Happy Writers: Embrace That You Are Doing Something Hard

It's been awhile since we've had a Happy Writers meeting, hasn't it? I'm sorry. Sometimes I go dry on topics, and March was particularly dry for lots of reasons. But I'm trying to get back into the swing of things! So let's enjoy the meeting and the clubhouse and the cupcakes.

Mmm, cupcakes.

A couple weeks ago I was talking to my sweet little sister, who is in grad school and also engaged. Her life is kind of crazy right now, and so of course she is having those mental struggles that come with that. She was video chatting with my mom about how hard school was, how she didn't think she could do it, how everything just seemed impossible.

I happened to be in the room, and my heart just lurched for her because I knew where she was coming from. I don't know if it made any difference for her, but it did for me when I said, "You are doing something hard. They don't call it grad school for nothing. But that doesn't mean you can't succeed or that your failures will spell disaster."

The idea hit me in that "Duh!" place after I said it. Having perspective on my sister's plight was easy enough from the outside, and we are all immensely proud of her because she is the first of my siblings to even go to grad school. I don't think I could have done it. I decided fairly quickly that undergrad was enough for me.

But it's harder to remember that you are doing something intended to be difficult when you are smack in the middle of it. I'm sure my sister looks at her fellow students and sees them doing well or having an easy time, much like I thought many of my aspiring writer friends had it easier than me while I was querying and on submission. It's so easy to forget that you are doing something intended to be hard, and that in and of itself is a bold and amazing thing.

Publishing is hard. Plain and simple. Writing a book is hard. Querying is hard. Submission, debuting, maintaining a successful writing career with all its sacrifices—these are all hard things to do. Honestly, I don't think a single part of this job was designed to be easy. The more I've learned, the more I know that for sure.

So when you crash into a road block or fail in some way, don't forget that you are trying to accomplish something difficult. I've failed so many times at this writing thing it's kind of ridiculous. I have almost a dozen trunked manuscripts. It took me 4 rounds in the query trenches to find an agent to take me on (nearly 200 queries!), and even then I spent 9 months editing for that agent before the official offer. When I finally managed to get on submission to editors, my first book failed for 15 long months. Then my agent left the business, and I had to get used to a new one. Then I went on sub for a second time and finally sold a book. This all took about 5 years.

That's a lot of fail, guys, let's be honest. And when you are going through all that stuff it's so, so easy to take it out on yourself. To decide you must suck. To feel like it'll never happen. To want to give up. To wish you had never started.

It's also easy to forget that you are doing something hard, especially when it looks easy for other people. You see other writers getting agents and deals and blurbs and glowing reviews left and right, and it can be tempting to think that they never had a difficult time trying to publish. Well, that's just not true. In my 5 years of pursuing publishing, I have never met a writer who hasn't struggled. They may hide it well online, but that doesn't mean they don't face the same harrowing path as the rest of us.

Take comfort in this truth: You are doing something hard.

In a world where it seems as if we're almost encouraged to take the easy way out, you are doing something to challenge yourself. You are pushing yourself, improving yourself and your craft. You are trying to achieve something that is no easy feat. Even if you stumble or struggle or take forever to get there, take pride in your courage and strength, even when it feels like you have none.

Because this whole writing thing is supposed to be hard, and once you accept that it's much easier to continually find the joy in the process.

Sandwich Circles

When I was a kid my parents used to make me eat the crust on sandwiches. Like any normal kid, I hated the crust and this seemed like quite the demand. But I was also one of those kids who tried to listen to her parents, so I found a way to cope.

It was simple—I would eat the crust first, then I could enjoy my sandwich with the worst part over and done.

Funny thing is, even though my distaste for crust has long gone, I still eat my sandwiches like this. It's a habit I rarely think about, but sometimes a friend will point it out and I have to stop and explain the origin of my silly habit. It always reminds me that not everyone eats their sandwiches in a circle like weirdo me. And then I start thinking about just how many ways there are to eat a sandwich, which is ridiculous and yet telling at the same time.

There are so many ways to DO things. Not just something as small as sandwich-eating, but even big things like giving birth or making a living. And yet we as people constantly seem to forget that doing something in a different way doesn't mean it's wrong.

Could you imagine if people shunned me for eating my sandwiches in circles because they believed sandwiches should only be eaten from top to bottom? It sounds silly, but people fight over perfectly acceptable options/preferences all the time.

As a writer, I've come to find all these different ways of living to be some of the best story fodder out there. It's so interesting to dig in and figure out why a character makes the choices he does, whether it's eating a sandwich in circles or going completely vegan. Stories come out of these seemingly random choices. They build the fabric of character and thereby plot.

I think the best of writers are also the best of observers, the best of investigators, and people who seek to understand. I also think these are qualities passed on to readers. What we do, this creating of worlds in words, is a powerful thing in that it grants us a peek into different ways of living, and thereby broadens our understanding and empathy.

If only we could get more people to write and read, right? Or maybe I should start the Circular Sandwich-Eating Revolution instead. It is, of course, the superior way to eat a sandwich!

Can I Be Done Now?

There's a point in every journey where you just stand there, wondering how you got into this mess, and say, "Can I be done now?"

I experience these points all the time. There are small ones that happen daily or weekly, like doing the dishes—the point where I've dug through the mound of cups, bowls, plates and the nasty pots remain. That's the point where I just want to stop and be done, where I feel like I've worked enough.

I remember this point well in college, too. The point when I'd gotten too far in to back out, but not far enough to see the end, and I just wanted to hide in a hole and not face my plight. And of course there's that point in pregnancy, where you just want to be done but you have 3 months left and WHY? Or when running, when you hit that wall where it feels like you want to die rather than take another step.

Of course, there are many of these points in writing as well. I feel this way frequently when I write a first draft or revise, when I must wait for whatever comes next.

And the sad thing is? This point is usually more near the middle than the end.

This is the truth, and yet I always want to think this feeling means I'm almost done. Perhaps because when I get a case of "Can I be done now?" I start to rush. I get antsy and careless and try my hardest to convince myself there's not as much work as there is. I begin to look for short cuts. But short cuts always come at a price, and that price is usually more work in the next phase. You can never escape the work.

One of the hardest lessons I've learned is to resist the "Can I be done now?" feeling. It's hard to do, especially when you have been working so hard for so long, and all you want is to be done but the REAL done is so far away. I have to stop myself from getting hasty, accept that I still have a bunch of work ahead of me, and then find a way to do it with some measure of cheer. In the end, when I've done this instead of rushing forward in an overwhelmed, maddened flurry, I've seen the result I'd hoped for. When I haven't, people usually tell me I have more work to do. Go figure.

Alternate Reality

Yesterday at Sunday dinner my younger brother told me he was always surprised I never pursued any sports. He said I probably would have been a good dancer, because I was so coordinated and seemed to catch on to choreography quickly (Yes, I totally rule at Just Dance 3).

I laughed, but at the same time it made me a little...sad? That's not quite the right word. That feeling when you wonder how your life could have been if you'd taken another path. Not out of regret but just out of curiosity. Whatever that word is.

Because the truth is, I wasn't so bad at sports as a kid. I was fast, always in the top five running the mile. My single season on swim team, I went from horrible to one of the best backstrokers my age on the team. I liked to win...really, really hated to lose. I was pretty coordinated, and with more practice I might have been an athlete.

