Sometimes the question refers to some of my other incredibly gifted and successful friends, but today I'll mostly be talking in reference to Kiersten because I have her permission. Take this as a blanket statement for all authors, nonetheless.

Now, I can see why people would ask this of me. It's a natural thing to wonder about, looking from the outside in. I mean, Kiersten and I (and our dear friend Renee Collins, too) started this journey at almost the exact same time. We met over three years ago now, at which point we were all noob queriers just trying to learn the business. We were equals.

Then Kiersten got an agent almost a full year before I did.

She sold in an amazing three-book deal before I had an agent.

She's sold in countries all over the world, basically pwning Authorial Risk™.

Her first book came out right around the time my book on sub had been out there getting rejected for a year.

And then she hit the bestseller list.

I finally sell a book, while her second one is about to come out.

That one hits the list, too.

And by the time my book comes out, yes, I'm very well aware that she will likely have four books out, while I'm just barely getting started.

But guess what? We are still equals.

I can honestly say that I am not jealous of her success. It's really hard to be jealous of someone when you know the whole story, when you've seen all the struggles that other people don't.

Do I sometimes wish my own journey would have been shorter? Sure, of course, but I have never wanted Kiersten's path or anyone else's. I am HAPPY to see her reach her goals and dreams, and she is just as excited when I succeed as well. I was there when her dreams were just as implausible as my own, and it honestly pisses me off when people suppose that I would be anything but excited for her, because she means so much more to me than some professional connection or whatever. She is my friend, one of my best friends, and that happened long before any of this other stuff.

Jealousy is a strange thing. I'm certainly not immune, because I have felt it towards other people, but rarely those closest to me. There were times when I was on sub that it seemed like EVERYONE was selling books except me, and that they even had an easy time doing it. But I know that's not true—I just didn't know the whole story.

I think jealousy comes from focusing only on the success while refusing to see someone else's struggles and imperfections. It's an excuse to fuel your insecurity, to play the victim. It's ugly and pointless and something we have to fight. For me, the fastest way to overcome those twinges of jealousy is to remember that everyone struggles independently of their success. And not only that, but their success does not diminish mine. We're all playing on the same team, here. Every writer out there deserves compassion. We're all walking the same road, and it's a much easier journey when you make friends of your fellow travelers, not competitors, or worse, enemies.

Especially now, there is enough room for everyone. So come along, but don't you dare ask if I'm jealous ever again;P

Good Stuff

2011-08-03T13:33:00.001-07:00

I keep being busy. I guess that's what I get for complaining that I'm bored, because I'm certainly not that very often anymore. Which is great! I've been making over my living room and traveling and writing and having lunch with one my favorite people. I've been doing yoga and playing soccer mom and cooking and going to book signings. It's been an amazing summer full of amazing stuff.

I just need a nap is all.

For my usual "inspirational" mumbo jumbo (I like to call it thinly veiled whining, hehe), please head on over to Adventures In Children's Publishing today. I talk about my dreams and how bringing them to fruition didn't exactly go as planned, but it turned out well in the end anyway.

Also, I'm a little late to this thanks to that 1k posts thing, but you MUST go congratulate my dear friend Jenn Johansson on selling her first novel in GERMANY. She has great stuff to say about selling foreign first and what, exactly, a literary scout can do for you. I am so very excited that INSOMNIA will be published—YA psychological horror/thriller FTW!

And finally, I just got my hands on Laini Taylor's DAUGHTER OF SMOKE AND BONE. I absolutely adored LIPS TOUCH, and I can't wait to dig into this baby. If you don't know of Laini, you should. Her blog is one of my favorites, because she always posts the prettiest, most inspirational pictures. If I could steal someone's life, it might just be hers (Which is kind of creepy, sorry, Laini!).

That's about it from me. It's stormy, and I can't help but snuggle up in bed with a book. It must be done.

One THOUSAND Blog Posts!

2011-08-01T08:13:00.000-07:00

Post #999!

2011-07-30T13:33:00.000-07:00

Monday, guys, will be my 1000th post! Ack. That sounds so ridiculous. That is a lot of rambling to the internets. And I will celebrate that rambling somehow. Probably with prizes. Maybe a video. Definitely some references to old posts. WE SHALL SEE.

Anyway, today is Post-All-Those-Drawings-I've-Been-Too-Lazy-To-Scan Day! YAY. And I didn't even scan them—I took pictures. See? I'm the perfect picture of lazy. (And my scanner is evil, but that's a different story.) The quality is kind of pathetic, sorry, but you get the idea. I promise if you ever run into me, you can see my sketchbook in REAL LIFE if you want. I really don't mind if people ask to look through it, and I most always have it with me.

So, pictures!

This is a Dungeons & Dragons character I drew up when we were playing. She's a bard with an attitude.

This is an attempt to draw my MC from SIDEKICK, Russ. Not that it's bad, I just don't think it looks as much like him as I want it to. He's always been a little hard for me to capture on paper, but this is closer than I've gotten previously.

