Thursday, May 5, 2011

Reality. Or Not.

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I have trouble figuring out what's real sometimes. Yeah, I know this makes me sound crazy, but I'm not kidding.

Even as a child, I had extremely vivid dreams. I dream in such a way that it feels like I haven't slept at all. Sometimes I wonder if dreams are a writer thing, because I have friends who say they dream vividly as well. I'm not talking occasionally, either. I dream like crazy every night. At one point I tried to write them down, but there were just too many and I don't have time to record them each morning.

Yes, I remember them, too. And sometimes they are so normal that when I wake up I'm not sure if what I experienced was real or not. It certainly feels real. I have to lay in a bed and sift through what is real and what's not, what emotions are real and which came from a dream.

I was also (and still am, obviously) a chronic make believer as a kid. Everyday was a new story—pioneers, detectives, warriors, hunters, druids, whatever. And if I could rope someone into make believing with me, it was all the better.

When I was too old for make believe it became daydreaming, oh, the teenage angst-ridden daydreaming. I could spend hours concocting the most ridiculous things, and I enjoyed it immensely. As alone as I was for much of my younger life, I have to admit I never really felt lonely. I'm a hardcore introvert. Not shy, necessarily, just introverted.

It seems like at least half of my life has been lived in my head. Admittedly, it makes me pretty spacey. I am in my own world sometimes. I forget things, mostly because there is just so much in my head at any given time that things are bound to slip out. And when they do, they become like dreams. Did that really happen? Not sure.

I'm just rambling, I guess, but I've been thinking a lot about reality and what makes something real to me. I mean, there are many things that feel utterly real that aren't—like when I'm reading an amazing book (which I did yesterday and HOLY CRAP, guys). But there are many real things that feel completely surreal—like the fact that I've been with my husband for seven years, when it still feels so new and vibrant and simply NOT seven years.

Life. It's weird. And wonderful. Real and surreal.

15 comments:

  1. You could practically be my twin sister! Right down to the absentmindedness and habit of forgetting things (or believing something I only thought about had actually happened...that one frustrates my wife to no end!).

    Incidentally, you should read The Introvert Advantage (I'm sorry, I don't remember the author's name). My wife recommended it to me, and it turned out to be the unofficial 'Reece Hanzon Owner's Manual'. Honestly, I've never realized so much about myself in such a short time; it helped me understand why I do certain things and react in certain ways. Read it!

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  2. This post makes me smile. :)

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  3. I'm a vivid dreamer too, and I totally relate to that comment you made about dreaming in a way that makes you feel like you haven't slept at all. Between that and the fact that I'm most "on" with my work after midnight, I don't feel rested most days.... I had no idea this was (or, at least, might be) one of those "writer" things. Learning online about how much I have in common with other writers makes me wonder how it took me 31 years to realize I was one. Probably because my head was in the clouds, lol.

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  4. I feel like that too sometimes. Can't really figure out how my life became they way is. Seems so 'surreal,' as you say. Sometimes I find myself just smiling for no apparent reason after getting a wave of 'wow, I have so much to be grateful for,' flush over me.

    My dreams are pretty crazy. I think they are mostly stress dreams though because they are always of me failing or making huge irreversible mistakes! :-/

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  5. This made me smile. I completely relate and agree with everything you've said. My dreams are so vivid sometimes I find myself saying someone did something when it was something I dreamed. It's so hard to seperate the two. And When I try and write them down there are too many for me write them all out as well. So I just lay there until the dream fades away... Or until I'm going to be late for work...:)

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  6. I have very vivid dreams. I've gotten story ideas for them before, invented people, visited places I've never been. Maybe it is a writer thing

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  7. Lately I've been having some vivid dreams. Just yesterday when I wanted to talk to my mom about something, I had to ask her "Hey, have I already told you about---?" And she's all like "Nooooo. . ?" Cause I had 'memories' that I'd talked to her about it already but they were only dreams. Confusing sometimes.

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  8. I know exactly what you mean - I get dreams like that too!

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  9. Ditto 80 percent of the other commenters. My dreaming drives my husband nuts...especially when I mumble what I'm dreaming about aloud.

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  10. Warriors and Huntards and Druids! Oh My! I dream about those, too.

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  11. I think anyone who's a writer has this kind of thing going on from time to time.

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  12. My dreams are nuts, too! I get a lot of book ideas from them.

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  13. Dreams are crazy and amazing and bizarre!

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  14. I'm always daydreaming and making up fantasies in my head, and I always *think* I know what's real and what's not, but then every once in a while I can't be sure.

    I don't really have a problem with dreams though--sometimes between sleeping and waking, I think they're real. But when I'm fully awake, I know they were dreams simply because most of my dreams are WAY to bizarre too live in my reality.

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  15. I obviously know the difference between what is real and what is not, but I often feel like a biographer of my characters. It is my commitment to tell "their" stories that can motivate me on some days. This also means that when my characters need to suffer, I do so after a little "sorry". Good post.

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