Happy Writers: Having Fun

My new favorite title in all existence. (via @sarahlapolla) Makes me SO HAPPY.

So it's been awhile since I've done a Happy Writers Society post. It wasn't that I was UNhappy, but I guess lately I've felt like I've covered many topics and I was having trouble coming up with new ones.

Actually, I've been a really happy writer lately! I almost feel guilty about how much I've been enjoying my work. Sometimes it feels like maybe I'm doing it wrong if I'm having fun. Of course that's not true, but you get that sense at times. We should be suffering for our art. It should be hard always.

I don't think so, honestly. I think we slog through the rough parts because we know how great the good times are. When we're having a good time? Dude, I say ENJOY it to its fullest. And, yeah, maybe other people will be offended by your happiness, but that really says more about them than you. I've had to learn about that lately, the whole not letting other people stop me from being happy with what I have.

So I'll admit it—I'm having FUN right now! I've been through a lot of hard stuff, and it makes this part all the sweeter. I've turned in revisions. I have another project I love to clean up. AND I have a new story I've just started writing. Things are flowing. I'm feeling really good about my work for the first time in...oh...two years? I want to hold on to this feeling as long as I can, because I know the darker ones are always lurking.

Have fun with your writing. I know it can be hard when writing becomes tangled up in the pursuit of publishing, but try not to let go of writing and what it gives you. Treasure the good moments. Don't waste them in worrying about what might come next.

So Predictable

While every novel has its own challenges, it's quite scary how I find myself repeating the same phases. (My friends, too. It's adorable, and I love reminding them that they freaked out about the same exact thing LAST time, ha.)

My phases go kinda like this:

1. Falling Fast and Hard

When the idea hits, I'm so a love-at-first-sight writer. I grab on and dive in with nary a thought to anything else. I just want to BE with my idea. We're in love. It's perfect.

2. What have I DONE?

And then Act I ends, and I'm fifty pages in, and I go straight into a panic. Seriously, every single time. I stare at my story, wondering if I was too rash, if it's really worth going further. There's a lot of whining to my friends at this point, and they are sweet enough to push me along and tell me to shut up and keep going.

3. Middles Suck

Even if I have a clear idea of how I want the story to evolve, the middle drives me nuts. I'm too far from the end to have faith that it'll come together, and I freak about going in circles.

4. Seeing The Light

Around 50k, I start to feel like I have an actual BOOK on my hands—a book that has an ending and everything! I really pick up speed around this point, and that first love comes rushing back full force.

5. First Draft High

There's a reason I have 13 finished drafts—I LOVE finishing a first draft! It's such a high. Every time. I float around giddily, mooning over my new baby book and how sweet it is, so full of potential.

6. Pre-Revision Melt Down

This quickly follows #5, with all its crushing reality. The book is far from perfect. There's still so much to do. Should I even BOTHER? Will this thing sell? Did I waste my time? Will anyone even like it? I can't possibly make this book what it deserves to be. Woe. Misery. Trepidation.

7. The Revision Cycle

• First 100 pages: THIS WILL TAKE FOREVER

• Next 100-150: This isn't so bad...

• Last 50 or so: Almost done just GET DONE BEFORE I LOSE IT

8. Post-Revision Daze

Symptoms include extreme exhaustion (probably due to brain over-exertion), a disastrous house, a realization of all the things you DIDN'T do while editing, no desire to do said things, and an extreme craving for bad food and TV binges.

9. Hey, That Might Be A Good Idea For A Book...

Then, as the haze lifts, something catches in your mind. A snippet of conversation. An image. A song. A news clip. A voice. You think, "I need to write that." And you start, having forgotten completely how hard it was to do the last time.

Not Going There

It's really easy to go there as a writer. And by "there" I mean that icky place where you feel miserable about your writing and career, and you look at what others have and wonder if it's better than what you have (or worse, truly believe it is better). It's easy, at any phase, to feel sorry for yourself, to wish for more, to be jealous.

Over the past five years I've let myself go there a lot. Once, I even wrote a book because I read one and thought, "Wow, I can do way better than that just you watch." (It wasn't better, by the way.) I have read book deals for friends and felt that twinge of jealousy. Heck, I've read book deals for total strangers and gone into jealous rages/massive pity parties. I've compared everything possible to compare—followers, comments, tweets, books, agents, editors, pub dates, covers, advances, conference attendance, book signing attendance, tours, swag, and on and on.

Frankly, I'm tired of going there.