This is Izzy, Russ' sister, also from SIDEKICK. She's an...eccentric dresser and rabid Otaku (anime fan).

Coco Slater is from my current WIP, BLACK SHEEP, a companion (and totally for fun, self-indulgent novel) to SIDEKICK. She's a musician, and she might be a wee bit obsessed with virtual pet games.

I was in the mood to draw a close up, with big eyes. So this is Worried Big Eye Girl! She has big eyes. And she's worried. I like her. See? I'm not always drawing characters.

Well, that was fun. Off to contemplate the 1000th Post extravaganza thing...

Happy Writers: Steal Like A Pro

2011-07-29T08:22:00.000-07:00

This was supposed to go up last week while I was gone, but of course Blogger didn't put it up. What is that about? I swear that scheduled posting thing has a 50% success rate.

Anywho, today Adam Heine has the HWS podium. Don't mind if I sneak to the clubhouse offices. I, uh, have a lot of planning to do for my 1000th Post on Monday!

***

They say great artists steal. Here's how.

HIDE THE EVIDENCE
Inspired by Ocean's Eleven, you want to write a heist story.
Unfortunately, everything you know about heists you learned in that
movie, so your first draft has a team of 11 con artists robbing an
underground casino vault in Vegas. A little obvious, right?

When you steal a story you love, you have to obscure your source.
Figure out what you like about it. Use that, and change the
rest.

Say they're not robbing a casino, but a museum. Heck, THE VATICAN
(they did a museum in Ocean's Twelve anyway). Instead of the head
thief trying to get his girl back, maybe the Cardinal is an old friend
who betrayed him (heh, maybe the Cardinal used to be a thief, too).
Now you've got a heist story with the elements you loved from the
movie, combined with your own take on things.

But is it enough to hide your source?

DON'T ROB THE SAME PLACE TWICE
In writing terms, this means read books (and watch movies) of all
kinds and every genre. The Vatican heist is a good start, but it's
still open to accusations of being derivative. What if we added a
romance? A gov't conspiracy? An ancient cabal of vampires? Any (all!)
of these can be twisted into our semi-derivative story to make it less
a clone and more like an original piece of art.

Should they all be used? That's up to you (the risk of a
kitchen-sink story is another
post entirely). But if you can make it work, you will not only
have a unique story, but you will have hidden many of your sources as
well.

LEAVE EMOTION AT THE DOOR
Wait, isn't this plagiarism? Shouldn't we be trying to come up with
our own original ideas instead of stealing from others?

To the first question, no, it's not plagiarism (unless you're stealing
actual text from your sources, in which case I don't know you).

To the second question, two things. First, there are no original
ideas (if you disagree, read
this first). This is a good thing. Presenting the familiar in a
new and interesting way is a lot easier than thinking of something
that has never occurred to the hundred billion people who came before
you.

Second, the fact there are no original ideas means every idea you
think is original happened to you at some point. It might
have been a story you read or something that happened in real life
(which is more common than you think). Either way, you experienced it,
assimilated it, and it's now coming back as an idea. That's why it's
so important to live life and read widely, so you have as much
material to draw from as possible.

The point is don't worry about it. Don't feel bad about
stealing ideas. Don't be afraid that your ideas are "unoriginal." IT'S
OKAY. This is what artists do. Keep reading. Keep learning the
craft. And keep trying to find your own unique spin on your favorite
tales.

Because there is one thing that's original in this world: YOU.

Winner! And Retreat Pictures.

2011-07-28T09:11:00.000-07:00

First things first, the winner of the SUPERNATURALLY Prize Pack of Awesome is:

My Life With Books - Jennifer K Jovus!

Congrats, Jennifer! Please email me at natalie(at)nataliewhipple(dot)com to discuss your prizes and such. If you don't reach me within a week, I will draw another name.

Alrighty, on to the retreat! I hate to rub it in, but there really is nothing like a writers retreat. This one in particular wasn't put together by any fancy host or anything—it was just me and a bunch of my friends, one of which happens to have access to a cabin. We planned the food and travel, everything. Basically, it was just a bunch of friends getting together.

The Friends: Michelle Argyle, Renee Collins, Candice Kennington, Jenn Johannson, Kasie West, Sara Raasch, and me.

Though we've known each other for a couple years if not more, the internet is what originally brought us all together (well, except for Candi and Kasie, but they're special). People say you don't necessarily need a blog (which is true), but if it weren't for mine I would have never met some of the best friends I've ever had in my life. Maybe blogging won't affect my sales in the long run, but it has affected my writing—it has improved my writing by connecting me with information and crit partners and a venue in which to practice.

We had another retreat like this two years ago, and it is amazing to see how far we've come. At the first retreat, there were two writers with agents, and one close to signing with an agent. This year? Three writers had book deals, three were on submission, and one was querying. It felt like we've come so far in two years. In truth, we have, and I can't imagine what the next year or two will hold for us. Probably a lot of struggling AND fun, like the last two years. Funny, how those go together.

