Wednesday, December 22, 2010

How To Not Feel Guilty About Writing Breaks

I haven't edited this week yet, even though I am four chapters from the end and I kind of need to finish this project in a timely manner. I've started writing a random short story—a retelling of Snow White, of all things, because I've always felt bad about how often she's portrayed as pretty naive and all around stupid—and it's super fun and distracting and I basically love it already.

And guess what? I don't at all feel guilty about this.

Oh, last year I probably would have beat myself up for being so lazy or whatnot, but things have changed for me. While I still have goals that I want to (and will) meet, I also know when I need to step back and have fun with writing again.

I mentioned this on Twitter, and a lot of people asked how I got to this fairly chill state of being, as far as writers go. I'm not sure you'll like my answer.

Basically, I've been on submission for 15 months. Almost 16. Woot. No, in all seriousness, a lot of writers wonder when that nagging pit of angst will go away—if it'll ever go away. Good news! I does go away! ...after like 13 months on submission.

That first year on sub, it was a constant mental barrage of "Oh my gosh I have to sell the first year or I'll be a total loser and I will never succeed and I'll be one of those lame writers who spends years on sub with no bites." And then I hit the year mark, which was totally devastating and embarrassing. Worst fears realized. All that jazz.

It sucked for like a month, and then...it just stopped sucking. It is what it is, you know?

I'd spent a lot of time worrying about something that, overall, wasn't that big of a deal. My life did not end. I don't entirely suck as a writer. I still had stories to tell. My agent did not dump me. People in the streets didn't point and laugh at me.

Shocking, I know.

After all that, I realized I was taking writing (and life in general) way too seriously. I'd lost the love. Writing had become a thorn in my side, something I considered removing from my life. So I took a long break—I took a few this year, actually—and I realized I had fallen prey to the publishing machine. Oh, I thought I was strong and doing fine, but I wasn't. I let rejections, etc., beat me down and suck out all the love I once had for telling stories.

I didn't want to feel like that anymore, so I went back to the beginning. I started writing for myself again. I decided that I would enjoy it no matter what came of it. I started the Happy Writers Society, mostly to remind myself that I don't have to be a tortured writer. I can be a happy writer at whatever stage I'm in.

And it worked, for the most part. I definitely still have my days, but I am also happier with my writing than I've been in a long time. I know when I start to feel crappy I need to step back and take a few days off. I am determined never to let myself get to that bad place again.

24 comments:

  1. I'm at that stage right now--between hate and hate of writing. I'm trying to find the love again and it's slowly getting there but taking time.

    I'm glad to know you're writing for you. Writing for the love. And happy doing it.

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  2. I hit the point that I even started to hate reading.
    A little break to read a couple of my old favs cured that.

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  3. A first time commenter here, but I wanted to say your post really made an impact. I am quite overwhelmed right now by reading and writing, not to mention other obligations in my life, so it's good to hear that maybe I'm not the only one who hits these slumps.

    Thank you for being so honest!

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  4. A retelling of Snow White, interesting. I don't think I've seen any stories like that before. As far as fairy tale heroines go, she is often unfairly overlooked compared to the other heroines.

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  5. I took off three whole months this summer. I read myself into a migraine every night, played with my kids, and organized my house. When it was all done, I was able to come back to my ms and crank out 40K words plus edits in three months. The break was well worth it!

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  6. I <3 this post. Just sayin. You should bottle your zen attitude and sell it to the rest of us!

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  7. What a great attitude to have! I feel very similarly, although my "depths of despair" probably weren't as deep as yours, since I haven't accomplished as much as you have. (Yet!) But yes, after some emotional struggles, I feel very, VERY at peace with myself and my writing now. As you said, we can be happy writers at any stage. And that, I think, is more important than most other measurements of success.

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  8. Oh Natalie, this is perfect timing. How I needed this post. Thank you!

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  9. I think this is good advice for anyone trying to achieve their dream. Reaching the goal becomes all-consuming; sometimes you need to step back and remind yourself why it is you're striving for it in the first place.

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  10. I am so sick of my break!

    I really want to work on my project right now...but there is TOO MUCH going on--i.e. husband out of school, my mom and siblings on vacation, too much candy around the house.

    Maybe if it were a self induced break I'd be cool with it... but I just can't seem to get alone time lately and it's driving me CRAZY!

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  11. Yes, yes, yes.

    For most of us, writing does not bring world-wide fame and set-up-for-life fortune. If it isn't fun (in some way, even a cathartic way), if we don't love it, there's no reason to do it.

    Glad you found the fun again!

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  12. Lovely post! This is one I'll bookmark and come back to lest I forget that writing should bring joy to my life, not stress. Thank you!

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  13. This is a good post. I often get too stressed out thinking I need to finish a project or finish something worthwhile that I let it pull all the fun out of my writing. Maybe I just need to step back and take it easy and have fun writing. :)

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  14. That's how querying was(/is) for me. After almost a year of it, I stop caring about rejections and remember how cool my life is.

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  15. Good for you :) Writing should never stop being fun for writers.

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  16. Such a fantastic post! This journey is an unbelievable emotional rollercoaster, but love is at the heart of it. Rejections sting, expectations can be nerve-wracking, and that bubble of angst sometimes feels like it's settled over you for good ... but at the end of the day, it's that love of writing that matters most. Sometimes we just have to learn to stop pressuring ourselves. We just have to let go and write for the love of it. Thanks for that reminder :)

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  17. Once again, you've got a great attitude about this, Natalie!

    And Adam, I love you comment. Someone else's arbitrary rejection of a project shouldn't take away any coolness in a writer's life.

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  18. I'm happy you found peace in your writing. Good luck!

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  19. It is pretty difficult not to be consumed, isn't it? But you are an inspiration to the rest of us! :)

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  20. Great attitude. I need to get there and stay there. Sometimes I get frustrated with how many rewrites it's taking before I can even submit. But I really just want to enjoy the writing and my blogger friends and critique group. Thanks for reminding me.

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  21. Great post Natalie! My New Years Resolution is to enjoy the now, whatever it may contain and breaks are always good, even from things we love! I'm planning one from the internet starting in about 5 minutes :)

    Happy Holidays!

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  22. You know, I really like your blog. I don't even have an agent, but I'm busy working on the second book in my series because regardless of agents, editors, publishers and the like of the literary community, my story just needs to be told. And so thanks for making me realize that even if I did get through part of the process, there's a good chance I would still have a long way to go.

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  23. Can I just say first and foremost that I really want to read the Snow White re-telling. It sounds awesome.

    Second, I really love this blog. Like Rhiannon above me said, I don't have an agent, and I'm not even near that point, but I love the honestly of your blog. I obviously want you to succeed, but I think you are showing the side of the publishing industry that many of us don't see. There aren't many authors out there as honest as you, so thank you for that!

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  24. Well-said. I'll try to take your words to heart as I strike out on my own nascent writerly journey.

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