It's taken me far too long to figure out that going to that place makes my life more complicated than it needs to be. It makes me unhappy with who I am, which results in a lot of nasty things like depression, anxiety, jealousy, overworking, pandering, ingratitude, insecurity, and eventually a severe lack of productivity. All of these things get in the way of my life, my work, everything. And I've finally figured out that I've basically been making it harder on myself.

I've been reading the Turning Points on Nova Ren Suma's blog, and I think I'm personally going through one of my own right now.

I've finally realized I don't have to go there.

I don't have to be jealous of the seven-figure deals. I don't have to wish my book was published two years ago. I don't have to try to be this author or that one. I don't have to worry about being mid-list or paperback. I don't have to stress over reviews. Or mourn the fact that I'll never get an award (yes, I panic over things not even on my publishing radar).

I can be happy with what I have. I AM happy with what I have.

The more I get to know writers from all publishing circumstances, the more I've learned that not a single one of those paths is easy. Not a single one will automatically make you happy. Trust me, there's always something wrong if you feel like looking for it. Which means the flip side is true, too—there's always something wonderful if you feel like looking for it.

For a long time I preached this attitude because I knew that was how I should feel, but deep down I was still struggling with it. I'd hoped that by writing it out maybe I could convince myself to snap out of it or something. It didn't really work.

But lately I've been able to stop myself from going there, and it's been so liberating. I never want to go to that place again. Life is so much easier when I let myself embrace what I have, enjoy what I do, and celebrate the victories of others.

I Really Was That Bad

If you want a sneak peak into just how bad my early writing was, head on over to Friday The Thirteeners, where I have posted a video of me reading said bad writing.

While it was humiliating, it was also a bit of a confidence booster to see how much I have grown over the years. Sometimes it doesn't feel like the work is helping you improve, but it is. I may not be some amazing author people will laud when I'm dead, but I am a better author than I ever have been. I can live with that.

January Is A Beast

Writing is a funny profession. You can go months with nary a whisper of anything happening, and then all of the sudden about 10 things are dumped in your lap at once. I'm not complaining about this, it just seems to be the nature of the job.

January has been one of those months for me. On the writing front alone, I've had two books to edit, two proposals for my option to prepare, a new blog to launch, and that whole crazy reading challenge I got myself into. Throw in school troubles for Dino Boy, a particularly naughty Ninja Girl streak, and typical pregnancy fatigue, and wow, I'm still trying to figure out how I made it through the last two weeks.

But at least I've been making progress! I finished edits on SIDEKICK last week, so now I only face the behemoth that is TRANSPARENT. It's weird, how small edits can take so long to enter. I mean, we are to the point that it's a cut there, a word change there, but you have to consider each one and it takes up a lot of time. Other Life Things have to be shifted around for a little bit while this work stares me in the face (Like giving up Korean Dramas. *sniff*).

I think that's why it gets harder and harder for me to answer the question, "How do you find balance?" Honestly? I don't. The best I can do is prioritize what needs to get done and do it in a timely fashion. I'm not sure writing has ever been much about "balance." It's more like triage—you do what's most pressing first and work down the line, hoping you didn't miss something vital along the way.

The one thing that has changed for me throughout the years, though: I no longer see writing tasks as The Most Important Thing Always. It used to come first over all aspects of my life, and that really messed me up. I still get my work done, but now I have the right perspective. I can see that sometimes it's more important to get my kids out of the house. Or it's more important to make a nice meal for my husband to take to work. Or it's more important to be there for a friend.

So while January has been a crazy whirlwind this far, I'm managing just fine. I'm happy I can say this, because I think a month like this would have ripped me to shreds a couple years back.

Friday The Thirteeners!

I'm participating in a group blog! It's called Friday The Thirteeners, and it's a small group of authors debuting in 2013, ready to take your Truth Or Dares.

This marks kind of a new phase in blogging for me, which is strange to say after four years in the game. But. I have never joined a group blog! And it's been really fun to plan with these ladies for the past several month, to get to know them, and to meet more writers who are going through the same debut nerves as I am.

Please check out the blog! There are fabulous prizes (13 of them!), and you have a chance to challenge me to a Truth Or Dare. And don't worry, I'm not one to wuss out. Whatever I end up with should be utterly humiliating, and available for viewing next week:)

All Day Q&A

Doing this a few days early because something BIG is coming on Friday. Get excited.

So ask away! I will sit here patiently. Or not patiently. When have I ever done something patiently?