When You Just Don't Know What's Next

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Okay, business out of the way, on to the post!

I went to an indie publishing conference this weekend called IndieRecon Live! I decided a few months back to go, though I was a little on the fence as to if I could handle it mentally with how burned out I've been.

Well, I'm super glad I went.

Not only did I learn a lot about my weaknesses in indie publishing (marketing, oh, marketing, how badly I fail at you), but it was surprisingly comforting and exciting to be around other authors who indie publish and other writers who are choosing this as their path. Sometimes at traditional-oriented writing conferences, it's felt like indie publishing is shoved into the corner and people don't take it seriously. But here? Oh, it was serious and it was awesome. It helped me, as a hybrid author, connect with the indie side of my career in a new way and feel even better about it.

I got to listen to people who do this and have seen amazing success with it. While I still don't know if I can attain that kind of success, I do feel like I have tools now that I can maybe implement and see improvement. I also just feel happy I made the choice to share my work, and know it's okay to try stuff and fail at it and try something else.

But through all of this, I found I'm still a little broken, too. In one class, the presenter asked, "What is your dream right now?" I thought and thought, and I was concerned to find that I did not have an answer.

I've had an answer to that question since I was a little girl. There was always something I wanted and something I was reaching for. So as I sat in that class with a complete blank—and even now I still have no answer—I wondered what this all meant for me.

What happens when a dreamer stops having a dream?

Well, it's a little sad. And a lot confusing. And very much worrying. I don't really know what to make of it. All I can think to do is wait, and hope something comes in the quiet moments I'm trying to give myself. When it does, I also hope I have the courage to try when trying is just so dang hard.

For now, I guess I'll focus on the few things I do know—that FISH OUT OF WATER is coming out in February and I need to finish the I'm A Ninja series. Maybe the rest will just work itself out and I'll have some kind of answer by the time those two books are published? I hope so. Otherwise I really don't know what I'll do with myself.