So remember how I was all, "I'm going to finish Transparent this week! Wahoo! I'm awesome!"
Yeah...that's probably not happening now. Turns out I've been reminded once again that I am not, in fact, very awesome. I love eating my words like that. Yummy.
But it's okay! Well, mostly okay. You might have picked up a slightly "down in the dumps" vibe from yesterday's post. It's been a rough week for many reasons—funny how life can get in the way of writing like that.
It really all started Monday night. I'd finished the "third to last chapter" (which now might be more like the "fourth or fifth to last chapter" [arg]), when something started nagging at me. I'd planned how the end would go. I'd figured it out and outlined it and everything!
But at that moment, when I finally got to that point in the manuscript...I just knew it wasn't right.
All of the sudden I didn't have an ending! I was at the end and, bam, I suddenly couldn't write it the way I planned. Sure, I knew what was wrong (let's just say a sort of deus ex machina issue), but I didn't know how to fix it. So there I was wanting to be done SO BAD and not moving forward.
This writing thing is maddening, I tell you. Maddening.
Kiersten was all "Just write it and I'll tell you if it's bad!" Then I'd be like "But I KNOW it's wrong! It WILL be bad! I'm not wasting my time on wrong." And then she'd be all "But I want the ending! Wahhh!" (Okay, she didn't "Wahhh!")
And then some other stuff happened, which made it even harder to see how this ending was supposed to go.
Maybe a year ago I would have just written the ending I'd planned, knowing it wasn't right but not knowing how to fix it. "Oh, it's fine for now," I'd say to myself. "I'll figure it out later. Or even better, maybe no one will notice and I won't have to!"
But this pause, this patience in waiting for the answer, tells me that maybe I have grown as a writer. Maybe I am a little bit better. I have more instincts than I used to. Not that I'm anywhere near perfect, but I can more easily sense when my story is going off track. And instead of just letting it, I wait for it to come back or run after it and force it back. Either way.
Last night, my dear Fiona told me the beginning of the answer, and the rest kind of filled itself in. I'm letting it marinate a little, but I know this is the better choice, and I'm glad I waited for it.