So what do writers do on a retreat?

We eat at old school drive-ins on the way down to the cabin (okay, and on the way home), because that's what makes for a good road trip and we're all about authentic experiences.

And of course we take pictures of us eating, because it's FUN and the memories must be captured.

And we cook a lot. Michelle, Renee, and I did a lot of cooking, and everyone else did a lot of dish washing (It was the best set up ever!). I think I enjoyed the cooking almost as much as the writing!

We also talk A LOT.

Most of the time, we talked about books and stories and all that good stuff. There is nothing like that face-to-face discussion of writing. It's kind of magical, how things come together in a group like that. We read our stories aloud. We discussed the business. We spent time brainstorming and troubleshooting and, yes, marveling at how much everyone has grown as writers.

Seriously, my friends are amazing writers! There is truth to that whole "you grow together" thing. We may write alone, but having partners in that journey makes it not only easier, but richer and more productive. I am so blessed to have so many friends who've watched out for me.

On writers retreats, there's also a large consumption of caffeine, so we can stay up and talk MORE. Sleeping is for after the retreat.

Let's not forget the considerable amount of non-writing fun, such a four-wheeling and swimming in desert rivers amongst red rocks and sucker fish. There's also campfires and, of course, stories around them, both funny and scary ones.

There may even be the occasional quiet moment, when we're working on those creative things we tend to gravitate to. I think Sara pwned the writing count, but there was also drawing and game playing and reading between the louder moments.

And there was plenty of "Oh holy crap, that's pretty."

Some "Whoa, Utah doesn't get enough credit for its beauty."

Even just plain O_O.

And the best part? Right here:

I got to spend the entire weekend with my little sister, who I love so much I get a little teary every time I see this picture. I was fifteen when she was born—how in the world did she grow up so fast? She reminded me every moment why I write. For her. For the smart, amazing, vibrant youth of this world. (Love you, Pika!)

Best. Retreat. Ever.

I'm Back! With A Contest!

2011-07-26T10:45:00.000-07:00

Hi, guys! So I'm back from a wonderful weekend full of stories and friends, food and fun, bugs and deep discussions. Writing retreats? I highly recommend them. Thank you, Candi and family, for welcoming us once again to your beautiful cabin.

But I will get to the retreat fun tomorrow, because today is an Important Day. My dear friend and crit partner, Kiersten White, officially has another book out in the world! That's right, people, SUPERNATURALLY is out! And it is fabulous. And funny. And heartbreaking. And the cover is pretty.

So pretty. *pets*

In honor of this momentous day, I'm doing a little contest. I would do a bigger one, but we are FOUR DAYS away from my 1000th Post! But though it's small, I promise you want the prize.

To Enter: Tell someone NOT online about PARANORMALCY or SUPERNATURALLY. It can be your best friend, your boyfriend, your husband, wife, sister, or even the cashier at Starbucks. Whatever. Tell someone you love these books. It's not that scary, promise, I do it all the time.

When you've done that (And I expect you to be honorable and actually do it, because seriously, NOT HARD—don't be all lazy and untruthful with me), leave a comment here telling me who you told. That's it.

The Winner/Prizes: The contest IS open internationally. The winner will be drawn at random. There will ONE winner, and they will receive the following:

1. A signed copy of SUPERNATURALLY (I will have Kiersten sign it when she's in Utah in August.)

2. A 30-page manuscript critique.

3. A query crit OR custom black-and-white sketch.

Deadline: It's QUICK. Leave a comment by Wednesday, July 27th. All comments after tomorrow midnight won't count.

Retreat!

2011-07-19T15:01:00.000-07:00

The view from the cabin I will be staying at later this week. Utah? It's actually pretty amazing.

So let's face it. I'm distracted. I have the privilege of going on a lovely writers retreat this weekend with some of my very closest writing friends. I'm excited. It's going to be awesome. I hate to shove that in your faces, but there it is. There's not much else on my mind at this point. (I promise not to talk about it anymore after this post.)

I'm just gonna call it quits on attempting to write intelligent, meaningful posts this week. Not only am I busy preparing my house and kids, but I'm packing and planning food and all that jazz. Plus, I'm still trying to write and cook and exercise and crap. Busy stuff.

There will still be a Happy Writers post scheduled with my friend Adam Heine on Friday, but other than that you probably won't see me until next Tuesday. Well, I'm sure I'll still troll Twitter, but I mean on the blog.

Hope you all have a lovely week!

Self-Promotion Freaks Me Out

2011-07-18T15:08:00.000-07:00

Today (and Friday, too, really) Nathan Bransford has been talking about self-promotion, and I found this particularly interesting because it's one of those new things I have to honestly think about now that my book deal news is out there on the internets.