But then I...got boobs (and not small ones). I'm not even kidding. That's why I stopped doing sports. I got SO self-conscious because of my changing figure—and boys noticing—that I couldn't stand to move more than necessary. I stopped running and swimming, refused to dance in public, and never stepped foot on a trampoline again. I was just soooo embarrassed all the time, and it didn't help that I did get crap about the way I looked.

I do wonder sometimes what my life would have been like if things had been different. If I wasn't teased. If I didn't feel so self-conscious. If I just would have kept practicing. Not that I feel like I missed out in any way, but it makes me acutely aware that every little choice in my life has led to where I'm at now. And if I had made different ones, I could be a totally different person. I could have been a high school athlete instead of the girl who spent all extra hours in the art room. Who knows?

It's interesting to think about, and it reminds me of just how intricate a character can be. Every little choice we make in a book changes it. That is both cool and scary. Our stories aren't set in stone, and it's important to explore all the options as we write. Unlike life, we can explore all the paths and see which one makes for the most compelling read.

Back Up Your Work

I confess, I haven't been super great at backing up my work. I do it about every month, and I figured that was good enough. Then last night my computer just stopped working—right before my usual monthly back up.

Let me tell you, it was one of the scariest things I'd experienced professionally, even though I wouldn't have lost "that much" because I did back up a month ago. BUT. I would have lost the entirety of the edit I just finished, which I'd been working on for the last three weeks. It was my first full edit of House of Ivy and Sorrow, and the thought of going back to my first draft was terrifying.

Usually I have a copy of my work in gmail, either from sending chapters to crit partners or manuscripts to my agent/editor. This is probably why I haven't stressed much about backing up my stuff—I know I have a copy elsewhere that I can access not only on my computer.

This time I didn't. The second draft I've been working my butt off on didn't exist anywhere but my computer (that has since changed), and the thought of losing it sent me into a fit of panic. Not only was I possibly going to lose a month's worth of work, but it was work I had a deadline for. I didn't have TIME to lose it when I'm already on a tight schedule (aka: baby due in about 10 weeks). It would have been a huge problem if I lost that one single file.

Luckily (very, VERY luckily), the end of this scenario is happy, because I happen to be married to a computer guy, who was able to resolve everything by the end of the night. No waiting on pins and needles until Monday morning to take it to a store and find out whether or not I lost all that work (I might have gone crazy.). Nick was even able to repair my computer, which at first we thought was dead. It felt like a miracle, and the first thing I did was back up all my stuff (Then I kissed him, because seriously.).

As I lay in bed last night thinking about it all, a strange realization hit me: I can't be flippant with my backups anymore. This is my JOB now (Such a weird thought!). Every draft I write is potentially something I could sell, and setbacks have bigger consequences than ever.

I know, I'm slow coming to this realization. But I really never thought of it that way! Before having an agent or editor, I wrote a lot of stuff. Sure, I didn't want to lose it, but if I did I had the time to recreate it. The deadlines were all my own, even if I took them seriously. Now I have people expecting my work at certain times. Real, live people who make part of their living off my words. That is a huge responsibility (And kinda scary at times, gotta say). I can't afford to lose a month's worth of work because I am forgetful about backing up my computer.

So get in the habit now. It's not hard to back up files, and you never want to be in a situation where you've lost work. I've certainly been scared straight.

10 Things I Wish I Would Have Done Differently

I know the PC thing to say is that I don't have regrets when it comes to my publishing journey. I'm not sure "regrets" is the right word, but if I'm being honest there are things I wish I would have done differently (That's kind of the definition of "regret," right?). I thought I would share those with you today, even if they were things I couldn't have possibly known at the time.

So, in no particular order:

1. I wish I didn't query so soon. While I learned a lot from querying four novels, I also think I caused myself more pain and rejection than necessary. The thing is, deep down I knew my work wasn't really ready, but I'd hoped to get in anyway. I was being lazy, trying to do as little as possible.

2. I wish I didn't spend so much time online. I have made great connections and learned a TON from being part of the online community, but at the same time it distracted me from the most important aspect of being a writer—writing. I did it the wrong way. I networked first, focused on my writing second. It should be the other way around.

3. I wish I hadn't cared so much about getting published. That probably sounds weird, but it's one of my biggest regrets. I spent more time trying to be a Published Author than trying to be a Good Writer. It was only when I put being a Good Writer first that the whole Published Author part followed.

4. I wish I'd spent more time studying the craft. I used to think my natural talent would get me through the gate. I would write stories without much thought to if the plot worked or not, if the characters were real or not, if the world made sense or not. I feel like I squandered my talent for a long time because I relied solely on talent instead of pushing myself to get better.

5. I wish I took editing seriously. I spent way too long doing edits that did not cut it. Sadly, it wasn't until my 8th book that I really learned how to revise. Before that, I would do as little as humanly possible to satisfy my crit partners' concerns. I never made big enough changes, never believed I NEEDED to make bigger changes. It was only when I really dug in, saw my story as malleable, that I truly improved.

6. I wish I didn't follow publishing news so closely. Learning about major deals and tours and cover reveals and all that only made me antsy and frustrated. I could have used my time obsessing over those things to write a stellar book. Or five. And I would have had more confidence to do it, too.

7. I wish I spent more time living and less time waiting. Sitting around refreshing my inbox got me nowhere. It sounds harsh, but I wasted a lot of time letting The Wait torture me. I could have been living, doing new things, gaining experiences that would create new stories for me to write. Writing, while it is a lot of work, also requires inspiration, and I let myself get low on that.

8. I wish I read more. I'm a slow reader, but I'm also a bit lazy there, if I'm being honest. I would rather write than read. I wasn't that passionate reader growing up—even then I preferred to tell my own stories. But I could have been learning a lot from reading more. And I always get inspired or learn something new about the craft when I read the work of others.

9. I wish I spent more time with my family. I'm not proud of it, but there was a time that I seriously lost track of my priorities. I let the pursuit of publication take over my life, and well, it made me miserable. No matter what my goals are, I should have never let it jeopardize the rest of my life.

10. I wish I would have focused on being a better writer sooner. It always comes back to your writing. That's one of the biggest lessons I've learned the past five years. Everything goes well when I stop freaking out and just get back to my writing. Becoming a good writer, always seeking improvement, writing stories that challenge my ability, this is the foundation for everything else. When I work on my craft, the rest falls into place. It may not seem like it, but all the other stuff (yes, book deals included) comes second.

I'm A Fish Killer. For Now.

So I've inadvertently become an amateur aquarist. I decided to get Dino Boy a fish, because he had always wanted a pet and we live in an apartment so, yeah, I figured a gold fish would be easy. They are, after all, your standard first pet. You see them in bowls all growing up. You hear they die, but eh, may as well roll the dice for a fairly cheap and easy pet.

Ha. Oh, my naivety.

Turns out taking care of fish is a lot like learning how to write. The first point being that most people *think* writing a book is easy, but they are sorely mistaken. They open up that fresh Word doc with much the same attitude I had bringing home my son's new goldfish. "This will be easy. I know what I'm doing. It can't be that bad." And then there's a dead fish in a month. Or an abandoned, mangled manuscript.

Even after much googling, Petsmart trips, buying a bigger tank, learning how to test water conditions, and buying medication, we lost two poor fish, and the third had a seriously close call, just finally responding to medication. As I've lost these poor guys, due solely to my inexperience and lack of research, I can't help thinking about how I was as an amateur writer. How I am as an amateur anything, really.

I tend to bite off more than I can handle. I get really excited by whatever new thing I'm doing without stopping to think about how it *should* be done. Then, of course, I fail miserably.

