Monday, February 27, 2012

I'm A Fish Killer. For Now.

So I've inadvertently become an amateur aquarist. I decided to get Dino Boy a fish, because he had always wanted a pet and we live in an apartment so, yeah, I figured a gold fish would be easy. They are, after all, your standard first pet. You see them in bowls all growing up. You hear they die, but eh, may as well roll the dice for a fairly cheap and easy pet.

Ha. Oh, my naivety.

Turns out taking care of fish is a lot like learning how to write. The first point being that most people *think* writing a book is easy, but they are sorely mistaken. They open up that fresh Word doc with much the same attitude I had bringing home my son's new goldfish. "This will be easy. I know what I'm doing. It can't be that bad." And then there's a dead fish in a month. Or an abandoned, mangled manuscript.

Even after much googling, Petsmart trips, buying a bigger tank, learning how to test water conditions, and buying medication, we lost two poor fish, and the third had a seriously close call, just finally responding to medication. As I've lost these poor guys, due solely to my inexperience and lack of research, I can't help thinking about how I was as an amateur writer. How I am as an amateur anything, really.

I tend to bite off more than I can handle. I get really excited by whatever new thing I'm doing without stopping to think about how it *should* be done. Then, of course, I fail miserably.

Sometimes my failure leads to abandoning a hobby. Like dancing. I was horribly uncoordinated and had no problem saying goodbye without much effort past a few classes. But then there have been other things, like art and writing, where my failures don't seem to stop me from trying and learning more. For some strange reason, fish keeping has been the same way. Despite killing two fish thus far and making just about every rookie mistake, I'm still determined to get this thing down.

It's been weirdly fun to be an amateur again. The fish killing, of course, was horrible, but learning a new thing has been invigorating. And finally garnering some type of success has had me on cloud nine all day. My fish is eating again! I did something right! I saved the poor thing from the fate of his earlier companions! It's like I'm getting somewhere, and I remember those same excited feelings when I began to make progress as a writer as well. That's the fun thing about starting as an amateur—you can usually SEE your progress clearly. The better you get, the harder it is to tell you're improving at all.

Sometimes, I feel like I've peaked as a writer, or maybe not so much peaked...more like, it's become a little stagnant. My improvements are small tweaks, where they used to be huge leaps. While I wouldn't want to go back, and I'm definitely proud of how far I've come, that newness is kind of gone. The victories are quieter. My routine has settled. I know what to expect when I go into a project. None of this is bad—just a different kind of enjoyment that you have to get used to.

I have no idea how far I'll take my newfound enjoyment for aquariums, but I'm happy to have found a New Thing that brings me not only enjoyment, but lessons to learn from. I may have saved one fish, but I'm still far from knowing my stuff. I look forward to the adventure, and this new one has reminded me that my writing road isn't over yet, that there's still excitement and newness and victories to come.

18 comments:

  1. So, I don't know what books you may be using in your amateur aquarist venture, but this one helped me a LOT http://www.amazon.com/Simple-Guide-To-Freshwater-Aquarium/dp/B006PHBQX2/ref=sr_1_13?ie=UTF8&qid=1330382279&sr=8-13

    And speaking as an amateur in the writing field, thank you so much for sharing your experience with the rest of us.

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  2. Little known fact - goldfish get seasick, and it can kill them (which is why so many carnival fish die within 72 hours of the ping pong ball toss. Distilled water will kill them, too, via suffocation. My grandmother accidentally steamed a tank of fish to death by keeping them on the counter above the dishwasher.

    Try Black-Moor goldfish. (The ones with the bugged out eyes) I had those in high school, and the oldest I was honestly starting to wonder if it was immortal. It hung on for 9 years.

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  3. Josin, I lost a Blackmoor last week:( Finally figured out it was a bacterial infection because the other with a white tail showed the red streaks. He's doing MUCH better today, thankfully. I've read about so many fish diseases in the past weeks it's not even funny. My biggest problem is that the new tank hadn't settled and my water wasn't clean enough—thought the fancy filter just made it all nice! Then I learned about the ammonia/nitrite/nitrate cycle...yeah, New Tank Syndrome hardcore

    Anyway, it's been very interesting and I have a newfound respect for those who are pros at this. It's not an easy thing!

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  4. Ah, the joys of pet fish. We have a ridiculously cool fish called a dinosaur eel fish or dinosaur birchid (I'm sure I spelled that wrong. *sigh*). We've had it for two years, and the crazy thing actually COMES OUT TO SAY HI when you walk up to the tank.

    He belongs to my son. Sadly, since we didn't realize he was predatory, we got my daughter some goldfish at the same time. He, um, ate them. Luckily, she wasn't too attached... LOL.

