Being Not A Writer

I used to want to be a writer more than anything else in the whole wide world. In many ways, I think this is still true. But lately I've been finding myself not daydreaming of imaginary worlds and publishing success—instead my mind is filled with quite the opposite.

I want to be in my real world.

I want to play video games for a whole day straight with my husband and not feel guilty about looming deadlines. I want to hang out with my kids at the park without my mind spinning on a plot arc. I want to go several days without sharing a single thing on social media because my life is mine and I want to keep it to myself. And I want to not read about everyone else's lives online. And I want to draw and paint. I want to run and move and remember that I am more than the words I put on a page.

This is an odd feeling for me. For the majority of my life I've vastly preferred the world in my own head to that of reality. I've had this goal to make a living by sharing those worlds with others. Now that I've shared a lot of words with others, I find myself wanting to greedily hoard all my words and keep them to myself.

Now, please don't start freaking out on me. I'm not depressed or feeling like I'm a horrible writer or something. That's not where any of this is coming from. Oddly enough, I am in a very good place with my writing mentality. I feel capable and experienced. I know I have developed this skill and grown. I love what I create.

I'm just…tired. Burnt out. I mean, it's to be expected after publishing five novels in a 15 month period. That is insane. I do not recommend it. Hindsight, people.

I was so eager to be this thing called an author, and like most debuts was frantic to do all the things all the time for all the people. I knew I would do this to myself, but at the same time I wanted to give it my all. I had to TRY. I am proud of how much I tried. I wouldn't take it back.

But it is time for a break. A BIG break.

Like, until the end of the year.

I'm writing this because part of that break comes in pulling back from social media, and I don't want people to get confused when I'm not interacting with them on certain platforms. I will actually be blocking Twitter, Tumblr, Pinterest, and Facebook from being used on my network. I've already removed the apps from my phone.

I will, oddly enough, be keeping my blog and Instagram. When I was thinking about my social media usage and where I feel the best, I discovered I still enjoyed blogging, and Instagram pictures always make me smile and I get no stress from that site. So if you want to interact with me online, check in here, on Instagram, or email me. I will still be around, just not in a big way.

Why am I doing this? Mostly because I need to cleanse my palate, so to speak. I've finished a big run of work, and before I move to the next things I need to be not a writer for a bit. I'm really looking forward to it, and I'm sure I'll be dying to get back to writing by the New Year. I am desperate to feel that passion again. I hope my creative well is overflowing after I take this time to deliberately fill it up. I will keep you all posted on my little non-writing journey this fall/winter, here on my blog.