I know it might sound strange, having a blog and all, but I never thought of all this as self-promotion. I started the blog for accountability purposes, and then it became a great way to connect with other writers, and I got so caught up with being part of this community and giving to this community that it really slipped my mind that if I sold a book I'd actually have to, like, SELL that book. (Does that even make sense? I hope so...)

The whole self-promotion realization hit about a week or two after the offer, when it seemed pretty clear that it was, indeed, not a joke that my book would be published. At that point I had this huge, terrifying revelation:

"Holy. Crap. How am I supposed to keep people interested in me and my book for the two years before it debuts without being completely and utterly obnoxious? AND, worse, how am I supposed to go out there to conferences or bookstores or signings and tell people to buy my book? How freaking presumptuous is THAT?"

I am a horrible salesperson. I've never been good at it. I always think, "If someone wants to buy something, they'll buy it. Leave them alone!" In fact, most sales tactics make me NOT want to buy something. I'm stubborn like that.

But the fact of the matter is, Nathan is right. Self-promotion sucks, and we have to do it anyway. Because while it's true that people will buy what they want to buy, they can't buy something they'd like if they don't know about it. I think that might even be where the line is drawn between tolerable self-promotion and annoying self-promotion—information vs. flagrant "I am awesome buy my book!" I think it is possible to be visible without being bothersome, and I think people respond to that.

Now, how do you do that? Uh, I'll get back to you if I ever figure it out.

Of all the potentially scary things about becoming a published author, this is number one for me right now, and it'll probably be like that for quite a long time. It feels so...out of my comfort zone. I just hope I can find that balance between getting the information to those who want it and becoming an annoyance.

Happy Writers: Finding Confidence In Yourself

2011-07-15T10:03:00.000-07:00

As a writer, you have to be both your biggest fan and your worst critic. You have to love what you're writing. Not to say that you must enjoy every second of it, but you have to believe that the story you're telling is a good one, a worthwhile one. At the same time, you have to tear that story apart and find every flaw in need of purging. You have to criticize what you supposedly believe to be a good story.

It's not easy. We all know that. The balance can be hard to maintain. When I was a greener writer, I tended to lean more to the This Is The Most Awesome Story Ever It's Perfect side. Now I tend to lean towards All My Books Suck I Am An Idiot For Trying To Write. And it seems like it's very easy for a writer to focus all on the Critic and not on the Fan.

You really do need both.

It might sound strange, but it's okay to be confident in your work. I mean, even if you would never say it out loud, you secretly are, right? Deep down, you believe that the story you are telling is special and worth it and you want to share it. Maybe you even think it'll be BIG. Those thoughts aren't bad, cocky, whatever—they are necessary. Again, having confidence is NOT wrong. Now, if it turns into laurel-resting, bragging, and pride, it can be just as bad as going all critic on yourself, but confidence alone is good and essential to your progress as a writer.

Confidence keeps you going, keeps you trying, keeps you enjoying. And when tempered with that inner critic, it becomes a beautiful partnership that produces good work.

It can be hard to stay confident in yourself and you work. There are so many things out there waiting to tear it down—comparison being the most prevalent. But we have to remember that another's skill (or lack thereof) has no bearing on our work. There is room for everyone, and one person's success does not mean your failure.

The other heavy hitter would be criticism, especially when your own critic takes over. It's easy, for some reason, to translate one bad remark as meaning everything you write is bad and will never be good and you should give up now.

This is where the confidence needs to come in—to fight this stuff. The confident part of yourself can tell you that your work has merit, even when others are "more" amazing. The confident part of yourself can bring you back from criticism, tell you that the problems are fixable and it doesn't mean you aren't talented.

If you've been in self-critical mode for too long, it can be hard to find that confidence again. You may have to dig down deep and pull it out. Honestly? When I'm getting all doubtful I ask my friends straight up to compliment me, because sometimes I just need to hear someone else say it, even if it's at request. I also try to go back to the roots of my stories, my love list, and remember why I believed in this story and my ability to tell it in the first place.

So own that confidence, and be proud of your work.

Writing Deprivation

2011-07-14T09:06:00.000-07:00

First, only TWO of my winners have emailed me their book choices. Please check to see if you won! And if so, email me. If I don't hear from the others in a week or so, I may have to redraw new winners.

Also, I am participating in a live chat tonight! It's at 9 PM EST, and we'd love to have you there. I've not done many of these, but I'll be talking with these ladies once a month. Should be fun!

And now I should, like, post a real post or something...

I haven't written for almost two weeks, and all I can think about is how I HAVE NOT WRITTEN FOR ALMOST TWO WEEKS. And not just writing, but editing, too. Heck, even reading! I've been so busy with other stuff that by the time I sit down I'm too exhausted to think.

This is bad for me, personally. I'm an habitual writer. I like and even need to write on a consistent basis. I know not all writers are like that, but it's important for me to keep working.

If I don't? In short, I go crazy.

