Thursday, November 11, 2010

I'm...Enjoying Writing

For the first time in a while, I am writing new stuff and enjoying it. That probably sounds lame, but I was starting to wonder if it would ever happen again.

Sure, I've been editing like a good little writer, trying to write through the suckage. I've been doing my job. The love just wasn't there anymore, nor was the confidence. That might be a functioning mentality for editing, but for drafting? Um, no.

I haven't finished writing a book this year. From a girl who wrote 6 and 4 books in the past 2 years, this is a serious drop in creative productivity. I am not proud of how much this year has affected my confidence, and thus my ability to put out new words.

Not only did I stop believing in my ability to actually write a story—I stopped believing my ideas were good.

This was new. And scary.

I'd never lost faith in my ideas. Of course it was hard to get them out the right way on the first shot, but I'd get there if I worked. This year it wasn't about the work. I knew I could work. I've worked my writerly butt off. No, this year I questioned if I should even bother putting so much effort into my crap ideas.

That's a really ugly place to be, guys. If you're there, I just want to say that I get you, and you're wrong. Your ideas are wonderful, and they are worth it.

I've finally gotten back to a place where I at least believe in my ideas. That, I think, is key. Of course I still struggle with feeling like a good writer. Of course editing still makes me wonder if I'll ever get there. But that's okay, because I believe, and actually love, my ideas again. They are worth the work.

So I'm writing again. Really writing, not just going through the motions. It feels good, kind of like a miracle. I love my flawed, imperfect work in progress. There's something there, and with a little work (okay, a lot) I'll make it shine. I couldn't ask for more.

24 comments:

  1. Yay! I am glad to hear it. Maybe the break in creativity was just being stored up and will be pored all into this work in progress :-) Good luck on this latest endeavor and congratulations on getting your mo-jo back!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm glad you got out of that place. Write on!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I am the queen of second-guessing myself. Is this ms too much like the first book? Do I dare try to write another novel? On and on and on. That said, it is wonderful when you get to a good writing place. So happy for you. I always enjoy stopping by your blog for ideas and inspiration! - Stasia

    ReplyDelete
  4. WOW! I so needed this post. I'm in the middle of revisions for the moment and sometimes they tend to bring me down. I hate it when I get stuck somewhere, but then I usually find my way. I just never know how long that's going to take. And some people think we control the writing...I beg to differ at times. Thanks for the post.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Such a great post (and I'm happy to hear that you're out of the slump). As a hoping-to-be-published writer, I think that I like to fool myself into believing that everything magically changes once you have that agent, once you have that contract, once you {fill in the blank}.

    Everyone feels this way at some point.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Yay!

    You and I are on a roll, Natalie. It's too bad I'm in another state, or we would totally go have some celebratory sushi.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I think we start thinking our ideas and writing stink as we learn more about the craft of writing itself. As each year passes we learn more, and thus scrutinized ourselves against this ever growing higher standard. I've been through periods just like you went through. But what helps is believing, as you said, that your ideas are still good, and knowing that you can take them to that ever rising standard we hold ourselves to as writers.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I hope I can find that again...a lot of times I don't think my ideas are worth squat :P It's sad especially that the mentality is still there during NaNo, but I guess some of that has to do with some other things in life going on right now (like preparing for my first child...eeep!)

    But I started working on my one draft again during a super boring work meeting and I think I may have found the love for it again. I'm still at a rough patch with that book, but I won't give up. It may take me another five years, but it will get finished. Hopefully sooner rather than later.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I'm glad to hear that you're enjoying writing again. The best part of writing is that it makes you happy just to do it.

    I went through a similar phase with a story that I was working on, because it just didn't sound right and I didn't enjoy writing it; I figured that no one would enjoy reading it. But once I revised it and added new characters, I started enjoying the process again.

    ReplyDelete
  10. For what it's worth, going back and reading through all your archives, that was part of MY process of getting back to the joy. Your imagination led me to wonder what had happened to mine. Thank you. :) I'm glad you're in a happy place again.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Glad to hear it! Thanks for the post. (P.S. Still watching and loving Avatar!)

    ReplyDelete
  12. Hurrah!!!

    I'm stuck in that hole now. I've got this story where I love the concept, but don't love writing it. I feel like my writing's gone to crap because of that. I hope I fall back into the swing of things like you did! Time will tell :)

    ReplyDelete
  13. YAY YOU!
    Have you been cranky lately? I find when I"m not writing I feel SUPER cranky (But normally I use a different word that begins with the letter B)

    Congrats on getting your groove back!

    ReplyDelete
  14. I don't know why we writers ever think we'll get to some happy plane where we never have doubts or blockage or emptiness. I go through those phases all the time, and each time it's a shock: Oh, you again? I thought I was done with you!

    Glad you've cycled through to the more fun place. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  15. Dude, that's awesome! I hope the enthusiasm sticks with you.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I hit a really bad patch a month or so ago, which is one of the reasons I signed up for NaNo this year. My goal was to get the joy back, to stop taking everything so seriously, and to have fun writing again. So far, it's working like a charm.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Hello, this is my first time here, but I wanted to leave a little note because I just sort of chanced on your piece about scars on September 2nd, while seeing what Google would turn up about living with scars... I just posted a piece which I thought might be of interest to you given your own piece about scars :

    http://magiclanternshowen.blogspot.com/2010/11/caution-life-sometimes-leaves-scars.html

    ReplyDelete
  18. Oh, wow. I've been there. And I was NEVER prolific, so when my creative productivity drops, it actually kind of STOPS. Not good.

    I'm also having a sudden burst of confidence and enthusiasm, and I hope to ride it as long as it lasts. I wonder if being on submission makes things tough on the creative side? I bet that waiting to find representation has been part of what's slowed me down in previous months...

    ReplyDelete
  19. Yup, that was me in the past couple of months. Life was getting in the way, and I was so busy with work and other stuff, that my editing fell by the wayside. Not to mention I was losing faith in the whole damn project.

    Then one of my closest friends suddenly lost his father, and dang if that didn't really put things in perspective for me.

    I'm currently in the middle of a new project for NaNo. And yes, a great deal of it probably sucks and I'll end up rewriting it. At any rate, it's getting shelved after this month so I can get back into editing my other project (last year's NaNo).

    But man, I feel like I'm getting my writing groove back. And it is great. :)

    ReplyDelete
  20. That is a hard place to be at and I can totally relate. I wonder many days if I should continue but I love writing.

    I'm glad you're out of that phase. And you have and awesome agent and have a super awesome one in Nathan so that should give you lots of confidence in your abilities.

    ReplyDelete
  21. I think it's part of the process, just like life. There's ups and downs. So when you're down you have to have to reconnect with your passion, which looks like you've done ! Good work!

    ReplyDelete
  22. I'm glad you're feeling better about your writing. I'm struggling with the confidence thing these days.

    ReplyDelete
  23. The joy of first drafting! I know what you mean about losing faith in the idea. I'd begun to feel that way about my current book, and it's a whole other game than just not believing you're a good writer. I mean, the idea is the seed for your whole book. Anyway, I'm glad your faith is back.

    ReplyDelete