Sometimes my failure leads to abandoning a hobby. Like dancing. I was horribly uncoordinated and had no problem saying goodbye without much effort past a few classes. But then there have been other things, like art and writing, where my failures don't seem to stop me from trying and learning more. For some strange reason, fish keeping has been the same way. Despite killing two fish thus far and making just about every rookie mistake, I'm still determined to get this thing down.

It's been weirdly fun to be an amateur again. The fish killing, of course, was horrible, but learning a new thing has been invigorating. And finally garnering some type of success has had me on cloud nine all day. My fish is eating again! I did something right! I saved the poor thing from the fate of his earlier companions! It's like I'm getting somewhere, and I remember those same excited feelings when I began to make progress as a writer as well. That's the fun thing about starting as an amateur—you can usually SEE your progress clearly. The better you get, the harder it is to tell you're improving at all.

Sometimes, I feel like I've peaked as a writer, or maybe not so much peaked...more like, it's become a little stagnant. My improvements are small tweaks, where they used to be huge leaps. While I wouldn't want to go back, and I'm definitely proud of how far I've come, that newness is kind of gone. The victories are quieter. My routine has settled. I know what to expect when I go into a project. None of this is bad—just a different kind of enjoyment that you have to get used to.

I have no idea how far I'll take my newfound enjoyment for aquariums, but I'm happy to have found a New Thing that brings me not only enjoyment, but lessons to learn from. I may have saved one fish, but I'm still far from knowing my stuff. I look forward to the adventure, and this new one has reminded me that my writing road isn't over yet, that there's still excitement and newness and victories to come.

Freshman Fifteen. Or Whatever.

I've been thinking about how selling a book is a lot like going to college. This may be because I write YA, so of course I always think in terms of teen-like transitions. But my emotions seem to be following a freakishly similar path.

Going to college is exciting and new and fun. It's also scary and different and never just as you expect it to be. And that's true no matter what college you go to, no matter how big or small, how prestigious, whatever. In a lot of ways, it's like starting all over again.

Selling a book, it's like I went from a senior in high school to a freshman in college. I'm a newb again. I was comfortable in my old school, over about four years I worked my way "to the top," you could say. Now? So at the bottom. Not in a bad way, just in a "Whoa, so I still have a lot to learn about this publishing thing" way.

I look at the seniors and wonder how I'm ever gonna get there. They seem so cool and chill and experienced, and I feel like I'm fumbling and awkward. Even though I researched college and prepared and packed and went to orientation, it's not the same as experiencing college.

I feel like I've been sitting in a whole set of new classes—Editing For An Editor 101, Contracts 101, Self-Employment Taxes 101. I'm freaking out over my grades, wondering if my professors like me, and all that fun stuff. And then there's the whole making friends thing, learning the line between getting to know people and trying too hard, between "getting your name out there" and pummeling people with your name, between good marketing and marketing that turns people off. There are so many new rules, and I still feel like a fish out of water.

Then comes the whole emotional side. Some things are super exciting, for sure. Like when you DO make new friends or when your editor says she loves your revision. I still can't wait for the moment I get to see my cover. There are so many highs in the growing process, but that doesn't mean there aren't lows, too. I remember feeling like I wasn't anything special when I went to college and saw all these people who were SO talented and hard working and experienced. I feel that way a lot these days, too, wondering how I fit in publishing, marveling at how I even got in when there are so many people brimming with talent. I feel lucky and undeserving all at once.

In the end, I am happy that I ended up in this college, and the lessons I've learned as I approach my first year post-book deal have been rewarding and lots of work. I still have a long way to go, but I feel like I can handle it as long as I focus on what matters most.

I really did gain the Freshman Fifteen again, though. So not cool.

Believing People Like You

Quite some time back, a friend and I were talking about how we grew up and such. I was bullied a lot. She was the social butterfly type. But it was fun to share some of our common and not-so-common experiences.

One thing she said has stuck with me since then. She said, "I generally assume people like me until proven otherwise."

This honestly stopped me in my tracks. I was kinda of flabbergasted at the thought. I have never, ever, even once walked into a social situation thinking that people would like me. In fact, it's almost exactly the opposite in my case. I most always assume people won't like me. That they won't talk to me. Or worse, they'll be openly mean to me.

This feeling even crops up sometimes when I'm about to meet up with my FRIENDS. Yes, it's true. Some days I'm terrified that maybe my friends don't like me (They know this about me, poor things, and try to take care of me as best they can.). I always worry they'll get tired of me and disappear. It's happened before, after all. Those many years of being left out come flooding back occasionally, and I think, "Maybe this will be the day it happens again. Maybe this person or that one will finally admit they don't like me."

So you can imagine my first reaction to this friend's statement was a considerable measure of envy. This friend of mine is beyond likable, the kind of infectious personality that can make just about anyone smile (I'm pretty sure the power lies in her dimples.). She has that ease of being in public that someone like me (hi, social anxiety) could never hope to have. But it still seemed a little audacious, if not cocky, to even think that people would just LIKE you upfront.

That envy quickly became admiration though. I wish I had that kind of confidence. Okay, HALF that confidence. Try as I might, I still can't even begin to think that way. Oh, how I want to. Sometimes I wonder if I would be more likable just by adopting that mentality, or if I would still stumble over my words and blush like a fool in public. I wonder if people like my friend because she believes they will, and if I hold myself back by not trusting the world to be kind to me.

I don't know the answer, all I know is I can't forget what she said. I can never go back to thinking that everyone is like me, that everyone just assumes people won't like them. I try to think differently. When I get scared of social things, I even think of my friend who can charm a whole room and try to tell myself I can do the same if I just believe people will like me. But honestly? It hasn't worked yet. I still can't sleep the night before a conference or a signing (And not even my OWN signing!) because I worry about talking to people. I worry about what they think of me—what they'll say about me when I'm not around. I am terrified to death of offending someone unintentionally. Gosh, I'm panicking just writing about this stuff.

As bad as I fail at this concept, I want so much to succeed at it. Even if it's in a small way. Gosh, if I could get to the point that I didn't question my own friends', uh, friendship, I'd be overjoyed.

Let's Play Catch Up!

1. I'm going to LTUE this week! If you're in Utah, I highly recommend trying to attend. Not only is the schedule packed with talent, but the price is the most affordable I've seen for a conference. If you are there and see me, please say hi! Sadly, I do not look like my picture currently, as I am pregnant and getting quite...round. So you know.

2. Speaking of the baby stuff, just thought I'd mention that I'm having a boy! I think some people may have missed that when I mentioned it on Twitter. Also, I am pregnant, in case you missed that (some people have!). I try not to talk about it too much. Like you need a constant stream of updates on my uterus, right? Anyway, all's well.

3. Publishing news! ...None of which I can actually TELL you. I know. Lame. But stuff is happening! It's cool, because honestly up until now not much has been going on since my deal back in April 2011 (minus edits). Wheels are starting to move. It's fun. I feel like the plane is just about to take off. Or some other cheesy comparison.

4. I'm, uh, kinda writing a new book. I should be editing, but after about 8 months of editing my brain rebelled and here I am 11k words into a book I shouldn't be writing. Not gonna lie—it's fun. Turns out writing is still enjoyable fourteen books in, thank goodness. And I figure I got here writing books I shouldn't have written, so why not have a little fun? (Don't worry, Editor Erica, if you read this. I am starting edits next Monday. Promise. Cross my heart. All that good stuff. [Please don't yell at me.])