I get really tense, first of all. Right now my mind just keeps going "I haven't written. I haven't written. Holy crap, I probably won't be able to write today either I AM GOING TO DIE." Add to that a considerable amount of frustration, because I start to get really mad at my life for not letting me write. I hate that part—I am so embarrassed about that part. But it's the truth. I get MEAN when I don't have time to write.

Then there's the other issue: Doubt. Now that I've been away from my project for 2 weeks, I worry it sucks. I worry I'm wasting my time. I wonder if I should work on something else. And maybe all this doubt is a sign that the project really does lack merit. Of course, those feelings cycle on each other, because then I end up not writing for longer and longer because I doubt the project but I'm not sure what else to work on either.

Yeah...it's bad when I stop writing.

I need to start up again. Why is starting so hard?

Genre Busting Contest Winners!

2011-07-13T10:05:00.000-07:00

Hi! I'm BUSY! It's weird, because I am very rarely busy, but these days it feels like I'm working, running somewhere, cleaning, parenting all day everyday to the point that I can barely breathe.

And I haven't written for a week and a half. That feels like forever.

But! Contest winners! I have them for you. We have five of them, and each winner is entitled to ONE book of their choosing. Winners may choose any of the following: WHITE CAT, INCARCERON, IF I STAY, MY FAIR GODMOTHER, BLEEDING VIOLET, or any sequels to the preceding.

The five are:

1. linda

2. Chen Yan Chang

3. jpetroroy

4. Gina

5. Taryn

Yay, winners! Please email me (natalie@nataliewhipple.com) your choice of book and the address you'd like me to send it to.

And thanks again, everyone, for all your comments and kind words about my book deal! It's truly appreciated, so very appreciated. Thank you times infinity.

What I've Been Doing All Day

2011-07-11T20:42:00.000-07:00

I don't know about you, but I make silly promises to myself for when I reach certain goals. Like back when I was querying, I promised myself I could splurge and get an orange purse if I got an agent. It wasn't something I needed, per se, but it was definitely something I wanted. And it was so fun to go out and get it after I signed with my agent, still love that purse almost two years later.

Well, I made a similar promise for if I ever sold a book. It had to do with this little baby:

That would be my "desk." It's a card table, actually, and it's the only desk I've ever really had. Weird, huh. As an artist and writer, you'd think I'd have gotten one of those at one point, but I've always used a folding table of some sort, putting off the day when I'd get a "big girl" desk.

Well, the day has come, my friends, because I told myself I'd get a real live desk when I sold a book! I feel all legit or something. Actually, I just feel like I have SPACE. I can spread out on this new desk. It's freaking awesome. I'm so in love. Are you ready?

My card table used to be in the corner where the laptop is, so you can get an idea of the expanded space. *squee*

Awesome, no? I can't wait to get all cozy with this new desk. It's so fun to have a real place to work, and to know that it came after such a life-changing journey. I can't wait for what the new road has in store for me. And I suppose I better cook up some other hair-brained goals/presents-to-myself!

Weekend Sketch

2011-07-09T15:09:00.000-07:00

This feature will likely become more frequent as I work on the current WIP. My MC (above) is an artist, thus he'll demand I go all method and draw stuff. It's funny, I tend to stay away from making my characters artists, probably because I feel like people will think I'm "writing myself." But, well, here we are. Trent's an artist, and it works. So there.

I decided to draw him at work, since his sketchbook is practically sewn to his arm. It's his way of understanding the world, to draw it and the people who inhabit it.

*sigh* I kind of love him.

Happy Writers: The Rest Of The Story

2011-07-08T11:00:00.000-07:00

Wow, so yesterday was fun! Can I admit I was a little nervous to announce that I sold a book? I know how hard it can be to read announcements, having read so many as a writer on submission, and I didn't want to do that to anyone else. But at the same time, I had to share! I mean, it's news you have to share at some point.

Thank you, thank you SO much for all of your congratulations and kind words. It means so much to know that I'm part of such an amazing community.

I gotta tell you, going out on submission this second time was one of the scariest things ever. If you've been around here for awhile, you know that my first time on sub didn't go so well. As the time for subbing TRANSPARENT approached, I was, honestly, a mess. If you look at my blog in February and March, you can probably tell I was stressed. At one point, I even stopped blogging altogether.

Why? Fear, basically. I'd put absolutely everything I had into TRANSPARENT. Twice, since I completely rewrote it. Two years have already passed since I started writing that book. I spent the first one writing and revising; I spent the second RE-writing and RE-revising. By the time I sent it to my agent, I had no idea if it was even good anymore. You know how that is, when you've been with a book so long you're blind to its merit. It just IS. That was TRANSPARENT.

So as I waited for Anna to weigh in, all I could think was:

What if it happens again?

What if she hates it? Can I seriously rewrite it again?

What if I've put in all this work for another disappointing run at submissions?

What if this is what breaks me?

Will I be able to pick myself up again? How many times can I put myself through this without seriously hurting my sanity?

