Your Relationship With Writing & Publishing

I like to think of my relationship with writing as one of clumsy discovery, frequent doubt, and an alarming amount of "Hail Mary" plays as things miraculously come together. The unknown element is what I love most.

My relationship with publishing is more like having an emotionally abusive boyfriend, who is constantly telling me I look stupid or fat and maybe I should change my clothes or probably my whole face. But then he says one nice thing and I forgive him all wrongdoing. 

These are MY relationships with writing and publishing. Not yours. I want to make this clear because I think sometimes people like to tell writers what their relationships with these two entities should be. You've probably heard stuff like:

"You have to treat writing like a real job or you won't get anywhere." 

"Writing is the best job ever, why treat it like a 'real job' when you don't have to?"

"You shouldn't get down about rejections—toughen up."

"It's okay to feel bad about rejections. It's natural."

"Writing isn't a magical thing. You just put words on the paper and fix them stop whining about writer's block."

"Writing is a creative process, and you can't entirely control it nor should you. Go with the flow."

Let's take a moment to absorb the juxtaposition of all those statements. Because once you do, you might realize that this kind of writing advice is just as varied and subjective as the advice you get on your actual books. 

The truth is, there's no one way to be a writer. 

Back to my relationships with writing and publishing: Are they perfect? Hell. No. Do they evolve? Yes, a little. But the fact of the matter is that they are mine. The way I approach writing and publishing is completely personal, as it is for you and all the other authors out there. Our experiences may overlap a bit or even a lot, but because we're individuals we all experience this profession differently. 

We're all still learning and going through things that are specific only to us. We all have to figure out the best way to deal with this business and the work on our own. For some that may be "butt in chair" and for others it may be "go on a walk and have a think." Both are okay. 

Your relationship with writing or publishing may not be perfect or in some cases not even healthy (we all know mine hasn't always been healthy)—but that is for you to deal with and figure out and come to terms with. Don't let anyone make you feel bad for what you struggle with. This really is a journey, a learning process, and as you go along you'll figure it all out for yourself.