5. Taxes Suck. It's my first time ever doing self-employment taxes! It's really only cool when you think about it. There is nothing cool in the actual process of doing them. But anyway, all good things come at a price, right?

6. I recently discovered Kasie West is my TV watching soulmate. Seriously. I've known her for like 3 years? I did NOT know we had such similar taste in television. This brings me great joy, since now I can discuss all the evil of Conda with someone who truly gets it. Instead of, you know, bugging my husband about it and him giving me confused glares.

7. Book-A-Week goal is roughly on schedule! Uhh, if you count manga and crit partner manuscripts, which I think should count! Especially because my friends write amazing novels that will so be published at some point. I seriously don't know why they took pity on me, because their writing makes me weep with insufficiency. But at least I get to enjoy raw brilliance, so I'm not gonna ask questions.

So what about you? Anything fun going on I should know about?

Gratitude, Opposition, & Perspective

The truth is, I've been terribly sick this pregnancy. At least four times sicker than my other two pregnancies combined. I have no idea why. Pregnancy is weird that way—you'd think it'd be the same each time but it's just not. I don't know if it's that I'm four years older, if it's because I started at a much lighter weight, if it has something to do with my anxiety issues, if it's all of the above or none.

All I know is that I've been sick. I was so sick this fall that I was barely functioning, barely capable of giving my children the very basics of nurturing, and entirely unable to work or give attention to anything that wasn't immediately in my face begging for it. Of course I've tried to put on a brave face, but for a person who has never been ill for longer than a cold lasts, I can tell you I was a little scared, and a lot frustrated, with my inability to just DO things. The smallest things—the things you never think of as being hard—became these huge obstacles.

Living in the very basic sense of living has been difficult for me, but it's been an interesting time. It's taught me a lot about what life is and what's important. It's been a HUGE reminder that having your health is truly a gift, one we often forget to treasure.

As January rolled around, I finally started to feel like a human being again. I could, like, stand without the urge to vomit, which was awesome, and I started to get back some energy. I could finally get out of bed and DO things. I could play with my kids instead of just being in the house with them. I could interact with my husband past, "How was your day? Okay, I'm going back to bed now." I could cook and clean and think clearly. I could finally write and edit again.

And all those things? Suddenly I saw the joy in them that much more. Being unable to do anything but survive for four months, now even the mundane parts of my life seem great to me. It's funny, how the hard times put stuff in perspective like that.

I'm just grateful for everything right now, even this stupid cold I have because at least I know it won't last four months.

I mean, I hate going through crap as much as the next person, but there's no denying that it has some kind of role to play in our lives. Yeah, it sucks that it took me five years to sell a book, and it'll be a whopping seven before I see it published. But at the same time I have to acknowledge that I don't think I'd appreciate or value my accomplishment as much if it weren't so difficult to attain. Being so utterly sick this fall reminded me just how great my life is, even the "boring" parts. It's like, the more pain you experience, the more capacity you have to experience and treasure happiness.

It's not an easy thing to accept, I suppose, especially when you're really going through crap. I've lost hope. There've been days when I just wanted to be done. But I've found that gratitude has an amazing power to get us through the rough patches. Not that it makes stuff go away, but it always improves my attitude (I have lots of attitude problems.). I know it can be hard sometimes, but being positive and having hope makes the road easier. It might not always feel like that. It might feel like hope is the enemy, but as someone who almost lost all hope a couple years back, I promise you hope is a good, good thing. Life never gets easier, I don't think, but our capacity for joy increases when we let the opposition improve us rather than embitter us.

I don't really know how to finish this. As I've been sick again this week, I've just been thinking a lot about this stuff, about the times I beat opposition and the times I let it beat me. So yeah, rambling.

Happy Writers: Having Fun

My new favorite title in all existence. (via @sarahlapolla) Makes me SO HAPPY.

So it's been awhile since I've done a Happy Writers Society post. It wasn't that I was UNhappy, but I guess lately I've felt like I've covered many topics and I was having trouble coming up with new ones.

Actually, I've been a really happy writer lately! I almost feel guilty about how much I've been enjoying my work. Sometimes it feels like maybe I'm doing it wrong if I'm having fun. Of course that's not true, but you get that sense at times. We should be suffering for our art. It should be hard always.

I don't think so, honestly. I think we slog through the rough parts because we know how great the good times are. When we're having a good time? Dude, I say ENJOY it to its fullest. And, yeah, maybe other people will be offended by your happiness, but that really says more about them than you. I've had to learn about that lately, the whole not letting other people stop me from being happy with what I have.

So I'll admit it—I'm having FUN right now! I've been through a lot of hard stuff, and it makes this part all the sweeter. I've turned in revisions. I have another project I love to clean up. AND I have a new story I've just started writing. Things are flowing. I'm feeling really good about my work for the first time in...oh...two years? I want to hold on to this feeling as long as I can, because I know the darker ones are always lurking.

Have fun with your writing. I know it can be hard when writing becomes tangled up in the pursuit of publishing, but try not to let go of writing and what it gives you. Treasure the good moments. Don't waste them in worrying about what might come next.

So Predictable

While every novel has its own challenges, it's quite scary how I find myself repeating the same phases. (My friends, too. It's adorable, and I love reminding them that they freaked out about the same exact thing LAST time, ha.)

My phases go kinda like this:

1. Falling Fast and Hard

When the idea hits, I'm so a love-at-first-sight writer. I grab on and dive in with nary a thought to anything else. I just want to BE with my idea. We're in love. It's perfect.

2. What have I DONE?

And then Act I ends, and I'm fifty pages in, and I go straight into a panic. Seriously, every single time. I stare at my story, wondering if I was too rash, if it's really worth going further. There's a lot of whining to my friends at this point, and they are sweet enough to push me along and tell me to shut up and keep going.

3. Middles Suck

Even if I have a clear idea of how I want the story to evolve, the middle drives me nuts. I'm too far from the end to have faith that it'll come together, and I freak about going in circles.

4. Seeing The Light

Around 50k, I start to feel like I have an actual BOOK on my hands—a book that has an ending and everything! I really pick up speed around this point, and that first love comes rushing back full force.

5. First Draft High

There's a reason I have 13 finished drafts—I LOVE finishing a first draft! It's such a high. Every time. I float around giddily, mooning over my new baby book and how sweet it is, so full of potential.

6. Pre-Revision Melt Down

This quickly follows #5, with all its crushing reality. The book is far from perfect. There's still so much to do. Should I even BOTHER? Will this thing sell? Did I waste my time? Will anyone even like it? I can't possibly make this book what it deserves to be. Woe. Misery. Trepidation.

7. The Revision Cycle

• First 100 pages: THIS WILL TAKE FOREVER

• Next 100-150: This isn't so bad...

• Last 50 or so: Almost done just GET DONE BEFORE I LOSE IT

8. Post-Revision Daze

Symptoms include extreme exhaustion (probably due to brain over-exertion), a disastrous house, a realization of all the things you DIDN'T do while editing, no desire to do said things, and an extreme craving for bad food and TV binges.

9. Hey, That Might Be A Good Idea For A Book...

Then, as the haze lifts, something catches in your mind. A snippet of conversation. An image. A song. A news clip. A voice. You think, "I need to write that." And you start, having forgotten completely how hard it was to do the last time.

Writing Beginnings Part 3: World Building

Okay! Sorry for the little time gap in posting the rest of the series, but here we are! I think this might be the last one, unless I decide I have more to say. Who knows?