I'm really good at the What If game. Too good. It's one of those special gifts anxiety gives you. Which is GREAT for writing stories...not so much for trying to get those stories published.

Well, lucky for me, my worries didn't pan out this time. Anna loved the book, which gave me a much needed boost of confidence. Of course there were yet more revisions to be done, but after a long, long time of despising every minute of work, I started to enjoy the story again. A little bud of hope sprung up.

Maybe, maybe this time would be different.

And then we went on sub. Hope is a dangerous, scary, necessity when you're out with editors. It's awful because it makes things hurt more if you're rejected. It's scary because you have it even when you try not to. And it's necessary because it's really the only thing that will keep you going. Oh, hope, you plucky, obnoxious thing. When I felt that hope still there, even after all the stuff I've been through, I knew that I'd keep trying whether or not TRANSPARENT went the way of my first sub experience.

The silence was longer this time than the last. Instead of getting rejections like I expected, I just got...nothing. Nothing is hard! When you get rejections, at least you know stuff is moving, and somehow that makes you move, too. You work on the "fall back" project. You think about revisions. Stuff like that. Nothing leaves you in a state of panic: Is it good? Do they hate it? Are they so indifferent they haven't bothered to pick it up? Or are they just busy? Maybe they're busy. Of course they're busy! NO THEY HATE IT. Stop, shut up, self, you're losing it.

Man, it's tough. I'd like to take a moment to console all those still on sub. *consoles*

After about a month, we heard our first bits of feedback. A couple rejections. A couple going to acquisitions! Cue pins and needles, hiding from my blog, etc.

A week or so later, I was running late to drop Dino Boy off at school, which was particularly bad because I had to be at a dentist appointment directly after and my dentist is not close by. My car clock said one time, but I pulled out my phone to check and see if that one gave me a few more minutes. You know, because then I'd feel better. I don't really like being late (read: I loathe it).

There was a message. From Anna.

I missed her call in my mad dash for the door! I called her back, only staying calm because I had to drive and talk. (Yes, I know, I'm horrible.) So on my way to the dentist, Anna told me we had an offer. And I had no choice but to believe it because I've had a lot of daydreams about how and when I'd get that call, and NONE of them ever involved going to the dentist. Talk about dreams and reality colliding.

And it was Erica who offered. That was the most surreal of all. I can't tell the whole story there, but let's just say it was totally a full circle, poetic kind of thing. Sometimes I still don't believe it worked out like that—it's too perfect, you know?

So of course I freaked out a little. You guys are LUCKY you didn't have to see that. It was like my brain was so used to rejection that it took a while for it to adjust to good news. It was really weird. Like, I knew I was being completely irrational but there I was doing it anyway. Really, really glad to be past that phase.

Now I'm here. I like here. It's certainly not like I imagined, but it's better because it's real. I can finally say, after having this goal for so long, that I did it! It was so, so much harder than I thought it would be, and so, so much more rewarding because of that.

Hard work. It really does pay off. Who knew?

O_O

2011-07-07T04:00:00.000-07:00

How I love that orange logo. So pretty. *pets*

I got a present in the mail on Tuesday. I've been waiting for this particular present for, oh, five years (or my whole life, if I'm being super dramatic). It was supposed to come last week, and let's just say I've never camped the mailbox quite like I did for this bundle of papers.

That would be my book contract.

Yup, my book contract. Because I sold some books in April! I was under strict orders not to announce until I had this lovely contract, so now I can tell you all that TRANSPARENT sold!

And here's the Publisher's Marketplace announcement for further proof (which is mostly for me because even after almost three months it still doesn't feel real sometimes):

Natalie Whipple’s debut novel TRANSPARENT, pitched as X-Men meets The Godfather, in which an invisible girl has to stop her dad—an infamous crime lord—from ruining her life, to Erica Sussman at HarperTeen, in a two-book deal, by Anna Webman at Curtis Brown.

Crazy, right? It's so amazing to watch your dreams become reality, and sometimes scary, but mostly amazing and surreal and a bunch of other descriptions that don't quite capture the emotion. Basically, the title of this post says it best: O_O. That's how it feels. Like, wow, is this actually happening? Are you sure? Because I've had this dream before and woken up, so I'm gonna need some substantial proof here but that's really cool if it's actually real.

Or something like that. (Wow, am I eloquent today or what?)

I wasn't going to take a picture of me signing the contract, and then like three or four of my friends yelled at me. So I took the picture. And here it is. (I'll probably be glad they yelled at me later, like usual.)

Of course, there's a lot more to say about this journey, but I'm thinking I'll save that for tomorrow and leave it at YAY I SOLD A BOOK!

Oh yeah, and I should have a giveaway, right? Share the love! Wee!

TRANSPARENT is what I like to call a "genre buster." It's an odd duck. I can't help but write books that are a little off the beaten path, and I also love reading books that bend genre. I think YA writers are especially lucky because they can play around with genre and still fit under the Young Adult umbrella. Where else could I get away with writing an alternate-present-based-on-alternate-history/scf-fi-ish-but-not/mob family book with strong contemporary elements? Yeah...that's why I call it X-Men meets The Godfather.

