Thanks to publishing, my concept of time has completely gone out the window. This is both a good and bad thing. On the one hand, I have trouble gauging when I need to get up and how much time it'll take to get my kids ready for school. It's usually a hectic whirlwind in the morning. And then there's the fact that I promised to beta a book in a week, and it's Wednesday and I have read all of two pages. I generally forget events that aren't immediately important, like church activities or book signings or really anything that requires me getting dressed. Then people are like, "Where were you?" And I stare at them blankly, desperately trying to remember where I was supposed to be.
Things just come up too fast! They're over before I can remember to make a big deal out of them.
Maybe it's the sleeping. I swear I sleep like 16 hours a day. I'm like a cat. Sleep, eat, whine. Sleep, eat, whine.
But there are good things, too. Like the fact that the six months until my due date sounds SUPER short now. I remember when six months sounded like an eternity. When I first started writing, heck, I thought you could get published in that amount of time! Now I'm like, "Six months? Oh, that's right around the corner. A year? That's SOON."
I used to wonder if that restlessness would ever go away, if I'd ever find a measure of patience. I wouldn't say I'm totally zen, but I have come to accept publishing time. That's a miracle, considering I spent many years determined to hurry the process along—essentially trying to rush a glacier down the mountain. Or something. That's a horrible comparison.
I'm such a good writer.
Anyway, I don't know what I'm trying to say here. Maybe that for the first time in...okay for the first time EVER, I'm not in any rush. And it's nice. And I'm wondering why I spent so much time running around frantically and trying to force things to go faster. And why did I sink all that time into querying instead of honing my craft? And why did it take me so long to realize making my writing better was the only way?
Oh, so much hindsight up in here lately. Funny how that works.