I think one of the hardest things to do in the beginning is get a reader settled in a world. Even writing contemporary, you still have to lay down a setting and world that makes sense and feels real, not like we're watching people on stage. The faster you can make a reader feel comfortable with your world, the easier it will be for them to get sucked into a story.

Setting

No matter what type of book you are writing, there's probably a setting. Maybe it doesn't play a huge role, or maybe the setting is almost a character itself. Either way, you need to make sure the setting is understood. Readers don't like to float in the nether too long—grounding a reader in your novel is essential.

So how do you do that? Well, there are lots of ways. There are also lots of way to confuse a reader, too. As with most things in writing, there needs to be a balance (which is why we spend so much time editing).

Focus on setting details that are "important." As a writer, we tend to know most everything about our novels, right down to what things look like. But that can also mean we might go over board in description. Now, don't get me wrong, having a lot of description isn't necessarily bad, but you have to think about what matters most. When you choose to describe something, you're saying that it has significance in some way. Be mindful of that. Describe what matters most to your characters, what stands out in the scene, what might foreshadow future events in the book.

Let's try a random example. Say you're describing a street lamp. This description can be either important or superfluous depending on your story. If it's just your ordinary street lamp, maybe it doesn't merit extra description, but what if it's your character's first time in a new city? What if she notices how bright the lights are in comparison to the country? Or how strange the craftsmanship is compared to where she is from? Then it might be something to signify to the reader that this place is foreign, a setting detail worth talking about.

Another major thing to always consider is what I call "immediate relevancy." (I will likely be repeating this in the other sections because it is that important.) When building a world, the information you give must always be needed at that moment, otherwise it has great potential to confuse or bore a reader. Like say you're talking about these weird street lamps when the MC has not seen one yet—instead of being interesting, it'll be, "Uh, what's with the street lamp conversation? Weird." You don't need to "prep" your reader for these uber weird street lamps, just mention them when they get there. In fact, you'd be surprised how littler prep a reader needs—trust that they will follow you just fine.

World Rules

Writers of fantasy/sci-fi/paranormal, etc. have a special task in building a world that is different from our own, and that world comes with rules the reader must understand, and hopefully understand quickly. If there is magic, the guidelines must be explained. If there are flying ships, there must be a feasible reason. If there's time travel, it has to be believable in that world. It can be a challenge to have a reader buy your world, to believe in it.

Again, here it's important to give information as it becomes immediately relevant. Listing off all the rules to the magic system in the first chapter just isn't going to cut it. First, it'll be boring, and second those rules will be forgotten because they'll have no significance to the reader yet. Not to say you can't have rules in the first chapter, but just like introducing characters, it should be a gradual thing.

If possible, showing the rules and world should be the go to. Don't just say "These are the penalties for using this type of magic." Show your MC losing her eyesight for a day because she cast a certain curse. That makes the world memorable and the rules clear.

But in this showing, you have to be careful to avoid the "As you know, Bob" pitfall. This is when characters explain things they should already know, and it's pretty obvious that it's being explained for the reader's sake only. It can be tricky to avoid these moments (and you'll notice a lot of characters are novices at something because it makes things easier to explain since you learn along with them), but doing so makes for a stronger beginning and a more authentic world/character set.

Backstory

Lots of people are afraid of backstory (Thanks to the criticism of the flashback, I think.), but no story is complete without at least a little. Stories don't happen in a vacuum, and no matter what your world is like, something happened before your story and something will happen after. Sometimes the things that happened before are a surprisingly vital part of the characters' current struggles, and you need back story to get across the full impact of your novel.

Again, I will repeat the importance of immediate relevancy. With backstory it is most important, otherwise readers will ask, "Why are you telling me this?" It has to be clear why, and usually then the reader won't even notice that you've stopped the forward motion to tell them about the past. I've seen very long passages of backstory that work just fine in novels because that information was essential to understanding either the plot or the characters' motivations.

But like most anything in a story, backstory can go awry as well. It's one of those things that we as writers can get carried away with if we're not careful. I personally try to use it sparingly; usually if you only use it when absolutely necessary, you won't go overboard. It shouldn't be an excuse to add extra detail—it should be used as a tool to move the story forward.

Ultimately, world building in the beginning should make a reader "comfortable" with your world. That's not to say that the story has to start off calm, only that world details should always be clear and concise and helpful to a reader. Confusion can be not only frustrating, but it can cause distrust in you as an author. If something doesn't make sense, or if an obvious question isn't answered, a reader loses faith. I wish it weren't true, but it is. Having a solid world, whether it's on a magical plane or in Clovis, CA, is an essential part to a solid beginning.

Now, that ends the series, but if you have any questions feel free to ask in comments. I'll be checking often.

Writing Beginnings Part 2: Introducing Characters

Yesterday I talked about the bare bones plot every beginning has, and today I thought I'd go on to characters because I like them the best. For me, characters are what make a book unique, and they are a big factor in hooking your reader from the gate. As you saw, beginning plot is basically variations on a theme (event/choice that changes character's life), but that plot may not strike the right chord if the reader lacks sympathy for your main character (MC).

Tips & Pitfalls:

• TIP: When helping the reader get to know your MC, focus on what I like to call "universal human characteristics." This might sound boring up front, but what I mean is—focus on helping the reader understand your MC's fears, hopes, desires, etc. Desires can be especially endearing/sympathetic. If we know your character has always wanted to be a pilot, and that something is keeping them from that goal—bam—we're instantly rooting for them (and notice that will make for good future plot elements). These characters traits are what suck readers in because they can relate.

• PITFALL: Be careful not to give unnecessary information about your characters. If the MC has always wanted to be a pilot, but it has NO bearing on your story whatsoever, it will misguide the reader to care about something that doesn't get answered. Frustration will ensue.

• TIP: Save some information for later. Sometimes we feel like readers need to know everything about our characters the first time we meet them (Because how could a reader understand our story otherwise?). But really readers just need to know enough not to get lost. Trust them—readers are smart. Personally, when introducing new characters, I try to pick a few memorable things and leave the rest to the character's actions. Much more is said through how your characters interact than what you can say about them in an intro. Plus, saving info makes for great future plot twists. The beginning is for laying a foundation, not giving a full picture.

• PITFALL: The dreaded character soup. I tend to have large casts in my novels, and it can be tricky when introducing all the characters. The key is to do it gradually. Of course there isn't a right or wrong number, but personally I feel it gets confusing if you have more than three intros in one scene. Even then, they have to be very distinct characters so people don't lose track.

• TIP: Make characters stand out with specific, yet succinct, details. And not only in appearance, but in motives, beliefs, and attitudes. If your MC has three best friends and they all like cheerleading and watching the CW, I can guarantee you no one will really remember them. If you make one of them a raging environmentalist who constantly complains that they should have "green" pompoms and 100% cotton uniforms, I bet you every reader will remember her over the others.

• PITFALL: Don't get carried away in character building. This can be an issue for me, at least. While it's fun to have characters bantering back and forth and being funny, it's important that they are also always moving the plot forward. Characters shouldn't just be "hanging out." They need to be doing. Acting and reacting. Their conversations, interactions, and choices should contribute to a general forward motion and purpose.

Now, those are character specific tips/pitfalls, now I'll try to relate this to the plot information of last post. Every character has an arc just like the plot, and ideally the plot arc and MC arc are really quite intertwined. That's why your hero/heroine is the MC, after all. When talking about that "changing moment" and resulting choice all beginnings have, I'm talking about the MC.