So in honor of my dear, slightly strange, book (that you will get to READ), I want to honor some of my favorite "genre busting" books by giving them to YOU!

To Enter:

Leave a comment on this post telling me what one of your favorite genre busting books is. That's it, plain and simple.

The Prizes:

FIVE books will be up for grabs—a single book sent to each of the five winners, who will be chosen at random. Winners may choose the book they want of the five (OR the sequel to that book, if they so desire). The choices will be as follows:

1. WHITE CAT by Holly Black (or RED GLOVE): It's noir meets magic meets mob meets con. What's not to like? I absolutely ADORE this series. I find myself constantly recommending it.

2. INCARCERON by Catherine Fisher (or SAPPHIQUE): Hello, you dystopian meets historical political intrigue meets rich fantasy, thing. Aren't you just lovely?

3. IF I STAY by Gayle Forman (or WHERE SHE WENT): Contemporary with magical elements? Yes, please. More, please. I love you.

4. MY FAIR GODMOTHER by Janette Rallison (or MY UNFAIR GODMOTHER): Talk about fairy tales gone awry! Add in awesome pitch perfect contemporary elements and you have quite the fun, wild ride.

5. BLEEDING VIOLET by Dia Reeves: Tired of "cliché" paranormal? BLEEDING VIOLET is certainly not that. Unexpected. Different. Dark. Awesome WTFness.

Deadline:

Tuesday, July 12 at Midnight MST. Winners will be announced July 13th.

Time to spread the genre busting love! I will now commence dancing and other book deal celebrating fare. Feel free to join me:)

The Backstory Thing

2011-07-05T18:06:00.000-07:00

There's a lot of advice out there about writing backstory. For the most part, I've seen stuff that tells you to not to use it, it is evil and boring and everyone will hate your book if you write it.

Which, well, isn't true.

It is true that backstory can be misused (and it can kill when used poorly), but it's much like any writer tool out there—it has to be done properly, with purpose, and in moderation.

In fact, I will go out on a limb here and say that there is a problem with your book if you have absolutely zero backstory. Why? Because backstory builds the foundation of the current story, of the characters who are part of it. Your story, if it emulates reality, does not happen in a vacuum. If a reader knows nothing of the character and their life pre-story, it's much harder to care about the things happening to them in the story.

Backstory—it's your bread and butter when it comes to characterization. And pitch perfect characterization? Essential to a compelling read.

The Right Form

Backstory isn't just flashbacks, right? There are many ways to get that info out—dialogue, action, memories, etc. It's important to use the entire arsenal, not just one trick. Look for ways to vary your backstory and make it work. It's totally possible.

The Right Balance

Like most things in writing, backstory can go wrong fast. Many would say the most common issue is having too much, but too much isn't the huge problem some make it out to be. You would be surprised how much backstory a book can handle when done right.

Example: The Hunger Games. In the second chapter, there is a six-page flashback. Yes, six whole pages of FLASHBACK. Collins stopped her tension-packed novel for six pages to tell us something about the past.

Was that a bad move? Oh, no. Not at all. It was the perfect move. The flashback I'm referring to is the one in which we learn the relationship between Katniss and Peeta, how him giving her that bread saved her family, how she has always felt indebted to him, and now she must enter the games with this person.

This flashback is the foundation for everything the reader feels about Katniss and Peeta through the rest of the novel. Would we have felt so strongly if we didn't know this about them? I'm gonna say no, probably not.

This flashback, while it seems counterintuitive, doesn't stop the forward action, it makes it mean something. It increases the tension. The book would not be the same without it.

The Right Placement

For me, placing backstory is the make or break, and it's often where writers make missteps. You can certainly have a six-page flashback, but it only works if it's relevant. In fact, backstory ONLY works when it's immediately relevant to your story.

Going back to The Hunger Games flashback, notice that it's placed at the exact moment it becomes important to the story—when Peeta is announced as the male tribute. There is no mention of it before that. No need. If that flashback came out of nowhere at the beginning? Though essential information to the book, maybe it would not be received as well because the reader would not have seen the connection immediately.

The Right Information

While backstory builds character, it's important to build the right things. At times, we can make the mistake of putting in the wrong bit of information. Does the reader need to know that your character never learned to ride a bike? If so, the reader will get on board with backstory about why. If not, the reader will be annoyed with backstory about why. It's that simple.

Basically, backstory has to feel essential to a reader. You get that and you're golden, no matter how much you put in (See If I Stay by Gayle Forman for another amazing use of flashbacks. Basically, over half the book is flashback and it ROCKS.). So don't feel like you have to chop out all your flashbacks and whatnot, just make sure they work. Don't avoid a tool because you can't use it—practice and study until you get it right, because it's a tool for a reason.

