Monday, March 16, 2009

Contest: Worst Way to End a Book

That's right, friends, I want the worst endings you can come up with. You can rewrite the ending of an existing book or make up your own. Whatever. I just want to see some pathetic, disappointing, illogical, ridiculous, and hilarious ways to end stories.

Entries due Wednesday at midnight MST. Multiple submissions are welcome.

And since it's a contest, I guess there needs to be a prize. The person with the terrible ending I love most will receive a full color drawing (an example) of their choice. Your MC, a ninja, a diamond encrusted unicorn—you name it and I will draw it (as long as it's PG-13), post it for this Saturday's Sketch, and MAIL it to you so you can frame it and hug it every night before bed.


  1. *panting*

    Must . . . win . . . contest . . .

    Hold on Natalie, I'll think of something and be back!

  2. Oooh, I like this contest. :P

    Rewriting the end of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows:

    "As Harry watched the scarlet steam engine round the corner, he woke up and realized that it was all just a dream."

    Rewriting the end of Breaking Dawn:

    "And then Buffy staked Edward. The end."

    And a random one:

    "Just as all hope seemed lost, the god Zeus swooped down from the heavens in a marvelous display of Deus ex machina and saved everybody from certain doom. The end."

  3. I feel as though I shouldn't enter, seeing as I've already been graced by your drawing awesomeness. However, I will say that the first thing that came to mind for this contest was one book: Breaking Dawn. 'nuff said.

  4. Hm, I'm worried my book may end in a terribly annoying way, so I'm eager to see what other people think is a bad way to end a book.

  5. And then the wimpy little girl who had selfishly endangered all her family and friends managed to defy mythology and become a mother. She searched around through all the most beautiful girl's names in the world and decided she'd put two lovely names together to make one stinky one. Her other love interest fell in love with the baby but through a revolting plot device fell in love with the stupidly named baby. Our wussy heroine then single-handedly (more or less) fought off an entire hoard of ravenous baddie vampires before retiring - with no formal tertiary education - to live in a cabin in the woods for all eternity with her very hot and wealthy husband, at the age of nineteen.
    Happily ever after.

    That's the worst ending I could possibly come up with. What? It's been done? Really?

    Ah well back to the drawing board...

  6. LOL Jen!

    I did something funny there and managed to accidentally put back in a bit I'd taken out.

    It should read
    Her other love interest, through a revolting plot device, fell in love with the stupidly named baby

  7. Sara, feel free to enter!

    Poor Breaking Dawn...not that it's not deserved. Hehe. I'm thoroughly enjoying this so far.

  8. As Frodo and Sam were making their way up to mount doom, Gandalf flew by on one of his Eagles and laughed saying, "Did you really think I would have given a couple Hobbits the real ring?" Then Gandalf flew in and tossed the one ring into the fire and laughed again as he flew away.

  9. I will submit sometime. Gotta think of something good. Although I don't want to win. You already drew me something good, and I'm extremely happy with it!

  10. Lol Jen- I think that rewrite of the ending of Breaking Dawn is better, not worse. :P Buffy stakes Edward... tee hee!

  11. Worst ending I've ever read is from a fantasy trilogy. I loved the first book and tracked down the second. The main character made some new friends in this book and instead of just having to show what an awesome female knight she was and slay dragons and all, in this book she also had to save the world from a crazy bad guy wizard who wanted to open a portal to another world. Pretty typical and I'm sure you get the picture. So at the end of the book there is the big epic battle for the world. The wizard flying up in the air while the portal is opening and the band of good guys is trying to figure out how to defeat him. The dwarf character thinks ultimate sacrifice is the answer and tries to fling himself into the opening portal believing that if he dies there his spirit will have power to guard and control the opening or the closing of the portal. So I'm reading along, the dwarf flings himself at the portal and the book ENDS! No joke. Terrible time to end a book. It felt like a page had been ripped out. I, realizing this is the second book of a trilogy, I think maybe just maybe the third book picks it up or something. So I track down the third book. Nope. Doesn't pick it up. Third book is awful and completely tanks. So not only is it a terrible book ending it was also a terrible way to end a trilogy.

  12. Snarf.

    Okay, I'll play. No big surprise there, right? First, a new ending for Pride and Prejudice:

    "Elizabeth, my darling... I love you," said Darcy.

    "Well, DUH," replied Elizabeth.

    New ending for Rumplestilskin:

    "And so, Rumplestilskin went to the courthouse and changed his name to Michael Jackson."

    A new ending for Hop on Pop:

    And then pop gets out a gun:
    "No more jumping on me for fun!"

  13. "A sister? Leia. Leia is my sister! Dang...I mean, she's the only decent looking woman in this whole star system. Did you SEE that metal bikini? And that kiss we had on What she doesn't know won't hurt her..."

  14. OMG Kiersten's had me nearly peeing myself!

    I'll try to think of a bad ending for you, too, because this looks fun!

  15. lol, Janey and Carrie. Carrie, you beat me to a P&P ending. I was going to have it go:

    "Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth rode off in their wedding carriage, sharing their first kiss. Suddenly, a ravenous pack of wolves tore out of the woods. They lunged for the horses and the carriage capsized, crushing the newly wed couple beneath it's weight."