But don't forget the other characters! If you want to breathe real life into your novel, take a look at those other characters. Do they exist for the sake of the MC alone? Are they plot devices? Or do they have their own lives? Of course their arcs aren't as large as the MC, but every character in a novel should be growing and making their own choices—not just choices that are convenient for the story, but real, logical choices. The events of your novel should have just as much impact on those characters (and their relationships with each other), and that impact should vary as much as people do.

Let's take a quick look at Harry Potter again. How does the beginning change the characters? Of course Harry is empowered—he's a wizard and feels important, though probably apprehensive and curious, etc. The Dursleys? Well, they change, too. They continue their cruelty and hatred of him, but they are more frightened of Harry and that alters things—he eventually gets a real room and everything. That event not only changed Harry, but them as well.

The web of characters and their reactions, motives, and relationships can get pretty overwhelming to keep track of, especially as you go along in a story, but that's part of what makes a novel sing. Real live characters—not just a vibrant main character—bring a story to life. Establishing those characters throughout the beginning is essential to building a story that readers can get behind.

Writing Beginnings: Part 1

It's been a while since I've given out some writing advice, but recently I've been thinking a lot about beginnings. If there was one part of writing I would say I'm okay at, I would say it was beginnings. Not that I write a perfect beginning every time, it's just that "setting up a story" seems to be something my brain understands. Everything after that? Well, it gets a little shaky from there.

But I figured maybe I could share some of the ways I approach the beginning of a novel, some of the common threads in all beginnings, and also some of the pitfalls. Today I'll cover the plot aspect.

Part 1: Getting The Plot Moving

I've been told some writers get ideas for super awesome endings, and they have to write the rest of the book to get there, not really knowing what the rest might be. Well, I'm the opposite. I rarely know the climax of my books when I start. What I get is, essentially, a beginning. Something happens to my character that is like that first domino—it sets off a chain reaction.

This is a common denominator in every beginning ever written. Something changes for the main character. Some call it the Inciting Incident, but I'm not going to get too technical here. Look at any book and you will be able to find this change somewhere in the first, oh, 100 pages (though I personally think it should be WAY sooner than that, but I'm gonna be generous and consider genres with much bigger word counts).

I'll name a few that might ring a bell:

• A boy gets a curious letter from a giant.

• A boy gets a curious ring from an uncle.

• A girl falls down a rabbit hole.

• A group of siblings walk through a wardrobe into a strange world.

• A girl sees a beautiful, mysterious hot guy across the cafeteria.

• A girl watches her sister be picked for a horrible game.

Of course, the thing about that life-changing event is that a lot can be debated. I've seen actual fights over what the true Inciting Incident of Harry Potter is. Not even kidding. So maybe you don't agree with the changes I chose, but that's not really the point. The point is that there IS a change in your character's life—a significant one that puts them outside their comfort zone. Maybe an old lover shows up in town after ten years. Maybe an army burns down their home and kills their parents. Or maybe it's as simple as moving to a new place.

Stories are inherently a string of conflicts and choices, so when you're thinking of how or where to start a story, think of that moment where the dominos start toppling. That moment that takes your character from stasis to action.

Now, the changing moment is only half of the basic beginning plot equation. The other half is your character's choice. No beginning is complete until your character not just blindly reacts to the moment of change, but decides to DO something about it.

• Harry Potter decides to go to Hogwarts.

• Alice decides to eat/drink and goes through the door.

• Katniss decides to take Prim's place.

That decision, in my opinion, is the marker for the end of the beginning. It can happen a chapter in. It can happen 50 pages in. This is when you enter the middle territory, where your character goes through a series of try/fail as they live with their decision and try to accomplish their new goals. (This is usually where I stop writing and go, "Well crap, what now?" It never fails.)

Pitfalls in the plotting category are pretty straightforward—either you start too soon or too late. While it is important to establish the character's normal life pre-change, there is such a thing as too much. Of course, that depends on the story, and there isn't really a formula. But in TRANSPARENT, for example, I wrote a new first chapter because I started a little too late and had a bunch of backstory that could have been better explained in a scene than the way I did it. I've also started too early and had to cut first chapters.

You also have to be mindful of the gap between that changing moment and when your character makes their decision. Again, every story is different, but you can only drag out that choice so long. There's a point where it runs the risk of stagnating or frustrating the reader. On the other hand, a decision can be too hasty as well. Basically, it has to fit your story just right, and that can take some tweaking for maximum impact.

It sounds simple enough, right? Something big happens to your main character, and they make a choice about what to do. Well, let's not forget you have to do that while establishing setting, character, and backstory, not to mention laying the foundation for future conflict. SO EASY. Ha. I'll be talking about these issues throughout the rest of the week, so be sure to stay tuned!

I Have A Raging Inferiority Complex. Not Surprising, Right?

I'm thinking it's about time for me to go on what my friend Renee calls a "Philosophical Journey." Like most people, I have some issues to resolve, and they need to be resolved before my book debuts.

Because if I'm being honest, I have a lot of very mixed feelings about TRANSPARENT.

But let's start way back in my life. Put simply, I was bullied. The reasons weren't always clear to me as a child. Sometimes it seemed to do with my being Mormon. Sometimes it was that I was smart. Sometimes it was that I wore my aunt's hand-me-downs and looked poor and scraggly. At one point it was because I liked a certain guy. Whatever the reasons, the message I got very early on from people was that I wasn't good enough. I was lesser. And because of that I didn't deserve friendship or kindness.

It hurt. I couldn't show that it hurt, of course, so I had to over compensate. I worked harder in school and became smarter. I poured myself into the few things I did feel like I was good at. I held on to my few friends with a death grip (though they always eventually left or I moved or whatnot). I acted like the toughest, strongest person I could in hopes that no one else would hurt me.

But I was already damaged. Nothing I did was ever good enough. If I didn't get the top score, I was humiliated. If I didn't get the award, it was proof that I still wasn't enough. I was second best. Below. Lesser.

This feeling was so intense that I couldn't even participate in sports. Losing made me feel more horrible than you can imagine—out of control, irrationally horrible. I had nothing resembling sportsmanship, and I was incapable of having fun doing something that could result in my losing. Thus, even though I was a pretty active child, I ended up gravitating to the arts. No clear cut winners or losers, for the most part. It was easier on my damaged mind to remind myself that the art show or essay contest was subjective.

All this to say I had a pretty healthy, if not thriving, inferiority complex growing up.

And every time I wasn't the best—which was often because of course you're not always the best—I fed that complex. "See? Second again. Never first. You will always be below. Why even bother trying?"

I stopped really trying. Not that I was failing classes, but by high school I never put my all into anything anymore. It was easier that way. Then I could say I didn't do my best, so of course I didn't win. I still did well. I even enjoyed with great humor that I was #29 in the top 30 of my class. That was me—the bottom of the overachievers. Good, but not good enough.

I'm not sure I ever really got over my inferiority complex, but it did lessen in college when I was on a bigger campus and it felt like everyone had their own thing. And it lessened again when I met my husband, who loved me so completely and unconditionally that I'd never felt like a more worthy human being. And once again when I had my first baby, and I marveled at what my body, which I had always taken for subpar, was capable of. I felt powerful after that. I really did.

I'm guessing that's why I started writing in earnest again after that. I'd stopped writing stories when I was 15, after a friend of mine read my stuff and gave me a look I knew said, "How do I put it nicely that I didn't like it?" Yes, it hurt so much I didn't try to write creatively until I was 22.