Happy Writers: One Thing Never Changes

2011-07-01T09:37:00.000-07:00

Happy Friday, everyone! Boy, has this been a topsy turvy week. I have been all over, but I wanted to quickly hold an HWS meeting.

Have I mentioned I'm writing yet another book?

Uh, yeah, I am. So what if I have, like, way too many books? Here I am writing more, because if there's one thing I've learned through all this publishing stuff is that it's always, always about the book. No matter where you're at on the authorial road, that does not change.

I know sometimes it may not seem like that. Sometimes it feels like it's about what sells and what's popular. Sometimes it feels like it's about who is "in" and who isn't, or like networking is the be all end all. Sometimes it feels like the book is the absolute last thing this is about.

Of course that's not true. As easy as it is to get sucked into everything, it always comes back to the book. Your book. That is the most important thing you can work on. It is the what will get you an agent. It is what will get you published. It is what people will read and love and hopefully want more of.

Your book is everything. And your next book, too.

Whenever I feel rotten, I go back to my books. Those stories—they're the reason I'm here in the first place, and when I put them first everything else falls into place, my mood included.

All Turned Around

2011-06-29T19:25:00.000-07:00

I made these Berry Blondies to keep me company all night. True story.

So we've been going through some life changes here at the Whipple house. One of them is the fact that my husband got a new job! Which, YAY. Seriously, I will not miss my insurance regime one bit. But the new job comes with an interesting change—Nick is working swing and weekends, so now he's gone in the afternoon/evening.

Today is Day 1 of the change, and it's definitely weird to be sitting here while he's still at work. I am very aware of the items in my house that could be used as weapons. And I may have checked the locks on every window and door. I certainly miss him, and I'm still trying to figure out how to make sure he has a decent dinner that isn't always leftovers.

It's funny, how changes seem to come all at once. You'd think they'd space themselves out, but we've had one after the other for a couple months. Change change change. Each day is a new puzzle, some easier than others but always involved. I'm rolling with it, for the most part.

All this to say that I will probably be blogging at night now, when I'm all on my lonesome, because I need to spend the time I have in the morning with Nick and the kids, like I used to in the evenings. I know people don't seem to check the blogs in the evening (at least I rarely get comments past, like, four), but you have a heads up. I hope you'll still stop by when you can!

Between Fact and Fiction

Thai Red Curry

Happy Writers: Having Fun

So Predictable

Not Going There

I Really Was That Bad

January Is A Beast

Friday The Thirteeners!

All Day Q&A

Pros and Cons of The Option Book

Roller Coaster Day

Why I'm Proud That YA Is A Girl-Centric Genre

My One Ridiculous Goal

New Year, New Phase

When You're Bad At Something

Edits! More Edits!

Look What I Got For My Birthday!

What's For Dinner: Bleu Cheese Salad

Think, Think, Think

All Day Q&A

Writing Beginnings Part 3: World Building

Writing Beginnings Part 2: Introducing Characters

Writing Beginnings: Part 1

I Have A Raging Inferiority Complex. Not Surprising, Right?

What You'll Really Get Out Of Blogging

Out Of Habit

Links That Made Me Think

Storymakers! (And The Importance Of Asking)

Japanese Ramen Escapades

Happy Writers: Using What You Love

Time Distortion

Happy Writers: Getting Lost

The Truth Is...

The Price Of Putting Monetary Value On Your Creative Work

Halloween Treat. Or Trick.

Q&A Day!

Step It Up

Caught Red-Handed

Smelling The Roses. Or Whatever.

Monkeys & iPads

Happy Writers: On Hope

Happy Writers: Finding What Works For You

The Casual Vegetarian

What It's Like To Tackle Your First Editorial Letter

Happy Writers: Brain Fried Edition

Right Now

Budding Artist

I Am Tired Of Blogging

Agents Are Not Your Employees. You Are Not Their Customers.

All Day Q&A

Happy Writers: YOU

Buffy, Butterflies, and New Book Ideas (Not Necessarily In That Order)

THE Manuscript

Read For Relief Auction!

Happy Writers: Your Only Competition

A Letter Has Arrived

Pretty Pretty Princess

Interviews!

Happy Writers: Deciding To Be Positive

Drawings & Droolings

Big Fat Smiley Face

Have You Seen My Confidence Lately? It Ran Off. Didn't Even Leave A Note.

Happy Writers: Lime Cupcakes For Everyone!

Monarch & Michelle

*giggles*

Writing When You're NOT A Reader

Happy Writers: The Power of Words

Setting Goals and Making Schedules

Slumps

Counting Down

Happy Writers: Walking Through Ghost Walls

Confessions Of A Writer With A Book Deal

All Day Q&A

To Sequel? Or Not To Sequel?

Weekend Sketchy Sketch

Happy Writers: 5 Things Writer's Edition

That Green-Eyed Thing

Good Stuff

One THOUSAND Blog Posts!

Post #999!

giggles