I Kind of Hate Being Goal Oriented

I have a problem—I need goals to function in life. Some of you may not see this as an issue. Heck, some of you might be jealous because you make goals and then fail to achieve them all the time.

I'm jealous of you guys. I'm dead serious.

If I don't have a goal, man am I useless! I mope around the house, whining about how meaningless my life is and how I'll never amount to anything. I'm not over-exaggerating, either. Nick can attest to several of my pity parties over this. Sure, I could be enjoying some relaxation. Or reveling in having free time for excessive anime marathons. But no. All I can think about is the next goal that will give purpose to my life.

When someone sets a ridiculous goal in my face, I can't help but want to make it happen. It's like a drug. Maybe I just like a challenge, despite my whining. Take my stupid insurance, for example. Oh, I could stick it to the man, cheat, take the fine like a tough girl.

But...but...if I get under 29% body fat I can forgo the fine AND eat whatever I want! I'm kind of a cheap skate, which doesn't help me resist this ridiculous, dictator-imposed goal. Then there's the fact that I'd weigh less than I did in high school, and I secretly want to see if that's even possible.

Gah! See? Dangle a goal in my face and I go nuts.

My friend just said she wanted to take me to In and Out for my birthday next week, and I told her we needed to go somewhere else healthier. And I am going to the gym. A lot. I refuse to eat after dinner no matter how hungry I get. I know I'm doing exactly what this evil insurance wants me to, and yet I can't help myself! Who AM I? I don't even know.

Well, I do know—I'm a goal hunting freak. The same applied to school. I HAD to finish what I started, even if it practically killed me. And, seriously, AP classes? SO not worth it! (Parents everywhere are probably sharpening their pitchforks.) But do you know what AP classes got me? A bunch of stress and college credit that forced me to pick a major sooner, since I'd done like half my generals. Honestly, I kind of wish I could have stayed in college longer, taken more electives...but no, my elective credits were all taken away because of AP art (I passed twice, earning me 6 freaking credits). Go figure.

And, you guessed it, my obsessive over-achieving has dug its way into my writing as well. I can't write unless I have some kind of goal. Finish edits by this time. Write a chapter a day. Crit that MS by the end of the week. The worst thing you can do to me is say "Oh, do it when you feel like it" or "Take your time." No! Give me a freaking deadline! If there's no goal, I won't do it because, for shame, it's just not interesting to me anymore.

This makes me sound like a freak, doesn't it? Well, I am. You should know that by now.

All this to say that I realized this was the exact reason I was dragging my feet on Transparent revisions. There was no reason to finish. No goal to achieve. But now I have one, and it's ridiculous how obsessive I've become about it. Two weeks ago I could hardly convince myself to work on it. Now? I MUST work on it. At all costs.

My house is a disaster. Dino Boy has been playing computer games for the past two days. And dinner is a fend-for-yourself event. But I have a goal (or two)! All is right with the world!

Seriously...someone tell me how to stop this before I nix showering because it cuts into my goal-achieving time.