    Well, I'll throw out a few more.

    Moby Dick:

    "Captain Ahab hurled his harpoon into the side of the mighty white whale. Moby Dick let out a mournful cry, a cry of one entering the blackness of death. Ahab grinned as he pulled the huge beast onto his ship to be butchered."


    "I'll never let go, Jack."

    "Yeah, whatever. Now, move it. It's my turn on the raft."

  16. (Disclaimer: It's long, and I swore, but I think it's funnier that way.)

    Frodo screamed as the twisted creature bit off his finger - the ring with it.

    "My precious!" Gollum chortled and danced in ecstacy at having reclaimed his prize, paying no attention to the precipice behind him. The edge crumbled, and he fell to the burning lava below.

    Suddenly a voice hissed from the darkness, "Accio Ring!" The ring leapt out of Gollum's clutch and flew towards the waiting grasp of a snake-faced man holding a wand.

    "Who's that?" asked Sam.

    Frodo shrugged. "Sauron?"

    Before the wizard could hold the ring, it halted in midair. Without warning, it flew the opposite direction, over Frodo and Sam's heads, to a tall man dressed all in black armor. "Impressive," the armored figure said, "but the ability to control the rings is nothing compared to the power of the Force." Suddenly the armored figure howled. He fell forward; the ring flew upwards out of his hand.

    Behind him stood another man, strangely dressed in a tight-fitting vest and leggings. His eyes were hidden behind a black pair of spectacles. He caught the ring neatly and said, "Tell me, Mr. Anderson, what good is a ring if you're unable to speak?"

    "Master Elrond?"

    The new arrival looked at Sam, stonefaced, and said, "No."

    "Avada Kedrava!" A ray of fire shot from the dark towards the newest owner of the ring, but he avoided it with inhuman speed. The armored man got up suddenly, drew a glowing red sword, and attacked as well.

    While the battle raged, Sam looked to his master. "What do you reckon we ought to do, Mister Frodo?"

    Mount Doom was getting crowded. Even Gollum had scrambled back up the cliff face and was even now clawing at the back of the snake-faced man's head.

    "I'm tired, Sam," Frodo said. "F--k the ring. I want to go home."

  17. Nick: your ending, your avatar, and many of your comments keep telling me that we would be great friends :-)

  18. Adam, I'm a pretty territorial nerd but I think given enough time we could be great friends!

  19. Adam, you and Nick would totally be friends. I can tell, since he's my hubby and all. That's if you're okay hanging out with a total DORK:P

  20. I'd love to play this one but I'm readying my draft WIP for betae.

    Plus — all the good ones have gone.

    Pity — I could have done with winning one of your drawings.

  21. Natalie and Nick: If you need me to take some kind of nerd/dork/geek test to qualify, I'm in. I'm not afraid. I mean, I just complimented him on a picture of Kakashi-sensei and for mocking The Great Tolkien Plot Hole.

  22. What's wrong with a little (ahem... a LOT) of dorkiness?

    Alt ending for Little Women:

    "I wish Beth was here," said Jo, leaning her head on Maumee's shoulder and sighing.

    "I miss Beth too, my darling," replied Maumee in her soft, measured voice. "But there is one way that we could see her again. It's called mass suicide. Drink this."

    Maumee passed around cups of purple liquid, and they all drank.

  23. Adam, I'm sure you'd pass. So I'm just gonna say you're in now. You're totally our friend. I just had to fake tease my husband...sometimes he thinks he's more clever than he is. Though he's often quite clever—hence the stellar entry.

    Carrie, there is nothing wrong with dorkiness. In fact, it's encourage in our house.

  24. You people are so creative! I'm impressed. Since I know that I'm not going to beat any of these people (though I would love to win a drawing), I'm just going to cast my vote for Adam's ending, cause that was awesome! I especially loved it when 'Master Elrond' Smith showed up!

  25. I twirled away from Edward, the blue chiffon of my dress shimmering under a thousand white lights. As he pulled me back into his granite arms, I became lost in the amber depths that were his eyes.

    "Oh Bella," Edward whispered, his breath smelling of sultry summer breezes and ocean mists. My breath quickened. "You are so beautiful." My breath quickened again. Edward led me to a shadowed corner of the gazebo and pulled me into his stone-cold lap.

    I tugged at the delicate fabric of my dress in a feeble attempt to cover my knees. Why didn't Alice consider my knobby knees when she played dress up?

    Suddenly Edward went rigid, his grip loosening from my waist, his liquid eyes heavy with horror. "Why didn't Alice..." he said in a faltering voice, his gaze traveling down my dress to my knobby knees.

    Comprehension filled my soul. My heart thundered in my chest as my fingertips pulsated with rich, yummy blood. "What num..." I began.

    "Three," he said flatly.

    "What col..."


    We stared at each other, as the dance lights glinted off Edwards chiseled cheek bones.

    "Bella, I'm afraid you are no longer a mystery to me," he purred, ink filling his eyes. "And since we have nothing left to talk about, I can no longer curb my insatiable appetite."

    "Oh Edward, I love you so much," I told him, as I pulled my long, dark tresses away from the smooth white arch of my neck. "Anything that makes you happy."

    I braced myself as Edward Cullen came closer for his kill.