But I did start again, determined this time to keep going because it had always been a dream of mine since I was a little girl. I thought it was only fair to give that dream a try.

It all started out okay. I was stuck in my habits of not really trying, but I was learning and improving every day. And what was even cooler? The MORE I tried, the MORE success I saw. I think it was one of the first experiences in a long time where I saw marked improvement when I put in effort. Each book I wrote got better, and in turn got me more requests, which eventually led to an agent and being on sub.

Everything up to that point was kind of like healing for me. If I put in the work, I saw that I would get results. Maybe I wasn't the best, but I was getting better and maybe I could get there eventually.

Then 2010 happened. TRANSPARENT happened. I started writing the book in 2009, and I was determined to make this thing super, SUPER clean so my poor agent didn't have to go through so many revisions like he had to for my book on sub. Honestly, I probably fell into my over compensating ways again (aka: perfect way to set yourself up for failure). I went through at least four rounds of beta readers. I even asked a writer whom I greatly admired to read my work for the first time, and she agreed. I printed it out, went line by line. I read it out loud. I did absolutely everything in my power to make this book "perfect." I tried. Really, truly tried.

And my agent told me it should be completely rewritten.

I was devastated. Shocked. You mean all that work I did? It was that bad? My full effort still led to a complete failure?

Not to mention this all happened while my other book was failing on sub. TRANSPARENT was supposed to be my back up book, the one I could switch to quickly if my other book died. Now it was the book that was so bad I didn't even have a safety net. And worse, if it was that flawed, then surely all my other books were even WORSE. I felt like I had nothing. Was nothing. And back came the inferiority complex with a vengeance.

For reasons I still can't quite pin down, I did decide to rewrite TRANSPARENT completely, to the extent that at least 95% of the book was new words. I think maybe I felt like I couldn't write something new, because I'd probably just screw that up. I was obviously incapable of writing anything decent on my own (this is what my complex told me, at least).

Well, every page was...kind of torture. Each moment of rewriting that book was a reminder of my failure, of my inferiority. That year I watched friends debut while my book on sub finally bit the dust, thus cementing my failure more. I watched writers get agents, sell their books, AND come out in the time I was on sub. I had to say goodbye to my agent, who surely had to leave the business because he didn't sell my book and it was ALL MY FAULT FOR SUCKING SO MUCH. Literally the only thing that kept me going were my friends Kiersten White and Kasie West, who read each chapter as I wrote it and professed that it was really good, better than before.

I didn't believe them, but I knew I was messed up enough that I had absolutely no gauge of my own ability. All I could see was how horrible I was. How inferior. But I had to finish the "stupid book" because I had absolutely nothing to sub and a new agent waiting on me.

Well, this is epically long, so I'll cut the part where I had to go on medication for anxiety and depression. But it did get that bad. My inferiority complex almost consumed me whole, and I'm still healing from it.

So, truth be told, every time I get a crit for TRANSPARENT I have a panic attack. I have to fight these overwhelming feelings of pain and loss and inferiority. And yet at the same time, somewhere in all this I do know the book is good. I mean, it did sell, for goodness gracious! The work I did, like all the work I did before, ultimately paid off.

But it's still so very muddled. Even though I've had very positive feedback from my editor and from new readers, I still struggle seeing the book or myself as a writer as having merit. Heck, I can't even call myself an author and I don't know if I'll ever be able to. I find myself reading into things to MAKE them sound like others think the book is inferior, too. Sometimes, I'm so scared for this book to come out that I wish I never did this. Or I decide not to have a launch party. I just want to hide, hide, hide and not give anyone else the chance to decide I'm a loser and a horrible writer. I'm pretty good at doing that to myself.

I've been fighting back, baby step by tiny baby step. I know I can find the strength I once had again, hence the need for a Philosophical Journey. Writing hasn't been very easy since all this went down, but I have been writing. And you know what? Writing has been healing. Writing SIDEKICK in particular was my first step on the path back out of this.

I still have a lot of steps to go, but my goal is to be able to stand up at my launch and honestly say that I'm proud of TRANSPARENT, that it's a good book I love. I have like a year and a half to do that, and I think it can be done.

I guess today I wanted to tell you this because people often say bullying isn't that big of an issue. Well, I'm not proud of it, but I've dealt with the repercussions of others' cruel words my whole life. It did shape part of the way I see myself, and I have to fight to change that perception constantly.

Also, people always say you have to be a tough person to be a writer. Clearly, I'm not so tough. I cry a lot. You don't have to be tough to be a writer or any kind of successful person—you have to have endurance. In Japanese they say "Seven times down, eight times up," meaning you always get back up no matter how many times you get knocked down. You can't be so tough you won't get knocked down sometimes. Getting back up is what matters.

What You'll Really Get Out Of Blogging

Lately I've seen several veteran bloggers come out of the woodworks with honest posts about how they're feeling these days. To sum up: A little fatigued, a little lost, and perhaps a bit disenchanted.

I so get this.

I have been at this blogging/online networking thing for over four years now (which is longer than Ninja Girl has even been alive), and I can certainly say that things have changed a lot in those years. Not necessarily in bad ways, just...it's different and change takes adjusting to. Let me try and give a little picture to what blogging was like back then (I say this as if it were eons ago, but hey, four years is a while in technology time):

• There was no followers icon.

• Google Reader and the like were fairly new and under used.

• The only way you could really tell that someone read your post was if they commented.

• You could guess your readership by one, slightly inaccurate method—Sitemeter (or similar services). (Now even Blogger gives you detailed stats of most-visited posts and keyword searches by week, day, month, and all time.)

• Twitter was practically brand new, and not very popular yet. Tumblr? Yeah, not around really.

• The easiest way to see if your favorite bloggers had updated was to have a link list on your site and click them obsessively all day in hopes of new content.

• The writers' corner of Blogland was much, much smaller, and most everyone was fairly new to it all.

• No one really knew what blogging would do for us or for our careers (Okay, hopeful future careers).

• But we all had very high hopes anyway.

I honestly get a little nostalgic for the "old days" of blogging. And I have high hopes that new bloggers out there are experiencing that high I did in meeting new people and learning new things. I know that they say blogging has taken a hit, since Twitter and other, shorter media outlets make it seem old and long-winded, but I still think there is a place for blogging. And I think it can be a huge help to writers.

But. There's always a "but," isn't there? For me, I think some of my blogging fatigue has come from facing the reality of what blogging can really do for you. Because while blogging has given me so much, it's not some magic wand that can give you all the things you want out of publishing. It can't give you the control over your career that we all so desperately crave. And now I think it's really important to be realistic about what a blog will do for you.

First of all, blogging can't make you a bestseller. It can't. Yes, there are popular bloggers that have become bestsellers, but it's not all or even much related to the fact that they have a blog. I know, I can't know this for sure, but as I've learned more about this business I've found that there's a lot that is completely out of an author's hand.

In reality, becoming a bestseller is a crazy lucky mash of things, especially for a debut. First it requires at minimum that your publisher labels you a lead title—which means they will print enough of your book to even get close to bestsellerdom. Throw in a perfect cover, good sales to chains and independents, not to mention big backing from their sales force, marketing on a national scale and probably tours, good reviews in visible outlets, high Amazon presales, Rick Riordan/another mega-bestseller not taking up 5 spots on the list, and on and on. Even then? Not often is it guaranteed.

Blogging and online presence is a drop in that bucket, but if you don't have the "big things" you can't magically make it happen (Of course there is still the luck factor, but it's rare as most luck is). There is, truthfully, a lot that is out of your control. And that goes for any writer, no matter what publishing path they take.

