Oh, sure, I had plans. I spent the better part of high school planning. I did well in school because I wanted to go to college. I filled out my resume with a ridiculous amount of extracurricular activities. I even decided not to have any serious relationships because it would get in the way (and boys were scary and stupid anyway).
But that summer, oh, that summer. I realized that the planning was over. Now I had to actually DO all those things I put on The List of My Future.
Planning is easy. Doing? Not so much.
I hung on to everyday, living like a kid because, like Wendy, I was about to be moved out of the nursery. Into the big, scary Real World. I mean, how can you really plan for that? There's too much you still have to learn, and that only comes in doing.
And so I jumped in. Okay, I lived at home my first year of college. BUT. I got a job at a magazine! I had a full class load. I totally went to college and did my thing. Yeah, I had to switch majors. And I went on a lot of epically awkward dates. And some of my roommates were...quirky. And I had an emotionally abusive boyfriend for awhile. I questioned my faith. I questioned a lot of things. Life hasn't been fun or easy all the time.
But I also found a major perfect for me. I met the love of my life. I graduated. I had kids, who are obnoxiously adorable and cunning. I decided to follow a lifelong dream, which has been hard but ultimately fulfilling. I feel like I'm 100 times prettier than I was in high school (apparently I peaked way late), and though I still have my insecurities I'm more confident than I have ever been. I am happy.
Things worked out.
I've been thinking a lot about the girl I was that summer after high school graduation, about how scared she was that life wouldn't be what she hoped. And I want to tell her, and anyone who needs to hear, that life becomes what you want, as long as you're willing to go after it. Sometimes it's easy. Sometimes you have to muscle your way through. But, somehow, it works out.
My sister is an aspiring author and RAVES over your blog. I'm not so much aspiring to do much right now but get my laundry done, however-on a whim decided to read your post today and I just really loved it. It resonated so much with me, and I guess I just wanted to thank you for writing it, it surprised me, in a wonderful way! I will be back again to read more!
ReplyDeleteLovely post, Natalie. Since I'm turning 30 this year, I've been feeling similarly reflective. But these days there's a lot to celebrate and be happy about. It's nice to realize one's happy and fulfilled.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Natalie. This is very encouraging. I'm kind of in that terrified summer-after-graduation stage, so unsure and insecure. So this was very comforting and encouraging. Thanks for posting. :)
ReplyDeleteWell put.
ReplyDeleteI have to say that I'm glad my life didn't turn out the way I thought it would when I was in my 20's. Because I was really goofy and deluded in my 20's and I thought I wanted all kinds of stupid stuff!
I'm happy now, a lot happier than I ever thought I'd be.
I just found this blog and am so glad I did. I know exactly how you felt back then, and now. I'm a chronic planner who's had to learn to let go a little bit. And now there are so many things that have worked out that I NEVER planned on, one of them being writing. And while I have yet to be signed to an agent I know things will work out.
ReplyDeleteI just started this whole blogging thing and would love to share ideas with you. Feel free to check me out at www.3pointperspective.blogspot.com and thanks again for the encouragement!
So true. Things Work Out ends up being a major theme in everything I write, along with its close relatives It's Never Too Late and Forgive Yourself.
ReplyDeleteYou could not pay me enough to relive high school. My twenties have been infinitely better than my teens. And they may not always turn out as planned, but things have a way of coming together regardless.
ReplyDeleteWho really knows what they want, anyway?
Let's see... what was I doing that summer between high school and university? Oh, yes, my worst job ever. Maintenance division in a roofing factory. To this day, I detest the smell of shingles and tar.
ReplyDeleteExcellent post, Natalie!
Great post! I totally believe that your attitude has so much to do with what life hands you. Stick it out through the thick and the thin and you'll end up where you need to be. :)
ReplyDeleteNicely said, Natalie!
ReplyDeleteAngela @ The Bookshelf Muse
That's a good way to look at it. I'm still looking for that peak!
ReplyDeleteI totally get this. I'm a dreamer. I love dreaming things up. But reality almost never lives up to dreams. And so I end up crippled, and not wanting to do things.
ReplyDeleteWhich is why I don't write half the time. :(
But things work out, right?
I've been thinking about HS lately too (mostly because my 10 year reunion is this summer, EEEK!)... that was a really awkward time, wasn't it... yikes I'm so glad I'm older now. hahaha.
ReplyDeleteThis post comes at a good time for me, especially since I've been questioning my planning for a while. I especially loved the last paragraph. It resonates deeply with me.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I really like your new profile picture, and I love the new haircut and the red heels. You could totally be in a magazine. Loving it!
I totally feel this way right now. I just graduated from college, which seemed to prolong my childhood rather than cut it short (it was like a very fun version of high school without all the drama). I feel like I need to calm down and just take life one day at a time. This is a great post. It gives me hope. =)
ReplyDeleteReally great post, Natalie. Things do work out. Just 6 years ago I was working part-time in a convenience store and hooked on online games. I'd finished college, had a wonderful girlfriend, but I had no direction. No plan for making my writing dream come true.
ReplyDeleteNow my girlfriend and I are married, own a home and are expecting our first baby. I have a good day job that's also given me the time to write and my firts novel is due out next year.
Things are good!
Great post. I recently found some old diaries from high school and was surprised at the things that worried me. Things definitely have a way of working themselves out. It just takes time.
ReplyDelete"(and boys were scary and stupid anyway)" - tru dat!
ReplyDeleteGreat post, and I love the last paragraph especially. You're right: we DO have to go after life. After a few years of waffling on that, I'm doing my best...
GREAT post! I'm muscling my way through...=)
ReplyDeleteI totally agree. Attitude is everything. No matter what happens in life, if you go into it with a positive attitude (even if it sucks), things always work out. Great post. :)
ReplyDeleteI love these lines in particular: "life becomes what you want, as long as you're willing to go after it. Sometimes it's easy. Sometimes you have to muscle your way through." I think we need to develop the vision first, which I definitely did not have in high school or even college (or grad school--yikes!). At those points, I wish I'd had more faith that I'd figure it out eventually. Thanks for the post.
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