Friday, July 15, 2011

Happy Writers: Finding Confidence In Yourself

As a writer, you have to be both your biggest fan and your worst critic. You have to love what you're writing. Not to say that you must enjoy every second of it, but you have to believe that the story you're telling is a good one, a worthwhile one. At the same time, you have to tear that story apart and find every flaw in need of purging. You have to criticize what you supposedly believe to be a good story.

It's not easy. We all know that. The balance can be hard to maintain. When I was a greener writer, I tended to lean more to the This Is The Most Awesome Story Ever It's Perfect side. Now I tend to lean towards All My Books Suck I Am An Idiot For Trying To Write. And it seems like it's very easy for a writer to focus all on the Critic and not on the Fan.

You really do need both.

It might sound strange, but it's okay to be confident in your work. I mean, even if you would never say it out loud, you secretly are, right? Deep down, you believe that the story you are telling is special and worth it and you want to share it. Maybe you even think it'll be BIG. Those thoughts aren't bad, cocky, whatever—they are necessary. Again, having confidence is NOT wrong. Now, if it turns into laurel-resting, bragging, and pride, it can be just as bad as going all critic on yourself, but confidence alone is good and essential to your progress as a writer.

Confidence keeps you going, keeps you trying, keeps you enjoying. And when tempered with that inner critic, it becomes a beautiful partnership that produces good work.

It can be hard to stay confident in yourself and you work. There are so many things out there waiting to tear it down—comparison being the most prevalent. But we have to remember that another's skill (or lack thereof) has no bearing on our work. There is room for everyone, and one person's success does not mean your failure.

The other heavy hitter would be criticism, especially when your own critic takes over. It's easy, for some reason, to translate one bad remark as meaning everything you write is bad and will never be good and you should give up now.

This is where the confidence needs to come in—to fight this stuff. The confident part of yourself can tell you that your work has merit, even when others are "more" amazing. The confident part of yourself can bring you back from criticism, tell you that the problems are fixable and it doesn't mean you aren't talented.

If you've been in self-critical mode for too long, it can be hard to find that confidence again. You may have to dig down deep and pull it out. Honestly? When I'm getting all doubtful I ask my friends straight up to compliment me, because sometimes I just need to hear someone else say it, even if it's at request. I also try to go back to the roots of my stories, my love list, and remember why I believed in this story and my ability to tell it in the first place.

So own that confidence, and be proud of your work.

29 comments:

  1. Gaah! Great timing. I've been stuck in the pits forEVER... need to hear some good ideas on how to raise confidence again. Thanks!

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  2. So needed this right now!

    Thank you!

    And congrats on the book deal!

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  3. Ditto for the much-needed post. Thanks for sharing!

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  4. Thank you for the words of encouragement. The critic side of my bites my head off often. Thanks!

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  5. I needed to read this today. I finally made a move on something that's taken me ages to drum up confidence for. Then I was left thinking I was too confident. Then I saw the title of this post in my blogroll.
    Well timed, well put.
    Thanks!
    :0)

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  6. Thank you for this. I'm at the 'everything sucks' stage right now :)

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  7. It is a tricky balance, isn't it? I feel like my pendulum just swings reeeally far each time I switch.

    Being a writer should be some sort of clinical diagnosis.

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  8. Thanks, Natalie. I needed to hear this.

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  9. I always say, the inner cheerleader keeps us writing, and the inner critic enables us to revise. They each have a time and a role! And there are times when the inner cheerleader must stuff the inner critic into a box and sit upon the lid. ;-)

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  10. Balance. It can be so hard to find. You want to be humble and teachable yet you have to believe in yourself. *sigh*

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  11. Really, really needed this today. It's such a fine balance, because you know if you really feel like your work is really really excellent, there must be some improvement you can do. And it does go round and round, just like you said.