You may not be able to turn yourself into a huge seller, even if you are a fairly popular blogger, but that doesn't mean you have no impact. It's important to be realistic about this impact, though, so as not to be disappointed. Meeting people, putting yourself out there even if it is just online, surely will grab you at least a few more readers. That number is hard to nail down, but it will be MORE, and more is always good, right?

I honestly assume that less than half my blog readers will buy my book. Not because I think you are disloyal people who secretly hate me or anything, but come on—there are a lot of books out there! And mine is not for everyone. And money is tight these days. And and and. I will never be offended by someone not buying my book, because I also have to make that choice when purchasing and I can't buy or read all the ones I'd like to. That's just how it goes.

Visibility, not sales, is what we need to remember when we approach online activities, I think. We need to be aware that not every reader will buy our book, but maybe at some point they will. Or maybe someone that person knows will be looking for a book like ours, and they'll be able to recommend it because they KNOW about it.

If someone wants to know about me or my book, I'm here, you know? Just a Google search away. If not? Okay, that's fine. I feel like I'm doing my part at least, but I also know (now) that it's not necessarily integral to my overall success as a writer. (Which is why it's a myth that you HAVE TO blog to be a successful writer, and why I think you should do what's best for you and always make sure your writing comes first.)

So if you're here for sales, I'm afraid you might find blogging a little frustrating, as it is hard to gauge its impact. And honestly, I guess I can't say just how much my blog will impact mine, since my book is still a year and half or so from debuting.

But there are better treasures in this online community, I think, and going after those is what has made all this worth it to me.

Blogging didn't make me friends with John Green or Cassandra Clare or Sarah Dessen, alas. And the truth is, they'd probably still find me a little creepy if I sent them emails about how we should be best friends (No one likes to be told they should be friends with someone, it turns out.). But I have made a lot of friends over the past four years, and watching those friends find success has been one of the most rewarding parts of this process. I mean, if I can't have good news (and I did have a 2-year Good News dry spell), it's fabulous to be able to celebrate the triumphs of your friends. Friends that started out just as green as you. Friends that you've grown with as a writer. Their success is as sweet as my own, if not more (because I didn't have to go through their hard parts).

And the wealth of knowledge online! Man, it's insane what you can learn about writing and this business with just a few clicks. I can tell you that the majority of my writing "education" happened right here, through this blog and the blogs of others smarter than me. People frequently ask me if they should invest in writing classes, and I usually say no because there is SO MUCH right at your finger tips for free. Not that writing classes are bad, but if you're strapped for cash (as I am and might always be), this community is so helpful. The resources are everywhere. Crits are available at so many venues.

To me, this community has always been a place of learning, and I hope it continues to be so because that has been one of the most valuable things I've taken away from this experience. It's why I've tried to give back and hope to continue giving back, because I am grateful to all of you who taught me. I've put those lessons into my writing, and I can safely say that I found success through learning to be a better writer, and I couldn't have done that without you.

That's the true value of blogging right there. It's not the sales or the possible blurb connections or whatever—being online, participating in this community, finding crit partners, can make you a better writer. And that is the best and most lasting kind of success. What comes after that is all gravy.

Links That Made Me Think

One thing I've always loved about the online writing community is that you guys make me think. I've learned so much from hanging out here for 4+ years. And since this morning turned out far more pukey than planned, I thought I'd share a few links I enjoyed while tucked in bed with my iPod.

First off, Kristan Hoffman has a lovely post about books meeting one of two goals: a book you want to read or a book people need.

I totally agree, and I think there's a particular sweet spot where you can meet BOTH. I think that might be why I'm so attached to SIDEKICK, which I just started editing yet again. It's a book I wanted to read AND thought might be useful for teens. No wonder I'm so passionate about it! I wish I could always meet those two in one book, but I think that's hard to do all the time. Both ends have great rewards, though, at least from what I've seen.

Second, Kirsten Hubbard posted a great article at YA Highway about Why Authors Disappear after that book deal comes.

Let's just say it totally resonated with me, since I am right there, flailing about in new waters and trying to figure out how to swim again. I worry constantly that people will be upset with me, when all my "issues" really have nothing to do with anyone but myself. I like to compare it to going to college—it's not that selling a book is a bad thing (Obviously it's good!), but it comes with a lot of new adjustments. I'm a freshman again. There's a learning curve, and I'm not exactly performing at the top of my class when it comes to figuring it all out. I really hope I find my comfort zone sooner rather than later.

And finally, Lisa Schroeder posted a really interesting article on her experience with Goodreads ads.

I must admit that Goodreads kind of freaks me out, and I have yet to join because I hear a lot of stuff about the mean reviews and such. But I really appreciate Lisa's positive outlook on the site, and her explanation that it really is one of the few bigger places for readers to gather. Why not take advantage of that? Maybe the pros do outweigh the cons. It was so cool to see that her one ad seemed to have some impact on her newest novel's visibility, and for the affordable price it really felt worth it to me. I might have to toss my fears aside and take the plunge into Goodreads sometime.

So there you have it. Thanks for making me think today, guys!

Happy Writers: Using What You Love

My books are riddled with stuff I love. TRANSPARENT, for example, sprang from my love of "superpowers" and a childhood adoration of X-men. I always wondered what it might be like if the majority of people had genetic mutations, how that would change our world, if it would normalize them to some extent or create chaos.

That's not the only thing in that book that has my little Natalie Stamp on it, of course. Fiona has an intense love of freckles, which I've always adored. She loves Pop Tarts, and I might have been the President of the Pop Tart Club my sophomore year of high school (But she likes blueberry ones, which I've never cared for.).

And then there's the Taco Bell scene, which is based off my brother's amazing ability to consume food. And the community pool is taken straight from the one I went to as a child. There's even one character I named because I love that name and my husband hates it, so I knew I'd never get to have a child named that.

To get a little deeper, I've always felt invisible, and on more than one occasion I've wanted to really be invisible. So writing a character that was literally invisible was a kind of nod to that part of me that always felt unseen, unwanted, and lost.

I think sometimes as authors we are afraid to admit how much of ourselves goes into a novel because then we'd get accused of the dreaded Mary Sue Syndrome (If you don't know what that is, it's when someone claims an author has inserted themselves into the novel and the story is basically wish fulfillment). Well, today I'm here to say, so what? Yes, there are many pieces of me in my books—how could it be any other way? How could I make my work stand out without using my unique voice and interests? If I didn't write about what I liked, what I wanted to explore, what I wondered about, what I was most scared of, how could I find passion in my work?

No, my characters are not me, per se, but they are certainly created out of the things I find interesting. They inherit problems I have always wished I could answer. They sometimes have my passions, and sometimes they have passions I wish I had. And, yes, sometimes they like things I don't know anything about. Those characters are punks, making me research like that.

I write about worlds and topics that suck me in—whether that be ninjas, mutated crime bosses, witches out for vengeance, or just a boy who is tired of being second best to his best friend. I focus on the aspects of those worlds that I would care about. I develop worlds based on my own experiences.

I'm not sure how else to do this writing thing. To me, it wouldn't be fun if I took myself completely out of the book, and I have a feeling the book would be flat as a result. When I'm writing about things I like—whether it's an anime club or magic or linguistics—I am happy. More than anything, I've learned that enjoying writing is one of the most rewarding things a writer can experience. Everything else is tainted if you're not having fun.