I've been thinking a lot about sympathy lately, about being kind to people. Treating others kindly is something that makes me happy as a writer. Celebrating with those who meet success, having a heart-to-heart with someone who's walking a tough writing road, and helping newer writers—these are all things that make my own writing journey more fulfilling.
So, I'll be honest, it concerns me when I see people being treated harshly. I'm sure you can think of at least one instance that falls into this category, and it just doesn't give me warm fuzzies. It scares me, even, how easy it is to fall into crowd mentality on the internet. It's so easy to spread a link, to talk about someone you don't know in a poor light (aka: gossip), to leave anonymous, unfair reviews, etc.
I am not above any of this—I have certainly participated here and there, but in the long run I've realized that it makes me feel horrible and sad. Not at all happy. The writing world has its politics, and I've found the less I get involved in them the more productive I am. It's so easy to get sucked in, and I don't think we realize at times how ooky it makes us feel. Some describe these events as "watching a train wreck," as in you can't take your eyes off it. My question: If you're watching that so closely, how are you going to concentrate on your writing?
Maybe I'm just not that great at multi-tasking thoughts. I'm a bit of an obsessor (hello, understatement), so it's either thinking about my story or thinking about something that makes me sad or angry or frustrated. I will take my story, please.
There's been a lot of talk online lately about being nice, but it seems like we sometimes forget that kindness not only is due to the bestseller or the traditionally published or the agent or the editor (aka: the people who can technically advance your career). Personally, I believe kindness is also due to the beginners, the self-published, those in the query trenches, and those who are still learning how to manage this unruly thing we call the publishing industry.
Which is all of us, isn't it?
I've made so many mistakes. My first query was the embodiment of what not to do. I literally did not understand what editing meant for a long time—and I minored in it in college! I've said things I regret. Done things that make me blush or laugh at how naive I was. And I am eternally grateful not to the people who laughed at me, but to the people who took me by the hand and taught me. They helped me understand that sympathy and patience cure much more than mocking. True lessons are given with love.
So I encourage everyone to look outside themselves and see where or who they can help. Giving, helping, sharing, and sympathizing has made me a much happier writer.
Yeah,I thought about doing a joke too, but ended up not doing it.
ReplyDeleteLove this post. SO so true. Sing it sista. ;)
I agree 100%. Internet bullying - even if it seems warranted - is awful and it makes me sad to see it happen. These days I don't participate in it at all. I won't even post links to that kind of stuff.
ReplyDeleteKindness always wins.
Nice. I'm going to RT this.
ReplyDeleteLovely thoughts, Natalie. Also, completely agree with this line, "If you're watching that so closely, how are you going to concentrate on your writing?"
ReplyDeleteRight on, Natalie. I often feel this way, and I do my best (with varying degrees of success) to stay out of such negative energies. Here's hoping that your message reminds others to do the same, so that we can all bask in positivity.
ReplyDeleteGreat post! Let's all promote kindness.
ReplyDeleteWell said! My mom always said you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.
ReplyDeleteNatalie, I've been trying to figure out how to express this and couldn't do it. Thank you for saying this.
ReplyDeleteI always told my students that they would never regret being kind, but they would always remember and regret being mean. So true.
ReplyDelete"If you're watching that so closely, how are you going to concentrate on your writing?"
ReplyDeleteReally needed to hear this today. Thank you.
Excellent post.
ReplyDeleteA lovely post. Hugs...
ReplyDeleteYou know how much I'm with you on this. :)
ReplyDelete(Though I am slightly disappointed you didn't go through with your brilliant joke. Next year! :)
Great post, as usual Natalie. While I don't think I'm unkind too often, online or off, I sometimes fall into the trap of being snide - snarky, sarcastic, whatever you want to call it. It's my form of self-defense to get in with a smart aleck quip before someone else gets there. But it can lead me down the road of not-niceness and I have to be careful. I have kids so I preach the do unto others often. I just have to make sure I hear it when I say it. There was an interesting op ed piece in Salon about going a month without snark..It definitely made me think! http://bit.ly/fXfQlN
ReplyDeleteI could not agree with you more. Excellent post!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Natalie. Again, you have inspired me.
ReplyDeleteThis was just the good mood boost that I needed. Well said!
ReplyDelete*claps* Thanks for the reminder. Between your post and the one today at Bookends Lit, I have taken a deep breath and let out the bad mojo. :) Gonna go walk in the sun with my boys today. Hope you enjoy your weekend.
ReplyDeletePS-I too made huge mistakes in my first queries. Maybe I still am, but I'm learning. ;)
Amen, sister. :) Totally agree. And I won't even go into all the embarrassing things I did as a newb.
ReplyDeleteThis was a great post. Falling into 'the group mentality' can be even trickier on the internet than it is in everyday life, and it can be sad to see when things get out of control. Your thoughtful post gave my day a nice boost. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteGreat post Natalie! I try really hard to remember that I want the things I say online to be something I'll be proud of later and to give people the benefit of the doubt when they say something not terribly nice. Still working on it but it makes life easier if we choose to be nice!
ReplyDeleteThis post makes me happy. I'm proud to have writer friends like you! :) Hooray for remembering that we were all total nooblets at one point or another. Thanks for this, Natalie!
ReplyDeleteYou have always been supportive to beginning writers and what goes around comes around. May your April Fools post title soon come to fruition! :0)
ReplyDeleteI think being supportive and nice will be very healthy for everyone to try to implement into their lives. Great post.
ReplyDeleteI also strive to do these:
ReplyDeleteGive people the benefit of the doubt, especially since tone is so hard to convey online. If someone sends me a message that could have been meant nicely or snarkily, I will assume the nicer meaning.
Not rush to respond. If I'm upset about something, give it time before I respond, so that I can express myself calmly. Sometimes while I'm still in that sorting-out period, the person will apologize before I even get to respond.
Try not to say things about people behind their backs that I wouldn't say to their faces.
Give compliments whenever I can do so honestly.
I'm not perfect by any means, but these are my goals.
Great post. I'm always trying to be kinder, especially at work. It's not that I'm not a nice person. But sometimes when I get busy, I just forget that slowing down and being nice is what's needed. Probably the same for others.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful post -- thanks. In the times when I've thrown myself into a rant, it is so draining and demoralizing that I end up thinking, "yup, that was a really bad idea." I love what you have to say about focusing on writing instead, and helping each other along. Fabulous.
ReplyDeleteGreat post Natalie
ReplyDeleteThe weekend just past was lovely, I was unplugged and enjoying the physical world. I was still on a bit of a high this morning when I plugged back in. Sadly that didn't last long as I opened blogger and Twitter to find all kinds of negativity flying. I am so pleased after landing with a thump that your post has lifted me right back up to the ceiling. I think we could all take a lesson from Mary Poppins Uncle and spend the days laughing and bobbing against the ceiling :)
Thanks for posting this. As a newbie, I'm glad to know there are supportive folks like you out there, and as one who too frequently feels the need to insert her two cents' worth (like in this comment), I appreciate the gentle reminder that sometimes we need to think twice before we let the fingers loose on the keyboard.
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