Monday, April 22, 2013

Showers Are For Losers

Right now, I really regret making that little countdown widget on my sidebar, because every time I see it my heart beats a little faster. I mean, I'm UNDER 30 days now. How the crap? I need more time! There's so much I still need to do, and it feels like the hours keep slipping out of my hands.

What's it like being a month from debut? It's kinda like being in survival mode. There's promotion, marketing, and networking to do on top of other writing obligations and deadlines. Pretty much everything that isn't necessary starts falling to the wayside. Like showering. And making a nice dinner. And cleaning. My house is a disaster. My kids are living on Pop Tarts. My poor husband barely sees me, since I'm holed up in my room writing/drawing/answering interview questions/freaking out.

And then your mind starts playing tricks on you. Will anyone even BUY this book? Why are you working so hard when no one will care? How in the world did you used to think someone would pay money for your stories? WILL ANYONE BUT YOUR MOM BE AT THE LAUNCH?

*deep breath*

Sometimes I want to throw in the towel and let the whole thing pass by quietly, like a cat slinking through a back alley. If I don't make a big deal out of this, then it won't hurt so much if I don't succeed, right? That's always been my first instinct. Don't care—caring hurts and expectations are dangerous and just move on before you're in too deep.

I hate this part of me. Because I worked almost eight years for this moment, and now that it's breathing down my neck I'm scared to death of it instead of celebrating it. As if being excited will somehow jinx the whole thing.

I hope that when the day arrives I will be past this. I hope that I'll be able to find my book on a shelf and that I will FEEL something. I hope that something will be positive. I hope that, even though so much of this journey hasn't gone the way I hoped, that I will be proud of what I've accomplished. I hope that the day my book comes out will be a big deal. At least to me.

Hope. It's what writers live on, isn't it?

15 comments:

  1. Although I am no where near where you are I understand the feels your going through, I am learning so much about the publishing biz each day and one thing that I hold onto is that once a book is out in the world all authors can do is hope--hope for the best and continue to do what they love which writing fabulous books. Nat I wish you tremendous success and I look forward to reading your novel. I think I will have better luck buying your book than winning lol

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  2. The day your book comes out WILL be a big deal. IS a big deal. And I cannot wait to celebrate this SO HARD :D

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  3. Writer's are preprogrammed to hope and despair all within the same breath, I think. There are so many ups and downs in publishing but if you've made it this far, I'd say you're doing a great job! I'm looking forward to your debut release - all the best!

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  4. I've followed your journey for a long time sweet friend. You've worked hard for this and without a doubt it will be everything you want it to be. Sorry I haven't been around to cheer you on, RL occasionally takes chunks out of us. (Hugs) Indigo

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  5. Enjoy all of this. It's an excitement and anticipation that doesn't come around often. You've earned it. :)

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  6. I know that people will buy it - I've had it on pre-order since it was announced. I can't wait, and if blogging achieves anything it is showing that there are people out there who care :)

    Don't listen to that naughty trickster mind!

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  7. I think all your feelings are totally normal. I'd be worrying about the same things.

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  8. Natalie, I'm looking forward to reading your book. So thrilled for you. But I understand your concerns.

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  9. I went through every bit of this. And I assure you it can be just as nerve-wracking second time around.

    Enjoy this feeling. You've worked hard for it and you deserve to be excited.

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  10. Ditto what Keisha and Cindy said.

    Also, as someone who has actually read and loved TRANSPARENT already, let me assure you that you have every reason to be happy and proud and hopeful. You did a wonderful job, and I'm sure many readers will adore your work.

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  11. Hope is our daily bread and our very existence. Hope--we live to breathe it.

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  12. Writers write because we have something worth saying that no one else has said yet. Now you've said it. Your book is out in the world. Someone, somewhere, will buy it and read it on a rainy Sunday afternoon. That's all that matters.

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  13. I can't wait to buy your book! And I bet it's going to be a totally fantastic day and your book launch party will be so packed that your hand's going to cramp up from signing all those books!

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  14. I just preordered your book. Dude, I've been reading your blog since the "Trust Me, I'm a Ninja" days, and I--this total stranger--am super thrilled and proud for you! You've kept at it, despite the inevitable backtracks, and...well, you're entitled to feel whatever you feel. Good, bad, in-between. This is an intensely personal/screwed up industry. You'd be weird for not freaking out.

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  15. It's going to be a big day for you inside of two weeks now....

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