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    1. Our remaining goldfish is very friendly as well! Well, when he wasn't sick. I was SO happy to see him come say hi to me this morning after five days of not eating and hiding in one place. Such a relief:)

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  5. I hate to admit it, but I've seen many fish die while in my care over the years. The worst story is when my son was 2, he put a ton of raisins in the tank to feed them. I didn't notice until the next day, when all the fish were dead and the raisins were back to the size of grapes. :(

    My son is now 11 and found some turtles in the garden (near a creek) last fall and we're raising those through the winter. Glad to say they're still alive!!
    erica

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  6. So, I hate pet fish, b/c I killed so many as a kid, which was very discouraging and not fun.

    But I'm glad YOU are enjoying them! Many people do. (Including my boyfriend, who wants like a 10 ft. saltwater tank someday. Oh boy...)

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  7. Awe, the love of the 'shiny'... we all fall for it. I do, however, think that there are many, many things in life we'd never try if we truly knew how difficult it would be to accomplish. Always believed that it isn't success that makes us better, but failure, so a good thing. In a masochistic sort of way.

    Not saying you're going to become world's greatest goldfish rancher or anything, but I bet you'll be a heck of a lot better at it an a few weeks. Or you'll just get Dino Boy Nintendogs ... :)

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  8. I'm sorry about your fish and I loved this post. It reminded me of the fish story from Hyperbole and a Half. I'm not sure if you're cool with links in the comments, but anyway, it's at hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com and it's "How a Fish Almost Destroyed My Childhood." Hil.Ar.I.Ous.

    Have a good day, Natalie! :)

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  9. Your post hit the nail on the head, especially the part about how amateurs begin new writing projects thinking it will be easy and then they give up in a short period of time. I think it's partly because a lot of them have really big goals, like they want to be the next Stephenie Meyers, rather than something smaller and more realistic, like they want to finish a manuscript.

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  10. How long before you can't stop collecting fish, and you end up with one of those giant aquariums filled with rare, imported creatures worth more than your house? :-)

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    1. Haha! I hope that doesn't happen! So far I'm really only interested in gold fish. If I ever get a house, I *could* see myself going nuts over a koi pond:)

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  11. I liked this line:
    "My improvements are small tweaks, where they used to be huge leaps."

    Have you considered that your improvements are small tweaks now because it's that much better? It's like when you're trying to lose weight, and at first it just melts off, but as you get closer to the weight you want to be...it's so damn hard and comes of in ounces.

    Maybe you're so close to being the writer you want to be that it's measured in tweaks instead of leaps. This strikes me as a good thing.

    Also, congratulations on keeping the fish alive.

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    1. Emily, small tweaks are definitely good. I'm not complaining about where I'm at, just saying that sometimes I forget where I've been, if that makes sense. It's harder to see the improvements when they are smaller, but I need to remember that they are still there and important!

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  12. 1. Full Disclosure - I once called my mom in a PANIC because my fish had a rock stuck in it's mouth and was banging it against the tank trying to get it loose. Seriously. A crying, freaking COMPLETELY out, PANIC.

    2. Come to think of it, I do that when stories don't flow like they're supposed to, as well.

    You, my dear, are a genius! This post is a great reminder that writing is a craft, is work, and takes discipline. It is not something that just happens out of nowhere.

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  13. Kathryn is spot on about Hyperbole and a Half. If you want to know just how bad being a fish killer can be, check her site out. I still think about it.

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  14. Nice analogy! I went through the exact same thing. Christmas 2009 Santa brought my daughter a beta. She adored the thing! Even tried to pet it a few times (to the fish's abject terror). "But Mommy, I want to give it hugs and kisses" she cried as I moved the bowl out of her bedroom (what was I thinking?) and out of reach. My heart melted but the fishbowl stayed in sight but out of reach.

    Later that summer the fish died as a result of improper water conditions. We quietly sent him on his way to fishbowl heaven and hoped he wouldn't be missed. *sigh* No such luck. Every few days my daughter would get upset about the fish being gone. I figured, it's just grief, completely normal. But after a month, I finally caved in to the repeated requests to get another fish. It's not like SHE had to take care of it - she's too young currently. Which means the feeding, tank cleaning, etc falls to me as matriarch of a household with two daughters, two dogs, and two adults. I'm not confident of Perseus' chances long term but we're definitely trying.

    Maybe it's time time to give Perseus a birthday present: a tank that's a little less maintenance than a fishbowl. With a filter. And an air bubble thingy. Yep, definitely time for an upgrade. This fish is going to think it's living in paradise. lol

    Great post - thanks for the laughs!

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  15. I've had a good many pets off and on through the years, but never fish.

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