    Thanks for the reminder to be in a moment of pride every once in awhile, and enjoy it. My fabulous crit partner sent me an email today with only one line: "And there it is. You've done it, my friend. Awesome, awesome job. Go do a happy dance, because you deserve it."

    Oh, how I love her.

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  12. Thank you for this post. My confidence in myself is always going up and down. Great tips for getting some of it back when you need it. And I guess if I'm getting overconfident, asking for critiques will knock me down a couple notches. :)

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  13. Thanks for sharing this. I go through periods where I'm in constant self doubt. I need to pull the confidence out that I'm at least getting better. That's a great idea to ask your friends for compliments.

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  14. Perfect to hear. My friend sent this to our writing group, as we are all being critics to ourselves. Finding the fan is sometimes hard. I love the line of asking friends to compliment you. Excellent suggestion!

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  15. you're asking me to squeeze milk out of a stone. (i always liked that expression. Haha!) Confidence just doesn't come so easy.

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  16. Good points all around. I was actually going to blog about this very topic next week! But I don't need to now, you covered it very well. Thanks! :D

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  17. I completely agree. I go through the ups and downs like anybody, but on the whole, the reason I'm trying to share my stories with others is because I think they're awesome! Sometimes, we have to give ourselves permission to think that. :)

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  18. I love this post! Thanks for the reminder. I've swung too far on the my-work-sucks side of the pendulum lately. I need to find that middle ground.

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  19. Very true! I used to think I was mentally unbalanced, the way I would see-saw between YES I am AWESOME! and NO! Someone should stop me!

    Now I realize that's what keeps me confident, yet humble.

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  20. Keep your chin up- put your published work on your desk or above your writing desk so that you can se it all the time.

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  21. Oh, Natalie! I'm usually pretty sure of my ability. Even when people give me that look of, "Oh, isn't it cute, she wants to be a writer", I can tell myself that they just don't know.

    But last week, after years of writing and not finishing anything, I was hit with the "revelation" that my work is mediocre at best, and after seeing the HP finale, I started thinking... maybe I'm not as clever and talented as I thought. I could never produce an HP series. And after my husband's pep talk of "don't give up--mediocre sells, too", I thought maybe I should consider giving it a rest. (He's a great guy, but errs on the side of pessimistic practicality).

    But this post was a major pick-me-up! It spoke to my lurking writerly-confidence. No, I won't ever be a Rowling, and I need to STOP USING HER AS A MEASURING STICK! Ugh. I couldn't be greener with envy. It's disgusting. And it's also like trying to swim with a giant, wet diaper on.

    Great, much-needed, breath-of-fresh-air, speaking-the-truth, chariot-swooping-in-to-save-my-sinking-spirit post!

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  22. Sometimes that confident-critic shift is like riding on a yo-yo. Up and down and up and down. I think the best way to get back my own confidence is just to write -- to stop analyzing, comparing, worrying, reading the rejection letters. And Just Write.
    Thanks for the reminder.

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  23. I came across this post via a tweet - I'm glad I found it. It's so very true. I, like most writers, struggle to find the balance between confidence and criticism, but it's nice to hear someone saying confidence is not a dirty word! :-)

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  24. This is something I really struggle with. I'm currently working on my second novel, with no hope that the first will ever be published (just 4 rejections so far) but I feel I've totally lost me way and life has crowded in and blocked my writing. It's so hard to keep the momentum going when there's no guarantee anything will come of your work. Perhaps I need to forget about the result, and just enjoy the writing, eh? Thanks for a great post!

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  25. I've never been very confident about my writing style, to my own detriment. It's never bad to be your own biggest fan!

    Great post, Natalie!

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  26. Thanks so much for this WONDERFULLY ENCOURAGING post, Natalie!

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  27. This is very encouraging. Thank you so much. I'm all pumped up to write now :)

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  28. I always struggle with this. Like you say, comparison: when I read something from a favorite author, I think back on my own work and worry it will never flow the way their's does. It can lead to the endless revision trap.

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