Thursday, March 1, 2012

My Love/Hate Relationship With Revisions

I hate revising. No, seriously. It's torturous to me. Every time I have to sit down to revise, I get this pit in my stomach and an urge to put it off as long as possible. Heck, for a long time I did as little editing as possible, even when I knew my work needed it. I just hoped to slide by. It's something I have to force myself to do, to take seriously, to spend the amount of time I really need. I envy those who love revisions. If I never had to revise again I'd be a happy person.

But there's just one problem with that—I LOVE what revising does to my books. When it comes down to it, revision is what makes my books worth reading. They might have potential in draft form, but without a serious commitment to making that book better? Yeah, it's just not enough. It's like deciding to bake a cake, but getting tired after you make the batter and just deciding to serve it as is. Which, hey, batter is yummy, but that whole raw egg thing is an issue. It's not finished. You can't serve batter to people and expect them to compliment you on your excellent baking skills. Nor can you serve a half-baked cake. Or one without frosting. And hey, people will love it even more if it's pretty and decorated.

Great, now I want cake.

Anyway, while I don't think I will ever LOVE editing, I have come to respect it as a big part of the process. A big part of the reason I was able to sell a book. I used to see revision as The Enemy. It was this thing meant to tear down me and my work; it made me feel bad about my abilities as a writer; it was a roadblock in my path to publication. Even now, it reminds me I'm not perfect, and that is not something a perfectionist likes to hear.

There was a point where my mentality changed. And I know the exact point. I used to revise because I HAD to. That's what everyone told me I should do, but my heart was never in it. I revised for my crit partners. And, yes, I even revised for my agent. I grit my teeth and did what I was told, and unfortunately my lack of passion showed. My book was failing on sub when I sent my agent another...

...and that agent told me to rewrite the whole thing.

Basically, I was told the book was not well conceived. It didn't work, and the only thing that could save it was if I restarted at page one. My first reaction was shock. It wasn't as if I handed over a first draft—I'd spent half a year "revising" it. Then I got angry. How could my agent demand so much? Then I just crashed, wondered why I was even writing in the first place.

After a month of thinking about my book, I decided to rewrite. I came to some very important conclusions: First, yes, my agent was right. The book wasn't enough as it was. And secondly, this story deserved my best effort.

It was probably the first time I ever thought about my story separate from what I wanted. It was the first time I committed to doing what it took for a novel to truly be its best. Maybe I hated revisions. Maybe I didn't want to rewrite or admit I got it wrong the first time, but for some reason I felt like I owed it to that story, those characters. My goal changed from getting a book published to making that book what it deserved to be, and the only way to do that was to revise the crap out it. And there was A LOT of crap.

Well, that book was TRANSPARENT, and I don't think it's a coincidence that it's also the first novel I was able to sell. It was my 10th novel, and maybe it's sad that it took me so long to figure out the real purpose of revision but I'm glad I eventually got there.

I've finally learned that, while I will never like revision, it's what turns my good idea into an actual book. I've learned that I have to treat my first drafts with respect, and the only way to do that is to make them what they deserve to be. Alas, that means I have to do what it takes to make my drafts into novels.

14 comments:

  1. I hope I realize this soon. I got my agent with what was essentially a first draft, and with her edits in hand, I'm taking another look at the manuscript. While it was an extremely strong first draft, there's no way to catch everything without revisions. I hate them, but they're necessary and good for you. Hopefully I will realize that soon.

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  2. Before finishing my first manuscript, I thought I loved revisions. I mean, it's so easy to edit my papers for college! But I quickly found that with a manuscript - I have no idea where to start. I get bogged down by the hugeness of it and can't push myself past the first ten pages or whatever. It's just too much. So that's something I need to work on.

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  3. Seriously, I think we may be psychically connected (okay, that sounded creepier than I was going for...). Your last two posts have just been spot-on with where I am in my writing process. I just came to the realization that revising is way harder than I thought, and I've been struggling to get through them, especially since I know so much of my WIP needs to be rewritten or changed in major ways. But you're right; my story deserves my best effort, and I'm going to make more of an effort to see the process as something good, not something evil.

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  4. I'm in the midst of revising my WIP. It's tough to motivate myself to do it. I love my story, but with receiving back suggestions from one of my CP's, I realized it was lacking my BEST ability to form a drop dead amazing story. I went through a pit of despair couple of days then yesterday I perked up and am back in the game. I even started over from the very beginning. It's going to work. And when I get to that last word, I'll be well-pleased with my effort. Of course then I'll send it out to a couple more CP's to verify if it is good enough for my agent yet.

    Great post. I can totally relate. :D

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  5. I was listening to a Barnes and Noble Meet the Writers podcast that featured David Sedaris; he said that he doesn't like to reread his old stories because he feels the urge to revise them. He said that when he does have to reread those stories, he sees all the things that he could have fixed/changed. So yes, revision definitely is tough, either because we don't want to change (read: lose) anything, or because we feel like we have to change everything. It's a lot of pressure.

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  6. I feel you on the revision front. For the project that I put most of my time into, I scrapped more than 50% of the first draft. Pretty much redid the entire back half, and part of the front. It was painful, but I knew I had to do that if I wanted to make the book better.

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  7. I know, I know, but why can't first drafts BE perfect? Why can't stories hatch fully-formed? Sometimes writing is HARD.

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  8. Thank you for this!!! I needed it at this exact moment.

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  9. I just came to terms with the fact that, if I ever want other people to read it, I'll have to do with my first novel what you did with Transparent. It's just hard when I've already spent all of that time revising . . . you know. So, I'm revising the second novel. It actually leads into the first one, and it isn't as messy. Maybe I'll gain the revision skills I need to help me figure out the first one. I'm definitely still learning.

    Thanks for this post!

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  10. I got distracted at the cake. Mmm, cake.

    I actually kind of love revising. I didn't think I would, because obviously every word I write is perfect so why would I need to get rid of any or rearrange them? But there's something so freeing about the "ahahaha! you are all wrong and I will FIX you!" feeling I get as I march through my manuscript wielding a machete.

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  11. I love revising, and for one good reason: I have NEVER written a strong first draft. My first drafts suck. Always. But as I read through (after a few weeks off) I can see what COULD be in the draft, make a huge list of what needs fixing, and tackle it with abandon. Suddenly all the hope I had for my first draft emerges in the second (or third, or fourth). I've actually rewritten a novel from almost scratch TWICE... and now I'm revising the third incarnation of the novel (for the third revision), and perhaps the novel will now be ready for someone to read.

    And then I'll revise it again, based on beta readers' comments. It might get several more revisions before I actually start sending out to agents/publishers. Perhaps I love revision because it's the only way my writing goes anywhere. I applaud anyone who writes fantastic stuff the first time around. I just can't seem to do it.

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  12. I've done some revision as I've gone along; now I'll be getting into it full force.

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  13. Thanks for writing this Natalie! It really does help. I'm revising at the moment. It think my main obstacle is not the actual fixing of things, but the impatience with it. When drafting, you have 1000 words a day/6 days a week/3 months to a book, etc. With revision there is no timeline...for me, I don't know where it ends. I make pass after pass, flesh out, rewrite, etc. It's discouraging to know you're still not done. The only way I don't feel that lump in my stomach when starting to revise is pretending that I don't care. It's ridiculous! Anyway, plodding on...

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  14. I hate revisions too. I'm having such a hard time with my revision right now. It's hard to see where the story should go and what I want to actually say with it. But you're right. For me, the revisions are what make my stories actually worth reading. It adds depth where there might not have been any in the first draft.

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